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Brutal The Bad, The Ugly and The Stupid A.K.A. Me (pointless life story, more venting really)

darkdungeon

darkdungeon

Gespatchopilled Shrekcel
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Joined
Dec 29, 2022
Posts
2,960
Yes, this is a random woe is me pity hunting post so there's no need to read it. Pity can be mistaken for affection and it's the easiest way for me to feel a little better and like someone cares.

The Bad:
I was notoriously badly behaved as a child to the point of my parents (mostly my bitch of a mother) blaming everything bad happening to them as a result of me (They were actually severely in debt and were doing ok until the recession hit around 2007/8) I was a monster in primary school, moved about 3 times and each school was awful and I was awful in return. Really, I just wanted attention for whatever reason, maybe something's recessed or repressed or whatever the word is. I would often break down crying either on purpose (I can still do it now) for attention but it'll be backed up by the actual emotion of never having any friends. I think I made one friend who was about 4 years older than me, he reminded me of Jimmy Hopkins from bully because he had the same shaved head and was just as bad as me so we both got along because I think we felt the same way with things. I remember his name was Nathan and the last time I saw him was in the school bathrooms, he asked if I saw any teachers in the hallway and I said no because I never, I guessed he was in trouble as we both often were although never together. A teacher asked if an "older boy" was in the toilets and I lied and said no just to cover his ass and fuck those teachers. I went back to class and not 2 minutes later he was dragged past the classroom literally kicking and screaming like a mental patient. I never saw him again and I still wonder what happened to him sometimes.

That's only one period of my short life, secondary school was marked with me getting detention and getting kicked out of class and getting sent home in the middle of the day which really pissed off my parents so I didn't push the teachers too much after the first time. I didn't really anything in school, although I did learn how to manipulate people to get out of trouble in secondary school when I became more articulate because the teachers were wannabe intellectuals who thought the pen was mightier than the sword so I could very easily get them to listen to my words and pity me to get out of trouble or to get special priveleges. I still made no friends except some loser kids who would conversate with me when their own friends were off or busy doing else or whatever. I appreciated the attention, although I felt extremely sad after because I know I was just being used by some bored near-normie. Boy was I bullied... What else can I say? I was assaulted, made fun of for being fat and ugly of course from year 7 to year 11. I always fought back against most bullies, particularly if they were the inbred Pakistani sort (plenty of them in my school) with wonky eyes and being in the bottom set for everything. I pushed black midgets over who tried to act like they were from compton and even the gangs of Pakistanis were a little scared of me I think because I raged a little guerilla type warfare against them by snitching and talking shit about them to other people to gain allies of sorts and they only confronted me once about it where I got REALLY fucking pissed off where I think it was visible. The main wonky eyed product of cousin-cousin mariage leader wanker asked me why I snitched and I grumbled out "Because I don't like you." and I threw something I was eating pretty fucking far for me and stormed off in a huff, they never bothered me much after except a few weak off-hand comments every now and then which I was immune to at that point.


The Ugly:

Of course I started to notice girls at this time in my life as everyone does and I admitted to some of my crushes if I knew them from class and had spoken to them (again because they were bored because they and their cunt friends had ran out of conversation topics or weren't in.) I was just ignored whenever I did, like they didn't take me seriously. Maybe they didn't see me as human so just passed it off like a dogs affection. That's all I can think of because a few bitches used to tap their thighs and say come here boy to mock me and my family for having more dogs than average. I quickly learned to hate females at this point because they were surely prettier than the men but were just as awful to me so why the fuck should I bother chasing them? They were all fake CUNTS at the end of the day, caked in make-up and armed with bitchy attitudes ready for use against all but Chad. I've always been sad throughout my life and I only really enjoyed eating, sugar made dopamine and I've always had a dopamine deficit so I've been getting fatter and fatter as I've grown up which is why I hate it when retards online say "U CAN DUSUMFIN ABUTT YOOR OBEEZEEDEE!", It's a lot harder when it's all you've ever known and been and I'm still not used to it. College (UK college, not US college for smarty pants) was a little better but because people took it more seriously and were a bit more mature there but I STILL got bullied by Chads and pitied by STACIES! The same Stacies who would have bullied me in school were now telling Chad to leave it but only when he went too far for her liking. She was all too happy to laugh until she started to feel guilty. I'm pretty sure I only hit puberty at about 15 or 16 because my first facial and pubic hairs started growing finally and my voice started to actually get deeper quicker although not by much. I still kept my babyface until about 19 which was only a few years ago.

The Stupid:

Of course I scraped through school with Cs and College with Passes but not by much so no one wanted to hire me and I couldn't go to University which I thought was my chance to finally get in with the normies, join academia and do something with my life, no one in my family has ever gone to university and I would be the first. Or so I thought... I was too stupid, my grades were too low and I sat at home for two years, doing nothing but becoming radicalised by whatever ideology I thought was the coolest at the time and claiming government benefits because I could. I used the money for driving lessons where one instructor said he literally could not teach me and said I'll have to find someone else which really fucking upset me to the point of the first tears in years because I fucked up yet again for something that normies do without much issue. I got a new instructor anyways and I started going to the gym too all on the Great British taxpayer. The gym was pointless, I lost no weight and could rarely go because it was too far too walk and my neurotic mother was too lazy and selfish to take me and too paranoid to let me walk there anyways or take a bus. I still passed my driving test then I got a driving job which I still do and can't say because it might dox me to some degree or not, I don't know but that's just how it is. Now at work, people are just as two-faced as they were at college, they talk shit behind my back as they do for everyone and who knows what they say... Everyone gets my age wrong because I'm so ugly, I'm 21, soon to be 22 but everyone thinks I'm in my mid-30's and not in a classy, George Clooney gentleman way, It's just wrinkles, fat and my jaded attitude to everything. 3 years ago, people would've thought I was 16 or 17 at the age of 19 and I'd get ID checked for booze. Now I suddenly look 10 years older than I actually am and no one even questions if I'm over 25 (what you're legally meant to do). People still stare at me when I'm just doing normal things like shopping or walking down the street. It doesn't help that I'm massive, I'm 5'10 (Prince of the manlets) and 300lbs so It means I'm freakishly larger than everyone to some degree. I am now an Ogre. Just plain and simply an Ogre yet no one seems scared of me. I'm a harmless beta ogre, I'm just like Shrek in a way. Ogremaxxing is pointless for me. I can't even naturally be a good Ogre. Women just look at me in disgust as well as men. No one wants to be my friend but neither do I want to be theirs really, I hate normies. I can't stand those fuckers. Even the dirty chavs can't relate, they can still make friends and get women. In fact, most have fat girlfriends with those fat saggy pancake tits but at least they have someone. I give up. I have given up.

I am a loser and am debating the best way to kill myself and what to do with all my saved up cash.

There's my life story essentially. No one asked. I don't even know why I wrote it out, well I do, pity and venting but It's just here now for whatever reason.
 
Yes, this is a random woe is me pity hunting post so there's no need to read it. Pity can be mistaken for affection and it's the easiest way for me to feel a little better and like someone cares.

The Bad:
I was notoriously badly behaved as a child to the point of my parents (mostly my bitch of a mother) blaming everything bad happening to them as a result of me (They were actually severely in debt and were doing ok until the recession hit around 2007/8) I was a monster in primary school, moved about 3 times and each school was awful and I was awful in return. Really, I just wanted attention for whatever reason, maybe something's recessed or repressed or whatever the word is. I would often break down crying either on purpose (I can still do it now) for attention but it'll be backed up by the actual emotion of never having any friends. I think I made one friend who was about 4 years older than me, he reminded me of Jimmy Hopkins from bully because he had the same shaved head and was just as bad as me so we both got along because I think we felt the same way with things. I remember his name was Nathan and the last time I saw him was in the school bathrooms, he asked if I saw any teachers in the hallway and I said no because I never, I guessed he was in trouble as we both often were although never together. A teacher asked if an "older boy" was in the toilets and I lied and said no just to cover his ass and fuck those teachers. I went back to class and not 2 minutes later he was dragged past the classroom literally kicking and screaming like a mental patient. I never saw him again and I still wonder what happened to him sometimes.

That's only one period of my short life, secondary school was marked with me getting detention and getting kicked out of class and getting sent home in the middle of the day which really pissed off my parents so I didn't push the teachers too much after the first time. I didn't really anything in school, although I did learn how to manipulate people to get out of trouble in secondary school when I became more articulate because the teachers were wannabe intellectuals who thought the pen was mightier than the sword so I could very easily get them to listen to my words and pity me to get out of trouble or to get special priveleges. I still made no friends except some loser kids who would conversate with me when their own friends were off or busy doing else or whatever. I appreciated the attention, although I felt extremely sad after because I know I was just being used by some bored near-normie. Boy was I bullied... What else can I say? I was assaulted, made fun of for being fat and ugly of course from year 7 to year 11. I always fought back against most bullies, particularly if they were the inbred Pakistani sort (plenty of them in my school) with wonky eyes and being in the bottom set for everything. I pushed black midgets over who tried to act like they were from compton and even the gangs of Pakistanis were a little scared of me I think because I raged a little guerilla type warfare against them by snitching and talking shit about them to other people to gain allies of sorts and they only confronted me once about it where I got REALLY fucking pissed off where I think it was visible. The main wonky eyed product of cousin-cousin mariage leader wanker asked me why I snitched and I grumbled out "Because I don't like you." and I threw something I was eating pretty fucking far for me and stormed off in a huff, they never bothered me much after except a few weak off-hand comments every now and then which I was immune to at that point.


The Ugly:

Of course I started to notice girls at this time in my life as everyone does and I admitted to some of my crushes if I knew them from class and had spoken to them (again because they were bored because they and their cunt friends had ran out of conversation topics or weren't in.) I was just ignored whenever I did, like they didn't take me seriously. Maybe they didn't see me as human so just passed it off like a dogs affection. That's all I can think of because a few bitches used to tap their thighs and say come here boy to mock me and my family for having more dogs than average. I quickly learned to hate females at this point because they were surely prettier than the men but were just as awful to me so why the fuck should I bother chasing them? They were all fake CUNTS at the end of the day, caked in make-up and armed with bitchy attitudes ready for use against all but Chad. I've always been sad throughout my life and I only really enjoyed eating, sugar made dopamine and I've always had a dopamine deficit so I've been getting fatter and fatter as I've grown up which is why I hate it when retards online say "U CAN DUSUMFIN ABUTT YOOR OBEEZEEDEE!", It's a lot harder when it's all you've ever known and been and I'm still not used to it. College (UK college, not US college for smarty pants) was a little better but because people took it more seriously and were a bit more mature there but I STILL got bullied by Chads and pitied by STACIES! The same Stacies who would have bullied me in school were now telling Chad to leave it but only when he went too far for her liking. She was all too happy to laugh until she started to feel guilty. I'm pretty sure I only hit puberty at about 15 or 16 because my first facial and pubic hairs started growing finally and my voice started to actually get deeper quicker although not by much. I still kept my babyface until about 19 which was only a few years ago.

The Stupid:

Of course I scraped through school with Cs and College with Passes but not by much so no one wanted to hire me and I couldn't go to University which I thought was my chance to finally get in with the normies, join academia and do something with my life, no one in my family has ever gone to university and I would be the first. Or so I thought... I was too stupid, my grades were too low and I sat at home for two years, doing nothing but becoming radicalised by whatever ideology I thought was the coolest at the time and claiming government benefits because I could. I used the money for driving lessons where one instructor said he literally could not teach me and said I'll have to find someone else which really fucking upset me to the point of the first tears in years because I fucked up yet again for something that normies do without much issue. I got a new instructor anyways and I started going to the gym too all on the Great British taxpayer. The gym was pointless, I lost no weight and could rarely go because it was too far too walk and my neurotic mother was too lazy and selfish to take me and too paranoid to let me walk there anyways or take a bus. I still passed my driving test then I got a driving job which I still do and can't say because it might dox me to some degree or not, I don't know but that's just how it is. Now at work, people are just as two-faced as they were at college, they talk shit behind my back as they do for everyone and who knows what they say... Everyone gets my age wrong because I'm so ugly, I'm 21, soon to be 22 but everyone thinks I'm in my mid-30's and not in a classy, George Clooney gentleman way, It's just wrinkles, fat and my jaded attitude to everything. 3 years ago, people would've thought I was 16 or 17 at the age of 19 and I'd get ID checked for booze. Now I suddenly look 10 years older than I actually am and no one even questions if I'm over 25 (what you're legally meant to do). People still stare at me when I'm just doing normal things like shopping or walking down the street. It doesn't help that I'm massive, I'm 5'10 (Prince of the manlets) and 300lbs so It means I'm freakishly larger than everyone to some degree. I am now an Ogre. Just plain and simply an Ogre yet no one seems scared of me. I'm a harmless beta ogre, I'm just like Shrek in a way. Ogremaxxing is pointless for me. I can't even naturally be a good Ogre. Women just look at me in disgust as well as men. No one wants to be my friend but neither do I want to be theirs really, I hate normies. I can't stand those fuckers. Even the dirty chavs can't relate, they can still make friends and get women. In fact, most have fat girlfriends with those fat saggy pancake tits but at least they have someone. I give up. I have given up.

I am a loser and am debating the best way to kill myself and what to do with all my saved up cash.

There's my life story essentially. No one asked. I don't even know why I wrote it out, well I do, pity and venting but It's just here now for whatever reason.
DNR
 
did i read ?
no
will i read ?
also no
 
I can confirm I read every word
 
I am a loser and am debating the best way to kill myself and what to do with all my saved up cash.

There's my life story essentially. No one asked. I don't even know why I wrote it out, well I do, pity and venting but It's just here now for whatever reason.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say I think you posted this because you did want someone to read your story and empathize with you. I read all of it and while I obviously haven't shared the same experiences as you but I can relate with some elements of your story, primarily on how a rough childhood affects you later on.

You mentioned being overweight. Have you looked into gastric bypass or any other weight reduction surgeries to help you reduce your weight? I unfortunately suspect the weight may be one of the reasons people look at you frequently in public and so doing something about that may improve your quality of life.

As for being suicidal, is it because you feel like you don't really have a path elsewhere like you're at a dead end career wise?
 
Yes, this is a random woe is me pity hunting post so there's no need to read it. Pity can be mistaken for affection and it's the easiest way for me to feel a little better and like someone cares.

The Bad:
I was notoriously badly behaved as a child to the point of my parents (mostly my bitch of a mother) blaming everything bad happening to them as a result of me (They were actually severely in debt and were doing ok until the recession hit around 2007/8) I was a monster in primary school, moved about 3 times and each school was awful and I was awful in return. Really, I just wanted attention for whatever reason, maybe something's recessed or repressed or whatever the word is. I would often break down crying either on purpose (I can still do it now) for attention but it'll be backed up by the actual emotion of never having any friends. I think I made one friend who was about 4 years older than me, he reminded me of Jimmy Hopkins from bully because he had the same shaved head and was just as bad as me so we both got along because I think we felt the same way with things. I remember his name was Nathan and the last time I saw him was in the school bathrooms, he asked if I saw any teachers in the hallway and I said no because I never, I guessed he was in trouble as we both often were although never together. A teacher asked if an "older boy" was in the toilets and I lied and said no just to cover his ass and fuck those teachers. I went back to class and not 2 minutes later he was dragged past the classroom literally kicking and screaming like a mental patient. I never saw him again and I still wonder what happened to him sometimes.

That's only one period of my short life, secondary school was marked with me getting detention and getting kicked out of class and getting sent home in the middle of the day which really pissed off my parents so I didn't push the teachers too much after the first time. I didn't really anything in school, although I did learn how to manipulate people to get out of trouble in secondary school when I became more articulate because the teachers were wannabe intellectuals who thought the pen was mightier than the sword so I could very easily get them to listen to my words and pity me to get out of trouble or to get special priveleges. I still made no friends except some loser kids who would conversate with me when their own friends were off or busy doing else or whatever. I appreciated the attention, although I felt extremely sad after because I know I was just being used by some bored near-normie. Boy was I bullied... What else can I say? I was assaulted, made fun of for being fat and ugly of course from year 7 to year 11. I always fought back against most bullies, particularly if they were the inbred Pakistani sort (plenty of them in my school) with wonky eyes and being in the bottom set for everything. I pushed black midgets over who tried to act like they were from compton and even the gangs of Pakistanis were a little scared of me I think because I raged a little guerilla type warfare against them by snitching and talking shit about them to other people to gain allies of sorts and they only confronted me once about it where I got REALLY fucking pissed off where I think it was visible. The main wonky eyed product of cousin-cousin mariage leader wanker asked me why I snitched and I grumbled out "Because I don't like you." and I threw something I was eating pretty fucking far for me and stormed off in a huff, they never bothered me much after except a few weak off-hand comments every now and then which I was immune to at that point.


The Ugly:

Of course I started to notice girls at this time in my life as everyone does and I admitted to some of my crushes if I knew them from class and had spoken to them (again because they were bored because they and their cunt friends had ran out of conversation topics or weren't in.) I was just ignored whenever I did, like they didn't take me seriously. Maybe they didn't see me as human so just passed it off like a dogs affection. That's all I can think of because a few bitches used to tap their thighs and say come here boy to mock me and my family for having more dogs than average. I quickly learned to hate females at this point because they were surely prettier than the men but were just as awful to me so why the fuck should I bother chasing them? They were all fake CUNTS at the end of the day, caked in make-up and armed with bitchy attitudes ready for use against all but Chad. I've always been sad throughout my life and I only really enjoyed eating, sugar made dopamine and I've always had a dopamine deficit so I've been getting fatter and fatter as I've grown up which is why I hate it when retards online say "U CAN DUSUMFIN ABUTT YOOR OBEEZEEDEE!", It's a lot harder when it's all you've ever known and been and I'm still not used to it. College (UK college, not US college for smarty pants) was a little better but because people took it more seriously and were a bit more mature there but I STILL got bullied by Chads and pitied by STACIES! The same Stacies who would have bullied me in school were now telling Chad to leave it but only when he went too far for her liking. She was all too happy to laugh until she started to feel guilty. I'm pretty sure I only hit puberty at about 15 or 16 because my first facial and pubic hairs started growing finally and my voice started to actually get deeper quicker although not by much. I still kept my babyface until about 19 which was only a few years ago.

The Stupid:

Of course I scraped through school with Cs and College with Passes but not by much so no one wanted to hire me and I couldn't go to University which I thought was my chance to finally get in with the normies, join academia and do something with my life, no one in my family has ever gone to university and I would be the first. Or so I thought... I was too stupid, my grades were too low and I sat at home for two years, doing nothing but becoming radicalised by whatever ideology I thought was the coolest at the time and claiming government benefits because I could. I used the money for driving lessons where one instructor said he literally could not teach me and said I'll have to find someone else which really fucking upset me to the point of the first tears in years because I fucked up yet again for something that normies do without much issue. I got a new instructor anyways and I started going to the gym too all on the Great British taxpayer. The gym was pointless, I lost no weight and could rarely go because it was too far too walk and my neurotic mother was too lazy and selfish to take me and too paranoid to let me walk there anyways or take a bus. I still passed my driving test then I got a driving job which I still do and can't say because it might dox me to some degree or not, I don't know but that's just how it is. Now at work, people are just as two-faced as they were at college, they talk shit behind my back as they do for everyone and who knows what they say... Everyone gets my age wrong because I'm so ugly, I'm 21, soon to be 22 but everyone thinks I'm in my mid-30's and not in a classy, George Clooney gentleman way, It's just wrinkles, fat and my jaded attitude to everything. 3 years ago, people would've thought I was 16 or 17 at the age of 19 and I'd get ID checked for booze. Now I suddenly look 10 years older than I actually am and no one even questions if I'm over 25 (what you're legally meant to do). People still stare at me when I'm just doing normal things like shopping or walking down the street. It doesn't help that I'm massive, I'm 5'10 (Prince of the manlets) and 300lbs so It means I'm freakishly larger than everyone to some degree. I am now an Ogre. Just plain and simply an Ogre yet no one seems scared of me. I'm a harmless beta ogre, I'm just like Shrek in a way. Ogremaxxing is pointless for me. I can't even naturally be a good Ogre. Women just look at me in disgust as well as men. No one wants to be my friend but neither do I want to be theirs really, I hate normies. I can't stand those fuckers. Even the dirty chavs can't relate, they can still make friends and get women. In fact, most have fat girlfriends with those fat saggy pancake tits but at least they have someone. I give up. I have given up.

I am a loser and am debating the best way to kill myself and what to do with all my saved up cash.

There's my life story essentially. No one asked. I don't even know why I wrote it out, well I do, pity and venting but It's just here now for whatever reason.
Totallynotgonnapostonasuicidewatchwebsite

Hope this helps you. Personally I'm more inclined to use a shotgun when the time comes but I think this will probably be a little less traumatizing for your family to see.
 
Last edited:
I was also a kid (and early teenager) with bad behavior. I regret this very much tbh
 
will read later
 
I'm going to go out on a limb and say I think you posted this because you did want someone to read your story and empathize with you. I read all of it and while I obviously haven't shared the same experiences as you but I can relate with some elements of your story, primarily on how a rough childhood affects you later on.
I had a terrible childhood as well and im fucked mentaly ill,fuck this world.
 
Depressing shit
 
Where are you working?
 

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