(This happened a few months before I embraced the blackpill and was a redpiller)
So basically our university had this whole ceremony thing for incoming seniors.
For a quick rundown, my university basically has multiple campuses since it's a state university. Mine is kinda small, so we had to go to the main one for the ceromony.
Anyway I basically didn't know anyone in the main campus. So while I was waiting and bored, I decided to start watching students who walked pass and rating their faces. Btw at this time, I had no idea if I was actually ugly or not, and I gave myself like a rating of 4 or 5. Average to below average. I wanted to feel better about myself by seeing how many uglies I could spot.
Considering I'm autistic with terrible social skills, this is basically already a death sentence in my country, even though I am 5'8 and above average (5'4 is male average).
But anyway I was mostly giving people 5's and 6's.
And then I saw this dude with a broad nose and earrings walk in a weird way. He was holding a water bottle in his hand.
As soon as I saw this guy, I was like 'Holy shit, this is the ugliest guy I have ever seen'.
I gave him like a 2 or 3. He was ugly as shit.
You know what I thought?
'Damn, at least I'm not that guy'.
So anyway, this dude from the main campus got in line for the ceromony too. Still holding that stupid water bottle. And then he opened his phone to look at himself with a camera and doing facial expressions. Bro was acting like there was anything good there to look at. I couldn't help but think about how lame that guy was. And then some minutes pass after that just waiting in line.
A classmate of mine tapped on my shoulder. He asked me if I had a sibling. I then said no, and was super confused why he was asking. He then said there's a guy who looks like me in the other line.
I had no idea who the fuck he was talking about. I tried looking to where he was pointing, but just saw random dudes. I glanced at that guy with the bottle from earlier, and wondered if he was pointing at that guy. I was like 'Hah, no way,'
Anyway I told him I couldn't see the so-called lookalike. My classmate shrugged and told me he definitely looks like me, just with clearer skin. I tried to digest what that mean.
I thought: 'So there's a guy who looks like me but better?' . I was then more curious to see this lookalike, but just couldn't understand where this guy was.
And then later, the ceromony actually started. Hours pass of boring-ass speeches.
And then I got tapped in the shoulder again. I looked. It was a female classmate. I was slightly surprised since the foids usually don't talk to me for things not related to schoolwork.
She asked if I had a sibling. I stared at her and said no. She said I had a lookalike. Since we were all arranged in ordered rows of chairs, it was easier to see where she was pointing.
And then I saw him. The guy with the water bottle who I rated a 2. She says that guy looked like me.
My mind went blank. "No way," I said. She insisted he looked like me. I just slowly nodded. I heard her giggle beside me.
And then I just kept staring at the guy actually thinking about what she said...and...yeah, he did kinda look like me, now that I wasn't thinking about how ugly he was. And it hit me.
This guy looks like me. And I thought he was super ugly. And he doesn't even have acne.
I'm cooked.
...
Anyway I mostly had an existential crisis after that. The ceremony became background noise.
That was the day I realized I might actually be genuinely ugly instead of just a sub 5 with autism.
And guess what? I am.
Here I am in this forum, a few months later.
I curse this world
So basically our university had this whole ceremony thing for incoming seniors.
For a quick rundown, my university basically has multiple campuses since it's a state university. Mine is kinda small, so we had to go to the main one for the ceromony.
Anyway I basically didn't know anyone in the main campus. So while I was waiting and bored, I decided to start watching students who walked pass and rating their faces. Btw at this time, I had no idea if I was actually ugly or not, and I gave myself like a rating of 4 or 5. Average to below average. I wanted to feel better about myself by seeing how many uglies I could spot.
Considering I'm autistic with terrible social skills, this is basically already a death sentence in my country, even though I am 5'8 and above average (5'4 is male average).
But anyway I was mostly giving people 5's and 6's.
And then I saw this dude with a broad nose and earrings walk in a weird way. He was holding a water bottle in his hand.
As soon as I saw this guy, I was like 'Holy shit, this is the ugliest guy I have ever seen'.
I gave him like a 2 or 3. He was ugly as shit.
You know what I thought?
'Damn, at least I'm not that guy'.
So anyway, this dude from the main campus got in line for the ceromony too. Still holding that stupid water bottle. And then he opened his phone to look at himself with a camera and doing facial expressions. Bro was acting like there was anything good there to look at. I couldn't help but think about how lame that guy was. And then some minutes pass after that just waiting in line.
A classmate of mine tapped on my shoulder. He asked me if I had a sibling. I then said no, and was super confused why he was asking. He then said there's a guy who looks like me in the other line.
I had no idea who the fuck he was talking about. I tried looking to where he was pointing, but just saw random dudes. I glanced at that guy with the bottle from earlier, and wondered if he was pointing at that guy. I was like 'Hah, no way,'
Anyway I told him I couldn't see the so-called lookalike. My classmate shrugged and told me he definitely looks like me, just with clearer skin. I tried to digest what that mean.
I thought: 'So there's a guy who looks like me but better?' . I was then more curious to see this lookalike, but just couldn't understand where this guy was.
And then later, the ceromony actually started. Hours pass of boring-ass speeches.
And then I got tapped in the shoulder again. I looked. It was a female classmate. I was slightly surprised since the foids usually don't talk to me for things not related to schoolwork.
She asked if I had a sibling. I stared at her and said no. She said I had a lookalike. Since we were all arranged in ordered rows of chairs, it was easier to see where she was pointing.
And then I saw him. The guy with the water bottle who I rated a 2. She says that guy looked like me.
My mind went blank. "No way," I said. She insisted he looked like me. I just slowly nodded. I heard her giggle beside me.
And then I just kept staring at the guy actually thinking about what she said...and...yeah, he did kinda look like me, now that I wasn't thinking about how ugly he was. And it hit me.
This guy looks like me. And I thought he was super ugly. And he doesn't even have acne.
I'm cooked.
...
Anyway I mostly had an existential crisis after that. The ceremony became background noise.
That was the day I realized I might actually be genuinely ugly instead of just a sub 5 with autism.
And guess what? I am.
Here I am in this forum, a few months later.
I curse this world
