I remember before when Chudur Budur (pbuh) wrote the "standshitting" story, an inspirational tale filled with wisdom and humor. Back then everyone loved it, it was a joyous occasion every time it was re-posted here.
But a few days ago I posted it and everyone ignored it, they all like "na, it's too long, I gotta go back to bragging about the last escort I fucked". I hate being part of a community that doesn't respect the work of Chudur Budur (pbuh)
Chidambaram, my currycel cousin. 5' tall gymcel, and an ugly mongrel. A redpiller for 7 years, tried all sorts of stuffs just to get laid to a white Caucasian blonde, but nothing worked. The last communication I had with him was through that redpill "Field Report" he wrote on the TRP sub, it was like more than 6 months ago. He went to some bar and could manage to get an eye contact from a white 40 year old roastie that stayed for a long 1500 milliseconds. I would call it a success for Chidambaram.
Chidambaram is missing for more than 6 months. The last time he was spotted in the India-China border while he was on his way to the lake of Manas-Sarovar in Tibet, one of the most sacred places for Hindu pilgrimage. The news came through my relatives in India. Every year during the spring, the crystal clear water of Manas-sarovar attracts more than ten thousands of adherents from four religions - Hindu, Buddhists, Bon and Jain. It also becomes one of the major places of congregation of ascetics, mystics, monks and sadhus from Indian and far-eastern religions. People go through an immense hardship to reach the Tibetean plateau so that they can perform their rituals at least once in their life. Many people believe the holy water of the lake can cure diseases like cancer. My aunt (Chidambaram's mom) rushed into our house sobbing when she first heard of Chidambaram's disappearance. He left a note on his table that read he is going to Manas-sarovar so that he could become a disciple of Baba Laldev (literal translation: Father The Red-Anointed One). "The white bitches ruined him", my aunt burst into crying and complaining about her son's obsession with chasing white women.
It was Friday night, I was trying to debug my freaking code sitting on my desk. I think I was trying that shit for like more than two hours. My mind was not working so I went outside for a smoke break. Suddenly, I saw silhouette of a group of people coming towards the direction where I was standing. Looked like there was one guy and four girls, giggling laughing rolling over each other, a bunch of happy freshman or sophomore bitches. I generally don't see many students during this time of summer since the school is closed for three months. But I like this time of the year because the campus becomes almost empty and I don't go home. I like to LDARing whole day and meet with my adviser weekly for my grad research crap, no bitch, no chad, life becomes smooth during this time in the campus. May be these pricks are visitors in the town, who cares. But strangely, the guy looked extremely short for a chad, and all the girls looked taller than him. I was standing a far and I left my glasses on my table, I am not seeing clear because of my fucking crippled incel eyes. Fucking degenerates, sure they are going for a five-some tonight once they get drunk and wasted. My fucking incel life. The last time went to a bar was like 5 years ago, I think. I don't bother to remember.
The group was coming towards the porch, and once they came under the street light, I could not believe in my fucking eyes. It was freaking Chidambaram! The ugly incel cousin!! After 6 long months, and guess what? He is literally hanging with four gorgeous looking girls!!! I was like, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!!
The whole scene left me in a trance, one stacy, one asian, one indian and one black, four different girls from four different ethnicities, all together. Two of them were grabbing his arms, he was holding them around their waists, and the other two were hugging his shoulder from the behind; as all of them were taller than Chidambaram, the whole scene was looking like four people trying to capture a brown football in a game. The bitches were making petty jokes and laughing, I saw such thing only in TV shows and movies. All of them were donned with generic Friday night scanty party attires. The lit up cigarette fell off from my dropping jaw. My head became completely blank.
Chidambaram: Yo Chudur!! How are ya muddafucka! It's been so long.
Me: Yo Chidambaram, how are you man! What the hell! Where have you been all these times?
Chidambaram: Went to a bar, met my new friends, we were actually looking for a place to take a weed break. Just remembered you used to live here, so just trying my luck and I saw you smoking on the porch.
All of them looked drunk and completely wasted.
Me: Yup, I'm still here. Come on in man, let's talk. Who are these ladies?
Chidambaram: Met them at the bar, the most gorgeous girls I have ever met in my life. Let me introduce my friends: Stacy (a caucasoid whore), Shin (a noodlewhore), Savita (a currybitch) and Summer (a whore-of-the-hood). All of them are seniors in your school.
I said "Hi", but none of them even bothered to reply -- as usual. I escorted them into my house and soon I found them hanging loose on the couch in the living room.
Chidambaram: Wanna smoke? I don't have any grinder thought you might have one.
He took out a small plastic pouch from his pocket.
Chidambaram: Just got this from a bum near the bar, good shit.
I gave him my grinder and rolling papers and he prepared 6 sticks of weed with his dexterous hands in no time and then we started to smoke. All my house mates are off to their homes for the summer and I am LDARing alone, so I didn't give a shit if the room gets stinky from the weed smokes.
Me: What is going on with you man! Where have you been? When did you come back?
Chidambaram: Last week, I was in Tibet for 6 months.
Me: So how was the trip? Aunt told something like you were not coming back and shit.
Chidambaram: Ssshh, fucking moron, not now. Btw, it's not a trip, it was the "quest for enlightenment".
Me: Ya I can see that.
Pointing to the girls with my eyes.
Shin (the noodlewhore): You guys are making us bored, Chid, you mentioned there is a big bed somewhere in the house.
Other three girls were nodding their heads, showing agreement with Shin.
Me: Bed?
Chidambaram: Ya bro, we are drunk as fuck. We were thinking about a quick power nap man.
Me: Well, I am not sure if five people could fit in that bed.
Chidambaram: No worries, we can manage. Let's go ladies!
They went giggling and laughing over the stairs making loud stomping noise and rushed into my room and slammed the door. I could hear their laughs and giggles from the living room since it's a wooden house and my room is straight up from where I was sitting. What the fuck did I just see? "Chidambaram the redpilled currycel" with four 8/10 girls, are they really going to sleep together? Am I hallucinating? And what the fuck am I smoking? Why does it taste so weird?
The whole situation was a suicide fuel. I was craving for another smoke (not weed). Soon I found out that I ran out of my stash, the last one I was having went lost from my dropping jaw when I first saw them. I rushed to the porch to see if I can find the leftover somewhere on the floor. Found it but it was all burnt. It was almost midnight, the gas station might still be open, so I headed there to get another pack of PallMall Red.
Once I came back, I heard it. It was like a group of beasts moaning and making screeching noise, the sounds were coming from my room. A strange mix of heavy breath, grunting, moaning and high pitched screams sounded like a cacophonous orchestra. The loudest one was the black bitch, the whore-of-the-hood, Summer. They were having it, the freaking five-some.
I wish I had my earplug, but it was in my room where the inter-racial late night bacchanalia was happening. "Chidambaram the currycel" is literally having a freaking five-some. I felt like shit sitting on the couch, blowing off my sadness, frustration and hopelessness that were oozing from my chest like a convoluted tobacco smoke that looked like Hokusai's "The Dragon of Smoke Escaping from Mt. Fuji".
Then they came downstairs, to pee, it was over. Completely naked, sweating, panting. I could see four naked figures greased in sweat and cum -- one white, one yellow, two brown and one black. I saw four pair of jiggling juicy boobs and one small, thin and deformed dick of Chidambaram barely visible through his rich shiny dense flock of pubic hairs. The currybitch Savita went over the freezer to get the cold water bottle, the freezer was in front of me where I was standing. As soon as she bent over to the lower shelf, I could see it clearly from the behind. The dark brown hairy pussy and butthole soaked in the diluted cum of Chidambaram, still dripping along her inner-thighs. Then I sighed a deep and long breath. Once the girls were done, all of them rushed over the stairs, again making loud thumping noises, jiggling boobs, giggling and laughing over each other into my room. But Chidambaram stayed at the kitchen table with a jar of supply water, an ugly short muscular brown figure sitting on the chair, completely naked, drinking water.
Me: You don't wax anymore?
Chidambaram: I was such a stupid, drained all those money down the pipe, my fucking life. But it does not matter anymore, bitches like hairy beasts. You saw me, right?
Me: Yup, I saw it, you just had a five-some. Looks like you've got a crap load of cash from back home.
Chidambaram: Fucking moron, they are not hookers. All of them are university going freaking students, you dumb fuck. Look at them, do they look like street hookers? You fucked so many hookers yet you still can't see the fucking difference!!
Chidambaram was right, they did not look like street hookers at all. Moreover, I also knew he is not that rich so that he could hire four top-tier hookers for such a long session. Also they are from four different ethnic origins. It's too strange to be such case.
Me: But but but ... How, I mean how on earth you have managed to shag four bitches in one night? I mean, what the actual fuck is going on? It does not make any sense!
Chidambaram: I found the CURE.
Me: Cure? For what?
Chidambaram: Cure for my inceldom. Nofap, nopillow, fasting, lifting, showering, meditations, tried all possible forms of redpilled shit. Nothing works. But this time Baba Laldev revealed everything to me. All his secrets.
He retorted. But while he was saying "Baba Laldev" he pressed his hands together and touched his forehead and middle of his chest, one after another multiple times.
Me: Baba Laldev, I see, now I remember you said something about him in your note.
Chidambaram: Yes, Baba Laldev showed me the truth, the way. He was kind enough to accept me as his disciple, I am grateful and proud to have him as my master, the guru!
He replied while pressing his hands together again, touching his forehead and the middle of his chest, one after another multiple times.
Chidambaram: It's called "Dandayamana Maltyagasana" in Sanskrit (Literal translation: The pose of Standing Defecation), or you could say "Standshitting"
Me: Stand ... What?
Chidambaram: "Standshitting" moron, you stand while you shit, you don't sit or squat.
Me: What the actual fuck is that?
Chidambaram: It's an ancient art of mastering fornication. It's a concoction of yoga and bowel movement.
Me: How the fuck does that even work? I mean you just take your shit without sitting/squatting and the bitches will flock towards you? Stop bullshitting me. You are high on weed, you are out of your mind.
Chidambaram: If you can't take control of your rectum, how are you supposed to take control of your life? Life is more asshole than your asshole, you fucking moron!
He winked.
Chidambaram: Let me show you.
Me: Show me what? Standshitting?
Chidambaram: Yes, I took a whole pack of metamucil in the morning and I am ready to release now. They want to get out.
Me: NO! Fuck, NO!!
When Chidambaram got rejected for the 200th time, he became suicidal. He left his house and stayed with me for couple of weeks. Once during that time of his stay, we were drinking and having a small party at our place. Chidambaram went drunk and wasted and then he started to throw tantrums. Sobbing, crying, puking, pissing, shitting all over the house. It was a nightmare. We had to call a Mexican cleaner in the next morning to clean the whole house. I would do anything to avoid that shit.
Me: If you make a mess like the last time, you need to fucking clean it.
Chidambaram: There will be no mess, a man's promise. Just watch.
Then he went to the bathroom, opened the door, came back to the kitchen table where he was standing before and turned his ass towards the bathroom door.
Me: What the fuck are you doing? Are you going to take shit here? In the middle of the room?
Chidambaram: Nope, shut up and just fucking watch, stupid.
Me: You are more than 6 feet away from the toilet. How on earth are you going to ...
Chidambaram did not give me any chance to finish. He slightly leaned forward, placed his hands on his thigh, bent his knees a little, flexed his muscular abdomen and closed his eyes. A grimace formed on his face that looked like he took a full pack of sour patch. Hundreds of minuscule wrinkles appeared on his face.
His ass was aimed at the toilet inside the bathroom, but he was standing at least 6 feet away from the bathroom door. A loud rumbling noise came from his stomach, then I heard an exploding sound came out from his anus as if a tire of a fully loaded interstate lorry just went burst.
Then I saw it, the most spectacular view ever happened before my eyes. A long brown streak of liquid diarrhoeal stool forming an arch that followed a projectile path, originating from his butt hole and ending at the middle of the toilet inside the bathroom. The tail of the brown liquid projectile followed its head and ended inside the toilet, gracefully. The whole installation resembled a dark brown Greek midget mud sculpture leaning forward and throwing brown liquid from its anus vertically. Then Chidambaram took a deep breath and said --
Chidambaram: Phew, now witness the closure.
He pushed it hard again, a small portion of liquid turd came out of his ass that followed the same projectile and ended straight down into the toilet. During the closure, he swayed his ass slightly upward and repositioned. The closure ended with a short squeaky fart. I was in a complete awe and I lost my speech.
Chidambaram: The "Dandayamana Maltyagasana" a.k.a. Stanshitting is an esoteric form of ancient yoga passed down to a small group of yogis from the seven primordial chads.
Me: Seven primordial chads?
Chidambaram: Yes, when first god created the human being, all of them were actually females. Then he created seven primordial chads for the seven continents to impregnate all women, so that human race could multiply. But some women were tricked by the demons and cucked their men by fucking the monkeys on the trees. Thus the lineage of the incels started. The Standshitting was one of the many yoga routines practised by the primordial chads and now it's only known to a small echelon of yogis in Tibet. Baba Laldev's is actually a direct descendant of one of the seven primordial chads.
I was completely dumbfounded and did not know what to say. But as long as whatever shit can get me laid, I am completely in. I jumped onto Chidambaram's feet, hugging them with my arms.
Me: Please be my master, teach me!!
Chidamabram: It involves strict diet, laxatives, different yoga techniques, a lot of breathing exercises and meditations. Do you have enough patience and perseverance to go through such a gruelling ordeal? Also you must avoid burritos, burrito shits are extremely challenging to manipulate.
Me: Yes master! I am your slave, tell me what to do.
After that night, Chidambaram had two more five-some until 3am and left in the morning with all his four ethnic bitches.
It's been two months I have completed my first phase of training with Chidambaram. The last news I heard about him was that he is now head of a department at a multinational diaper company in Philadelphia and married to a beautiful tall French blonde who is also a professional model and going to appear in the Vogue magazine in the next winter. Also heard that she is now pregnant with Chidambaram's son. I got all these news from my girl friend whom I met at my school. Holy crap! I forgot to mention, I now have a 8/10 HB gf who has 8 beta orbiters that do the weekly grocery shopping for my whole house. I am also teaching the art of Standshitting to my house mates and the first 2/3 months were a complete mess. The whole house and the bathroom looked like a pile of shit literally hit the fan. We stopped doing daily cleaning and switched to once in a week because we became used to the shit and stink. But now, we have mastered the art of Dandayamana Maltyagasana a.k.a Standshitting and the rooms are clean. We generally execute it from the living room near the table where Chidambaram demonstrated his feat on that Friday night.
So folks, forget all those redpill craps, nofap, nopillow, coldshower, fasting, lifting. Nothing actually works. As I have been already banned from that TRP sub due to my excessive trolling, I would be really grateful if someone could share my post there. The redpillers need this.
Chidambaram is missing for more than 6 months. The last time he was spotted in the India-China border while he was on his way to the lake of Manas-Sarovar in Tibet, one of the most sacred places for Hindu pilgrimage. The news came through my relatives in India. Every year during the spring, the crystal clear water of Manas-sarovar attracts more than ten thousands of adherents from four religions - Hindu, Buddhists, Bon and Jain. It also becomes one of the major places of congregation of ascetics, mystics, monks and sadhus from Indian and far-eastern religions. People go through an immense hardship to reach the Tibetean plateau so that they can perform their rituals at least once in their life. Many people believe the holy water of the lake can cure diseases like cancer. My aunt (Chidambaram's mom) rushed into our house sobbing when she first heard of Chidambaram's disappearance. He left a note on his table that read he is going to Manas-sarovar so that he could become a disciple of Baba Laldev (literal translation: Father The Red-Anointed One). "The white bitches ruined him", my aunt burst into crying and complaining about her son's obsession with chasing white women.
It was Friday night, I was trying to debug my freaking code sitting on my desk. I think I was trying that shit for like more than two hours. My mind was not working so I went outside for a smoke break. Suddenly, I saw silhouette of a group of people coming towards the direction where I was standing. Looked like there was one guy and four girls, giggling laughing rolling over each other, a bunch of happy freshman or sophomore bitches. I generally don't see many students during this time of summer since the school is closed for three months. But I like this time of the year because the campus becomes almost empty and I don't go home. I like to LDARing whole day and meet with my adviser weekly for my grad research crap, no bitch, no chad, life becomes smooth during this time in the campus. May be these pricks are visitors in the town, who cares. But strangely, the guy looked extremely short for a chad, and all the girls looked taller than him. I was standing a far and I left my glasses on my table, I am not seeing clear because of my fucking crippled incel eyes. Fucking degenerates, sure they are going for a five-some tonight once they get drunk and wasted. My fucking incel life. The last time went to a bar was like 5 years ago, I think. I don't bother to remember.
The group was coming towards the porch, and once they came under the street light, I could not believe in my fucking eyes. It was freaking Chidambaram! The ugly incel cousin!! After 6 long months, and guess what? He is literally hanging with four gorgeous looking girls!!! I was like, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!!
The whole scene left me in a trance, one stacy, one asian, one indian and one black, four different girls from four different ethnicities, all together. Two of them were grabbing his arms, he was holding them around their waists, and the other two were hugging his shoulder from the behind; as all of them were taller than Chidambaram, the whole scene was looking like four people trying to capture a brown football in a game. The bitches were making petty jokes and laughing, I saw such thing only in TV shows and movies. All of them were donned with generic Friday night scanty party attires. The lit up cigarette fell off from my dropping jaw. My head became completely blank.
Chidambaram: Yo Chudur!! How are ya muddafucka! It's been so long.
Me: Yo Chidambaram, how are you man! What the hell! Where have you been all these times?
Chidambaram: Went to a bar, met my new friends, we were actually looking for a place to take a weed break. Just remembered you used to live here, so just trying my luck and I saw you smoking on the porch.
All of them looked drunk and completely wasted.
Me: Yup, I'm still here. Come on in man, let's talk. Who are these ladies?
Chidambaram: Met them at the bar, the most gorgeous girls I have ever met in my life. Let me introduce my friends: Stacy (a caucasoid whore), Shin (a noodlewhore), Savita (a currybitch) and Summer (a whore-of-the-hood). All of them are seniors in your school.
I said "Hi", but none of them even bothered to reply -- as usual. I escorted them into my house and soon I found them hanging loose on the couch in the living room.
Chidambaram: Wanna smoke? I don't have any grinder thought you might have one.
He took out a small plastic pouch from his pocket.
Chidambaram: Just got this from a bum near the bar, good shit.
I gave him my grinder and rolling papers and he prepared 6 sticks of weed with his dexterous hands in no time and then we started to smoke. All my house mates are off to their homes for the summer and I am LDARing alone, so I didn't give a shit if the room gets stinky from the weed smokes.
Me: What is going on with you man! Where have you been? When did you come back?
Chidambaram: Last week, I was in Tibet for 6 months.
Me: So how was the trip? Aunt told something like you were not coming back and shit.
Chidambaram: Ssshh, fucking moron, not now. Btw, it's not a trip, it was the "quest for enlightenment".
Me: Ya I can see that.
Pointing to the girls with my eyes.
Shin (the noodlewhore): You guys are making us bored, Chid, you mentioned there is a big bed somewhere in the house.
Other three girls were nodding their heads, showing agreement with Shin.
Me: Bed?
Chidambaram: Ya bro, we are drunk as fuck. We were thinking about a quick power nap man.
Me: Well, I am not sure if five people could fit in that bed.
Chidambaram: No worries, we can manage. Let's go ladies!
They went giggling and laughing over the stairs making loud stomping noise and rushed into my room and slammed the door. I could hear their laughs and giggles from the living room since it's a wooden house and my room is straight up from where I was sitting. What the fuck did I just see? "Chidambaram the redpilled currycel" with four 8/10 girls, are they really going to sleep together? Am I hallucinating? And what the fuck am I smoking? Why does it taste so weird?
The whole situation was a suicide fuel. I was craving for another smoke (not weed). Soon I found out that I ran out of my stash, the last one I was having went lost from my dropping jaw when I first saw them. I rushed to the porch to see if I can find the leftover somewhere on the floor. Found it but it was all burnt. It was almost midnight, the gas station might still be open, so I headed there to get another pack of PallMall Red.
Once I came back, I heard it. It was like a group of beasts moaning and making screeching noise, the sounds were coming from my room. A strange mix of heavy breath, grunting, moaning and high pitched screams sounded like a cacophonous orchestra. The loudest one was the black bitch, the whore-of-the-hood, Summer. They were having it, the freaking five-some.
I wish I had my earplug, but it was in my room where the inter-racial late night bacchanalia was happening. "Chidambaram the currycel" is literally having a freaking five-some. I felt like shit sitting on the couch, blowing off my sadness, frustration and hopelessness that were oozing from my chest like a convoluted tobacco smoke that looked like Hokusai's "The Dragon of Smoke Escaping from Mt. Fuji".
Then they came downstairs, to pee, it was over. Completely naked, sweating, panting. I could see four naked figures greased in sweat and cum -- one white, one yellow, two brown and one black. I saw four pair of jiggling juicy boobs and one small, thin and deformed dick of Chidambaram barely visible through his rich shiny dense flock of pubic hairs. The currybitch Savita went over the freezer to get the cold water bottle, the freezer was in front of me where I was standing. As soon as she bent over to the lower shelf, I could see it clearly from the behind. The dark brown hairy pussy and butthole soaked in the diluted cum of Chidambaram, still dripping along her inner-thighs. Then I sighed a deep and long breath. Once the girls were done, all of them rushed over the stairs, again making loud thumping noises, jiggling boobs, giggling and laughing over each other into my room. But Chidambaram stayed at the kitchen table with a jar of supply water, an ugly short muscular brown figure sitting on the chair, completely naked, drinking water.
Me: You don't wax anymore?
Chidambaram: I was such a stupid, drained all those money down the pipe, my fucking life. But it does not matter anymore, bitches like hairy beasts. You saw me, right?
Me: Yup, I saw it, you just had a five-some. Looks like you've got a crap load of cash from back home.
Chidambaram: Fucking moron, they are not hookers. All of them are university going freaking students, you dumb fuck. Look at them, do they look like street hookers? You fucked so many hookers yet you still can't see the fucking difference!!
Chidambaram was right, they did not look like street hookers at all. Moreover, I also knew he is not that rich so that he could hire four top-tier hookers for such a long session. Also they are from four different ethnic origins. It's too strange to be such case.
Me: But but but ... How, I mean how on earth you have managed to shag four bitches in one night? I mean, what the actual fuck is going on? It does not make any sense!
Chidambaram: I found the CURE.
Me: Cure? For what?
Chidambaram: Cure for my inceldom. Nofap, nopillow, fasting, lifting, showering, meditations, tried all possible forms of redpilled shit. Nothing works. But this time Baba Laldev revealed everything to me. All his secrets.
He retorted. But while he was saying "Baba Laldev" he pressed his hands together and touched his forehead and middle of his chest, one after another multiple times.
Me: Baba Laldev, I see, now I remember you said something about him in your note.
Chidambaram: Yes, Baba Laldev showed me the truth, the way. He was kind enough to accept me as his disciple, I am grateful and proud to have him as my master, the guru!
He replied while pressing his hands together again, touching his forehead and the middle of his chest, one after another multiple times.
Chidambaram: It's called "Dandayamana Maltyagasana" in Sanskrit (Literal translation: The pose of Standing Defecation), or you could say "Standshitting"
Me: Stand ... What?
Chidambaram: "Standshitting" moron, you stand while you shit, you don't sit or squat.
Me: What the actual fuck is that?
Chidambaram: It's an ancient art of mastering fornication. It's a concoction of yoga and bowel movement.
Me: How the fuck does that even work? I mean you just take your shit without sitting/squatting and the bitches will flock towards you? Stop bullshitting me. You are high on weed, you are out of your mind.
Chidambaram: If you can't take control of your rectum, how are you supposed to take control of your life? Life is more asshole than your asshole, you fucking moron!
He winked.
Chidambaram: Let me show you.
Me: Show me what? Standshitting?
Chidambaram: Yes, I took a whole pack of metamucil in the morning and I am ready to release now. They want to get out.
Me: NO! Fuck, NO!!
When Chidambaram got rejected for the 200th time, he became suicidal. He left his house and stayed with me for couple of weeks. Once during that time of his stay, we were drinking and having a small party at our place. Chidambaram went drunk and wasted and then he started to throw tantrums. Sobbing, crying, puking, pissing, shitting all over the house. It was a nightmare. We had to call a Mexican cleaner in the next morning to clean the whole house. I would do anything to avoid that shit.
Me: If you make a mess like the last time, you need to fucking clean it.
Chidambaram: There will be no mess, a man's promise. Just watch.
Then he went to the bathroom, opened the door, came back to the kitchen table where he was standing before and turned his ass towards the bathroom door.
Me: What the fuck are you doing? Are you going to take shit here? In the middle of the room?
Chidambaram: Nope, shut up and just fucking watch, stupid.
Me: You are more than 6 feet away from the toilet. How on earth are you going to ...
Chidambaram did not give me any chance to finish. He slightly leaned forward, placed his hands on his thigh, bent his knees a little, flexed his muscular abdomen and closed his eyes. A grimace formed on his face that looked like he took a full pack of sour patch. Hundreds of minuscule wrinkles appeared on his face.
His ass was aimed at the toilet inside the bathroom, but he was standing at least 6 feet away from the bathroom door. A loud rumbling noise came from his stomach, then I heard an exploding sound came out from his anus as if a tire of a fully loaded interstate lorry just went burst.
Then I saw it, the most spectacular view ever happened before my eyes. A long brown streak of liquid diarrhoeal stool forming an arch that followed a projectile path, originating from his butt hole and ending at the middle of the toilet inside the bathroom. The tail of the brown liquid projectile followed its head and ended inside the toilet, gracefully. The whole installation resembled a dark brown Greek midget mud sculpture leaning forward and throwing brown liquid from its anus vertically. Then Chidambaram took a deep breath and said --
Chidambaram: Phew, now witness the closure.
He pushed it hard again, a small portion of liquid turd came out of his ass that followed the same projectile and ended straight down into the toilet. During the closure, he swayed his ass slightly upward and repositioned. The closure ended with a short squeaky fart. I was in a complete awe and I lost my speech.
Chidambaram: The "Dandayamana Maltyagasana" a.k.a. Stanshitting is an esoteric form of ancient yoga passed down to a small group of yogis from the seven primordial chads.
Me: Seven primordial chads?
Chidambaram: Yes, when first god created the human being, all of them were actually females. Then he created seven primordial chads for the seven continents to impregnate all women, so that human race could multiply. But some women were tricked by the demons and cucked their men by fucking the monkeys on the trees. Thus the lineage of the incels started. The Standshitting was one of the many yoga routines practised by the primordial chads and now it's only known to a small echelon of yogis in Tibet. Baba Laldev's is actually a direct descendant of one of the seven primordial chads.
I was completely dumbfounded and did not know what to say. But as long as whatever shit can get me laid, I am completely in. I jumped onto Chidambaram's feet, hugging them with my arms.
Me: Please be my master, teach me!!
Chidamabram: It involves strict diet, laxatives, different yoga techniques, a lot of breathing exercises and meditations. Do you have enough patience and perseverance to go through such a gruelling ordeal? Also you must avoid burritos, burrito shits are extremely challenging to manipulate.
Me: Yes master! I am your slave, tell me what to do.
After that night, Chidambaram had two more five-some until 3am and left in the morning with all his four ethnic bitches.
It's been two months I have completed my first phase of training with Chidambaram. The last news I heard about him was that he is now head of a department at a multinational diaper company in Philadelphia and married to a beautiful tall French blonde who is also a professional model and going to appear in the Vogue magazine in the next winter. Also heard that she is now pregnant with Chidambaram's son. I got all these news from my girl friend whom I met at my school. Holy crap! I forgot to mention, I now have a 8/10 HB gf who has 8 beta orbiters that do the weekly grocery shopping for my whole house. I am also teaching the art of Standshitting to my house mates and the first 2/3 months were a complete mess. The whole house and the bathroom looked like a pile of shit literally hit the fan. We stopped doing daily cleaning and switched to once in a week because we became used to the shit and stink. But now, we have mastered the art of Dandayamana Maltyagasana a.k.a Standshitting and the rooms are clean. We generally execute it from the living room near the table where Chidambaram demonstrated his feat on that Friday night.
So folks, forget all those redpill craps, nofap, nopillow, coldshower, fasting, lifting. Nothing actually works. As I have been already banned from that TRP sub due to my excessive trolling, I would be really grateful if someone could share my post there. The redpillers need this.
But a few days ago I posted it and everyone ignored it, they all like "na, it's too long, I gotta go back to bragging about the last escort I fucked". I hate being part of a community that doesn't respect the work of Chudur Budur (pbuh)
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