Kindergarten: one kid always had a beef with me for no reason and I don't remember much other than the fact that I really didn't like to go there because of him. I guess it could be called bullying because I remember he was friends with some other kids there and I wasn't, so not much I could do. Oh and also I don't remember that at all but my parents told me one day when my dad came to pick me up I was literally just sitting there bleeding. I don't event want to know why honestly, it wasn't anything too serious but I had a visible wound with blood coming out of it and this fact itself is pretty surreal to me for some reason. I was 5. We went to the police and the old woman who was supposed to watch over us got fired. I went to a different kindergarten after that, don't remember anything about it.
How over is it if you started to get bullied not even in school but in a kindergarten? Pretty over I guess.
1st-2nd grade: first time actually feeling rejected by a group. Just feeling out of place in general, had one kid who at the time I thought was my friend but now I realise I was more of a nuisance to him, he was just too nice to tell me to fuck off. I was bullied by one guy who was shorter than me, sometimes he punched me. When I told my dad about it he said I have to fight back. I remember we had a lot of these conversation where he kept saying I need to stand for myself and fight back. But he never taught me how. He just said "you're literally taller than him, it should be super easy, how can you not fight back?". Kinda resent him for not putting me in some sort of martial arts course, because no, it wasn't super easy, kid was built like a dwarf and I was very skinny. When I recently tried to get into boxing myself he was very much against it, saying that it's dangerous and I can get injured during sparring and get a brain trauma, so I guess that's why he never did train me to fight. But how tf was I supposed to fight back then? Also a trend of my life that started here was me being the youngest in every study group, since I was born very close to the end of the year and everyone else who I got in a group with based on the year of birth were older. It may not sound important but troughout whole school sometimes I was made fun of for that too.
3rd-4th: we moved to another city, I went to an average school. Somewhat decent time, had a couple of friends. Should've stayed there probably.
5th: dad insists I should go to a school that specialized in mathematics (where I live there are average schools and schools with in-depth program in some fields). Went to the best one in my area. It was horrible. Studying difficulty spiked up, I couldn't keep up. Teachers hated me, parents weren't happy with my results. Countless nights over books and homework with mom, lots of shouting and tears. Was put in a ton of extracurricular stuff that I hated like water polo, chess and more math, almost no time for myself, that went on till high school. Classmates didn't like me either. Two kids were most active at pestering and making fun of me. All I wanted is to be left alone. At one of the PE classes, one of those two kids was sitting on a bench freed from exercises and we were just running past him in circles. He put out his hand to give high fives to his friends running past him. Frustrated and stupid I hit his hand with my foot on the go. I didn't mean to do much harm, but accidentally broke his wrist. Was moved to another class after that.
6th-7th: same school, another class. Now hated not only by my previous peers, but a new ones too. First time having a oneitis. First time having my feeling shattered as she's with a literal chad of my class. Naively told about this someone I shouldn't have, this got revealed to the whole class, one of the most embarassing moments of my life. Chad tells me to meet him behind the school after classes, he's two heads taller and unlike me was in a fight before, so I don't go. Get even more ridiculed by the class. Later he and his friends follow me after school anyway, he throws me on the ground and beats me. I almost forgot about it by know but I think it was the first time I was actually beaten. Surprisingly I was simultaneously in a sort of friend group with 6-7 ppl in that class except they were actual friends with each other but fake friends with me. Later I fell for one of the girls in that group, told her about it, she said she could only see me as a friend. We lived pretty close to each other. I went to her house on her birthday with a gift. I was running late but also limping from a recent sport related leg injury. When I came there turned out she and one of the kids who bullied me (another chad) followed me all the way from my home to hers without me noticing, and they were laughing because of how I moved the entire time. Then this chad2 makes it clear that this girl likes him and not me so I should fuck off, which I do. I'm surprised how I still resent some of the stuff I told and will tell but not this particular situation. From description it's one of the worst but I don't feel anything at all about it now, again kinda surreal. Also while everyone else was getting into their first experiences of partying, drinking, smoking etc. all I got to do is a single sleepover with this "fake friend" group and the only thing I remember from there was truth or dare game or something like that where another foid of the group had to sit on my lap (wasn't my initiative) and was super uncomfortable about it and also very expressive of that fact. Another experiences with the group include desperate jestermaxxing, getting my beanie thrown in a puddle (and getting a lot of negative reaction from everyone when I do the same to the kids who started it), and by the end of my last year one of the "friends" telling me in my face that he hates me and it'd be better for everyone if I were dead.
8th and till graduation: by parents will changed school yet again. Now it's a prestigious one, where kids study from 8th grade instead of 1st and everyone passes an exam to get there. Hundreds of kids do this exam and school takes the top 50. I was the 50th. All the kids were intelligent and civilized, but I still didn't feel right with them for some reason, and it was mutual. There were no bullying, I was just a strange guy ignored by most, and was pretty content with that. Finally left alone. But it couldn't went all smooth of course, I got another oneitis and quickly got friendzoned. But she is also super messed up. Borderline, depression, suicidal. I was 13, she is almost year older than me. The whole dynamic just fucked me up mentally. I'm deeply ashamed of the fact that I'm still not over her. In general did a ton of cringy stuff you'd expect from a teen, nothing too interesting. One day I just felt so shitty I skipped school and extracurricular stuff for the entire day and parent found out about it. Dad threw my headphones at me breaking them, then threw a fucking chair at me. After that they kinda gave up on me, just left me alone too and gave me freedom. I forgo studying, was just gaming and surfing the interent all the time, probably was the only guy at school who never prepared for the final exams. Got blackout drunk on a graduation party, threw up alot, embarassed myself yet again.
After school: got into a mid university. There's mostly guys, almost no foids. Almost instantly get targeted. My first post on the forum was about how I lived in a dorm for less than a week and already had to get back to living with my parents because some ppl who didn't like me there didn't let me sleep at night on purpose and when I recorded that they almost beat me. Also the first time being called an "Incel" IRL. Couple years later still studying there, still disliked, trying to minimize interactions with other people. Just doing the bare minimum as I learned in high school. At least people there seem to mature a bit now and some people got out so active bullying transformed into an ignorance or a passive aggression.
Extras: parents kept sending me in the summer camp every summer of the middle school. 3 weeks of pure hell every time. experiences include being rejected by even more foids, having two kids who i thought were my friends for the entirety of 3 weeks (since we lived in one room) throw me on the floor on the last day and beat me (it hurt more emotionally than physically), hiding in the showers room with no lights holding the door closed while kids bash on it as they want to beat me, adults punishing me for being a "problem child" even though i never started anything, etc.
that's about all i could remember for now. if you actually read all that i appreciate it. never told all this stuff before to anyone, just wanted to make a comprehenisble story of all the shit that haunts me for once.
How over is it if you started to get bullied not even in school but in a kindergarten? Pretty over I guess.
1st-2nd grade: first time actually feeling rejected by a group. Just feeling out of place in general, had one kid who at the time I thought was my friend but now I realise I was more of a nuisance to him, he was just too nice to tell me to fuck off. I was bullied by one guy who was shorter than me, sometimes he punched me. When I told my dad about it he said I have to fight back. I remember we had a lot of these conversation where he kept saying I need to stand for myself and fight back. But he never taught me how. He just said "you're literally taller than him, it should be super easy, how can you not fight back?". Kinda resent him for not putting me in some sort of martial arts course, because no, it wasn't super easy, kid was built like a dwarf and I was very skinny. When I recently tried to get into boxing myself he was very much against it, saying that it's dangerous and I can get injured during sparring and get a brain trauma, so I guess that's why he never did train me to fight. But how tf was I supposed to fight back then? Also a trend of my life that started here was me being the youngest in every study group, since I was born very close to the end of the year and everyone else who I got in a group with based on the year of birth were older. It may not sound important but troughout whole school sometimes I was made fun of for that too.
3rd-4th: we moved to another city, I went to an average school. Somewhat decent time, had a couple of friends. Should've stayed there probably.
5th: dad insists I should go to a school that specialized in mathematics (where I live there are average schools and schools with in-depth program in some fields). Went to the best one in my area. It was horrible. Studying difficulty spiked up, I couldn't keep up. Teachers hated me, parents weren't happy with my results. Countless nights over books and homework with mom, lots of shouting and tears. Was put in a ton of extracurricular stuff that I hated like water polo, chess and more math, almost no time for myself, that went on till high school. Classmates didn't like me either. Two kids were most active at pestering and making fun of me. All I wanted is to be left alone. At one of the PE classes, one of those two kids was sitting on a bench freed from exercises and we were just running past him in circles. He put out his hand to give high fives to his friends running past him. Frustrated and stupid I hit his hand with my foot on the go. I didn't mean to do much harm, but accidentally broke his wrist. Was moved to another class after that.
6th-7th: same school, another class. Now hated not only by my previous peers, but a new ones too. First time having a oneitis. First time having my feeling shattered as she's with a literal chad of my class. Naively told about this someone I shouldn't have, this got revealed to the whole class, one of the most embarassing moments of my life. Chad tells me to meet him behind the school after classes, he's two heads taller and unlike me was in a fight before, so I don't go. Get even more ridiculed by the class. Later he and his friends follow me after school anyway, he throws me on the ground and beats me. I almost forgot about it by know but I think it was the first time I was actually beaten. Surprisingly I was simultaneously in a sort of friend group with 6-7 ppl in that class except they were actual friends with each other but fake friends with me. Later I fell for one of the girls in that group, told her about it, she said she could only see me as a friend. We lived pretty close to each other. I went to her house on her birthday with a gift. I was running late but also limping from a recent sport related leg injury. When I came there turned out she and one of the kids who bullied me (another chad) followed me all the way from my home to hers without me noticing, and they were laughing because of how I moved the entire time. Then this chad2 makes it clear that this girl likes him and not me so I should fuck off, which I do. I'm surprised how I still resent some of the stuff I told and will tell but not this particular situation. From description it's one of the worst but I don't feel anything at all about it now, again kinda surreal. Also while everyone else was getting into their first experiences of partying, drinking, smoking etc. all I got to do is a single sleepover with this "fake friend" group and the only thing I remember from there was truth or dare game or something like that where another foid of the group had to sit on my lap (wasn't my initiative) and was super uncomfortable about it and also very expressive of that fact. Another experiences with the group include desperate jestermaxxing, getting my beanie thrown in a puddle (and getting a lot of negative reaction from everyone when I do the same to the kids who started it), and by the end of my last year one of the "friends" telling me in my face that he hates me and it'd be better for everyone if I were dead.
8th and till graduation: by parents will changed school yet again. Now it's a prestigious one, where kids study from 8th grade instead of 1st and everyone passes an exam to get there. Hundreds of kids do this exam and school takes the top 50. I was the 50th. All the kids were intelligent and civilized, but I still didn't feel right with them for some reason, and it was mutual. There were no bullying, I was just a strange guy ignored by most, and was pretty content with that. Finally left alone. But it couldn't went all smooth of course, I got another oneitis and quickly got friendzoned. But she is also super messed up. Borderline, depression, suicidal. I was 13, she is almost year older than me. The whole dynamic just fucked me up mentally. I'm deeply ashamed of the fact that I'm still not over her. In general did a ton of cringy stuff you'd expect from a teen, nothing too interesting. One day I just felt so shitty I skipped school and extracurricular stuff for the entire day and parent found out about it. Dad threw my headphones at me breaking them, then threw a fucking chair at me. After that they kinda gave up on me, just left me alone too and gave me freedom. I forgo studying, was just gaming and surfing the interent all the time, probably was the only guy at school who never prepared for the final exams. Got blackout drunk on a graduation party, threw up alot, embarassed myself yet again.
After school: got into a mid university. There's mostly guys, almost no foids. Almost instantly get targeted. My first post on the forum was about how I lived in a dorm for less than a week and already had to get back to living with my parents because some ppl who didn't like me there didn't let me sleep at night on purpose and when I recorded that they almost beat me. Also the first time being called an "Incel" IRL. Couple years later still studying there, still disliked, trying to minimize interactions with other people. Just doing the bare minimum as I learned in high school. At least people there seem to mature a bit now and some people got out so active bullying transformed into an ignorance or a passive aggression.
Extras: parents kept sending me in the summer camp every summer of the middle school. 3 weeks of pure hell every time. experiences include being rejected by even more foids, having two kids who i thought were my friends for the entirety of 3 weeks (since we lived in one room) throw me on the floor on the last day and beat me (it hurt more emotionally than physically), hiding in the showers room with no lights holding the door closed while kids bash on it as they want to beat me, adults punishing me for being a "problem child" even though i never started anything, etc.
that's about all i could remember for now. if you actually read all that i appreciate it. never told all this stuff before to anyone, just wanted to make a comprehenisble story of all the shit that haunts me for once.
