D
Okay, so first of all, i'm not entitled to any kind of expectations i've made, no one is. I'm here only to get comfort and talk it through, as that's something i've never been opened about, because i've never had anyone to do so. I'm not hateful, angry or whatever else someone reading might throw at me, so please, let's have a decent convo.
I'm 23 years old and i'm right now graduating from the university. i'm studying electronic engineering. I'm an average face, ethnic short man (5'7'' to be honest) and of course i'm KHHV.
So, about 2,5 years ago, i met a cute girl named A. in the college. At first, i didn't notice her much, because i'm not into cold approaches and we were just acquaintances. But someday i noticed A. was very upset, and out of politeness i asked her what was wrong and if i could be of assistance. And she was a wreck at the time. Firstly, lemme describe her.
A. is a (about) 5'2'', chubby girl. She has acne and she is rather a cute than a gorgeous chick. She isn't hot by Instagram standards, and she used to have lots of insecurities about her body, (weight, stretch marks, acne, etc). That's important because when i offered help to her, she was having a pretty bad time with it. She was also having bad time at the college.
I sitted down with her and listened to her. We had a polite conversation and i offered to be with her whenever she wanted to vent and to help her in college (with calculus and other stuff). I wasn't expecting anything from her, honestly, as we were acquaintances, and i offered that much help kind of unintentionally, just out of politeness. But she agreed and soon we started to strengthen our relationship. Like, out of nowhere we became soon-to-be good friends.
We started grabbing lunch together, and hanging around, doing college activities and spending time talking about her insecurities. I supported her and tried complimenting her in a kind, non flirting way, i was there to listen to her and soon enough, she got more and more comfortable with me. Then she started crying when we talked and i comforted her. She even fucking cried on my shoulders. I did everything to make her sure she wasn't alone and that she could trust me.
Now, of course, i started catching feelings for her. I've never, in my whole miserable life, had that much of attention from a girl before, despite not having trouble to have both female and male friends. But one day, i clicked: A. was just the kind of girl i've always wanted. Being an undesirable man myself, i've never expected dating Stacy cheerleaders, Insta models, etc. Actually, girls like that are a huge turn off for me. Despite the standard attractiveness, nothing about a super-hot chick draws me attention. It's like we're not of the same species.
But then we have A. I easily crush on chubby girls (not in a fetish way) and A. and i seemed to have so much much in common! She was a girl with her problems, she was someone next to me, someone i could relate to. I don't know how to explain this, but we clicked. She was my type. She was KHHV too.
So, i tried to make things even more strong between us, because i could't ruin it all along acting pushy and creeping her out. I started giving her even more attention, and she corresponded. I'd ask her out to a date, and i planned buying tickets for a local concert for both of us. Then, about two days before it, my personal shit show started, LOL.
When i met her at the college, she was with this buff guy. He's handsome, about 6'/6'1'' and is pretty much a frat boy. He's cool and chill. Let's call him Chad, because he's just the stereotype of one. Then it comes the heartbreak, She introduces him to me as her new boyfriend. I was like, WTF. When they kissed, i felt the urge to throw up, because when i got brave enough to ask her out, i fell in love with her. Anyway.
OK, i know it just happens, and it just sucks, but after thinking about it, i realized. In all the 3 months i'd been talking to her, she'd never mentioned this guy. Moreover, when i started approaching her more often, she seemed to agree. Only if i know she wasn't comfortable with my advances, or that she was about to date someone else, i'd stop trying. But no, it all came out of the blue. I distanced myself from her because i wasn't feeling comfortable with it, and i wanted to respect her relationship, and because i felt it was what had to be done. She confronted me on why i had cut our friendship abruptly, and i almost said to her about the feels, but nevermid, i said her to leave me alone and not mind it.
I don't know what happened after, or how they're doing now, i just moved on. But some conclusions about it made me bitter:
The fact that it was very unexpected hurt me, because if i knew i had no chance, i'd leave it behind, I rationalized and came to some conclusions... she'd never seen me as a potential partner, despite being "in her league". Instead, she appeared dating a fucking Chad. It's like all of it was a fucking high-school movie for me: she saw me as a super-available, beta tier nerd friend and end up with the awesome, smoking hot Chad out of the blue. Nothing wrong with them, i don't resent them per se or whatever. It's just like... i've never felt so much ridiculed (by my own expectations) in my bullied life. That was the most "you're a fucking Beta male" scream life could ever shout to me. I was feeling so romantic as they were just matching on Tinder. Brutal.
Chad could easily be dating Stacies and whatnot but it can't be helped, even the low self-esteem, "cute-tier" chick expects him as her boyfriend and sees us as, like i said, betas. That's the taste i had. Being a 5'7'' manlet and a nerd-type made me feel not worth of love next to the tall Chad.
After this huge slap in my face, i started focusing on me and when the corona began, i started lurking in (incels).co/.is. Then i got correspondence to my experience with the blackpill. The blackpill explained it all pretty well, and it all made sense: Alpha fucks, beta bucks (or supports, in this case). Actually, i didn't need the blackpill to feel it, i felt it by myself.
Again, i'm not saying by any means i'm entitled to anything or that she or he are wrong. There's nothing wrong with it and i easily slipped out of it. I didn't get angry at them, at women, at men, or whatever. I don't hate anyone or anything. What i'm trying to say is, while i have come in terms with accepting it and moving on, it still hurts and pushed me deeply to the blackpill. I'm still the same KHHV ethnic manlet after these 2,5 years. Nothing changed about me, and the blackpíll makes more sense to me every single day. The beta incel is the beta incel, no matter what copes he tries.
I'm not bitter about women, about her or about him. i'm bitter about me. I know people have bad experiences, get cheated on, left for another one, and so on. I know it happens to both men and women. I just want help because i'm extremely deep down in the blackpill. Please, help me.
And before i finish, i have a problem with a mentality of mine... i genuinely don't think women can feel that much pain of getting "mogged" by an alpha as beta men do. Women usually have simps, "orbiters" and other forms of validation. Even if she has a heartbreak, there is going to be a network of people supporting her. Not that she has to like what she gets, but almost she'll have even better options and suitors whom will eventually heal her ego. Us "non-Chad" men simply don't have it. That's why i guess many men become incels but there isn't such a thing as "femcels".
Sorry for any bigotry i might have and please help me out of the blackpill.
I'm 23 years old and i'm right now graduating from the university. i'm studying electronic engineering. I'm an average face, ethnic short man (5'7'' to be honest) and of course i'm KHHV.
So, about 2,5 years ago, i met a cute girl named A. in the college. At first, i didn't notice her much, because i'm not into cold approaches and we were just acquaintances. But someday i noticed A. was very upset, and out of politeness i asked her what was wrong and if i could be of assistance. And she was a wreck at the time. Firstly, lemme describe her.
A. is a (about) 5'2'', chubby girl. She has acne and she is rather a cute than a gorgeous chick. She isn't hot by Instagram standards, and she used to have lots of insecurities about her body, (weight, stretch marks, acne, etc). That's important because when i offered help to her, she was having a pretty bad time with it. She was also having bad time at the college.
I sitted down with her and listened to her. We had a polite conversation and i offered to be with her whenever she wanted to vent and to help her in college (with calculus and other stuff). I wasn't expecting anything from her, honestly, as we were acquaintances, and i offered that much help kind of unintentionally, just out of politeness. But she agreed and soon we started to strengthen our relationship. Like, out of nowhere we became soon-to-be good friends.
We started grabbing lunch together, and hanging around, doing college activities and spending time talking about her insecurities. I supported her and tried complimenting her in a kind, non flirting way, i was there to listen to her and soon enough, she got more and more comfortable with me. Then she started crying when we talked and i comforted her. She even fucking cried on my shoulders. I did everything to make her sure she wasn't alone and that she could trust me.
Now, of course, i started catching feelings for her. I've never, in my whole miserable life, had that much of attention from a girl before, despite not having trouble to have both female and male friends. But one day, i clicked: A. was just the kind of girl i've always wanted. Being an undesirable man myself, i've never expected dating Stacy cheerleaders, Insta models, etc. Actually, girls like that are a huge turn off for me. Despite the standard attractiveness, nothing about a super-hot chick draws me attention. It's like we're not of the same species.
But then we have A. I easily crush on chubby girls (not in a fetish way) and A. and i seemed to have so much much in common! She was a girl with her problems, she was someone next to me, someone i could relate to. I don't know how to explain this, but we clicked. She was my type. She was KHHV too.
So, i tried to make things even more strong between us, because i could't ruin it all along acting pushy and creeping her out. I started giving her even more attention, and she corresponded. I'd ask her out to a date, and i planned buying tickets for a local concert for both of us. Then, about two days before it, my personal shit show started, LOL.
When i met her at the college, she was with this buff guy. He's handsome, about 6'/6'1'' and is pretty much a frat boy. He's cool and chill. Let's call him Chad, because he's just the stereotype of one. Then it comes the heartbreak, She introduces him to me as her new boyfriend. I was like, WTF. When they kissed, i felt the urge to throw up, because when i got brave enough to ask her out, i fell in love with her. Anyway.
OK, i know it just happens, and it just sucks, but after thinking about it, i realized. In all the 3 months i'd been talking to her, she'd never mentioned this guy. Moreover, when i started approaching her more often, she seemed to agree. Only if i know she wasn't comfortable with my advances, or that she was about to date someone else, i'd stop trying. But no, it all came out of the blue. I distanced myself from her because i wasn't feeling comfortable with it, and i wanted to respect her relationship, and because i felt it was what had to be done. She confronted me on why i had cut our friendship abruptly, and i almost said to her about the feels, but nevermid, i said her to leave me alone and not mind it.
I don't know what happened after, or how they're doing now, i just moved on. But some conclusions about it made me bitter:
The fact that it was very unexpected hurt me, because if i knew i had no chance, i'd leave it behind, I rationalized and came to some conclusions... she'd never seen me as a potential partner, despite being "in her league". Instead, she appeared dating a fucking Chad. It's like all of it was a fucking high-school movie for me: she saw me as a super-available, beta tier nerd friend and end up with the awesome, smoking hot Chad out of the blue. Nothing wrong with them, i don't resent them per se or whatever. It's just like... i've never felt so much ridiculed (by my own expectations) in my bullied life. That was the most "you're a fucking Beta male" scream life could ever shout to me. I was feeling so romantic as they were just matching on Tinder. Brutal.
Chad could easily be dating Stacies and whatnot but it can't be helped, even the low self-esteem, "cute-tier" chick expects him as her boyfriend and sees us as, like i said, betas. That's the taste i had. Being a 5'7'' manlet and a nerd-type made me feel not worth of love next to the tall Chad.
After this huge slap in my face, i started focusing on me and when the corona began, i started lurking in (incels).co/.is. Then i got correspondence to my experience with the blackpill. The blackpill explained it all pretty well, and it all made sense: Alpha fucks, beta bucks (or supports, in this case). Actually, i didn't need the blackpill to feel it, i felt it by myself.
Again, i'm not saying by any means i'm entitled to anything or that she or he are wrong. There's nothing wrong with it and i easily slipped out of it. I didn't get angry at them, at women, at men, or whatever. I don't hate anyone or anything. What i'm trying to say is, while i have come in terms with accepting it and moving on, it still hurts and pushed me deeply to the blackpill. I'm still the same KHHV ethnic manlet after these 2,5 years. Nothing changed about me, and the blackpíll makes more sense to me every single day. The beta incel is the beta incel, no matter what copes he tries.
I'm not bitter about women, about her or about him. i'm bitter about me. I know people have bad experiences, get cheated on, left for another one, and so on. I know it happens to both men and women. I just want help because i'm extremely deep down in the blackpill. Please, help me.
And before i finish, i have a problem with a mentality of mine... i genuinely don't think women can feel that much pain of getting "mogged" by an alpha as beta men do. Women usually have simps, "orbiters" and other forms of validation. Even if she has a heartbreak, there is going to be a network of people supporting her. Not that she has to like what she gets, but almost she'll have even better options and suitors whom will eventually heal her ego. Us "non-Chad" men simply don't have it. That's why i guess many men become incels but there isn't such a thing as "femcels".
Sorry for any bigotry i might have and please help me out of the blackpill.
