this guy gets it
i know, but fuck it im gonna be dead soon anyways
nic does help asthma a bit but i’m trying to get like you i hate feeling chained to these kinda substances, waking up and not having to reach for something right out of bed is a blessing walks runs all that mog any drug that’s how ur naturally supposed to feel good not some artificial dopamine from something u throw back into, damn it i want to be sober so bad but being sober is hard i wish i never started anything but what can u do when ur lonely as fck, tired of this trucel cycle of using then getting off over n over
my brain doesn’t even feel like it’s working right anymore i feel retarded, tired of this trucel life i want to be a plant who can get up with jus the sun and some water
like i get the addict brain too , it’s jus now i can’t even get high without feeling guilty and bad abt it so there’s no other route for me other than to come off, i miss not giving a fuck abt myself but ig nowadays i do want to be freed from being trapped
so over
if i dont get my morning redbull and camel yellow i start thinking about shanking a bitch
i feel bad sober and bad high, there’s no winning
those who rape their brain w benzos
i prefer distracting myself than facing the reality myself
that’s not bad, for me i get anxious depressed scared existential fear doom dread feels like ima die in my room can’t even leave and see ppl or shop becuz i feel like a vulnerable baby
anger is power, i miss feeling that, i want it back
jfl, why do the wds of downers have to b so bad compared to uppers like id take feeling like sleeping all day everyday (stim wd) over this freaking agony im jus too sensitive sober shit jus hits me too hard fuck
jus gotta rem what comes up goes back down and vice versa what comes down goes up, it’s the yin yang of life and i paid my price and i gotta do my fuckijg time again , i think that’s why im even more cooked now cuz it’s like bro u gotten clean in the past and ofc u had to come back to shit
like why are some brains wired to jus be addicted to anything? good drugs gambling porn u name it i’m grabbing shit, i need the stable balanced brain installed not this highs n lows brain
this is prob why i can’t maintain friends too cuz i end up feeling high as fuck off the friends then i’m coming down and geeking out, turning back to substances to cope, and it’s jus a fucking loop
like it’s black or whiteC not a spectrum
same but then when i do gotta confront reality it’s 10x harder, if i had more self control i would advice substances but knowing me i cant . i’ve tried to maintain and ive gotten better at not over doing things but theres like a demon in ur brain that tells u “oh jus dose a lil more” oh dose with this you’ll get more fucked up it’ll synergize” shit like that, next thing yk ur life revolves around getting ur next fix or else ur tweaking out sweating anxious paranoid can’t sleep u don’t know where ur at cuz ur jus so unbalanced mentally
if u can keep it to SITUATIONS only, they are the best cope, once it becomes a daily thing it’s game over. multiple times a day(redosing)? ur done
unless ur fine being a slave to a substance, which in the past i was but nowadays it’s gone, i want to feel in control not controlled
i was abused badly aswell due to being subhuman, after a while i literally stopped caring and turned full egoist narcy. im not a bad person or anything i still treat most people with kindness here because people here deserve it, i have lost complete empathy for anyone else though because i have been mistreated by everyone else so much. I literally tell my parents i hope i die soon because they severly abused me when i was younger and told me i should rope.
but then again i only treat people here with kindness because it pleases my own ego.
Surprised they freed you
im surprised aswell
I like smoking. Its some kind of autistic stimulation
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