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Welcome to Incels.is - Involuntary Celibate Forum
Welcome! This is a forum for involuntary celibates: people who lack a significant other. Are you lonely and wish you had someone in your life? You're not alone! Join our forum and talk to people just like you.
I literally need to place my-self in a dream state in order to want to continue living.
It's kinda insane actually. I have a variety of psychedelics with me and every other week I go on a trip.
After a while it starts to feel like your reality, the world that you truly enjoy is the one that you see on psychedelics, and the world you see when you're sober is the nightmare. I feel transient, and that is exactly what I am as a subhuman.
Never took enough to get the full effects, acid just put me in a good mood and gave the ground a red hue. Mescaline was just disorienting, didn't get to really trip. Just don't have good luck with them..
I used to do acid and shrooms almost daily (average of 3-4 times a week) for months in a row. Besides the diminishing returns, it was probably some of the most fun I've had in my life. However, it is also a dangerous escapist practice because while you feel like your mind is moving forward with the number of personal revelations you have, you feel like you are living a fulfilled life because of the release of dopamine, but in reality you are in an unproductive chrysalis, never truly moving forward as you age little by little and depend on the escape more and more. I imagine only maybe artists and musicians are the exceptions to this rule. Otherwise, I would have to warn that while those months were some of my favorite, they also saw me sink to my lowest lows personally where I did things I would not normally do, and essentially wasted almost a year of my life accomplishing jacksquat. The realization of this in the long run undoes any joy you feel in the short term of psychedelic escapism.
I have so many, but I guess I will stick to a couple that I can best explain.
So, in general I have a good grip on reality and psychedelics have never really given me a "bad" trip, even the few that might be borderline were either because of unrelated circumstance or it turned into a good trip later. This means that they make me more friendly, sociable, and open to experience.
1. This was one of my most intense trips ever, because I accidentally did too much ketamine on top of what was probably too many hits of acid (it was on a sugar cube, therefore unkwown amount of it inside). It was New Year's 2013 IIRC, and I was with my friend at a lounge party. It was a loft somewhere inside a huge bridge, literally. Inside there were like 10-20 entertainers who have stages set up in a square along the perimeter, probably about 10 x 10 meters between the inside edges of the square stage. Small dancefloor/bar area behind it of approximately the same size. In between the stages there were tons of throw pillows, bean bags, etc. Basically the guests got to lay in the middle and watch the dancers/performers on the side. There were probably as many guests as there were performers, was really mindblowing, felt like a private show. Crazy lights everywhere, lively colors, chilled atmosphere, performers all in costume, doing stuff like air aerobics, DJing, live instruments, just dancing, etc. I'm there with my friend who I moved in with after we played on the same competitive gaming team together, to give you a picture of who we are. Now you have a general grasp of the setting.
Anyway, I did too much ketamine and acid and I am sitting in this pillow pit. My friend is sitting opposite me and is in front of a concrete pillar. My vision starts getting fucked up. The lights from the stages are refracting in odd ways, seemingly clinging to surfaces. For a sample of kind of like how it felt in front of my eyes, but not enveloping ALL of my vision, check this video for the next 30-40 seconds:
https://youtu.be/yI1Wr-mKjT4?t=26s
It was basically this, at about 50% opacity, over my regular vision. Then as the colors began to stick more and more to the surfaces that they were hitting, my whole vision eventually became only 3 colors: a kind of teal marine, a bright pink/purple, and a neon green color that they don't have here. Literally every texture, every single thing you see, was now described with those three colors. It was as if everything was pixelated. However, the closer I looked, the more I realized that everything wasn't pixelated, it was covered in 3 dimensional pyramids and valleys having these three colors as faces.
Not quite as intense or rapidly changing as this, and with fewer colors, fewer valleys, but it conveys the general concept. Imagine a world view like this, but with those three colors I described being more evenly distributed, and with the tiny pyramidal texture:
Now add to this that there was trippy music, trippy lights and strobes, AND EVERYONE IS IN COSTUME, and you get a wild visual experience. My senses were getting bombarded so hard that I couldn't move, I couldn't get up. I wanted to leave at times to smoke a cigarette in the cool air and chill from the bombardment, but I literally could not get up. My friend's testimony was that once every 10 minutes I would say "I want to smoke a cigarette," and then he would say "Alright let's go," and then I just wouldn't move or say anything.
The craziest part happened when I looked at my friend, who is just a normal-looking Asian dude with a typical bowlcut hair cut. Looks like this but the incel version of him:
Anyway, he was laughing, and his hair started getting longer right in front of my eyes, the tri-colored pyramids seemingly growing down vertically. His hair then turned into vines, with little pyramid structured leaves. His head began to sort of fuse with the concrete pillar behind him, until they became one. He became a tree with a face on it.
The vines were everywhere too, covering his face and the rest of the tree. The ceiling became a canopy. And remember, EVERYTHING was made up of three-dimensional, three sides exposed, heavy contrast trichromatic little pyramids.
Now, this was by no means my typical trip. My typical trip usually does include visuals but nothing on this level. They also give me more time to think and breathe. But this one stood out with such clarity in my memory that I had to share.
This turned quite long so I will just leave it at one experience, but I have many many more if you want to hear about them.
I have so many, but I guess I will stick to a couple that I can best explain.
So, in general I have a good grip on reality and psychedelics have never really given me a "bad" trip, even the few that might be borderline were either because of unrelated circumstance or it turned into a good trip later. This means that they make me more friendly, sociable, and open to experience.
1. This was one of my most intense trips ever, because I accidentally did too much ketamine on top of what was probably too many hits of acid (it was on a sugar cube, therefore unkwown amount of it inside). It was New Year's 2013 IIRC, and I was with my friend at a lounge party. It was a loft somewhere inside a huge bridge, literally. Inside there were like 10-20 entertainers who have stages set up in a square along the perimeter, probably about 10 x 10 meters between the inside edges of the square stage. Small dancefloor/bar area behind it of approximately the same size. In between the stages there were tons of throw pillows, bean bags, etc. Basically the guests got to lay in the middle and watch the dancers/performers on the side. There were probably as many guests as there were performers, was really mindblowing, felt like a private show. Crazy lights everywhere, lively colors, chilled atmosphere, performers all in costume, doing stuff like air aerobics, DJing, live instruments, just dancing, etc. I'm there with my friend who I moved in with after we played on the same competitive gaming team together, to give you a picture of who we are. Now you have a general grasp of the setting.
Anyway, I did too much ketamine and acid and I am sitting in this pillow pit. My friend is sitting opposite me and is in front of a concrete pillar. My vision starts getting fucked up. The lights from the stages are refracting in odd ways, seemingly clinging to surfaces. For a sample of kind of like how it felt in front of my eyes, but not enveloping ALL of my vision, check this video for the next 30-40 seconds:
https://youtu.be/yI1Wr-mKjT4?t=26s
It was basically this, at about 50% opacity, over my regular vision. Then as the colors began to stick more and more to the surfaces that they were hitting, my whole vision eventually became only 3 colors: a kind of teal marine, a bright pink/purple, and a neon green color that they don't have here. Literally every texture, every single thing you see, was now described with those three colors. It was as if everything was pixelated. However, the closer I looked, the more I realized that everything wasn't pixelated, it was covered in 3 dimensional pyramids and valleys having these three colors as faces.
Not quite as intense or rapidly changing as this, and with fewer colors, fewer valleys, but it conveys the general concept. Imagine a world view like this, but with those three colors I described being more evenly distributed, and with the tiny pyramidal texture:
Now add to this that there was trippy music, trippy lights and strobes, AND EVERYONE IS IN COSTUME, and you get a wild visual experience. My senses were getting bombarded so hard that I couldn't move, I couldn't get up. I wanted to leave at times to smoke a cigarette in the cool air and chill from the bombardment, but I literally could not get up. My friend's testimony was that once every 10 minutes I would say "I want to smoke a cigarette," and then he would say "Alright let's go," and then I just wouldn't move or say anything.
The craziest part happened when I looked at my friend, who is just a normal-looking Asian dude with a typical bowlcut hair cut. Looks like this but the incel version of him:
Anyway, he was laughing, and his hair started getting longer right in front of my eyes, the tri-colored pyramids seemingly growing down vertically. His hair then turned into vines, with little pyramid structured leaves. His head began to sort of fuse with the concrete pillar behind him, until they became one. He became a tree with a face on it.
The vines were everywhere too, covering his face and the rest of the tree. The ceiling became a canopy. And remember, EVERYTHING was made up of three-dimensional, three sides exposed, heavy contrast trichromatic little pyramids.
Now, this was by no means my typical trip. My typical trip usually does include visuals but nothing on this level. They also give me more time to think and breathe. But this one stood out with such clarity in my memory that I had to share.
This turned quite long so I will just leave it at one experience, but I have many many more if you want to hear about them.
I could go for another trip experience or two. You put a lot of time and effort into your post, and I was engaged throughout it. Is that all they do, change what you see and cause you to have hallucinations? Or do they open your mind and allow you to think about things you wouldve never thought about?
I used to do acid and shrooms almost daily (average of 3-4 times a week) for months in a row. Besides the diminishing returns, it was probably some of the most fun I've had in my life. However, it is also a dangerous escapist practice because while you feel like your mind is moving forward with the number of personal revelations you have, you feel like you are living a fulfilled life because of the release of dopamine, but in reality you are in an unproductive chrysalis, never truly moving forward as you age little by little and depend on the escape more and more. I imagine only maybe artists and musicians are the exceptions to this rule. Otherwise, I would have to warn that while those months were some of my favorite, they also saw me sink to my lowest lows personally where I did things I would not normally do, and essentially wasted almost a year of my life accomplishing jacksquat. The realization of this in the long run undoes any joy you feel in the short term of psychedelic escapism.
Oh fuck up, we are already the lowest of the low because of our subhuman genetics we arent meant to live, escaping is the only way for shitty genetics to continue living in this state of purgatory between death and non existence. Fuck you.
Oh fuck up, we are already the lowest of the low because of our subhuman genetics we arent meant to live, escaping is the only way for shitty genetics to continue living in this state of purgatory between death and non existence. Fuck you.
Wow, easy there, kid. I relayed my experience, that doesn't mean that it is one size fits all. If you are content to LDAR and never accomplish anything, then you have the same mentality I had back then, but it turned out I was mistaken. I like accomplishing things, even if my fate is to die and be wormfood, even if I won't get married or have children. I find other things in life fulfilling. In short, just because my post doesn't resonate with your current values, that doesn't mean you need to get hostile over it. Just makes you look childish, just as I was when I had the same perspective. Except even back then I wouldn't jump down the throat of someone in a forum for posting a different experience than mine, in response to someone other than myself.
Kointo said:
I could go for another trip experience or two. You put a lot of time and effort into your post, and I was engaged throughout it. Is that all they do, change what you see and cause you to have hallucinations? Or do they open your mind and allow you to think about things you wouldve never thought about?
I'll explore another one that answers this question more directly after I grab some food, but I'll answer briefly here that at least with acid, the release of ego that constrains your thinking is definitely a possibility. I've had political debates with myself in my head, with the other me representing the political opposition to my normal beliefs, kind of like a devil's advocate within me, and I actually resonated with a lot of the reasons. Like, I got over myself and my biases and understood the motivations behind the opposition. The same thing happens when you're with another person tripping and discussing something. As I mentioned earlier, acid makes me more open to experience, sociable, and friendly. This is because it causes the release of dopamine in your brain, basically putting you in a very good and receptive mood. In higher doses it leads to greater and greater levels of incapacitation, I find. Becomes harder to string together thoughts or to get your body to comply with commands. At lower doses, it's much more mild and offers much more intellectual and creative freedom.
Other hallucinogens have different effects. For example, I find shrooms to be much more "raw" in how they affect me. I feel like I turn into a savage. The way I like to describe it is, acid is a complement to your experience, a tool you can use to pursue different activities, but shrooms kind of just take you on a journey, they are the ship and you are not the captain. I have some experience with 2CI, 2CB, synthetic mescaline, and other hallucinogens and I find that they all produce different overall effects.
Goddamn I wish I had access to LSD or something. I have no black market hookups and Im to technologically incompetent to navigate the deepweb. Ive heard that psychadelics are the most powerful cope out there and Id love to experience them.
Disclaimer: This turned out much longer than I anticipated, again, so set aside 15 minutes for this or take it in chunks.
This one happened at a short music festival (slated to run for ~24 hours) on a marina (place where there is a pier and private boats), which was on an inlet and thus only a couple of blocks from the ocean across a spit of land. Might be one of the most ideal places to trip if you have some experience, IMO.
Anyway, same friend as in the last story, from now on referred to as Hong, and I depart on a sunny beautiful day on a 2-3 hour trek to the location by public transport. Summer of 2012. I pregame decently with beers all the way there. Unfortunately we don't have any acid with us, but I did manage to score some molly capsules and some bud, so we're not completely dry. MDMA has some hallucinogenic properties as well, just fyi. We arrive very early - there is no music playing, stages are still being set up, so it's just us, some hippies/hipsters/burners and a beautiful day at the marina. We take a dose each and very soon I am in a euphoric state, enjoying the water, sunlight, and relaxed atmosphere. However, I also become acutely aware that I want to candy flip (be under the influence of MDMA and acid simultaneously). So, as we are sitting on a central pier with our feet in the water, I turn on what I liked to consider superhuman hearing.
Not long after, I hear some passerby mention "hallucinogens" to his friend and I immediately hop up and invite them to join us on our end of the marina. Now, consider the fact that Hong and I are broke college-age kids, sitting on a plastic pier with nothing but swim shorts and backpacks to our names, while many of these people came in their private boats or had made little rafts which had DJ set-ups, cuddle puddles, bars, etc. Basically we were the poor kids at the party. Anyway, I approach this well-off adult-looking guy and because I'm rolling I am at 0 inhibition and I pretty much blatantly enter their conversation and hint that I would love to get some acid for some molly. He sells us some tabs and we have a nice conversation before they head off to their yacht (lol). Mission accomplished.
We dose at around twilight, which was a magical experience. The visuals began to really fire up at sunset, adding contrast to the darkening sky, giving exaggerated non-uniform motion of clouds*, and dopamine was pouring through my synapses. Felt like I was being tenderly loved by the world.
*If you want a sample of this kind of exaggerated motion, a decent simulation is created by this famous optical illusion:
As night set, the MDMA was beginning to taper but the acid was coming in full force, maintaining that emotional high from the beautiful day that just expired. There were two stages, one with a live DJ and dancers, and across the cobbles was a stage with people doing fire dancing and acrobatics.
The best way I can describe this medium-level type of trip is that you feel so much more perceptive and receptive. I felt like I was focusing on things that I normally don't focus on. You walk through a crowd and you read their faces and see their history, you look into their soul. It's not exactly spiritual, at least for me, but it does have that effect on others. It's kind of like living in a world of make-believe, where fiction becomes a little closer to reality, where your mind isn't shackled as much by the corporeal world, your cynicism, previous experiences, etc. I actually ran in to my one-itis from a year prior there, and she was dating one of the DJs. At that age, I'd probably have been bitter and closed-off emotionally and socially when she spotted me, but on acid I didn't care. I didn't hold grudges, I didn't expect sex or validation, I felt like I was above all that petty shit at that moment. We had a nice conversation, and she even missed her DJ BF's set to catch up with me (we were "friends" in 2011). After it all, I looked at her, and I felt like I saw all the flaws I didn't see before, I saw that she was just human and not some idol to worship, and realized that I was completely over her after our conversation (which was actually pleasant and positive overall). I was the one that left her alone on the marina, to rejoin Hong and see what he was up to.
That existentially confirming experience past, him and I began exploring the various boats and rafts, socializing with people, passing like the wind in the forest, slowing down here or there to socialize, laugh, and then on to the next in the maze of tented floating platforms and ships. Now, I don't believe I've mentioned this here, but I am generally high inhibition and I am diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Normally it would take a lot of effort for me to hold a casual conversation with a stranger because I am both self-conscious and outwardly over-conscious, meaning I am constantly analyzing and over-analyzing both my conduct, body positioning, facial expressions, tone, as well as that of the other person. No such shackles in the state I was in that night. I'd say I'm on the low side of average to below-average in looks, but I was open and confident with other people as if I was Chad. It does help that nearly everyone else was as fucked up as I was, I'm sure, but even if they weren't I didn't care. That was the most beautiful part of it all.
We made it all the way to the end of the pier, where me met some crazy truecel looking dude who was dressed like some medieval doctor crossed with an Orthodox priest. After like 2 minutes of talking he took such a liking to Hong and I that he reaches into his pockets and produces two fistfuls of dust, crumbs, and what looked like lint and stuffs it into our hands. I look at it, with my impaired vision, and I see tiny cities, colonies of ash people constructing eclectic architectural masterpieces. He quickly shuts my hand and says "DON'T LOSE ANY! These are the ground up shrooms from my shroom pockets." So basically this dude had so much shrooms in his pockets not too long ago that he had handfulls of shroom flakes in there, and gave us two hefty ones. I down the shake immediately with a big gulp of my gin and tonic. Meanwhile Hong has no beverage and doesn't really drink alcohol so we decide to go on a walk out of the marina and walk to the beach without realizing that it was like 1 am already and that most places wouldn't be open. We did manage to find some hole in the wall but they only sold beer (or were we just too retarded by this point?) and we end up splitting it on the beach despite his aversion to alcohol, looking at the midnight ocean.
We were so fucked up by this point that Hong picked up a crableg from the sand and pulled out his lighter, thinking it was a blunt someone had dropped and almost attempted to smoke it before I slapped it out of his hands. Hallucinogens can put some really dopey ideas in your head, make you susceptible to misdirection, flights of fancy.
After what felt like simultaneously not that long but also forever, we made it back to the party and saw that it was in the process of being prematurely shut down by the cops. I don't know why we went in - maybe expecting it to be reignited after the noise complaint (lol) was handled. We met the guy I had seen 12 hours prior and gotten acid off of, and we chilled with him and his crew. We also met some girl along the way, I'd say she was a 6-7/10 because she was a bit chubbier than I normally find attractive but she was still thicc in the right places and had an okay face, and she started hanging out with us because she was from the same country as Hong and she came to America recently. So now as a group of 3 we were chilling with this guy and he turned out to be one of the most interesting, coolest people I've ever met, even without the effects of acid. Again, none of these social interactions would have happened or succeeded had Hong, who is even more introverted than me, and I been sober. He ends up giving us more acid for FREE and some ketamine bumps to boot, not far from where cops are talking to the organizers lol. We are now entering some transcended plane of existence from all the ingested chemicals. A short while later, around 5 am, the party gets broken up, so the three of us head out into the streets.
We get about half a block away from the marina before we hear this rhythmic thumping of a drum. Following the sound, we find a dude who we talked to earlier in the night who was perfectly normal at the time, but was now facepainted, had a t shirt turban on, and a loincloth of some sort. He was beating the drums and walking down these suburban streets just before the crack of dawn. Desperate for music, we followed him and danced, like some sort of primitive tribe. By the time we arrive at the beach and settle in, the sun is rising. And the beat of the drum continues, attracting more and more people to our location. We end up with a group of about 6 permanent members all playing in the water, chilling on the sand, dancing, playing music, enjoying life on a Sunday early morning.
People would come and go, visiting us for brief moments. Everyone was attracted to our positive energy and the beat of the drum. The drum was life. We spent another 12 hours hanging out together as a group, going on adventures, ending up at some super hippie party in the city in a magical faerie-looking backyard with women and girls in flowing dresses and tiaras made of flowers and endless booze, playing acoustic instruments. I could write another page or two about how the rest of the day went but that was all in the afterglow of the hallucinogens, not their direct effects, so I'll stop here. The dude with the drum ends up dropping me and Hong off at the train station and we go home. By this point we are absolutely beat, as you can imagine, but thankful for the experience. We ended up hanging out with older adult dude, drum dude, the girls in the crew, and Asian 6-7/10 many times over the next few years.
TL;DR: By being fucked up, and everyone around me being fucked up as well, I was able to lead an intoxicated normie life for 24 hours.
Disclaimer: This turned out much longer than I anticipated, again, so set aside 15 minutes for this or take it in chunks.
This one happened at a short music festival (slated to run for ~24 hours) on a marina (place where there is a pier and private boats), which was on an inlet and thus only a couple of blocks from the ocean across a spit of land. Might be one of the most ideal places to trip if you have some experience, IMO.
Anyway, same friend as in the last story, from now on referred to as Hong, and I depart on a sunny beautiful day on a 2-3 hour trek to the location by public transport. Summer of 2012. I pregame decently with beers all the way there. Unfortunately we don't have any acid with us, but I did manage to score some molly capsules and some bud, so we're not completely dry. MDMA has some hallucinogenic properties as well, just fyi. We arrive very early - there is no music playing, stages are still being set up, so it's just us, some hippies/hipsters/burners and a beautiful day at the marina. We take a dose each and very soon I am in a euphoric state, enjoying the water, sunlight, and relaxed atmosphere. However, I also become acutely aware that I want to candy flip (be under the influence of MDMA and acid simultaneously). So, as we are sitting on a central pier with our feet in the water, I turn on what I liked to consider superhuman hearing.
Not long after, I hear some passerby mention "hallucinogens" to his friend and I immediately hop up and invite them to join us on our end of the marina. Now, consider the fact that Hong and I are broke college-age kids, sitting on a plastic pier with nothing but swim shorts and backpacks to our names, while many of these people came in their private boats or had made little rafts which had DJ set-ups, cuddle puddles, bars, etc. Basically we were the poor kids at the party. Anyway, I approach this well-off adult-looking guy and because I'm rolling I am at 0 inhibition and I pretty much blatantly enter their conversation and hint that I would love to get some acid for some molly. He sells us some tabs and we have a nice conversation before they head off to their yacht (lol). Mission accomplished.
We dose at around twilight, which was a magical experience. The visuals began to really fire up at sunset, adding contrast to the darkening sky, giving exaggerated non-uniform motion of clouds*, and dopamine was pouring through my synapses. Felt like I was being tenderly loved by the world.
*If you want a sample of this kind of exaggerated motion, a decent simulation is created by this famous optical illusion:
As night set, the MDMA was beginning to taper but the acid was coming in full force, maintaining that emotional high from the beautiful day that just expired. There were two stages, one with a live DJ and dancers, and across the cobbles was a stage with people doing fire dancing and acrobatics.
The best way I can describe this medium-level type of trip is that you feel so much more perceptive and receptive. I felt like I was focusing on things that I normally don't focus on. You walk through a crowd and you read their faces and see their history, you look into their soul. It's not exactly spiritual, at least for me, but it does have that effect on others. It's kind of like living in a world of make-believe, where fiction becomes a little closer to reality, where your mind isn't shackled as much by the corporeal world, your cynicism, previous experiences, etc. I actually ran in to my one-itis from a year prior there, and she was dating one of the DJs. At that age, I'd probably have been bitter and closed-off emotionally and socially when she spotted me, but on acid I didn't care. I didn't hold grudges, I didn't expect sex or validation, I felt like I was above all that petty shit at that moment. We had a nice conversation, and she even missed her DJ BF's set to catch up with me (we were "friends" in 2011). After it all, I looked at her, and I felt like I saw all the flaws I didn't see before, I saw that she was just human and not some idol to worship, and realized that I was completely over her after our conversation (which was actually pleasant and positive overall). I was the one that left her alone on the marina, to rejoin Hong and see what he was up to.
That existentially confirming experience past, him and I began exploring the various boats and rafts, socializing with people, passing like the wind in the forest, slowing down here or there to socialize, laugh, and then on to the next in the maze of tented floating platforms and ships. Now, I don't believe I've mentioned this here, but I am generally high inhibition and I am diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Normally it would take a lot of effort for me to hold a casual conversation with a stranger because I am both self-conscious and outwardly over-conscious, meaning I am constantly analyzing and over-analyzing both my conduct, body positioning, facial expressions, tone, as well as that of the other person. No such shackles in the state I was in that night. I'd say I'm on the low side of average to below-average in looks, but I was open and confident with other people as if I was Chad. It does help that nearly everyone else was as fucked up as I was, I'm sure, but even if they weren't I didn't care. That was the most beautiful part of it all.
We made it all the way to the end of the pier, where me met some crazy truecel looking dude who was dressed like some medieval doctor crossed with an Orthodox priest. After like 2 minutes of talking he took such a liking to Hong and I that he reaches into his pockets and produces two fistfuls of dust, crumbs, and what looked like lint and stuffs it into our hands. I look at it, with my impaired vision, and I see tiny cities, colonies of ash people constructing eclectic architectural masterpieces. He quickly shuts my hand and says "DON'T LOSE ANY! These are the ground up shrooms from my shroom pockets." So basically this dude had so much shrooms in his pockets not too long ago that he had handfulls of shroom flakes in there, and gave us two hefty ones. I down the shake immediately with a big gulp of my gin and tonic. Meanwhile Hong has no beverage and doesn't really drink alcohol so we decide to go on a walk out of the marina and walk to the beach without realizing that it was like 1 am already and that most places wouldn't be open. We did manage to find some hole in the wall but they only sold beer (or were we just too retarded by this point?) and we end up splitting it on the beach despite his aversion to alcohol, looking at the midnight ocean.
We were so fucked up by this point that Hong picked up a crableg from the sand and pulled out his lighter, thinking it was a blunt someone had dropped and almost attempted to smoke it before I slapped it out of his hands. Hallucinogens can put some really dopey ideas in your head, make you susceptible to misdirection, flights of fancy.
After what felt like simultaneously not that long but also forever, we made it back to the party and saw that it was in the process of being prematurely shut down by the cops. I don't know why we went in - maybe expecting it to be reignited after the noise complaint (lol) was handled. We met the guy I had seen 12 hours prior and gotten acid off of, and we chilled with him and his crew. We also met some girl along the way, I'd say she was a 6-7/10 because she was a bit chubbier than I normally find attractive but she was still thicc in the right places and had an okay face, and she started hanging out with us because she was from the same country as Hong and she came to America recently. So now as a group of 3 we were chilling with this guy and he turned out to be one of the most interesting, coolest people I've ever met, even without the effects of acid. Again, none of these social interactions would have happened or succeeded had Hong, who is even more introverted than me, and I been sober. He ends up giving us more acid for FREE and some ketamine bumps to boot, not far from where cops are talking to the organizers lol. We are now entering some transcended plane of existence from all the ingested chemicals. A short while later, around 5 am, the party gets broken up, so the three of us head out into the streets.
We get about half a block away from the marina before we hear this rhythmic thumping of a drum. Following the sound, we find a dude who we talked to earlier in the night who was perfectly normal at the time, but was now facepainted, had a t shirt turban on, and a loincloth of some sort. He was beating the drums and walking down these suburban streets just before the crack of dawn. Desperate for music, we followed him and danced, like some sort of primitive tribe. By the time we arrive at the beach and settle in, the sun is rising. And the beat of the drum continues, attracting more and more people to our location. We end up with a group of about 6 permanent members all playing in the water, chilling on the sand, dancing, playing music, enjoying life on a Sunday early morning.
People would come and go, visiting us for brief moments. Everyone was attracted to our positive energy and the beat of the drum. The drum was life. We spent another 12 hours hanging out together as a group, going on adventures, ending up at some super hippie party in the city in a magical faerie-looking backyard with women and girls in flowing dresses and tiaras made of flowers and endless booze, playing acoustic instruments. I could write another page or two about how the rest of the day went but that was all in the afterglow of the hallucinogens, not their direct effects, so I'll stop here. The dude with the drum ends up dropping me and Hong off at the train station and we go home. By this point we are absolutely beat, as you can imagine, but thankful for the experience. We ended up hanging out with older adult dude, drum dude, the girls in the crew, and Asian 6-7/10 many times over the next few years.
TL;DR: By being fucked up, and everyone around me being fucked up as well, I was able to lead an intoxicated normie life for 24 hours.
I bet if I was on all the things you were on, I would go dancing down the street with a tribal percussionist too. I'm a self conscious person like you, but I think any form of drug would get me out of my social bubble. I wish I had friends to do these kinds of things. The experiences you have seem very ethereal and relaxed. I would go do these psychedelics once in a while if I had connections, but unfortunately, I don't have any.
I bet if I was on all the things you were on, I would go dancing down the street with a tribal percussionist too. I'm a self conscious person like you, but I think any form of drug would get me out of my social bubble. I wish I had friends to do these kinds of things. The experiences you have seem very ethereal and relaxed. I would go do these psychedelics once in a while if I had connections, but unfortunately, I don't have any.
I bet so too, haha. They will turn anyone into a savage, I think. They really do help as a social lubricant once you get used to the effects. I wouldn't suggest doing any of the things I've posted here on your first or second trip.
As far as having access/people to do it with, I guess it's like rolling a snowball down a hill. I had one childhood friend that I reconnected with who did a lot of drugs. I began to do them with him. Met a lot of other users through him. Began selling. Met tons of users. People try to sell you things too, or make exchanges. Thus you develop a large network of drug buyers and sellers. Go to a party, people try to sell you drugs, or you can go around trying to buy drugs I guess (although cops are a problem, if you know the right parties to go to they are practically non-existent, parties like the high end "burner" events). One interaction when played the right way leads to another. I may be high inhib, but when I was in my heavy druggie days, I had one clear goal and was able to overcome my weaknesses in pursuit of it. Addiction is a hell of a drug.
I used to do acid and shrooms almost daily (average of 3-4 times a week) for months in a row. Besides the diminishing returns, it was probably some of the most fun I've had in my life. However, it is also a dangerous escapist practice because while you feel like your mind is moving forward with the number of personal revelations you have, you feel like you are living a fulfilled life because of the release of dopamine, but in reality you are in an unproductive chrysalis, never truly moving forward as you age little by little and depend on the escape more and more. I imagine only maybe artists and musicians are the exceptions to this rule. Otherwise, I would have to warn that while those months were some of my favorite, they also saw me sink to my lowest lows personally where I did things I would not normally do, and essentially wasted almost a year of my life accomplishing jacksquat. The realization of this in the long run undoes any joy you feel in the short term of psychedelic escapism.
I can only handle doing psychs once every two weeks while still being productive. I do them on days where I don't have work or class, because you're right, you really cannot do anything productive while on them.
The good thing about being blackpilled is that eventually you become comfortable with your fate and you are very, very familiar with your subconscious ideas, so when you go on a trip the chances of it turning into a bad one are minimal.
What I like the most about psychedelics really is how they get you to forget about all your problems for a while and become grateful for the little things in life. You can spend hours just gazing at a tree at admiring its beauty, and for weeks after the trip you won't even care about the blackpill because you've learned to appreciate something in your life that you haven't really thought about before.
I only get a modicum of pleasure from beer, especially the first 3 after which it becomes a matter of maintaining the 'high' without getting too drunk.
I only drink on Fridays and Saturdays and yearn for Friday every day.
I can only handle doing psychs once every two weeks while still being productive. I do them on days where I don't have work or class, because you're right, you really cannot do anything productive while on them.
The good thing about being blackpilled is that eventually you become comfortable with your fate and you are very, very familiar with your subconscious ideas, so when you go on a trip the chances of it turning into a bad one are minimal.
What I like the most about psychedelics really is how they get you to forget about all your problems for a while and become grateful for the little things in life. You can spend hours just gazing at a tree at admiring its beauty, and for weeks after the trip you won't even care about the blackpill because you've learned to appreciate something in your life that you haven't really thought about before.
Ah, okay. That is definitely a healthy pace, something you can maintain without sinking your whole life into it haha. I guess because of my experience with a heavily "addictive personality," I make sure to warn people. Good to hear that you use them wisely. Also agree entirely with the last paragraph.
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