I was thinking I was feeling kind of depressed today. I but I realized this feeling has been with me all my life. I see I have never felt real happiness, at least not since I was around 14 and my intense inferiorities didn’t really matter. Back when I truly only cared to play my video games.
Each day since then has only gotten worse. I remember learning about Elliot when the retribution happened, back when I was 17. It was the first time I felt some kind of understanding, I was relieved to find someone who suffered just as I do.
Obviously I only joined this forum recently but I’ve been browsing it since around July of last year when it was called incels.me. The threads on this sight only confirmed what I already knew. But again, I felt solace in having found a community of people who know the pain.
That pain being, without a doubt, the most crippling any human could face. This assertion is laughed off by the communities built around harassing our misery.
But today I finally decided I actually want to end my life. I’m only 22, much younger than many members here. But I can’t imagine another year of this, let alone another decade, or a fucking lifetime.
I have several guns that were left to me by my grandfather. I’m going to use the most powerful of the tools to ensure I don’t accidentally turn myself into a retard/vegetable, which would render me unable to even attempt again, yet I would have to suffer on.
I plan on doing this at about 4 in the morning, CST. That time is significant to me and is why I chose it after careful pondering. Who knows. Perhaps I will just pussy out from my natural instincts and if I do I assure you I will be right back here, posting and rotting as is my life’s only choice.
And I know I am relatively new here, but like I said I’ve been following this forum for some time, and living in reality “blackpilled” for even longer. But I truly care for each of my brothers here. I was certainly considering trying to join the ranks of hERos. But my family are good people despite being a part of some of the worlds toxicity.
My sister in particular turned out good looking unlike me, however I am proud of her because she, unlike most foids, has actually maintained most of her decency and is far more well rounded than the typical scourge of this world. So out of respect for my family’s name I decided attempting to achieve Saint status isn’t a good option for me. I will simply have to leave this world just as I existed in it, quietly and forgotten.
My brothers. You may see me again. I feel certain of going through with this tonight as of now, but of course I’m not sure what will happen in the moment. It’s something that’s been coming for some time. I already made my pilgrimage for Elliot, which I did earlier this year. But if I don’t return. Stay strong. Fight on. If you are stronger than me, perhaps there is a brighter future ahead. But I feel too weak to hold out and see. Maybe I will get lucky, and be sat beneath the throne of our saints.
Each day since then has only gotten worse. I remember learning about Elliot when the retribution happened, back when I was 17. It was the first time I felt some kind of understanding, I was relieved to find someone who suffered just as I do.
Obviously I only joined this forum recently but I’ve been browsing it since around July of last year when it was called incels.me. The threads on this sight only confirmed what I already knew. But again, I felt solace in having found a community of people who know the pain.
That pain being, without a doubt, the most crippling any human could face. This assertion is laughed off by the communities built around harassing our misery.
But today I finally decided I actually want to end my life. I’m only 22, much younger than many members here. But I can’t imagine another year of this, let alone another decade, or a fucking lifetime.
I have several guns that were left to me by my grandfather. I’m going to use the most powerful of the tools to ensure I don’t accidentally turn myself into a retard/vegetable, which would render me unable to even attempt again, yet I would have to suffer on.
I plan on doing this at about 4 in the morning, CST. That time is significant to me and is why I chose it after careful pondering. Who knows. Perhaps I will just pussy out from my natural instincts and if I do I assure you I will be right back here, posting and rotting as is my life’s only choice.
And I know I am relatively new here, but like I said I’ve been following this forum for some time, and living in reality “blackpilled” for even longer. But I truly care for each of my brothers here. I was certainly considering trying to join the ranks of hERos. But my family are good people despite being a part of some of the worlds toxicity.
My sister in particular turned out good looking unlike me, however I am proud of her because she, unlike most foids, has actually maintained most of her decency and is far more well rounded than the typical scourge of this world. So out of respect for my family’s name I decided attempting to achieve Saint status isn’t a good option for me. I will simply have to leave this world just as I existed in it, quietly and forgotten.
My brothers. You may see me again. I feel certain of going through with this tonight as of now, but of course I’m not sure what will happen in the moment. It’s something that’s been coming for some time. I already made my pilgrimage for Elliot, which I did earlier this year. But if I don’t return. Stay strong. Fight on. If you are stronger than me, perhaps there is a brighter future ahead. But I feel too weak to hold out and see. Maybe I will get lucky, and be sat beneath the throne of our saints.
