Venting So angry right now. My mum says me wanting love/a girlfriend is "idealising love/a girlfriend" and putting it on a pedestal. In truth...

[TheGrayWolf]

... she knows I will never get one (i'M 26, KHHV, look strange), so she wants to manipulate me into forgetting one. She wouldn't say these things if I actually were good looking and had a chance for a cute girlfriend. She also says I look good (another lie, she wants me to cope and not stay indoors all day later in life, she says it's important to her that I find and hold a job later on).

"Having a gf isn't as good as you think", "you're idealising having a gf", etc.

But she wants me to forget the idea of getting a gf, at least a 5+/10. Even if I look good, ACCORDING TO HER (but I don't, read some of my other posts). I pointed it out today (again) and she'll probably kick me out of the house now. She's basically implying that I'm ugly... saying all these things against relationships...

Again, she wouldn't say that to someone who looks good. But if I want love or a girlfriend, I'm "idealising it" and "putting it on a pedestal" and "overestimating it".... she also repeatedly says "relationships suck" (only bc she had bad experiences with my dad/her husband, he cheated on her for years, and now apparently she's against relationships for everyone...)

 

[TheGrayWolf]

Why does she think I'm so dumb?

Yeah as if I'll listen to "you're idealising having a gf" (love, sex, etc.) but she ignores my sadness that I'm lonely. yet she tells me I have no empathy

 

[Shrek]

Why does she think I'm so dumb?

Yeah as if I'll listen to "you're idealising having a gf" (love, sex, etc.) but she ignores my sadness that I'm lonely. yet she tells me I have no empathy

She wants to keep you as a pet.Average helicopter mother.Move out from her,she will understand that she is making your life worse than it actually is.

 

[unanimouslyethnic]

... she knows I will never get one (i'M 26, KHHV, look strange), so she wants to manipulate me into forgetting one. She wouldn't say these things if I actually were good looking and had a chance for a cute girlfriend. She also says I look good (another lie, she wants me to cope and not stay indoors all day later in life, she says it's important to her that I find and hold a job later on).

"Having a gf isn't as good as you think", "you're idealising having a gf", etc.

But she wants me to forget the idea of getting a gf, at least a 5+/10. Even if I look good, ACCORDING TO HER (but I don't, read some of my other posts). I pointed it out today (again) and she'll probably kick me out of the house now. She's basically implying that I'm ugly... saying all these things against relationships...

Again, she wouldn't say that to someone who looks good. But if I want love or a girlfriend, I'm "idealising it" and "putting it on a pedestal" and "overestimating it".... she also repeatedly says "relationships suck" (only bc she had bad experiences with my dad/her husband, he cheated on her for years, and now apparently she's against relationships for everyone...)

shes trying to give you advice based on her own worldview like nearly every person does lol so just take it with a grain of salt

 

[Martes]

shes trying to give you advice based on her own worldview like nearly every person does lol so just take it with a grain of salt

 

[TheGrayWolf]

She wants to keep you as a pet.Average helicopter mother.Move out from her,she will understand that she is making your life worse than it actually is.

Oh no. She tells me she’d be happy if I have a gf. And I believe her. Then she’d be left alone more. But, I’d be happy for her if she wins 100 million in the lottery. But that won’t happen (1 in 100 million chance). So don’t gamble away all your money

She doesn’t tell me these things bc she wants to keep me or doesn’t want me to have a gf. She knows I’ll never get one. So it seems like she wants to spare me the pain, if I don’t want one anymore, everything’s ok. And I stop being moody

 

[TheGrayWolf]

She wants to keep you as a pet.Average helicopter mother.Move out from her,she will understand that she is making your life worse than it actually is.

This is certainly true in many other instances. But with my mother, she’d be happy if I’m gone. She doesn’t care if I have a gf or if I’m lonely. I think she even blames the meds for me wanting a gf. And moving out isn’t so easy… I have no money and everything is so expensive plus I can’t work full time with my disability and social security is bad here

 

[TheGrayWolf]

shes trying to give you advice based on her own worldview like nearly every person does lol so just take it with a grain of salt

But she’s so extremely arrogant and tells me I have no empathy towards her, bc I say “stop generalising” (my dad cheated on her, now she apparently thinks relationships are always bad)

 

[Mecoja]

She wants to keep you as a pet.Average helicopter mother.Move out from her,she will understand that she is making your life worse than it actually is.

Very true, they realize as they get older that they need someone by their side who will love them by default.

 

[unanimouslyethnic]

But she’s so extremely arrogant and tells me I have no empathy towards her, bc I say “stop generalising” (my dad cheated on her, now she apparently thinks relationships are always bad)

she probably internalized it and thinks all men are cheaters and projects her own anger towards her father on your comments about wanting a relationship

 

[DenHaag]

Sounds like she is just trying her best to make you feel better. In a misguided way maybe. But that’s my impression at least.

It can’t be easy to see your child struggling like that. One might think of anything to try and do in response.

 

[TheGrayWolf]

she probably internalized it and thinks all men are cheaters and projects her own anger towards her father on your comments about wanting a relationship

Yes. Maybe. But then she’s much dumber than I thought. My dad (her husband) cheating on her and being mean (he lives somewhere else for 3 years now) doesn’t mean that a girl will do the same to me (or she really thinks that)

 

[TheGrayWolf]

Sounds like she is just trying her best to make you feel better. In a misguided way maybe. But that’s my impression at least.

It can’t be easy to see your child struggling like that. One might think of anything to try and do in response.

You are 100% correct, she’s trying to make me feel better. And yes it is misguided, bc it’s insulting my intelligence and she tells me I have no empathy towards her

 

[TheGrayWolf]

Very true, they realize as they get older that they need someone by their side who will love them by default.

This is certainly true in many other instances. But with my mother, she’d be happy if I’m gone. She doesn’t care if I have a gf or if I’m lonely. I think she even blames the meds for me wanting a gf. And moving out isn’t so easy… I have no money and everything is so expensive plus I can’t work full time with my disability and social security is bad here.

It’s just a misguided attempt of her to try and make me feel better. If I don’t want a gf anymore (thats her goal bc she knows I’ll never get one anyway), it will be good for my feelings. And she won’t have to endure my “shitty moods” anymore

 

[TheGrayWolf]

Sounds like she is just trying her best to make you feel better. In a misguided way maybe. But that’s my impression at least.

It can’t be easy to see your child struggling like that. One might think of anything to try and do in response.

Oh she also tells me I won’t get a gf because “you’re an asshole”. Yet I’m just defending myself

 

[DenHaag]

You are 100% correct, she’s trying to make me feel better. And yes it is misguided, bc it’s insulting my intelligence and she tells me I have no empathy towards her

You have just demonstrated your empathy toward her by your post here! Sigh…sorry brocel…sounds like you’re getting sucked into some seriously dysfunctional communication with her. Sucks. Maybe can try some of the videos and books out there on non-violent communication (Marshall), communication with difficult people (Dan O’Connor etc.). Shrug. If it can help make life less difficult, might be low investment high reward.

 

[DenHaag]

Oh she also tells me I won’t get a gf because “you’re an asshole”. Yet I’m just defending myself

Lol.

maybe she is just dealing with some of her own issues that have nothing to do with you

Like I have an uncle who lately has become completely insufferable…come to find out his company has had layoffs and he’s been extra stressed from that. So he was chewing me out and it was really not about me but him. So it goes sometimes.

And hey maybe you are an asshole. You don’t sound like one in these texts though fwiw lol

 

[TheGrayWolf]

Lol.

maybe she is just dealing with some of her own issues that have nothing to do with you

Like I have an uncle who lately has become completely insufferable…come to find out his company has had layoffs and he’s been extra stressed from that. So he was chewing me out and it was really not about me but him. So it goes sometimes.

And hey maybe you are an asshole. You don’t sound like one in these texts though fwiw lol

Yes. I completely agree. Thanks for this man.

I just thinks it’s crazy - she’s trying to imply/indirectly convey I can forget the idea of getting a gf. Now she ignores the fact that I’m angry at her and frustrated bc of my incel status (thus, she “argues” I won’t get a gf bc I’m Iglu.

You have just demonstrated your empathy toward her by your post here! Sigh…sorry brocel…sounds like you’re getting sucked into some seriously dysfunctional s communication with her. Sucks. Maybe can try some of the videos and books out there on non-violent communication (Marshall), communication with difficult people (Dan O’Connor etc.). Shrug. If it can help make life less difficult, might be low investment high reward.

Thanks for these tips brother. I will look at these videos, and buy a book. I doubt she will listen to the best arguments and techniques though but I will try anyway. Bc it’s still her goal that I forget the idea of getting a gf. If I calmly point out that it seems like she’s manipulative she gets mad. But past things she said and didn’t say suggest she’s lying (99% sure)

Thanks man appreciate the help!!!

 

[DenHaag]

Yes. I completely agree. Thanks for this man.

I just thinks it’s crazy - she’s trying to imply/indirectly convey I can forget the idea of getting a gf. Now she ignores the fact that I’m angry at her and frustrated bc of my incel status (thus, she “argues” I won’t get a gf bc I’m Iglu.


Thanks for these tips brother. I will look at these videos, and buy a book. I doubt she will listen to the best arguments and techniques though but I will try anyway. Bc it’s still her goal that I forget the idea of getting a gf. If I calmly point out that it seems like she’s manipulative she gets mad. But past things she said and didn’t say suggest she’s lying (99% sure)

Thanks man appreciate the help!!!

Absolutely bro.

Hell I’m still trying to wrestle with these notions myself. It might not be completely Over for you yet or maybe it is. The communication stuff and dealing with high conflict personality stuff I got into recently and it has helped me a lot in dealing with soyciety — with family I feel a little more disarmed but even there I’ve been able to do a little verbal judo…occasionally.

(I never studied PUA. I like the more legit psychology & business-skills oriented (IMO) body of literature that focuses not on dubious alchemical tricks on foids, but instead teaches how to get people off my back without violence — a more relevant skill for me! The communication literature is helpful I’ve found. The anger management stuff is ok, but imo far less helpful. Neutralizing sources of anger has faster returns on investment in my experience.)

It still sucks sometimes. Eh good luck bro

 

[wei#3959]

Just rape

 

[TheGrayWolf]

Absolutely bro.

Hell I’m still trying to wrestle with these notions myself. It might not be completely Over for you yet or maybe it is. The communication stuff and dealing with high conflict personality stuff I got into recently and it has helped me a lot in dealing with soyciety — with family I feel a little more disarmed but even there I’ve been able to do a little verbal judo…occasionally.

(I never studied PUA. I like the more legit psychology & business-skills oriented (IMO) body of literature that focuses not on dubious alchemical tricks on foids, but instead teaches how to get people off my back without violence — a more relevant skill for me! The communication literature is helpful I’ve found. The anger management stuff is ok, but imo far less helpful. Neutralizing sources of anger has faster returns on investment in my experience.)

It still sucks sometimes. Eh good luck bro

Thanks brother, appreciate your tips and insights! Will definitely buy/look at this stuff you suggested and give you feedback on my progress. It’s very likely over for me but maybe I can at least improve some aspects of myself and communication

Peace bro and good luck to you

 

[Shrek]

Oh no. She tells me she’d be happy if I have a gf. And I believe her. Then she’d be left alone more

in the hypothetical sense, she won't be alone because she would have grandchildren to raise or contribute to raise from you.