WARNING NIGGA HAVING CRASHOUTENGAGE MEME ARROWS
>late evening
>cold as fuck
>middle of the week, everyone should be already preparing to sleep to slave away tomorrow
>bumfuck nowhere road near the forest, nobody walks there this late
>a fucking young couple 20-30 walking with their dog snuggled together, talking... normally
>this is the worst thing, that they're talking normally, I don't feel pang of jealousy when I see a broad yapping about some crap to her oofy doofy chubby, I don't feel it when some retard jestermaxxes off of me to impress his broad, I don't feel it when I see some teenage couple making out, that's bonbo ape shit, that doesn't move me, but here they are, snuggled together, talking normally
>and here I am, dressed like a fucking low level S.T.A.L.K.E.R npc in same clothes I've been going out on walks for few weeks because I just don't give a shit anymore, dried mud all over my shoes and pants
>uncanny bloated face, balding, strange gait, abscent gaze pacing back and forth, unsure where to look when there are people in the perimeter
>coming back from a few hour long lone cope walk around the forest during which I burned through half a pack of cigarettes, walked the entire way lost in my thoughts and sat in forest booth checking internet on phone
>having rotted for the past 5 years, because what else was there to do? Work a shitty stressful job? Or tryhard at education so I can work better paid shitty stressful job?
(in truth though I lost my sanity in HS, so that's more like 9 years of rotting)
>there is no side road, there is no shortcut, there is no escape, I have to press foward and pass them
>they move to the side a little, the broad snuggles closer into the guy and they keep talking
>she's probably grateful that the guy is there to "protect" her and he probably feels proud that this creepy man who looks like he's either 16 or 35 didn't start anything funny
>or maybe they don't care, doesn't make a difference
I'd rather come across drunk gopnik that would beat me up than this, I'm not exaggerating.
I am not human. I have all the feelings and needs and biological functions that humans do but I am not. I was just under false impression when I was a kid that I am, but other people have successfully corrected that impression, starting in elementary and ending in HS.
I am an entirely different creature, some weird subspecies.
Out of all the things past year, why is it such a little thing that got me like this? I don't know.
That's it, I was taking daily walks for the sake of circulation but instead I'm throwing away old rickety cross trainer I have and buying new one, my ass will NOT touch the grass anytime soon. I'm not emerging from my cave until I've made and released a dozen of videogames or something.
When in a couple decades I will be at pearly gates getting judged for all the things I did and will do through my life, I just want one thing to be clear:
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