Venting spectator mode isn't that great afterall

[pizzamaxxer]

All my life all I ever wanted to be was a spectator who could just watch people live cuz I never had a chance to live my life. It was always too damn chaotic to even think about anything besides survival, what might happen , might not happen.
Today I watch people live their lives irl, on tv shows and so on , at first it seemed quite interesting but sometimes it feels frustrating that I never had the normal or extraordinary experience in anything and chances are I never would. The notion I had about myself being so special was after all just in a negative perspective in reality . Yes I am special but in the parameters of how worse life can be, I have been in ' special ' circumstances hence so special I am. But turns out it fucks me up so bad that I can't even realise normal things let alone extraordinary ones. Even with sub3 looks, Im sure I would have been somehow better at life if I wasn't held on a gun point to face my life how it was. Yea some would say the circumstances happened because of my looks and some of them probably did and even my neurodivergence played a part in that , but nigga what am I to do with that. Was I not son of a man and a woman atleast, how indifferent could I be to go through all that. Sex never bothered me, I'm fine jerking off in a silent corner . Just needed a bit of humane touch and affection that a child, a teenager needs.

 

[Notkev]

Very relatable stuff.
Today this other "friend" of mine threw a small birthday party (me and 4 other guys) for this guy in uni.
None of these guys even know my birthday. And would never do this kind of thing for me.

 

[pizzamaxxer]

Very relatable stuff.
Today this other "friend" of mine threw a small birthday party (me and 4 other guys) for this guy in uni.
None of these guys even know my birthday. And would never do this kind of thing for me.

no birthday parties for us. An online brocel told that his classmates arranged a picnic together and didn't even bother to invite him . It can be understood with looks and neurodivergence or maybe just our behavior caused by the negative reinforcement and traumas, but why can't they break all these barriers for once, just for once.

 

[Notkev]

no birthday parties for us. An online brocel told that his classmates arranged a picnic together and didn't even bother to invite him . It can be understood with looks and neurodivergence or maybe just our behavior caused by the negative reinforcement and traumas, but why can't they break all these barriers for once, just for once.

Had the same happen to me. A "friend" talked to this other guy about the trip they had planned in front of me as if I wasn't even there. People simply see us as inferior to themselves and treat us accordingly. There's more dignity in solitude than in trying to blend in with them.

 

[LornaDerek]

I can see the despair in His face. He knows it's over and there's nothing he can do

 

[pizzamaxxer]

Had the same happen to me. A "friend" talked to this other guy about the trip they had planned in front of me as if I wasn't even there. People simply see us as inferior to themselves and treat us accordingly. There's more dignity in solitude than in trying to blend in with them.

true

 

[pizzamaxxer]

I can see the despair in His face. He knows it's over and there's nothing he can do

facts and that's me and everyone here

 

[Thugs-5-Less]

brutal

 

[TouhouMathcel]

Personally, as a student/worker, I enjoy being in a spectator mode. They don't care about you, they don't give you tasks, they don't ask extra questions. I feel like I'm playing a demo version of my life, but it's not bad

 

[pizzamaxxer]

Personally, as a student/worker, I enjoy being in a spectator mode. They don't care about you, they don't give you tasks, they don't ask extra questions. I feel like I'm playing a demo version of my life, but it's not bad

it's usually not bad , but I'm referring to some moments that I usually have once in a month or so where you can't just thug it out

 

[TouhouMathcel]

it's usually not bad , but I'm referring to some moments that I usually have once in a month or so where you can't just thug it out

Do you have a job or a hobby? I just can't imagine having enough free time to care about this stuff

 

[pizzamaxxer]

Do you have a job or a hobby? I just can't imagine having enough free time to care about this stuff

not yet, I go to college. Hobbies are just I can't find any that interests me, job Maybe I'll go for some part time work soon

 

[pizzamaxxer]

Do you have a job or a hobby? I just can't imagine having enough free time to care about this stuff

the thing is , no matter how busy it gets you can't suppress that emotion for long enough to permanently end it

 

[TouhouMathcel]

the thing is , no matter how busy it gets you can't suppress that emotion for long enough to permanently end it

You don't have to suppress it, you have to completely get rid of it. Free yourself, don't think about the soyciety

 

[pizzamaxxer]

You don't have to suppress it, you have to completely get rid of it. Free yourself, don't think about the soyciety

haha sure bro. Don't think about it, nigga you can't just stop your thoughts. They are the ultimate reality and merely a reaction towards the outside factors

 

[Ahnfeltia]

I enjoy being in a spectator mode

I don't mind it too much either. Vicariously experiencing life often mogs the real thing. Somehow anime fireworks > real-life fireworks. I can relate to occasionally feeling the pang of loneliness tho.

 

[TouhouMathcel]

haha sure bro. Don't think about it, nigga you can't just stop your thoughts. They are the ultimate reality and merely a reaction towards the outside factors

Personally, I believe in free will. And I also believe that some people don't have it. So it's all up to you

 

[pizzamaxxer]

I don't mind it too much either. Vicariously experiencing life often mogs the real thing. Somehow anime fireworks > real-life fireworks. I can relate to occasionally feeling the pang of loneliness tho.

nice avi

 

[pizzamaxxer]

Personally, I believe in free will. And I also believe that some people don't have it. So it's all up to you

free will is just actions and how you process the pre existing thoughts. You can't undo the negative reinforcement of 22 years in a second or even in a year. That's why we all are here cuz it's not over actually it never began

 

[Ahnfeltia]

Personally, I believe in free will. And I also believe that some people don't have it

yo that's fucking brutal

 

[TouhouMathcel]

Vicariously experiencing life often mogs the real thing. Somehow anime fireworks > real-life fireworks.

Can relate tho

 

[Ahnfeltia]

nice avi

Yours is good too. Captures melancholy really well.

 

[TouhouMathcel]

You can't undo the negative reinforcement of 22 years in a second or even in a year.

I can. Many people can. It's only about how you react to a bad experience. That's my opinion

 

[Ahnfeltia]

Can relate tho

In a way you remind me of how I used to be. Anime and math used to be my life. Nothing else mattered.

 

[pizzamaxxer]

I can. Many people can. It's only about how you react to a bad experience. That's my opinion

ok

 

[pizzamaxxer]

In a way you remind me of how I used to be. Anime and math used to be my life. Nothing else mattered.

thats cool tho , whats your life now

 

[TouhouMathcel]

In a way you remind me of how I used to be. Anime and math used to be my life. Nothing else mattered.

What happened next? Why have things changed?

 

[Ghost]

Very relatable stuff.
Today this other "friend" of mine threw a small birthday party (me and 4 other guys) for this guy in uni.
None of these guys even know my birthday. And would never do this kind of thing for me.

I stopped giving a shit about my birthday a long time ago. Trust me, it's liberating.

 

[Manlet_cel]

Bhai is there something called ascension? Is it even true? Can we ever come out of our inceldom?

All my life all I ever wanted to be was a spectator who could just watch people live cuz I never had a chance to live my life. It was always too damn chaotic to even think about anything besides survival, what might happen , might not happen.
Today I watch people live their lives irl, on tv shows and so on , at first it seemed quite interesting but sometimes it feels frustrating that I never had the normal or extraordinary experience in anything and chances are I never would. The notion I had about myself being so special was after all just in a negative perspective in reality . Yes I am special but in the parameters of how worse life can be, I have been in ' special ' circumstances hence so special I am. But turns out it fucks me up so bad that I can't even realise normal things let alone extraordinary ones. Even with sub3 looks, Im sure I would have been somehow better at life if I wasn't held on a gun point to face my life how it was. Yea some would say the circumstances happened because of my looks and some of them probably did and even my neurodivergence played a part in that , but nigga what am I to do with that. Was I not son of a man and a woman atleast, how indifferent could I be to go through all that. Sex never bothered me, I'm fine jerking off in a silent corner . Just needed a bit of humane touch and affection that a child, a teenager needs.

 

[pizzamaxxer]

Bhai is there something called ascension? Is it even true? Can we ever come out of our inceldom?

ascend to the rope

 

[pizzamaxxer]

I stopped giving a shit about my birthday a long time ago. Trust me, it's liberating.

me too

 

[TouhouMathcel]

I stopped giving a shit about my birthday a long time ago. Trust me, it's liberating.

 

[Manlet_cel]

ascend to the rope

 

[pizzamaxxer]

Bhai is there something called ascension? Is it even true? Can we ever come out of our inceldom?

bhai aur you paxtani?

 

[Manlet_cel]

bhai aur you paxtani?

Jfl if I was I'll kill myself I'm indian

 

[pizzamaxxer]

Jfl if I was I'll kill myself I'm indian

haha

 

[Ahnfeltia]

thats cool tho , whats your life now

Kinda in limbo now. at a crossroads if you will. Gotta get a real job soon (doing a PhD ain't a real job) gotta move out soon. everyone around me has moved on or is ready to do so, I'm the only one still clinging to how it used to be.

Where are you at brocel?

What happened next? Why have things changed?

I still love anime and math to death, but I found more good copes (e.g., visual novels and TV series) and I got disillusioned by math as an institution. My mathematical interests have also shifted from wanting to know the advanced stuff to foundational stuff. Having less free time and more bullshit to deal with than before may have strengthened my longing for a supernatural sheen to my life -- i.e., love.

Unlike you, I don't believe in free will, so I'd say we don't get to decide what we become.

 

[pizzamaxxer]

PhD

smartcel,goodluck bro.

Where are you at brocel?

college,business finance major. STEM seemed cool to me but I just didnt gravitate towards it idk why.

so I'd say we don't get to decide what we become.

based destiny believer

 

[TouhouMathcel]

doing a PhD

What's your major or PhD about?

 

[Ahnfeltia]

smartcel,goodluck bro.

thanks I'm close to being done

college,business finance major. STEM seemed cool to me but I just didnt gravitate towards it idk why.

at least you didn't gravitate towards the humanities. Good luck to you as well brocel

based destiny believer

may the Norns be kind to us

 

[pizzamaxxer]

thanks I'm close to being done

thats great bro, happy to see you progressing

at least you didn't gravitate towards the humanities. Good luck to you as well brocel

lol yea , those are filled with troons and cucks

may the Norns be kind to us

amen

 

[Ahnfeltia]

What's your major or PhD about?

the mathematical side of neural networks

 

[Ahnfeltia]

thats great bro, happy to see you progressing

towards the grave one step at a time

lol yea , those are filled with troons and cucks

and you'd be working at McDonald's thereafter

 

[pizzamaxxer]

the mathematical side of neural networks

interesting

 

[pizzamaxxer]

and you'd be working at McDonald's thereafter

for sure

towards the grave one step at a time

cant deny the fate