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The life of an incel - a personal biography

Minjaze

Minjaze

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Introduction

I am not sure if anyone here will bother reading this, but I've been inspired to document all of the events that lead to me becoming the bitter, hateful person you see posting here - if anything just to let my emotions out. Looking back on my childhood, it's amazing how hopeful and often happy I was. But society couldn't have it that way, could it? 

So anyway, lets dive into my tragic story; shall we? Since I wish to remain anonymous, I won't be using any names or specific locations. 


The Beginning

I was born in New Westminster in the year 1998. My parents immigrated to Canada from Ex-Yugoslavia in the hopes of escaping the civil war that was happening at the time. I was actually the only one in my family born in Canada, being the youngest of three siblings. Unfortunately,  this was only one of *many* things I happened to be 'unique' in. 

I don't remember any of my time as a baby, but apparently I cried a lot and was a picky eater. One of the first toys I ever got was a Winnie The Pooh stuffie, which I bonded with the moment he was handed to me. In a way, that bear is the one thing representing my childhood - all the times I played with him, how I took him everywhere I went, just the joyful innocence I possessed at the time. I still have him, and he looks much different than he used to when I was a kid. His vibrant yellow color has faded away and he's covered in stitches, almost symbolizing how my mental state became worse and worse as I got older.

Funnily enough, I never got over the love for milk I developed back then.  I still drink it like crazy even now. 

Elementary school

It's sad to say, but this is when my happiness was at it's peak - particularly grades 1-5.
My parents moved a lot due to my dad's failed ambitions and inability to stay in the same place. I was constantly forced to make new friends, but I always managed to do so wherever I went. I even had female friends! It's simply amazing how different life was for me. 

At one point, I lived in Cyprus. It was a strange and unfamiliar place, especially since mostly everyone spoke Greek. We also had to wear uniforms, which was quite odd. This was also the point where I realized I was attracted to girls, constantly holding the door open for them in hopes they notice me. 

When I was in the Third Grade, my family finally decided to settle down. I lived in a nice complex that we rented, which would be my home up until a year ago.

When I think about it, I was behind my peers even then. When everyone was walking I was still in a stroller, when everyone was learning to do things on their own I refused to separate from my mom's side. I never liked the idea of "growing up" like most kids did. I also wasn't the brightest or most socially aware kid out there, constantly blurting out things I had zero knowledge about. 

nevertheless, I still continued to make friends. I had two friends at school (who sadly couldn't stand each-other) and a friend/neighbor who I was pretty close with at the time. Through one of my school friends I met a dark haired guy of Spanish descent - someone who would be my best friend for the next nine years of my life. This was the only true friend I've ever had, someone who I came to view as a brother.

When I was nine years old, my bastard of a father decided to divorce my mom and leave the family in financial ruin. I was never that close with him since he worked all day and was rather short-tempered, but I cried anyway because I knew how difficult it was for my mom. Eventually, he stopped paying child support and left for Serbia. I haven't talked to him since.

Now it was just me, my mom, and my older brother. (My sister was the oldest and moved away when I was really young) My brother had fallen in with a bad crowd at the time, (Something I wasn't aware of) but that didn't stop him bringing a different girl home every night - a reminder that he is far more attractive than I could ever hope to be. I honestly regret not being as close with my brother as I should have been, we argued a lot back then due to how stubborn we both were. We did have a common interest in video games though, something he introduced me to with the old NES and Playstation. I still have fond memories of when he gave me his old PS1 and all of his Crash Bandicoot games or when he let me watch him play 'mature' titles. We'd also play together from time to time, which was pretty great.


After graduating elementary school, I felt fearful as I was never one to embrace change. But little did I know however, how much suffering the following years would bring...


More to come sometime later.
 
Red Shambhala

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Interesting read so far. Also interesting that even many of the white users (or their parents) here seem to be immigrants. Immigrants are the ultimate losers, I guess.
 
Indari

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my twisted world 2
 
Minjaze

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Red Shambhala said:
Interesting read so far. Also interesting that even many of the white users (or their parents) here seem to be immigrants. Immigrants are the ultimate losers, I guess.
Thank you!

Yeah, I've noticed that pattern too. I wonder how many more things Incels have in common. (Besides being ugly of course)


Indari said:
my twisted world 2
Pretty much, lol.
 
Minjaze

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Middle school

My first year of middle school was very confusing. Everything was bigger, we had lockers that we would use, and one of my friends from elementary school distanced himself from me. (I suppose since he graduated elementary before me and thus found new friends) At this point in my life, everything seemed to... Change.

I became more self-conscious as time went on, especially after finding out I needed glasses. For a long time, I outright refused to wear them. To make matters worse, I was often grouped with mentally challenged students due to my shyness and difficulty with mathematics. They treated me like I was incapable of anything, (causing me to often break down in tears) despite the fact that excelling at most subjects. This I think played a huge part in lowering my self-esteem. 

Around this point, my other close friend from elementary school began to constantly ditch or insult me. This was a guy who I used to hang out with all the time, a guy who I made trading cards and comics with. Yet something changed in him, he began to pursue different interests and more 'popular' friends. I still remember all the times I went to the counselor because of that, that office was practically my second classroom! (It helped that the counselor was a nice lady who knew my sister) Naturally, he has a girlfriend now. 

Around 7th grade was when my sexuality really peaked though, as I began relishing the short shorts girls would often wear in the summertime and the bikinis they'd wear when went to the pool on field trips. I had numerous crushes, including one girl who was my dance partner back in elementary school. I also felt a desire for romance, often fantasizing about being a heroic knight rescuing a princess in distress. 

I don't know why thought, but I always felt too embarrassed to express such desires around my family. My brother once asked me about my crushes and I got angry in return.

As I got older, (12 I think) I began to look up pictures of scantily clad teens, though I never masturbated to them because I considered it "disgusting" and "sinful" Eventually I gave in, and it was one of the most beautiful feelings I have ever experienced. Since then, I began to indulge in it more frequently.

I wouldn't realize it until later, but this was also the age where I had my first awful experience with the opposite sex. I was sitting in class one day and out of nowhere a girl asked me out - and then immediately said she was dared to and begged me to say no. To think of it, dating someone like me was considered so awful by these girls that it warranted a dare! I didn't want to force anyone to go out with me, so I politely declined.

As the year drew to a close I began to spend more time with the Spanish guy I mentioned earlier, considering him my best friend from then on. We played a lot together at lunch, creating epic stories of good and evil. I also made two more friends in my math class, one of which would introduce me to the book series called Warriors - which would be my favorite for years to come.

That same math class was taught by an older, balding gentleman. He seemed like your typical 'stern' teacher at first, but he ended up being a very kind man who saw great potential in me. I was a lot into creative writing back then and showed him one of my stories, he was so impressed by my vocabulary that he handed me a Principal's Award (The most esteemed type of ward in my school) for 'Excellent Academic Work in Writing' which I have framed above my computer even now. It's one of the only times I ever felt proud of myself.

Things became slightly better in 8th grade, I got along with all of my teachers and was always the one answering questions in class. I became fascinated with science and feudalism, often enjoying the things I learned. I did however become a bit more reclusive, staying mostly indoors after school. Eventually I graduated, somewhat hopeful that high school would have more opportunities for me.
 
overlystinkypants

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Waiting for that Day of Retribution part.
 
Bri8564

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Good thread
 
nausea

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super good thread

thanks to OP
 
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Really beautiful high effort post. Moar
 
modus_coperandi

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Impatiently waiting for the high school years.
 
idkwattodowithlife

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Crazy how your dad left you guys.

How things going for your mother? I imagine she must really working hard to provide you and your siblings.

Also thanks for telling us, your story.
 
Minjaze

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It took longer than it should, but here it is!

High school

My first year of high school was absolute hell. One of my friends moved away, another began resenting me out of nowhere, and my best friend was a grade behind me and still in middle school. It made my heart ache, watching everyone in my classes talking and laughing while I sat there buried in my work. I spent all of my lunches wandering the halls alone. The building itself also felt very large and intimidating.

Around this time, my mom got me a therapist in order to combat my growing depression. I objected at first but later began to see the sessions as a good place to vent. My therapist was a kind woman in her 50s, someone who I came to know as a friend almost since she knew more about me than my own family. 

The year afterwards started off nicely, my best friend graduated middle school and I finally had someone to hang out with. Through him, I met another guy who I'd also occasionally talk to. He could be very abrasive at times, but I liked his sense of humor so I stuck around him.

Naturally, all three of us were hoping to find girlfriends. This created a sense of competition, as anyone who wasn't actively trying with girls would be called a 'pussy' and become the butt of all the gay jokes for the day. Despite none of us having any actual success, I was usually the one getting mocked due to my reluctance to approach girls.

I was the last in my friend group to create a Facebook account, being pressured into it after a long time. I added pretty much everyone from my school in hopes of expanding my social circle, but all it brought me was misery. Everywhere I looked I saw couples posting pictures of themselves. I remember posting about my inability to get a girlfriend once in some naive attempt to reach out, (Everyone was complaining about breakups and getting support so I figured why not) and one girl commented and told me to "just go out and find someone!" She got numerous likes. Since I was heavily into digital art, (still am) I posted a lot of my creations on there - the only likes I got were from my two friends and my therapist while your average girl hundreds of likes on one boring mirror selfie after another.

Back at home, I was constantly burdened by our financial issues. Rent kept getting higher and I could notice my mom getting stressed.
My mom's mental health began to wane as time went on, she began to imagine things that weren't really there and act irresponsible. I remember breaking down in tears for what seemed like hours... The one person I looked up to the most had lost her sanity and I didn't know what to do, it was the single most traumatizing experience of my life. My other family began to catch on after a while and my mom was sent to the hospital, forcing me to temporarily move in with my sister's family.

This was when depression really began to rear it's ugly head. I had random panic attacks all the time, my mind felt kinda groggy, I couldn't feel my limbs on occasion, and everything just felt awful. Looking back now, I think it's an aftermath of the shock I suffered. While I often clashed with my sister, I developed a strong bond with my niece and often played with her. After my mom received treatment and got back to her old self, I moved back home.

My first 'oneitis' was in grade 10 or so. Prior to that all of my crushes were based on rather shallow glances from across the classroom, but this was the first time I actually felt something intense. There was this one girl in my math class who talked to me a lot, she expressed an interest in my poetry and laughed at my corny jokes. I remember skipping home happier than I have ever been - for the first time since elementary school a girl seems to enjoy being around me! I began to associate every romantic song with her, I felt this blissful feeling in my stomach whenever I thought of her, it was the closest I've felt to "love" at this point.

After two weeks or so I gathered up all the courage I could muster and asked her if she wanted to hang out after class, and  all I got in return was a "maybe" 
Whenever I brought up the subject again, she made up excuses about being "busy" and later I found out that my teacher told her to talk to me (and eventually go to grad with me) because she felt I struggled socially. My heart sank; it was all done out of pity. I also found out that the girl performed oral sex in the past and did drugs, something which shattered my respect for her even more. During this time, I also began to take antidepressants. 

A year later, I became really interested in chess - possibly since my grandfather was an avid player. I joined the chess class my school had and it quickly became my favorite. Not only was the teacher passionate and fun, but the subject was something I actually enjoyed! There was a girl there that I really liked, a somewhat shy girl with glasses who had the same interests in me. She wasn't very good at chess and felt really insecure about it, so I let her win a few times in order to boost her confidence. When I asked her if she wants to hang out so we can get to know each-other better, she politely said that she was planning to hang out with her friends. I felt too embarrassed to try anything else with her after that.

I began to notice all the couples in my school as I got older, forming fists in my pockets as I watched them lock hands or lips. 'Why can't I experience such love as well?' I wondered. I remember attending a school-wide chess tournament once and one of the couples there practically made out - I wasn't even allowed to enjoy one of the few things I found pleasure in. Another case like this was during one of the pep rallies, where couples would go on stage and guess things about one-another. I felt so... Empty and left out. I wanted to experience that special bond they all seemed to have, if only for a day.

I became more depressed as time went on and I realized that nothing was changing, even therapy made me feel worse. I visited the counselor's office quite frequently, seeking some form of advice. The counselor told me that 'there was someone for everyone' and that I'd surely get a girlfriend one day, which only served to frustrate me further. I eventually began to self-harm by scratching my arm and discovered the Foreveralone subreddit, which I'd frequently vent in.

One day, I decided I've had enough moping and that things were going to change. I made it my mission to initiate a conversation with at least one girl per day. As you might have guessed, not a single one was interested in what I had to say. They responded with disinterested "mhms" and simply ignored me - not even bothering to look in my direction.

Despite the constant rejection, I refused to back down. With the aid of my English teacher, I founded a writer's club since writing was one of my main passions. I remember the sense of accomplishment I felt when I finally heard "writers club meets today" in the announcements. To my dismay, only one person came. Two girls were interested in joining, but never showed up again after talking to me.

At my therapist's suggestion, I took a family studies class since it would allow me to be around a lot of girls - what followed would make me realize just how repulsive I was to the opposite sex. I was pretty much the only male in the class, sitting down at one of the tables there. When I say tables, this I meant actual tables that multiple people are meant to use. I don't know why this class didn't have desks like the rest, but that doesn't matter now. As the room filled up, girls were trying to squeeze into tables that were already full just so they didn't have to sit at mine. (And as you may guess, it remained empty until the end) To make matters worse, I overheard a girl asking a teacher if any boys are going to join soon - because apparently I didn't count as a "boy"

I dropped the class the day afterwards.

The more time went on, the less I began to attend school. Every day I went I felt like throwing myself off the second floor and plummeting to my death. On particularly horrible days, I began to fantasize about getting revenge on all of those who had made me suffer. 

In grade 12, my depression got to the point where I simply couldn't take it anymore and dropped out of school completely. I missed my friends, but I couldn't handle any more reminders of what I was missing out on. Guys younger than me would be having full blown sex while I haven't so much as held a girl's hand. I've tried everything I could think of, yet it all ended in failure. My life itself was a failure, I was never meant to be happy.


Thank you so much for the support/feedback guys! It truly makes me feel better.
 
Minjaze

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idkwattodowithlife said:
Crazy how your dad left you guys.

How things going for your mother? I imagine she must really working hard to provide you and your siblings.

Also thanks for telling us, your story.
Yeah. I noticed a lot of other incels seem to come from divorced families as well.

Pretty good, she's much less stressed than in the past. Thank you for asking.

No problem, glad to be able to tell it to someone.
 
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I can relate a lot to this story. For some reason I was too stupid to admit to myself that I'm repulsive. For a long time I held on to the belief that things would be different once I graduated and went to college. I blamed my parents for helicopter parenting me and holding me back from my social potential. I tried really hard in college going to parties, made some friends, still couldn't attract a girl for the life of me. There was a girl who lived on my floor who I became really good friends with. She dated a ton of guys and was always complaining about them to me. I was too stupid to realize i was just an orbiter.

It wasn't until I got a job and had a full blown Chad as a coworker that I realized what was going on, he could say whatever he wanted and girls would swoon over him. I knew girls went for jocks, but it finally clicked that Chad is the only phenotype they will be interested in. Anything less and you will hit a brick wall.

I thought with my new job I could hang out with my oneitis from high school to try and impress her (I also orbited her like crazy back in the day). We went to the bar, she got drunk (I thought I was gonna be down to score) she acted really impressed by my job. A few drinks later though, the conversation shifted to her talking about this massive guy she fucked, and she kept going on about his cock and how tall he was. And that was the moment. That was the instant the blackpill got me. It had been hovering over me my whole life, I was able to ignore it or repress it. But in that moment, the black pill broke skin, and entered my blood and went straight to my central nervous system, everything around me instantly got darker. Like a soldier bleeding out on the battlefield, all I could feel was panic, confusion, and doom. The truth was clear in front of me, this girl was spelling out for me that all she craved was cock from strong, masculine men, and there is nothing I could ever do to be what she craves. She might as well have cut my balls off on the spot, I was literally winded from the immasculation. She had the nerve to think I was weak enough to entertain that degenerate conversation. I played it cool and eventually changed the subject and of course later ended the night with a goodbye hug, but I will never forget the blackpill I experienced that day. My subhumanity could no longer be denied.
 
blickpall

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cookinbreakfast said:
I played it cool and eventually changed the subject and of course later ended the night with a goodbye hug

Still beta af, the black pill was only half digested.

If I was you in that scenario and the realization hit me that hard, I would have just gotten up and walked out, leaving her with the bill probably. Least she can do for you after your years of humble orbitude.
 
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Thank you for your story OP. I was also raised in the Lower Mainland (Burnaby area). It's interesting to read something so close to home. Makes me wonder about people when I pass them on the street.
 
KyloRen

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Holy shit.

These histories from you Minjaze, they've really affected me. You have hit on many events of which I can relate to and I'm sure everyone else here can too. Thank you for sharing.
 
ilieknothing

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I read all of it OP. I felt sad the whole time and I relate strongly. Fuck me, the horribleness of roasties knows no bounds.
 
Minjaze

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After high school to recent times

I was around 17 years old when I dropped out, retreating away from the pain and rejection and into the safety of my home. I still saw my friends on occasion, but it became less frequent since I stopped attending. I stopped using my Facebook altogether and spent most of my time posting on foreveralone or playing video games. I began to feel so depressed that I ditched showering altogether - I simply didn't care anymore.

Sometime later, we were forced to move out of our home because the rent was too high. It broke my heart, to lose the one place that reminded me of my childhood... I remember crying and begging my mom to find a way for us to stay.

Since we were cast out, we had to move into my sister's basement suite. Not only did I lose all of my friends since this new house is in an entirely different town, I was to endure my younger niece's constant screaming waking me up. There is absolutely nothing for me here, I had lost the last few things that I found enjoyable in life.

It was around this time when I met a girl on foreveralone. She was younger than me, (15) but we seemingly hit it off. Still far too naive and trusting, I did practically everything for her - stayed up all night just so I could talk to her, (different timezones) wrote her poetry, listened to her many problems and supported her through them. It was the happiest I felt since being a kid, I thought this would be the turning point of my life and that I had finally found someone... Oh how deeply wrong I was.

After 2 months of "dating" (never met her in real life) she suddenly cast me aside and pretended like nothing happened, later revealing that she lied to me about a lot of things. Not only that, she began to sext with numerous men online right after. 

I felt devastated and betrayed... This was a girl who claimed to "love" me while simply leading me on and using me as a shoulder to cry on. I cried so much and refused to eat anything for multiple days. Since then, I would begin to see all women for the cruel and manipulative beings they are.

Instead of supporting me when I was at my most vulnerable, my sister threatened to send me to the hospital. I grabbed a kitchen knife so I could defend myself in case they tried taking me away. My brother-in-law (An incredibly nice guy who I came to see as an actual brother) diffused the whole situation and I ended up staying at home.

I got more and more depressed as time went on, outright refusing to go outside anymore. I became bitter and resentful, especially to all the women who have hurt me. Since there was a park right near my neighborhood, I'd sometimes take long walks there and contemplate my life. 

After another year, I felt encouraged to try again. I posted a lot on Foreveralonedating but got either ignored or ghosted. Due to my mom's constant nagging, I started going to church (despite being an atheist) in order to meet people my age. I began to shower again and dress nicely, attending the 'young adults' meetups they had there. Everyone there (even people newer than me) talked like they've known each other for years while I was the only ignored, sitting there for hours and feeling horrible. All the girls in the room fixated themselves on more attractive men, laughing at their jokes and sitting as close to them as possible.

After weeks of going and no results, I decided to completely give up and stop going. I began to lean towards the 'incel' ideology more and more, causing the foreveralone sub to turn on me. I began to realize how women are and how genetics have screwed me over. Til this day nothing has changed and I just keep growing more angry and depressed. I don't talk to anyone aside from my family, completely deprived of any human contact. 

Since I am too cowardly to end my own life, (and with it my suffering) I continue to wake up every morning despite wishing I wouldn't. Only death can free me now... There is no hope, no light in this wretched world. Not for someone like me at least.


cookinbreakfast said:
I can relate a lot to this story. For some reason I was too stupid to admit to myself that I'm repulsive. For a long time I held on to the belief that things would be different once I graduated and went to college. I blamed my parents for helicopter parenting me and holding me back from my social potential. I tried really hard in college going to parties, made some friends, still couldn't attract a girl for the life of me. There was a girl who lived on my floor who I became really good friends with. She dated a ton of guys and was always complaining about them to me. I was too stupid to realize i was just an orbiter.

It wasn't until I got a job and had a full blown Chad as a coworker that I realized what was going on, he could say whatever he wanted and girls would swoon over him. I knew girls went for jocks, but it finally clicked that Chad is the only phenotype they will be interested in. Anything less and you will hit a brick wall.

I thought with my new job I could hang out with my oneitis from high school to try and impress her (I also orbited her like crazy back in the day). We went to the bar, she got drunk (I thought I was gonna be down to score) she acted really impressed by my job. A few drinks later though, the conversation shifted to her talking about this massive guy she fucked, and she kept going on about his cock and how tall he was. And that was the moment. That was the instant the blackpill got me. It had been hovering over me my whole life, I was able to ignore it or repress it. But in that moment, the black pill broke skin, and entered my blood and went straight to my central nervous system, everything around me instantly got darker. Like a soldier bleeding out on the battlefield, all I could feel was panic, confusion, and doom. The truth was clear in front of me, this girl was spelling out for me that all she craved was cock from strong, masculine men, and there is nothing I could ever do to be what she craves. She might as well have cut my balls off on the spot, I was literally winded from the immasculation. She had the nerve to think I was weak enough to entertain that degenerate conversation. I played it cool and eventually changed the subject and of course later ended the night with a goodbye hug, but I will never forget the blackpill I experienced that day. My subhumanity could no longer be denied.
When you're a sub 8 male, females will only use you use you for validation and nothing more. Experiences like yours are what lead to the blackpill and thus enlightenment.




Permacel said:
Thank you for your story OP. I was also raised in the Lower Mainland (Burnaby area). It's interesting to read something so close to home. Makes me wonder about people when I pass them on the street.
No problem man, nice to see another Canadiancel on here.

I wondered this a lot too, if I've ever seen a fellow incel walking down the street. I guess we'll never know.


KyloRen said:
Holy shit.

These histories from you Minjaze, they've really affected me. You have hit on many events of which I can relate to and I'm sure everyone else here can too. Thank you for sharing.
You're very welcome, my friend. 

It feels nice that a lot the people here can relate, makes me feel less like "the only one" out there.


ilieknothing said:
I read all of it OP. I felt sad the whole time and I relate strongly. Fuck me, the horribleness of roasties knows no bounds.
Wow, that's some dedication. O.o Thanks for being so invested.

Yeah, they don't have a hint of mercy towards subhumans like us.
 
F

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Beautiful read. Would enjoy updates, have you considered starting a blog? You write well.
 
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Damn this was really good
 
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Thank you OP for taking all this time to write and share your feelings with us.I read all of it and I can relate to most of the stuff. Hope God has something better planned for us.
 
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Minjaze

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ATOMIC ACE PUGG said:
Damn this was really good
Thank you!


FAloner said:
Beautiful read. Would enjoy updates, have you considered starting a blog? You write well.
That's very kind of you to say, thanks.
I've considered it on occasion, but I wasn't sure how to get people to read it.

Sadly, there probably won't be more updates since my life is pretty much the same now. The entirety of it would involve posting on here, sleeping/eating, and interacting with family. If anything blackpill worthy happens though, I'll be sure to write a new entry.


vancha986 said:
Thank you OP for taking all this time to write and share your feelings with us.I read all of it and I can relate to most of the stuff. Hope God has something better planned for us.
No problem, and thank you for taking the time to read it.

If a god actually exists, he has forsaken us long ago.


oilonthe-Rose said:
Depressing
The perfect word to describe the life of an incel.
 
Sparrow's Song

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Fuck! Glad I blackpilled in middle school.
 
modus_coperandi

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Good read TBH. Do you plan on graduating school eventually?
 
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Sparrow'] Fuck! Glad I blackpilled in middle school. [/quote]Lucky said:
Good read TBH. Do you plan on graduating school eventually?
Thank you! Probably not, no point in pursuing a future when you have no-one to share it with.
 
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Minjaze said:


Thank you! Probably not, no point in pursuing a future when you have no-one to share it with.



At least keeping your options open to eventually become betabux is not the worst thing. You seem smart enough.
 
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modus_coperandi said:
At least keeping your options open to eventually become betabux is not the worst thing. You seem smart enough.
I'd honestly rather be alone forever than be in a loveless relationship where I'm just used for money.
 
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modus_coperandi said:
At least keeping your options open to eventually become betabux is not the worst thing. You seem smart enough.

are you out of your right mind today?
 
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nausea said:
are you out of your right mind today?

No, just talking from the perspective of a 30 yo oldcel who already fucked up his chance to have this last resort.
 
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modus_coperandi said:
No, just talking from the perspective of a 30 yo oldcel who already fucked up his chance to have this last resort.

how did you "fucked up"?

oldcel here eh
 
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nausea said:
how did you "fucked up"?

oldcel here eh

I messed up by not getting some good career going and wageslaving for nearly minimum wage.
 
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[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]My first 'oneitis' [/font][font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]was in grade 10[/font][font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif] or so. Prior to that all of my crushes were based on rather shallow glances from across the classroom, but this was the first time I actually felt something intense. There was this one girl in my math class who talked to me a lot, she expressed an interest in my poetry and laughed at my corny jokes. I remember skipping home happier than I have ever been - for the first time since elementary school a girl seems to enjoy being around me! I began to associate every romantic song with her, I felt this blissful feeling in my stomach whenever I thought of her, it was the closest I've felt to "love" at this point.[/font]

[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]After two weeks or so I gathered up all the courage I could muster and asked her if she wanted to hang out after class, and  all I got in return was a "maybe" [/font]
[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Whenever I brought up the subject again, she made up excuses about being "busy" and later I found out that my teacher told her to talk to me (and eventually go to grad with me) because she felt I struggled socially. My heart sank; it was all done out of pity. I also found out that the girl performed oral sex in the past and did drugs, something which shattered my respect for her even more. During this time, I also began to take antidepressants.[/font]

[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]moment of death spotted[/font]
 
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nausea said:
[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]My first 'oneitis' [/font][font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]was in grade 10[/font][font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif] or so. Prior to that all of my crushes were based on rather shallow glances from across the classroom, but this was the first time I actually felt something intense. There was this one girl in my math class who talked to me a lot, she expressed an interest in my poetry and laughed at my corny jokes. I remember skipping home happier than I have ever been - for the first time since elementary school a girl seems to enjoy being around me! I began to associate every romantic song with her, I felt this blissful feeling in my stomach whenever I thought of her, it was the closest I've felt to "love" at this point.[/font]

[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]After two weeks or so I gathered up all the courage I could muster and asked her if she wanted to hang out after class, and  all I got in return was a "maybe" [/font]
[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Whenever I brought up the subject again, she made up excuses about being "busy" and later I found out that my teacher told her to talk to me (and eventually go to grad with me) because she felt I struggled socially. My heart sank; it was all done out of pity. I also found out that the girl performed oral sex in the past and did drugs, something which shattered my respect for her even more. During this time, I also began to take antidepressants.[/font]

[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]moment of death spotted[/font]
CbPdxGxUcAAexCE.jpg
 
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yes I know that simpson episode
 

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