This video expresses the current feeling I have.
View: https://youtu.be/4rSmIRWPZb8
I've started skipping my University lectures because there's no point of going in the situation I'm in.
I'm basically forced to make being self employed/entrepreneurship work.
I have to do the impossible. I have to pass every University class I have (I'm going to do assignments/study during lecture time to save time), whilst running a YouTube channel and actually uploading high Quality videos, and pick a business model and dedicate 10 hours a day to it.
I also need to get a part time job to start earning money quickly, but I've applied for over 200 jobs with little avail.
I'm going to start waking up before 5 am everyday, (3 am - 4 am) to have the time to do everything I have to do, and in turn I will go to sleep around 7 - 8 pm.
Forget conventional societal standards, I'm fucking ugly, I was never going to have a social life anyways. So I should sleep as early as possible to wake up as early as possible, because if I've woken up at 4 am and study until 8 am for example, it's impossible for me to randomly waste time.
I'm an incel. I'm ugly, I like neo-nazism, I fell into the alt-right rabbit hole, I fell in the manosphere rabbithole, all those things prevent me from being normal. There's no point in trying to be normal or conform to normal societal standards when my life was far from normal in the first place
If I'm too scared to dip my toes wet, I'm just going to waste 10 years, I have to jump into the pool and start digging endlessly until I find something.
Wake up at 4 am, grind, sleep at 7 pm, repeat. In the long term, I will be an entrepreneur, I'm not going to go to parties because I was never going to be invited to one anyways. I'm not going to outright try to make friends or be a normal person, because I was never going to be normal anyways.
So I'll stop living in fear and "fight to the bitter end" despite how cringe that may sound.