Hey. I want to start this post firstly by saying I'm brand new here. The event I'm going to describe brought me here. It was the tipping point for me.
It started with a phonecall, I was minding my business playing vidya and my phone rings, no one ever rings me, and it was an unknown number. Being as curious and as bored as I was, I answered expecting some sort of phone scam or maybe a relative asking for something. Instead this girl with a cute accent answers, and says she's looking for [my name], she says that she has a friend who secretly likes me, and has for a while. Me, being completely desperate for a relationship, and not blackpilled at the time, sucked that shit right up without double guessing, so I played right into it. She knew my name, what I looked like, and she said that her friend thought I was really good looking and wanted to date me. At this stage I was over the moon, I thought my luck had finally clocked in. The girl on the phone said that I had met the girl that likes me a month back in the main city, I was in the city a month back, I couldn't remember talking to any girls but I was drunk so I just assumed that I must have. She said that she has been talking about me a lot, and would love to get with me.
So this unknown girl I was talking to started asking questions about me, started with, "so are you single?", "would you go on a blind date?", all the way down to EXTREMELY PERSONAL and embarrassing questions that I would not even tell a close friend. With all the adrenaline running through me I blindly answered these fucking questions. We were on the phone for 25 minutes, I'm completely blinded by the possibility of a relationship that I have just given away super sensitive information without even thinking. Then it all fit together in my head at once. I said to her, "this is a prank call, isn't it?", she started laughing and said "yeah, sorry I was bored" and hung up. I later found out it was a guy that went to my school's girlfriend calling me, for a prank. They all heard about it. All that shit I said. How could I be so stupid? And why would they pick on me still, all this time later? Whatever self-esteem I did have, is completely gone. Any reputation I had, gone. I've never felt this humiliated, but I've learned something. I'm never going to give in to my lust again.
I am not going to trust people anymore. I am me, everything for myself and only to myself. My last mental barrier to save my sanity is to just stop caring. This affection that I am seeking from females is my weakness, I am not going to fall for it again.
