I went to the balcony to get some air. When I'm in balcony I always watch out for other people to make sure they're not looking at my subhuman physique. My balcony faces directly to courtyard. I often see teenagers playing, flirting and socializing in the courtyard forging memories that they'll remember as "good times" while I'm resentfully watching them over a distance either from my balcony or from the window of my bedroom overlooking the courtyard, sliding off curtain slightly enough to see the what they're doing. I went back to the kitchen with feeling like someone has just punched me in my guts. I'm just incredibly sad, not mad. I used to have bittER thoughts but now I just want a peaceful departure from this clown world.
