I haven’t logged into this account in a while. I managed to take my mind off things for a bit: working out, going to the movies, playing video games, reading books, and listening to music all helped distract me for a while. But all it takes is logging into social media for me to feel miserable again. I don’t even feel this way when I’m around people—only online. I feel like my sanity is being consumed by a fake world; I want to shut everything down, delete all my accounts, destroy my phone… But I’ve become addicted to the stimulation, to the notifications. I’ve become addicted to the hope of receiving a message that will change everything, but it never happens, it never has, and it never will. Not being attractive has really crushed my soul. But I know what I have to do: Turn off my phone, keep contact to a minimum, and cut out most distractions. It’s time to find out who I’ll be after staring into the abyss.
