About 6 years ago I was 18 and had just entered college. In the first days I met a cute girl named Monica who seemed like she kind of liked me. She didn't seem like the rest of the girls, she seemed innocent and pure and not a whore like the rest. I was still bluepilled and thought that I looked decent, even if I was 5'6 and still a kissless virgin, I deluded myself into thinking that it wasn't too late for me and that she could be the one to be my first girlfriend. I had been rejected before but none of the girls had shown me the kind of interest that Monica had, so I was sure that she must like me. I remember those days as the happiest in my life, we were texting each other and everything seemed to go fine. I started fantasising about her becoming my girlfriend, how we would kiss, hold hands, eat pizza together, etc. It seemed too good to be happening (and it was).
One day I built enough courage to ask her out, and she made some shitty excuse to reject the offer. I was devastated. From there on out she started behaving cold and distant towards me.
But I didn't get blackpilled yet, it was more of a bluepill to redpill transition, the blackpill would have to wait a little longer. I started working out and trying to looksmax, and wondered every day what I could have done wrong with Monica, why everything seemed to go fine and in a fraction of a second it all went to shit... I couldn't understand it.
A couple of years later I remembered Monica and had the great idea to look her up on facebook. I thought to myself that now I looked much better than 2 years ago (new haircut, beard, gymmaxed, all that redpill garbage) and if she saw me now she would maybe give me a chance... how deluded I was.
When I found her facebook page it was brutal. Probably the most crucial moment of my life. What I saw there completely broke me. She didn't have many photos but the ones that she had were photos of her next to a 6'+ Chad, kissing, the Chad lifting her up from the ground, etc. It was brutal.
When I recovered from that I went to the bathroom and... looked at myself in the mirror.
I finally understood. The blackpill embodied me completely. I never stood a chance. It was over before it began. Me and that guy didn't even look like the same species. How could i have been so blind?
After that I gave up on women completely.
Sorry for the wall of text. But I just wanted to get this out of my chest.
One day I built enough courage to ask her out, and she made some shitty excuse to reject the offer. I was devastated. From there on out she started behaving cold and distant towards me.
But I didn't get blackpilled yet, it was more of a bluepill to redpill transition, the blackpill would have to wait a little longer. I started working out and trying to looksmax, and wondered every day what I could have done wrong with Monica, why everything seemed to go fine and in a fraction of a second it all went to shit... I couldn't understand it.
A couple of years later I remembered Monica and had the great idea to look her up on facebook. I thought to myself that now I looked much better than 2 years ago (new haircut, beard, gymmaxed, all that redpill garbage) and if she saw me now she would maybe give me a chance... how deluded I was.
When I found her facebook page it was brutal. Probably the most crucial moment of my life. What I saw there completely broke me. She didn't have many photos but the ones that she had were photos of her next to a 6'+ Chad, kissing, the Chad lifting her up from the ground, etc. It was brutal.
When I recovered from that I went to the bathroom and... looked at myself in the mirror.
I finally understood. The blackpill embodied me completely. I never stood a chance. It was over before it began. Me and that guy didn't even look like the same species. How could i have been so blind?
After that I gave up on women completely.
Sorry for the wall of text. But I just wanted to get this out of my chest.
