I'm new here and I just wanted to vent to people who might actually understand
Does anyone else feel like their options are just made worse just by the company you keep that much better than you?
I have 3 childhood friends that have stuck by me and, apart from my immediate family, were the only ones that even acknowledged my 21st birthday last weekend. We were the group in school that all kinda like history, 40k and other scifi/fantasy ѕhit. I'm already a shitty looking person already, crooked teeth, acne-scarred cheeks, blochy red skinned, tiny shoulders, pot bellied, lanky subhuman but I feel even worse with these 3 guys around me: Casper, Ahmed, and Joey. Let me explain why such great blokes have been my most solid cope keep wanting me to jump in front of a train.
Casper is shortish, skinny and kinda effeminate in the face but he's got a fit, toned, athletic body -lithe and triangular in profile as he surfed and swam a lot- smooth skinned bisexual with natural near-platinum blonde hair and silver blue eyes, moving comfortably in his skin as if always relaxed. He's the youngest of 7 brothers and they're all fuсking brilliant: a doctor, a paralegal, an accountant, a soldier, an engineer and a history major - the eldest 3 already have families with multiple kids each. Casper (nicknamed Spook cos the ghost cartoon) himself studies medicine and despite not being super masculine (he looks fuсking 12 years old while also a commie and a faggot who experiments with drugs) he's smarts, humour, "looking cute" all get him tonnes of females, more than he hooks other dudes. If he doesn't dazzle them with wit he plays the fool and they all fall for it, he's been a wh*re since he was 14. I happen to know he has a huge dick, so I suppose that helps him, one of the sl*ts he had joked she measure his foreskin in litres. His job as a bartender just gives him more opportunities to fuck around. It infuriates me that has everything equipt to have a loving relationship that I haven't gotten near and he uses sex like he pops pills at parties.
Ahmed is a fuсking adonis. He's got copper skin, amber eyes, golden brown hair, a cropped beard, a defined musculature, a head higher than everyone else in the room, board shoulders and boasting a proud posture. Half Persian and half Arab, his two other siblings being sisters, he is the golden only son of his family. His nick name his Shroom because back in year 6 kids found out he was the only one in the class who was circumcised and the name 'mushroom' always stuck. Both his parents are haughty business owners who have supported their kids well. Like Ahmed works at the local library but he doesn't have to. He's studying economics but again, he doesn't have to. He's had 3 girlfriends since he 16, though he said the first one didn't count because it was just sex and the second one didn't count because his conservative Islamic parents felt tension with her but he's stuck with this third one for longer than the others. That he's physically an alpha with bucks hurts me and watching that him and his current girlfriend seem so happy with eachother is just twisting the knife. Unlike Casper, Ahmed isn't even that verbally assertive. He is quiet spoken and kindhearted, which just proves to me that some people don't even need to try, pusѕy just comes to them.
Joey is fun and wild to be around. He has a long mane of wild red hair, emerald green eyes, a wiry build from playing football, always on the move and is a gifted musician. He's a backing guitarist for a local band, when not working as a mechanic, paying his way through university and he's always wearing black, usually a merch tee of some shitty black metal, death metal or extreme metal band, if not some other ѕhit with some Lucifarian, Thelemite or Occult reference. He'sone of those antitheistic ancap types, even calls himself a chaos gnostic. He doesn't have any stable relationship, he tends to just maintain casual relations with the same 3 bitches all the time and just sees sex as a thing to do if he doesn't have anything better to do with his life that night. I hate how it's just some other thing to him now, how he doesn't know the pain of never having that option, never even considering how hard it could be for a less attractive person, let alone a failure of reproduction like me. Him and his twin sister tend to know hard times since his parents divorced when they were 10 and in every other way they help with bad situations but when it comes with my untouched virginity, they tell me to "just go out there" like it's some easy thing or "if I wasn't inside so much and I talked to more girls than games". Depending on the day, he can make me feel the most hopeful and the most angry.
And the thing is, those three have never been with anything under a 7/10, not one of them even Casper with his fuсking statistical legions. All of them are good looking, have healthy, well made bodies, have paying jobs, moved out of their parents' place at 18, all were able to study at least part time and all have had fulfilling sexual relations whether it's Casper's harems or Ahmed's loving monogamy. I have never had a successful job application, I'm still living with my bitch mother and obese father, I'm a university drop out who never learned to drive and my parents look at their only child as an evolutionary failure I'm sure. And I am, I'm never going to find anyone who would love me in any meaningful sense. I look somehow fat and lanky at the same time, my skin is riddled with eczema and scars from acne, I have brittle and greasy black hair, shitty teeth despite having braces for fuсking ever leaving me with a weird overbite that just makes my tiny jawline look worse. I try to hide it with facial hair but it looks so patchy wiry I can't decide if its better or worse. I have a lazy eye that never helps so I have to wear thick glasses to help focus on anything and, as my name suggests, my cock looks like a second naval when I'm soft and I'm 21! No one would want me sexually and the only people who do like me around happen to simultaneously make me feel worse about myself and my shitty situation.
Spook is clever and funny and can always teach you something or make you laugh but when you know that he's getting over a hangover from a night where some femoid or another chad warmed his bed, that hurts.
I can always find some reassurance from Shroom, he's as reliable as the ground beneath my feat and can help in a hard place but when his loving partner is so often at his side wrapped around his neck, that hurts.
Joey is a free spirit and he'll always have an adventure in store, he breaks life up and is always willing to drop previous plans for friends but when those plans was just another night of sex you can't have, that hurts.
Does anyone else have this problem? Surely I'm not the only one who has this dilemma where the ones closest to you who are keeping you going are also the ones that represent the very things that are dragging you down. It's like I'm the token 2/10 fulfilling a 8-9/10 committee's quota sometimes.
It's like I'm more a reject because those around me are just so fuсking perfect. I hate the ones I love.
Does anyone else feel like their options are just made worse just by the company you keep that much better than you?
I have 3 childhood friends that have stuck by me and, apart from my immediate family, were the only ones that even acknowledged my 21st birthday last weekend. We were the group in school that all kinda like history, 40k and other scifi/fantasy ѕhit. I'm already a shitty looking person already, crooked teeth, acne-scarred cheeks, blochy red skinned, tiny shoulders, pot bellied, lanky subhuman but I feel even worse with these 3 guys around me: Casper, Ahmed, and Joey. Let me explain why such great blokes have been my most solid cope keep wanting me to jump in front of a train.
Casper is shortish, skinny and kinda effeminate in the face but he's got a fit, toned, athletic body -lithe and triangular in profile as he surfed and swam a lot- smooth skinned bisexual with natural near-platinum blonde hair and silver blue eyes, moving comfortably in his skin as if always relaxed. He's the youngest of 7 brothers and they're all fuсking brilliant: a doctor, a paralegal, an accountant, a soldier, an engineer and a history major - the eldest 3 already have families with multiple kids each. Casper (nicknamed Spook cos the ghost cartoon) himself studies medicine and despite not being super masculine (he looks fuсking 12 years old while also a commie and a faggot who experiments with drugs) he's smarts, humour, "looking cute" all get him tonnes of females, more than he hooks other dudes. If he doesn't dazzle them with wit he plays the fool and they all fall for it, he's been a wh*re since he was 14. I happen to know he has a huge dick, so I suppose that helps him, one of the sl*ts he had joked she measure his foreskin in litres. His job as a bartender just gives him more opportunities to fuck around. It infuriates me that has everything equipt to have a loving relationship that I haven't gotten near and he uses sex like he pops pills at parties.
Ahmed is a fuсking adonis. He's got copper skin, amber eyes, golden brown hair, a cropped beard, a defined musculature, a head higher than everyone else in the room, board shoulders and boasting a proud posture. Half Persian and half Arab, his two other siblings being sisters, he is the golden only son of his family. His nick name his Shroom because back in year 6 kids found out he was the only one in the class who was circumcised and the name 'mushroom' always stuck. Both his parents are haughty business owners who have supported their kids well. Like Ahmed works at the local library but he doesn't have to. He's studying economics but again, he doesn't have to. He's had 3 girlfriends since he 16, though he said the first one didn't count because it was just sex and the second one didn't count because his conservative Islamic parents felt tension with her but he's stuck with this third one for longer than the others. That he's physically an alpha with bucks hurts me and watching that him and his current girlfriend seem so happy with eachother is just twisting the knife. Unlike Casper, Ahmed isn't even that verbally assertive. He is quiet spoken and kindhearted, which just proves to me that some people don't even need to try, pusѕy just comes to them.
Joey is fun and wild to be around. He has a long mane of wild red hair, emerald green eyes, a wiry build from playing football, always on the move and is a gifted musician. He's a backing guitarist for a local band, when not working as a mechanic, paying his way through university and he's always wearing black, usually a merch tee of some shitty black metal, death metal or extreme metal band, if not some other ѕhit with some Lucifarian, Thelemite or Occult reference. He'sone of those antitheistic ancap types, even calls himself a chaos gnostic. He doesn't have any stable relationship, he tends to just maintain casual relations with the same 3 bitches all the time and just sees sex as a thing to do if he doesn't have anything better to do with his life that night. I hate how it's just some other thing to him now, how he doesn't know the pain of never having that option, never even considering how hard it could be for a less attractive person, let alone a failure of reproduction like me. Him and his twin sister tend to know hard times since his parents divorced when they were 10 and in every other way they help with bad situations but when it comes with my untouched virginity, they tell me to "just go out there" like it's some easy thing or "if I wasn't inside so much and I talked to more girls than games". Depending on the day, he can make me feel the most hopeful and the most angry.
And the thing is, those three have never been with anything under a 7/10, not one of them even Casper with his fuсking statistical legions. All of them are good looking, have healthy, well made bodies, have paying jobs, moved out of their parents' place at 18, all were able to study at least part time and all have had fulfilling sexual relations whether it's Casper's harems or Ahmed's loving monogamy. I have never had a successful job application, I'm still living with my bitch mother and obese father, I'm a university drop out who never learned to drive and my parents look at their only child as an evolutionary failure I'm sure. And I am, I'm never going to find anyone who would love me in any meaningful sense. I look somehow fat and lanky at the same time, my skin is riddled with eczema and scars from acne, I have brittle and greasy black hair, shitty teeth despite having braces for fuсking ever leaving me with a weird overbite that just makes my tiny jawline look worse. I try to hide it with facial hair but it looks so patchy wiry I can't decide if its better or worse. I have a lazy eye that never helps so I have to wear thick glasses to help focus on anything and, as my name suggests, my cock looks like a second naval when I'm soft and I'm 21! No one would want me sexually and the only people who do like me around happen to simultaneously make me feel worse about myself and my shitty situation.
Spook is clever and funny and can always teach you something or make you laugh but when you know that he's getting over a hangover from a night where some femoid or another chad warmed his bed, that hurts.
I can always find some reassurance from Shroom, he's as reliable as the ground beneath my feat and can help in a hard place but when his loving partner is so often at his side wrapped around his neck, that hurts.
Joey is a free spirit and he'll always have an adventure in store, he breaks life up and is always willing to drop previous plans for friends but when those plans was just another night of sex you can't have, that hurts.
Does anyone else have this problem? Surely I'm not the only one who has this dilemma where the ones closest to you who are keeping you going are also the ones that represent the very things that are dragging you down. It's like I'm the token 2/10 fulfilling a 8-9/10 committee's quota sometimes.
It's like I'm more a reject because those around me are just so fuсking perfect. I hate the ones I love.
