You are a stray mongrel bulldog. For as long as you can remember, your mother's struggled with illness until one day you found her dead in the alley you used to live in. And obviously you never knew your father. People say you look kinda grumpy. But what have you got to smile about? People say you're not bad looking, and if you exercised more of a positive attitude you might be happier. But what these people ignore is, all of the expert opinions say that you are actually an abomination of cruel breeding practices, and you probably shouldn't have been born. Heart problems, hip dysplasia, trick knee, cherry eye, neck rope, several allergies, and a snout so snub you can barely breathe. Body and mind at odds, every instinct in you tells you to chase the ball, but you don't have the stamina. Every instinct in you tells you to fuck, but you don't have the bitch. Maybe you'd cope with life a little easier if you were neutered like cucks over at Dogcel Tears. But no, you've resolved: Better dogcel than cuck.
Besides, you have a cope. One of the finest! Every day you head over to Dogcels.park, a private offshoot of the inner city commons that the groundskeepers kinda just abandoned. You arrive, and the park is busy with activity as usual. Over at Dogceldom Discussion, there's a spirited debate weighing the merits of "Just Be Retriever" vs. "Just Be Husky." On the one hand, Huskies are high T, closer to what many dogcels theorize bitches are instinctively drawn to. On the other hand, Retrievers are the most popular studs. On Off Topic they're having a little more fun. A Blue Checkmark from Dogcel Tears got picked up by the City Pound for assaulting a puppy and it's just the best. Speaking of Blue Checkmarks, in the part of the park that meets the rest of the commons, a small detachment of dogcels are in the midst of a heated war of barks with normie dogs, angry cats, and several birds. But as usual, there's a smell in the air. You can't see them, but the scent of those lurking, hidden, it reeks. Probably BrazilianTerrier again. Or it could be police dogs. Imagine, wasting law enforcement resources on you.
You see a new discussion unfolding. Dogcels are gathering to hear the words of another one of the ratty mix breeds that make up the forum...
[JFL] "Lonely? Just get a human, bro!"
"This is what DT actually believes. I shouldn't be so obsessed with actual canine companionship, just go down to the shelter and get a human instead!"
Another dogcel chimes in...
"Humans are cope. I actually have a human. I love him, but he's not a replacement for breeding."
A third dogcel chimes in.
"You know why they keep saying that, right? You hear about these bitches who try and breed with their humans???"
The group is disgusted. Most of them have heard this before. Someone a little new to the humanpill reacts in shock.
"But that's human abuse! How can they justify that?"
Another dogcel raises counterpoint.
"I don't think Dogcel Tears is actually fucking their humans, because most of them are spayed or neutered anyway. The humanpill is a meme. Yes, some dogs do this. But it's not a reflection of the general dog public."
The third dogcel responds...
"My point is this. Even if there's one bitch out there who would literally take it in the ass from her human than be with a dogcel, I have to ask her why. I have to know."
Counterpoint dogcel responds...
"Well, there's some fucked up bitches out there. Everyone agrees that these bitches are fucked up. Even normie dogs."
Over on Ban Appeals, a notorious trouble maker is given a second chance. "I realize what I said was wrong and I won't do it again." His return is signed off on by none other than the alpha admin of the park. And off he trots to the humanpill discussion. And the first thing he says?
"I'm back goodboys anyway has anyone ever noticed that the piss of a neutered male kinda smells like a bitch?"
A dogmod arrives and says "That's it, you've been given more chances than any member of the park. You're either a plant from Dogcel Tears, or you'll be fine mating with the neutered bull of your dreams. Get out." Then all the dogcels start barking at him, driving him back to the lush havens of the normie section of the commons.
After that discussion kinda peters out, you browse the park for a while. You think. Plenty of dogcels have humans. Should you get one? It's not a question easily answered. Because maybe you do enjoy life with a human. But what's the point if you're not mated with, at LEAST, your bitchmatch? What's the point of chasing copes? Can they really fill the hole inside? You decide to make a thread.
[Serious] "Senior dogcels, how have you not committed chocolate yet?"
"How do you find the strength to keep going? What are you living for? Do you all have humans? Are they really that good? You hear about other dogcels climbing out of depression through things like taking care of a human or exercise or food or fantasizing about Going Cujo, but what does this actually solve?"
One dogcel responds...
"I don't have a human, but I think you're afraid you'll like the cope so much you'll forget about chasing bitches. And you aren't ready for it to be that Over yet. So you have to ask yourself. Do you REALLY think you're DEFINITELY not EVER gonna find a bitch you're willing to mate with? If so, how is coping worse than chocolating? If you have to choose between dying, or finding a way to keep yourself happy while you're still on this earth, the choice is easy for me. You can cope, or you can go over to Groomingmax.kennel and get busy living. But as long as you have either that, or copes, there's no point in dying."
Several dogcels, young and old, gather to ponder these words. It gives you something to think about too.
