Everyday I try to improve as a person, I workout every other day and i'm slowly making progress but the pain doesn't go away it's still there, one of my workouts this week i was holding back tears. I type this while tears stream down my ugly wretched face. Maybe it's not as bad as i describe but it doesn't matter it, i am stricken with a "disability" that makes me different from 80% of the population, it makes me "weird" which gives people the "ick", i hate such a term and that's why i'm so broken, even if i make it, i get my body in the best physical shape it could be in and manage to become wealthy it wouldn't matter because all these supposed friends i would make would be fake, only after my wealth. Because why else would these people be friends with a freak like me? It's not just that i have different hobbies or interests, i have an entire different way of viewing the world, a different thought pattern, i am incompatible with 80% of people which means i am incompatible with society.
My only hope is the future machines, robots or a simulation. To escape from it all, i simply don't see myself happy while participating in this society. because to do so i must sell what is left of my soul, my beaten, broken and battered soul. There may not be much left to sell but it is still there and i refuse to sell it for a fake quasi happiness built on a foundation of lies.
One of very things i seek is a true love, but i live in world of whores and the rest of the women have already found there soulmate and even then it if there is supposed women out there that isn't a whore and isn't taken she will 100% not be compatible with me, I again refuse to put on an act and i not will settle down for a woman who does not value the act of sex the same way i do, there is no compromise for me i will not settle for less. Everyday i observe fictional worlds often created by men, these worlds while flawed are very much better then ours, no man is doomed by his genetics because such genetics don't exist, they can't exist. True love exists, it's pure and authentic, it's beautiful. The surroundings are beautiful and world is at a zen like peace despite monstrous threats looming among them. People seem to care for each other, yes there is pain but there is also happiness true happiness and it's available to anyone who seeks it. Observing these worlds and comparing them to our bitter ugly world makes me depressed, it makes me dream for the day of the simulation.
I simply just cannot LDAR, I don't get any joy from seeing women suffer, I don't get any joy seeing people suffer at all, in many ways it's replusive to me (gore freaks me out). I just can't give up i'd rather be dead but it's just so hard to keep going but i don't want to die. It's just a constant pull of everything, i am messed up and the cure isn't pills, and It never was. Time ticks and ticks away, whatever attractiveness i ever had continues to fade, my opportunities closing doors shutting. Days of my life flying away and there is nothing i can do about other then pray that someone lets me take another step forward, that step being a proper job. no one has given me the chance, and everyday i am rejected by employers the more and the more my lack of experience becomes a negative. an endless cycle, the pain is unreal.
My only hope is the future machines, robots or a simulation. To escape from it all, i simply don't see myself happy while participating in this society. because to do so i must sell what is left of my soul, my beaten, broken and battered soul. There may not be much left to sell but it is still there and i refuse to sell it for a fake quasi happiness built on a foundation of lies.
One of very things i seek is a true love, but i live in world of whores and the rest of the women have already found there soulmate and even then it if there is supposed women out there that isn't a whore and isn't taken she will 100% not be compatible with me, I again refuse to put on an act and i not will settle down for a woman who does not value the act of sex the same way i do, there is no compromise for me i will not settle for less. Everyday i observe fictional worlds often created by men, these worlds while flawed are very much better then ours, no man is doomed by his genetics because such genetics don't exist, they can't exist. True love exists, it's pure and authentic, it's beautiful. The surroundings are beautiful and world is at a zen like peace despite monstrous threats looming among them. People seem to care for each other, yes there is pain but there is also happiness true happiness and it's available to anyone who seeks it. Observing these worlds and comparing them to our bitter ugly world makes me depressed, it makes me dream for the day of the simulation.
I simply just cannot LDAR, I don't get any joy from seeing women suffer, I don't get any joy seeing people suffer at all, in many ways it's replusive to me (gore freaks me out). I just can't give up i'd rather be dead but it's just so hard to keep going but i don't want to die. It's just a constant pull of everything, i am messed up and the cure isn't pills, and It never was. Time ticks and ticks away, whatever attractiveness i ever had continues to fade, my opportunities closing doors shutting. Days of my life flying away and there is nothing i can do about other then pray that someone lets me take another step forward, that step being a proper job. no one has given me the chance, and everyday i am rejected by employers the more and the more my lack of experience becomes a negative. an endless cycle, the pain is unreal.
