While I still lament over the loss of my youth, and long for the missing memory of a past which I never got to actually experience, none of it is terribly relevant to the person who I am right now. Rather what keeps us moving forward in life is having a goal worth pursing, something which we can strive towards which at least feels of value. Yet none of that has been made available to me at all, this world has absolutely nothing to offer a man like me.
It could be seen as our fate as humans to build monuments in defiance against entropy which are doomed to decay. Whether they be buildings, offspring, or systems of belief, their purpose remains largely the same. At the very least the intention is to better our lives, to provide structure to an otherwise chaotic world, and to provide catharsis for the pain which our very existence causes us. However the context of my birth has sentenced me to life within a civilization which is set upon tearing down nearly every human construct we could use to comfort ourselves, the things which we'd otherwise use to find joy and something worth building upon. Granted it could all be seen as futile, but aspects of our cognition seem to prevent the vast majority of humans from seeing the logic in self-elimination, so as a result we have no better alternative.
Regardless, in absence of any meaning this society provides the opportunity for hedonistic binging, much of which is totally inaccessible to anyone here. For the most part my life now consists of coping with games in which I can temporarily pretend that I'm in a world which I actually care about, or a world which see any value in doing anything within. Whether it be meaning, value, battles, or sex, my access to all of it has been reduced to a commodified and totally artificial emulation of a human experience. I can lead an army in an imaginary world, I can watch the heartfelt struggles of fictional characters, I can pay a woman to serve as a fleeting substitute for a mate, but I can't find a single thing in this wretched reality which is worth contributing to or worth fighting to protect.
Worse still, I can't even convince people of how repulsive it all is. I can't make people understand that if they're so committed to obliterating everything that we've inherited from previous generations, that they'd be better off focusing on how to facilitate a permanent end for this planet. Social structure, culture, religion, not even mere statues, none of it has been spared from the fury of the people who seem to wish us to return to primitive tribes surrounded by wilderness. While others are fucking each other or mutilating themselves in an effort to "celebrate being human", we're rotting here without access to even the warmth of another person.
It could be seen as our fate as humans to build monuments in defiance against entropy which are doomed to decay. Whether they be buildings, offspring, or systems of belief, their purpose remains largely the same. At the very least the intention is to better our lives, to provide structure to an otherwise chaotic world, and to provide catharsis for the pain which our very existence causes us. However the context of my birth has sentenced me to life within a civilization which is set upon tearing down nearly every human construct we could use to comfort ourselves, the things which we'd otherwise use to find joy and something worth building upon. Granted it could all be seen as futile, but aspects of our cognition seem to prevent the vast majority of humans from seeing the logic in self-elimination, so as a result we have no better alternative.
Regardless, in absence of any meaning this society provides the opportunity for hedonistic binging, much of which is totally inaccessible to anyone here. For the most part my life now consists of coping with games in which I can temporarily pretend that I'm in a world which I actually care about, or a world which see any value in doing anything within. Whether it be meaning, value, battles, or sex, my access to all of it has been reduced to a commodified and totally artificial emulation of a human experience. I can lead an army in an imaginary world, I can watch the heartfelt struggles of fictional characters, I can pay a woman to serve as a fleeting substitute for a mate, but I can't find a single thing in this wretched reality which is worth contributing to or worth fighting to protect.
Worse still, I can't even convince people of how repulsive it all is. I can't make people understand that if they're so committed to obliterating everything that we've inherited from previous generations, that they'd be better off focusing on how to facilitate a permanent end for this planet. Social structure, culture, religion, not even mere statues, none of it has been spared from the fury of the people who seem to wish us to return to primitive tribes surrounded by wilderness. While others are fucking each other or mutilating themselves in an effort to "celebrate being human", we're rotting here without access to even the warmth of another person.
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