Looking back at it nearly a year later I didn't realize how hellish it really was. I was really depressed and in a stupid redpill/bluepill phase where I thought I would ascend. I even had a oneitis then who eventually got with a guy during this period. It made me feel suicidal and I constantly had images in my head of ending it all. I'm glad I've changed and moved on from that crap, looking back I realized how dark this period was personally.
