Why exactly do we fail so much at even basic interactions with the other sex and often even the same sex? Is it really just about being NT or 10/10 in looks?
Let me tell you more about social resources.
Social resources are essentially solid relationships with trustworthy, functional people that are willing to open up with you and share their lives with you, boost up your image to other people in public and even actively keep an eye out for opportunities for the both of you, while expecting the same in return. These relationships provide an advantage of inestimable value as they can completely alter the course of your life.
Social resources are partially inherited as the social and financial success of your immediate family's elders trickles down to you and provides you with free status and opportunity, they are partially shared with you by close ones, as successful and sympathetic siblings and extended family can take you under their wing and vouch for you, and they are partially created by you mostly through successful interaction with your peers in social institutions like school and work, institutions that ideally have a good atmosphere and are free of dysfunction.
In the case of emergency, having failed to secure them any other way, you can also try to quickly create social resources "out of thin air" as you essentially either approach friendly people who you have weaker ties to than the aforementioned and plead with them to share their social resources with you, or try to become a public show-off or jester that attracts attention from total strangers at venues or meetup groups.
Usually this strategy is treated as a "sure thing" by those trying to assuage your fears and maintain morale, but it's not, it's a desperate emergency plan with low odds of success.
Being low on social resources is a big problem for several reasons.
1. Social resources are necessary for certain actions and life events to be available to you. The ability to get a phone call with good news or support from your friend, or for your cousin or college buddy to invite you on a double date or recommend you to an employer... is impossible to "generate" through positive thinking, targeted efforts, lowered inhibition, cold approach, etc.
2. Sharing social resources is something that does not come naturally to people. It's awkward. It's like you're begging them for money or affection, or anything else that's precious and exclusive.
People are used to a common pattern through life: obtaining their hard earned resources at the right time in life, being proud of what they achieved, and expecting the people they interact with to keep up the pace.
3. You usually need SOME social resources in order to get more, just losing out on the earliest social resources you get from family ties can put you on the backfoot, and the disgust shown to you by people who notice your poverty in social resources is not imagined, it's really there, and it wouldn't exist if social resources had little value, meaning they were actually easy to generate or obtain. They are treated as a precious thing because they are a precious thing.
4. Trying to fast track your acquisition of social resources puts you at risk of being taken advantage of by sociopaths. This is part of the reason why social resources are so valued. You are not just connected but you are connected to the right people.
Chances are that, just like me, you are very low on social resources, even if you have a buddy or three to chat with.
What was your early life like if you are currently an adult low on social resources? Could it be possible to guess?
Cocooning parents that avoid neighbours, relatives and connections?
Antagonistic siblings that see you as a burden?
Dysfunctional institutions with an oppressive atmosphere where everyone hates being there and can't wait to leave?
People that are close to you seem to have given up and no longer take care of themselves, let alone others?
Almost always being at a disadvantage in social resources compared to others and being forced to beg others to share some with you?
Feeling like you're always behind and are missing something essential that others have, even those who are less wealthy or attractive than you?
Generally being too eager around people that are all just waiting to return to their "real" friendships and relationships?
Frequently being told that you will "come into your own" and "get lucky" when it comes to social resources later in life? This despite people being naturally averse to sharing them with others and the wealth gap widening as time goes on?
Social resources are the most real thing there is, you cannot replace, simulate, or quickly create people that care about you and are trying to secure opportunities for you. It just cannot be done. Social resources start being accumulated at a very young age, their accumulation is only partially under your control, and it snowballs very quickly into either success or failure.
