Here I am again, typing this thread in the evening while the suicidal and severe depressive thoughts slowly start creeping up again....
I have constant mood swings too. One day I feel sort of OK, the other day it´s like all life force / energy is being sucked out of my system, no motivation, suicidal thoughts, depression sets in without any hope insight.
When will this constant mental torture, this warfare in my mind stop?
I try to stay off social media, but decided to scroll through my feed on instagram (on my fake anonymous account), and came across a beautiful girl.
I´d estimate her to be between 20-24 years old. Pale white skin, brunette hair and brown eyes. The girl who is exactly my type.
She looks innocent, pure and very modest. But I know that I´ll never have a woman like her in my life, or even remotely close to that. I type this with tears in my eyes, a heavy feeling on my chest and sadness on my mind.
I just don´t want to live anymore, I simply cant imagine myself living like this for another 50/60 years.
How am I, as a guy in my prime, able to cope with the fact that I can´t fulfill my basic needs?
Slaving away at a fulltime job for another 50 years coming home to an empty apartment is mental torture.
I do the same shit over and over again every day, this may be the real Twilight zone.
Please tell me why I should stay alive and not kill myself? Give me one reason why I shouldn´t end my life in 2025, cause I´m really fed up.
I´m not a robot who is able to go through life on autopilot without ever experiencing love, I am a human being.
Blackpill Youtube channels such as We live in hell, LoneWolf87, Black Recluse, BlackPillVillain are real LifeFuel for me.
This forum is real lifefuel for me, cause it´s a relief to know, that I am not the only guy going through this shit.
Some of them haven´t posted in months which is understandable, cause you sometimes need to take a break from this blackpill rabithole
and constantly being reminded from the fact, that you are an unwanted male.
Yea sometimes you´ll come across trolls, but there are a few real ones on this forum, who truly understand what you´re going through.
Man o man, did I wish the world was a better place where all of us had prospects of having a wife, house, family and purpose.
If anything, you guys are the only ones who deserve such things, instead of the majority of other men who are pieces of shit and just got lucky
cause their body is made up of a different Genetic DNA code.
I have constant mood swings too. One day I feel sort of OK, the other day it´s like all life force / energy is being sucked out of my system, no motivation, suicidal thoughts, depression sets in without any hope insight.
When will this constant mental torture, this warfare in my mind stop?
I try to stay off social media, but decided to scroll through my feed on instagram (on my fake anonymous account), and came across a beautiful girl.
I´d estimate her to be between 20-24 years old. Pale white skin, brunette hair and brown eyes. The girl who is exactly my type.
She looks innocent, pure and very modest. But I know that I´ll never have a woman like her in my life, or even remotely close to that. I type this with tears in my eyes, a heavy feeling on my chest and sadness on my mind.
I just don´t want to live anymore, I simply cant imagine myself living like this for another 50/60 years.
How am I, as a guy in my prime, able to cope with the fact that I can´t fulfill my basic needs?
Slaving away at a fulltime job for another 50 years coming home to an empty apartment is mental torture.
I do the same shit over and over again every day, this may be the real Twilight zone.
Please tell me why I should stay alive and not kill myself? Give me one reason why I shouldn´t end my life in 2025, cause I´m really fed up.
I´m not a robot who is able to go through life on autopilot without ever experiencing love, I am a human being.
Blackpill Youtube channels such as We live in hell, LoneWolf87, Black Recluse, BlackPillVillain are real LifeFuel for me.
This forum is real lifefuel for me, cause it´s a relief to know, that I am not the only guy going through this shit.
Some of them haven´t posted in months which is understandable, cause you sometimes need to take a break from this blackpill rabithole
and constantly being reminded from the fact, that you are an unwanted male.
Yea sometimes you´ll come across trolls, but there are a few real ones on this forum, who truly understand what you´re going through.
Man o man, did I wish the world was a better place where all of us had prospects of having a wife, house, family and purpose.
If anything, you guys are the only ones who deserve such things, instead of the majority of other men who are pieces of shit and just got lucky
cause their body is made up of a different Genetic DNA code.
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