After my mother finally told me that she had lied to me my entire life when i was 10 years old and that my stepdad wasn't my real dad and my entire life until that point was a lie i became a troublesome child, because everything fell in place, i suddenly realized why my stepdad always treated me like garbage and pampered my siblings with love and toys but he always ignored me and brought me second rate clothes. I wasn't his real son but i didn't knew because my mother forced him to give me his surname and lied to me and told me he was my dad, and she did it just to spite my real Father because she hated him. Even when my real Father does wanted to be part of my life. She casted him away from me without asking what i wanted because she resented him. She wont even accept his money, she prefered to see me dressed up in rags than accepting his money.
And when the years passed and i was around 15 years old and i turned into an erratic teenager, and i become violent and started many fights with classmates, bullies and about anyone up to fight me. Because i really did not cared if i lost or got beaten up, i just wanted to explode and stop feeling such a miserable BASTARD.
One day after a heated discussion i lost my self control, when my stepdad pushed me believing i was going to back down, he had never punched me before except once when i was a child but i had enough of his humiliations and i punched him and tried to punch him again but he just held me down until my Mother came and saw me kicking ande screaming in pure frustration.
She asked what the problem was, but the real problem was my bottled-up rage, i was angry because i felt he had stolen my mother from me, i didn't understood such feelings of jealously and rage. Why does she choose him over me? I was her firstborn, but she always took his side, she was loving to him, but she always kicked my ass because i looked like my real Father, she beat me uo because i was my Father's son, and she loved my half siblings because they were my stepdad kids and i resented that and even when she said she loved us all i knew the truth because at 15 i was old enough to understand it.
And i said "Why Mother? Why? Why i wasn't enough for you? Do you really had to marry him? You could have waited until i was 18 to find another man or even married my real Dad because he loved you"
The she said those words... "Don't hate him (my stepdad) Because if it had not been him, it would have been another man, because i was young when i left your Father, i needed a man able to give me the life he never could, and i do love you more than him, but you are my son, it's not like you weren't enough, but you could have never given me what i needed"
And as how i understood it. She basically said: "Could have been ANYONE, it's not like he is special to me, but i needed cock and financial stability, my needs as a woman came first than yours, and my personal happiness was my priority over yours but at the end you are still my son, i could divorce him and find another dick but you are irreplaceable as you are my child"
And my rage disappeared, because she was right, i could have never given her what she needed and wanted, i wanted to compete with my stepdad for her love and affection when i couldn't because i was too naive to understand that i was her son, all she wanted was a dildo and money, she never truly loved him as she cheated on him with my real Dad at least once as i understood years later, yet he never knew about it because i never said anything.
I stopped hating my stepdad, and i stopped hating my mother and i stopped hating women in general. I just 'Realized' how women work, how they think, behave and what they want. Hating a woman for acting like a woman is like hating a cat for meowing.
And when the years passed and i was around 15 years old and i turned into an erratic teenager, and i become violent and started many fights with classmates, bullies and about anyone up to fight me. Because i really did not cared if i lost or got beaten up, i just wanted to explode and stop feeling such a miserable BASTARD.
One day after a heated discussion i lost my self control, when my stepdad pushed me believing i was going to back down, he had never punched me before except once when i was a child but i had enough of his humiliations and i punched him and tried to punch him again but he just held me down until my Mother came and saw me kicking ande screaming in pure frustration.
She asked what the problem was, but the real problem was my bottled-up rage, i was angry because i felt he had stolen my mother from me, i didn't understood such feelings of jealously and rage. Why does she choose him over me? I was her firstborn, but she always took his side, she was loving to him, but she always kicked my ass because i looked like my real Father, she beat me uo because i was my Father's son, and she loved my half siblings because they were my stepdad kids and i resented that and even when she said she loved us all i knew the truth because at 15 i was old enough to understand it.
And i said "Why Mother? Why? Why i wasn't enough for you? Do you really had to marry him? You could have waited until i was 18 to find another man or even married my real Dad because he loved you"
The she said those words... "Don't hate him (my stepdad) Because if it had not been him, it would have been another man, because i was young when i left your Father, i needed a man able to give me the life he never could, and i do love you more than him, but you are my son, it's not like you weren't enough, but you could have never given me what i needed"
And as how i understood it. She basically said: "Could have been ANYONE, it's not like he is special to me, but i needed cock and financial stability, my needs as a woman came first than yours, and my personal happiness was my priority over yours but at the end you are still my son, i could divorce him and find another dick but you are irreplaceable as you are my child"
And my rage disappeared, because she was right, i could have never given her what she needed and wanted, i wanted to compete with my stepdad for her love and affection when i couldn't because i was too naive to understand that i was her son, all she wanted was a dildo and money, she never truly loved him as she cheated on him with my real Dad at least once as i understood years later, yet he never knew about it because i never said anything.
I stopped hating my stepdad, and i stopped hating my mother and i stopped hating women in general. I just 'Realized' how women work, how they think, behave and what they want. Hating a woman for acting like a woman is like hating a cat for meowing.
