Rejecting the “Strong black women” trope in bdsm
Anyone else has this problem?
So i sorta consider myself a feminine person in style and personality. I love soft cute things, trinkets, pink, white, stuffed animals. I wear alot of dresses, skirts, babydoll tops and put accessories in my hair like bows and hair clips. I have a small bag collection and some heels. When you walk into my room the main color you will see is pink and white, but i also have brown and black as most of my stuff is second hand.
My clothing style is a mix between dollette, coquette and anime shoujo girl. With that people have just out right said “your style is cutecore/kawaiicore”, which it is not as that is a very different style and can also be called Jojikufu aesthetic. They have also asked me if im into ddlg or have daddy issues simply because of the way i dress. I declined both as i dont have that and most defiantly not into that type of dynamic even though i am into dominant men i dont have daddy issues. Anyone else have that problem? Its getting annoying now with people these days assuming im into that dynamic. Feel free to look at my profile as i have pics of style there.
“Too Strong to Submit/ too weak if we do”? Rejecting the Strong Black Woman Trope in BDSM
"Strong Black Woman is a trope that often erases our pain, our need for gentleness, our right to be cared for." — Trudy, Gradient Lair
Submission is not weakness —it’s reclamation
Since the beginning of my BDSM journey my submissiveness has been questioned. People assume I’m just playing a role. "Oh, so you must be a brat." I’ve heard it over and over again, from people who don’t even know me. At first, I brushed it off.
But, I soon came to realize that these assumptions aren’t just ignorance—they’re microaggressions. Why? Because at their core, they’re rooted in the idea that all Black women must be “loud, difficult,” or "hard to tame."
That we can’t possibly be naturally submissive, because we’re expected to be strong at all times.
The biggest misunderstanding is that submission = powerlessness.
"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any." - Alice Walker
Choosing submission is not giving up power—it’s deciding how to use it.
BDSM and Womanism don’t contradict each other. Womanism fights for us to exist fully and freely and for some of us that means to embrace vulnerability, softness and submission.
What does submission mean to you as a Black Woman?
Do you feel like BDSM allows you to embrace softness in a way society doesn’t?
How has Misogynoir shown up in your BDSM journey? What stereotypes have you faced?
24 [F4M] Orlando, FL - Looking for that someone…
24[F4M] Orlando, FL - Looking for that someone…
Hi, I’m Bonnie, Im 24, black female, 5’5 | 115lbs, and if I were to describe myself in one word, it would probably be “soft,” though that’s just the beginning. I’m someone who finds joy and comfort in the small, delicate details of life, the things that make each day feel intentional and a little bit magical. I adore quiet, cozy spaces like small cafés and bakeries, wandering through little shops with hidden treasures, or simply enjoying a bouquet of flowers that catches my eye. I love the tactile, comforting things that make the world feel gentle: soft cardigans, stuffed animals, comfort shows/movies, bows and hair clips that add a playful feminine touch, and little strawberry-themed surprises that bring a smile. I notice the details, the subtleties, and the moments that many people might overlook, and I think that’s part of my charm.
At the same time, I have a small, wild streak. I love activity, adventure, and new experiences that let me feel alive. Roller coasters, museums, science exhibits, hiking, and exploring are all things that make my heart race with excitement. I’m not interested in the typical “dinner, coffee, or movie” dates; I crave experiences that are interactive and engaging, where we can genuinely connect and share energy. I love movement and spontaneity as much as I love stillness and quiet reflection, and I think the balance between those sides of me makes life richer.
I take boundaries, comfort, and consent very seriously. For me, a relationship is about trust, mutual respect, and emotional safety. I am not here for casual texting or low-effort planning or even the “lets see where things go” energy; I want someone who is thoughtful, intentional, and willing to invest the time and energy it takes to build something meaningful. Communication matters deeply to me, and I appreciate partners who are clear, considerate, and confident in themselves. I believe that love and connection flourish when both people are genuinely present, attentive, and willing to put in effort. However with that i am looking for a long term relationship but not ready for marriage or ready to have children, i love being CF (Child Free) and that is really important to me, i value my freedom and not being tied down daily having to take care of a small human. I believe it is possible to want a committed relationship but not be ready to settle down; Sometimes, two people simply share a meaningful connection, whether it lasts a few years or just a beautiful chapter. There’s something deeply romantic about two separate lives intertwining for a time before continuing their own paths.
I consider myself naturally submissive and kink-friendly (with limits). I’m drawn to men who are confident, Dominate, grounded, and know how to lead with care and thoughtfulness. I’m not interested in submissive men (or men with mommy issues. I do not have daddy issues myself) or those who expect me to take control; I feel most fulfilled when I can relax into softness and trust someone to guide our dynamic. For me, submission isn’t about weakness, it’s about connection, trust, and intimacy. The most romantic and meaningful relationships I can imagine are ones where I feel safe enough to let go, be soft, and explore the full range of my emotions and desires without fear or judgment or being used.
When it comes to who I’m attracted to, I tend to gravitate toward single men who are White, East/Southeast Asian, or latino and don’t have children. Non-Smoker/vaper but drinking is fine just dont be a alcoholic hehe. No crazy Exes. Aged 25-40(no one older or younger). Permanently living in Orlando, FL. Knows how to dress and basic hygiene. Knows how to have a conversation aka won’t leave me to ask all the question or say “feel free to ask me questions” when none have been asked of me. Loves theme parks and movies. Have hair on their head (no baldness but a buzzcut is fine). Emotional intelligent. Confidence is key! I admire someone who knows themselves, is comfortable in their own skin, and carries themselves with self-assurance. I appreciate a partner who prioritizes health, whether that’s staying active, eating thoughtfully, or simply taking care of their well-being. I prefer men who are fit, slim, or average in body type(noone obese), someone whose lifestyle complements mine without pressure or judgment. Height isn’t everything, but I’m drawn to men who are taller and carry themselves in a way that inspires quiet confidence and stability, height is not a dealbreaker. I’m most comfortable when I’m with someone kind, protective, and intentional. I bring loyalty, affection, and steadiness, I just need to feel safe and chosen first. I would say i have an average body, but to clear up that im not the average-overweight pipeline im 115lbs.
I love a lifestyle that feels mature, grounded, and intentional. I enjoy healthy routines, cooking at home, and staying active walking, or home workouts. I value thoughtful living, where every choice, big or small; reflects care for yourself and those around you. For me, little things matter: the scent of fresh flowers, the comfort of a soft cardigan on a rainy day, the quiet thrill of discovering something new in a museum, or the tactile satisfaction of a small DIY project. Life feels richer when you notice the details, and I take joy in these moments every day.
Romance, for me, is soft, tender, and deeply intentional. I crave connection that’s playful yet grounded, adventurous yet comforting. I love giving and receiving affection, cherishing moments where we can simply be together without distraction. My ideal partner values these things too: someone who can plan thoughtful, activity-based dates, who enjoys shared experiences rather than just passive moments, and who delights in the simple but meaningful gestures that show care. I want a relationship where laughter, exploration, and softness are all woven together, a life that feels full and alive while still honoring calm, gentle moments.
I want to build a relationship that’s focused and intentional from the start. I’m looking for someone who can embrace both the playful and serene sides of life, who understands that romance doesn’t need to be loud or flashy to feel profound. I value someone who can lead with strength but also sensitivity, someone who can take initiative in planning our time together while respecting my boundaries and comfort. I want a partner who sees the beauty in both quiet moments and bursts of adventure, someone who can make everyday life feel like something special.
There’s a balance in me that I hope to share with the right person. Together, I imagine a relationship that’s warm, exciting, and deeply connected: moments of quiet reflection curled up together, intertwined with spontaneous adventures that make us feel alive. I am a spiritually grounded Catholic and love my calm soft faith, i dont force my religion upon anyone and i dont even talk about it to avoid making people uncomfortable. It doesnt matter to me what religion or spirituality you are just come with acceptance and peace. I am LGBTQ+ friendly and myself is Pansexual. However i do not support the poly/enm lifestyle when it comes to my relationships. I dont smoke or drink. I have a chronic illness and take care of myself to make sure my health stays in check. I am not into hookup culture (fwb, ons, play partner, etc) but have tried it out before realizing and talking to my therapist that it is not for me and something i dont enjoy. I take my mental health very seriously and let go of anything that will cause me great stress or put me in a negative mindset.
I have healed through my trauma and continue to heal far beyond, i want my partner to also prioritize their mental health and can communicate their thoughts and feelings for anything good or bad, i hear and see my partner and make sure to provide my support and feedback, even in disagreements. I would consider myself slightly traditional in relationships following behind my partner and keeping quiet when needed (i do have rules/boundaries myself and dont tolerate any type of disrespect to my character). I would not consider myself a feminist however i do applaud the efforts and the ways things go by and how i would not be able to do the things i do now without feminism. I still believe in equal rights for all not only one type of person. I am not a liberal or conservative and consider myself of the far left and moderate. I prefer to date someone who is moderate/left and also not a conservative/liberal. I enjoy gloomy weather, slice of life anime, nature, animals, dressing very dolly and/or comfortable, and collecting stuffed animals (no squishmellows). I own a cat and dog and live with roommates. I dont drive as i dont meet florida requirements for a DL (passenger princess). I play video games (PS 4/5). I enjoy also dressing modest, a small bit of baking and naps. Im prochoice. And i dream of moving to the PNW and opening up a bakery and having my own greenhouse vegetable and fruit garden in the backyard hehe. I like listening to nu-metal/rock, mitski and Billie eilish. I am not a fan of RnB/hip hop music but I did grow up listening to it. I have Autism and adhd. I work Full Time.
I want someone who understands that relationships take effort and attention from both sides, and who is willing to create a connection built on trust, playfulness, and softness. I want a partner who can inspire me, challenge me gently, and hold space for me while allowing me to be my full, authentic self.
If you’re someone who enjoys activity-based adventures, who values thoughtful planning, and who appreciates both softness and subtle sparks of wildness, we might just click. I’m looking for someone confident, grounded, and intentional; someone who respects boundaries, takes comfort seriously, and understands that love is nurtured through care and presence. With the right person, I imagine a life full of warmth, trust, laughter, and connection, moments where we explore the world together, savor the quiet times, and let the soft, tender side of life bloom fully.
**Note** None of this was made with AI. I worked on this for a couple of weeks before posting. Im really grateful for the oxford language and proper talking when making a first impression on someone.
Anyone else experiencing this?
Okay so im a black woman (obv) and all my life ive been attracted to other races mainly white. But over time i find myself being attracted to asian men more and more, like dont get me wrong ive always found them attractive (my first ever crush was a asian boy in 2nd grade) but as of recent im liking white men less and less (mainly because of the state of america rn and alot of them are turning out to be very racists). So ik what youre thinking “its those that kpop and kdramas” absolutely NOT. Even though i do watch and listen to it sometimes it has no effect on me, im not crazy over it either. If someone asks me to name a kpop group or shows rn i wouldnt be able to help them . And you would probably think oh you only like east asian people… naurrr i like southeast asian as well if that helps. Anyways back to the plot!! I see myself being with a asian person as in relationships more than ever now. I SWEAR IM NOT A KOREABOO or whatever they are called !! But this all do sucks for me because i live in an area where 98% of asians are here for vacation only, noone actually lives here T_T. And the ones that do live in my city only like white girls or ABGs, super rare to see a nice ambw couple (i saw ONE, like 6yrs ago and havent seen anymore since). Did talk to an asian guy before but he didnt like that i didnt have an asian fetish and cared more about his personality and morals than the fact that he was asian, so i dropped him lol. I would like to approach more Asian guys but I don’t want to give off a feeling that I have an Asian fetish because I don’t !!!!
I’m so jealous lmao (pic for reach)
Why do i keep attracting submissive men???
I sometimes hate dating. Why do i keep attracting submissive men??? My luck in the dating scene hasnt been good because i would talk to a guy and things be going good and then he confesses that he is into Dominant women (women who take charge in every aspect) and they want me to fulfill that fantasy for them. I have looked over my dating profile a thousand times and nowhere does it hints or even says "i want to be the leader" or "let me be your domme mommy". Its getting ridiculous as of late. I have even asked people im super close with what is the vibe of my dating profile and they all had similar responses "soft",
"feminine" and "sweet" some even say "adorable". Not saying dominant woman cant be soft and adorable but you get what i mean right? Even in person i dont give off masculine energy, ive been told my energy is soft/girly and neutral. Im starting to think it mainly has to do with my race, im blk.
Ugh!!
What do you think? Read post
So not too long ago i made a post asking why i keep attracting submissive men (located on my profile).
Just today under 30mins ago a ‘Dom’ reached out to me wanting to chat and develop a relationship. I responded with firm, clear boundaries that communicated my intentions, values, and dealbreakers in a respectful way. That kind of message made it clear im not looking to waste time or compromise, (stuff like no smoking, dont have kids, be permanently living in the city im located in, etc.) and he said that he sees why i keep attracting submissive men its because of my “list of demands”. And how having boundaries is giving off that im dominant. What he said shows that he confuses submission with passivity and dominance with control. A healthy, dominant man respects a woman with standards because it shows she values herself and won’t settle for chaos. Boundaries don’t repel masculine men, it attract the right ones, because strong men are drawn to women who are grounded, self-aware, and selective, imo.
When a man says things like “you have too many demands” or “that doesn’t sound submissive,” what he really means is, “I’m uncomfortable with a woman who knows what she wants and won’t let me lead her blindly.” That’s not dominance, that’s insecurity disguised as confidence.
True dominance doesn’t need to challenge your boundaries. It honors them and leads with stability. You being clear doesn’t make you masculine or controlling, it makes you intentional. In my experience dominant men sometimes prefer women like that, because it means your submission, when you give it, is earned, not automatic.
He said “I do wanna add from your one post why you may be attracting submissive men. Well its this right here you have a list of demands you will not bend on that doesnt scream a submissive person. Thats scream dominant. Not trying to be rude just direct. I always date with intent. Thats a separate thing. Most submissive people have more give and take in their nature. This isnt a small list hun and zero give as I said scream you wanna be in charge. A dominant man wont fight you for control. If you wanna talk and give me a chance great if not I do wish you the best but give what I said some thought “
His reply, though, shows a misunderstanding of what I meant by “submissive” , he’s projecting his own assumptions. He interprets submission as being passive or compliant, when in reality, i was simply asserting what i want (which doesn’t cancel out being naturally submissive in relationships). He also subtly tried to challenge my self-awareness instead of respecting my clarity.
Not attacking him i just want to know does having boundaries makes someone less submissive or no?
What being submissive means to me
My version of being submissive doesn’t sound like weakness or dependency at all.
Its something rooted in softness, trust, and feminine comfort, not in giving up my voice or independence. I want to feel protected, guided, and reassured by someone who’s confident, calm, and emotionally grounded.
Submission comes from feeling safe enough to relax and let someone else take the lead, not only from needing control taken away. I don’t want to be dominated harshly, I want someone who’s steady, masculine (assertive) in energy, someone who earns my trust through his actions and presence and who understands my gentleness without trying to toughen me up.
I see submission as something quiet and natural, an energy I carry, not a role I play. I enjoy nurturing, supporting, and adding softness to a relationship, being the balance to my partner’s stability.
Submission is intertwined with my love for softness, calm, and emotional connection. It’s not performative its an emotional comfort zone: being gentle, loyal, attentive, and letting someone strong enough to lead also earn my obedience through love and respect.
Im not submissive to everyone or just anyone, only to someone who is dominant and I truly believe deserves it. I still expect to be treated with respect, consistency, and emotional maturity because submission, to me, isn’t about lowering myself; it’s about choosing to trust and give to someone who handles that gift well.
Being submissive, for me, means surrendering to that balance between strength and tenderness. It’s not about being less, it’s about being able to rest in my femininity because I know I’m with someone strong enough to hold it.
Why i havent responded to your messages/comments. Plz read. DONT COMMENT Under this post or any of my post !!!!
Why i havent responded to your message/comment. Plz read.
Hello and welcome to my Reddit page!!!
Youre here to look at my post, pics and probably wondering why i havent opened your message that you and many many others sent me. Well look no further im here to explain just that!!
Ofc i have gotten over 50 messages the past few days from my posts alone but i do go through ALL of them and read everything that im sent and decided if i should reply or not.
1. Your message was very boring and low effort. I hate small talk tbh. I enjoy talking to someone in a romantic setting for a minimum of 5 days before i lose interests. If no date is plan within the time frame im just responding at that point and want nothing to do with that person. BUT that mainly goes for low effort messages. If you read my post you will read and see that its lengthy and thought out and i put effort into getting my point across and what it is im looking for. No BS. I dont respond to “hey”, “wyd”, “how are you” messages or anything similar. Alot of people also put zero info about themselves in the message and think that asking a deep question but it wasnt followed by an introduction of themselves will peak my interests and i should fall for them immediately. I dont work like that. So i have ignored and deleted your message.
2. Your message was sexual. I got alot of msgs from men asking “lets meet tonight”, “hey sexy wyd later?”, “Hey bonnie im Trey, im white ddf, 7.5in and want to treat you to a good time tonight. Hmu” Ew… no… all of that calls for an immediate block, no point of return. Im not interested in ANYTHING casual or non-commitable. And if im being honest i deeply believe that people who partake in hookup culture (fwb, ons, etc) are very mentally unstable, have no self control or self respect, have commitment issues, no boundaries and is an lustful addict. Its something i believe people like that need psychological(mental) help for. I dont like those type of people and stay clear of them.
3. Your message was detailed, informative and has effort… however i checked out your profile or at least looked it up and you regularly partake in 18+ nsfw subreddits “girlsgonewild”, “bustyasians”, “petitenakedgirls” and similar or youre looking for a hookup (re-read 2). Its weird and says alot about someone what they value more “lust not love”. Not my thing so a hard pass.
4. You read nothing about what im looking for…. Or you did and choose to ignore it (rude). • Aka I stated im only looking for someone in my city but you live in places like Tampa FL, Georgia, Alabama, Miami FL and so on and want to connect with me. Im not interested in anything long distance or online. Not worth my time, ESPECIALLY OF YOURE ONLY HERE TO VISIT. • You have kids. I did not pass teen pregnancy to become a step mother. Im not open to someone im dating having kids and if they hid the fact they have children and we become official i will break up with them. • Youre maga/nazi or conservative. Gross need i say more? (I wont, i will just block and move on). • I stated i only date within a certain age and youre outside of that age range, please piss off. Ive received more msgs from 18-24yr old than anything wanting me to date them. Im very uncomfortable dating anyone younger than me. Especially someone who can technically still be in high school, 18/19. Im am NOT open to it. Im not open to dating outside of the higher age range i posted either. Im done taking care of the elderly (did it for 5yrs). • You smoke and for some reason want me to make an exception for you, no thank you. Even if its for medical reasons i will pass. • You dont prioritize your health. Eating fast food is fine but if thats all and youre not staying active… come on we all know what that does to your body | | —> ( ). I dont find dad bods attractive or overweight/obese bodies attractive. I love being active. I literally go on 3hr+ long walks and pace and workout at home for fun and out of boredom. Why would i want to be with someone who is out of breath after going up 1 flight of stairs (not saying everyone is like that but you get it right? I love stairs btw and would take the option to go up/down stairs instead of taking the elevator or escalator). Not trying to be rude but it is a huge preference for me.
5. You want me to make the first move. If youre the type to go “women should make the first move” then we wont work out princess. For me making the first move feels very masculine and I hate it. I do have it to where on reddit if someones account is less than 30days old they cannot message me, this is to block bots, unserious people and new accounts. I will not be lifting this blockage at all. Your “Hey DM me” comment or similar will be ignored 100%.
Thats all. Thanks for reading… bye byeee
Anyone else has this problem?
So i sorta consider myself a feminine person in style and personality. I love soft cute things, trinkets, pink, white, stuffed animals. I wear alot of dresses, skirts, babydoll tops and put accessories in my hair like bows and hair clips. I have a small bag collection and some heels. When you walk into my room the main color you will see is pink and white, but i also have brown and black as most of my stuff is second hand.
My clothing style is a mix between dollette, coquette and anime shoujo girl. With that people have just out right said “your style is cutecore/kawaiicore”, which it is not as that is a very different style and can also be called Jojikufu aesthetic. They have also asked me if im into ddlg or have daddy issues simply because of the way i dress. I declined both as i dont have that and most defiantly not into that type of dynamic even though i am into dominant men i dont have daddy issues. Anyone else have that problem? Its getting annoying now with people these days assuming im into that dynamic. Feel free to look at my profile as i have pics of style there.
“Too Strong to Submit/ too weak if we do”? Rejecting the Strong Black Woman Trope in BDSM
"Strong Black Woman is a trope that often erases our pain, our need for gentleness, our right to be cared for." — Trudy, Gradient Lair
Submission is not weakness —it’s reclamation
Since the beginning of my BDSM journey my submissiveness has been questioned. People assume I’m just playing a role. "Oh, so you must be a brat." I’ve heard it over and over again, from people who don’t even know me. At first, I brushed it off.
But, I soon came to realize that these assumptions aren’t just ignorance—they’re microaggressions. Why? Because at their core, they’re rooted in the idea that all Black women must be “loud, difficult,” or "hard to tame."
That we can’t possibly be naturally submissive, because we’re expected to be strong at all times.
The biggest misunderstanding is that submission = powerlessness.
"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any." - Alice Walker
Choosing submission is not giving up power—it’s deciding how to use it.
BDSM and Womanism don’t contradict each other. Womanism fights for us to exist fully and freely and for some of us that means to embrace vulnerability, softness and submission.
What does submission mean to you as a Black Woman?
Do you feel like BDSM allows you to embrace softness in a way society doesn’t?
How has Misogynoir shown up in your BDSM journey? What stereotypes have you faced?
24 [F4M] Orlando, FL - Looking for that someone…
24[F4M] Orlando, FL - Looking for that someone…
Hi, I’m Bonnie, Im 24, black female, 5’5 | 115lbs, and if I were to describe myself in one word, it would probably be “soft,” though that’s just the beginning. I’m someone who finds joy and comfort in the small, delicate details of life, the things that make each day feel intentional and a little bit magical. I adore quiet, cozy spaces like small cafés and bakeries, wandering through little shops with hidden treasures, or simply enjoying a bouquet of flowers that catches my eye. I love the tactile, comforting things that make the world feel gentle: soft cardigans, stuffed animals, comfort shows/movies, bows and hair clips that add a playful feminine touch, and little strawberry-themed surprises that bring a smile. I notice the details, the subtleties, and the moments that many people might overlook, and I think that’s part of my charm.
At the same time, I have a small, wild streak. I love activity, adventure, and new experiences that let me feel alive. Roller coasters, museums, science exhibits, hiking, and exploring are all things that make my heart race with excitement. I’m not interested in the typical “dinner, coffee, or movie” dates; I crave experiences that are interactive and engaging, where we can genuinely connect and share energy. I love movement and spontaneity as much as I love stillness and quiet reflection, and I think the balance between those sides of me makes life richer.
I take boundaries, comfort, and consent very seriously. For me, a relationship is about trust, mutual respect, and emotional safety. I am not here for casual texting or low-effort planning or even the “lets see where things go” energy; I want someone who is thoughtful, intentional, and willing to invest the time and energy it takes to build something meaningful. Communication matters deeply to me, and I appreciate partners who are clear, considerate, and confident in themselves. I believe that love and connection flourish when both people are genuinely present, attentive, and willing to put in effort. However with that i am looking for a long term relationship but not ready for marriage or ready to have children, i love being CF (Child Free) and that is really important to me, i value my freedom and not being tied down daily having to take care of a small human. I believe it is possible to want a committed relationship but not be ready to settle down; Sometimes, two people simply share a meaningful connection, whether it lasts a few years or just a beautiful chapter. There’s something deeply romantic about two separate lives intertwining for a time before continuing their own paths.
I consider myself naturally submissive and kink-friendly (with limits). I’m drawn to men who are confident, Dominate, grounded, and know how to lead with care and thoughtfulness. I’m not interested in submissive men (or men with mommy issues. I do not have daddy issues myself) or those who expect me to take control; I feel most fulfilled when I can relax into softness and trust someone to guide our dynamic. For me, submission isn’t about weakness, it’s about connection, trust, and intimacy. The most romantic and meaningful relationships I can imagine are ones where I feel safe enough to let go, be soft, and explore the full range of my emotions and desires without fear or judgment or being used.
When it comes to who I’m attracted to, I tend to gravitate toward single men who are White, East/Southeast Asian, or latino and don’t have children. Non-Smoker/vaper but drinking is fine just dont be a alcoholic hehe. No crazy Exes. Aged 25-40(no one older or younger). Permanently living in Orlando, FL. Knows how to dress and basic hygiene. Knows how to have a conversation aka won’t leave me to ask all the question or say “feel free to ask me questions” when none have been asked of me. Loves theme parks and movies. Have hair on their head (no baldness but a buzzcut is fine). Emotional intelligent. Confidence is key! I admire someone who knows themselves, is comfortable in their own skin, and carries themselves with self-assurance. I appreciate a partner who prioritizes health, whether that’s staying active, eating thoughtfully, or simply taking care of their well-being. I prefer men who are fit, slim, or average in body type(noone obese), someone whose lifestyle complements mine without pressure or judgment. Height isn’t everything, but I’m drawn to men who are taller and carry themselves in a way that inspires quiet confidence and stability, height is not a dealbreaker. I’m most comfortable when I’m with someone kind, protective, and intentional. I bring loyalty, affection, and steadiness, I just need to feel safe and chosen first. I would say i have an average body, but to clear up that im not the average-overweight pipeline im 115lbs.
I love a lifestyle that feels mature, grounded, and intentional. I enjoy healthy routines, cooking at home, and staying active walking, or home workouts. I value thoughtful living, where every choice, big or small; reflects care for yourself and those around you. For me, little things matter: the scent of fresh flowers, the comfort of a soft cardigan on a rainy day, the quiet thrill of discovering something new in a museum, or the tactile satisfaction of a small DIY project. Life feels richer when you notice the details, and I take joy in these moments every day.
Romance, for me, is soft, tender, and deeply intentional. I crave connection that’s playful yet grounded, adventurous yet comforting. I love giving and receiving affection, cherishing moments where we can simply be together without distraction. My ideal partner values these things too: someone who can plan thoughtful, activity-based dates, who enjoys shared experiences rather than just passive moments, and who delights in the simple but meaningful gestures that show care. I want a relationship where laughter, exploration, and softness are all woven together, a life that feels full and alive while still honoring calm, gentle moments.
I want to build a relationship that’s focused and intentional from the start. I’m looking for someone who can embrace both the playful and serene sides of life, who understands that romance doesn’t need to be loud or flashy to feel profound. I value someone who can lead with strength but also sensitivity, someone who can take initiative in planning our time together while respecting my boundaries and comfort. I want a partner who sees the beauty in both quiet moments and bursts of adventure, someone who can make everyday life feel like something special.
There’s a balance in me that I hope to share with the right person. Together, I imagine a relationship that’s warm, exciting, and deeply connected: moments of quiet reflection curled up together, intertwined with spontaneous adventures that make us feel alive. I am a spiritually grounded Catholic and love my calm soft faith, i dont force my religion upon anyone and i dont even talk about it to avoid making people uncomfortable. It doesnt matter to me what religion or spirituality you are just come with acceptance and peace. I am LGBTQ+ friendly and myself is Pansexual. However i do not support the poly/enm lifestyle when it comes to my relationships. I dont smoke or drink. I have a chronic illness and take care of myself to make sure my health stays in check. I am not into hookup culture (fwb, ons, play partner, etc) but have tried it out before realizing and talking to my therapist that it is not for me and something i dont enjoy. I take my mental health very seriously and let go of anything that will cause me great stress or put me in a negative mindset.
I have healed through my trauma and continue to heal far beyond, i want my partner to also prioritize their mental health and can communicate their thoughts and feelings for anything good or bad, i hear and see my partner and make sure to provide my support and feedback, even in disagreements. I would consider myself slightly traditional in relationships following behind my partner and keeping quiet when needed (i do have rules/boundaries myself and dont tolerate any type of disrespect to my character). I would not consider myself a feminist however i do applaud the efforts and the ways things go by and how i would not be able to do the things i do now without feminism. I still believe in equal rights for all not only one type of person. I am not a liberal or conservative and consider myself of the far left and moderate. I prefer to date someone who is moderate/left and also not a conservative/liberal. I enjoy gloomy weather, slice of life anime, nature, animals, dressing very dolly and/or comfortable, and collecting stuffed animals (no squishmellows). I own a cat and dog and live with roommates. I dont drive as i dont meet florida requirements for a DL (passenger princess). I play video games (PS 4/5). I enjoy also dressing modest, a small bit of baking and naps. Im prochoice. And i dream of moving to the PNW and opening up a bakery and having my own greenhouse vegetable and fruit garden in the backyard hehe. I like listening to nu-metal/rock, mitski and Billie eilish. I am not a fan of RnB/hip hop music but I did grow up listening to it. I have Autism and adhd. I work Full Time.
I want someone who understands that relationships take effort and attention from both sides, and who is willing to create a connection built on trust, playfulness, and softness. I want a partner who can inspire me, challenge me gently, and hold space for me while allowing me to be my full, authentic self.
If you’re someone who enjoys activity-based adventures, who values thoughtful planning, and who appreciates both softness and subtle sparks of wildness, we might just click. I’m looking for someone confident, grounded, and intentional; someone who respects boundaries, takes comfort seriously, and understands that love is nurtured through care and presence. With the right person, I imagine a life full of warmth, trust, laughter, and connection, moments where we explore the world together, savor the quiet times, and let the soft, tender side of life bloom fully.
**Note** None of this was made with AI. I worked on this for a couple of weeks before posting. Im really grateful for the oxford language and proper talking when making a first impression on someone.
Anyone else experiencing this?
Okay so im a black woman (obv) and all my life ive been attracted to other races mainly white. But over time i find myself being attracted to asian men more and more, like dont get me wrong ive always found them attractive (my first ever crush was a asian boy in 2nd grade) but as of recent im liking white men less and less (mainly because of the state of america rn and alot of them are turning out to be very racists). So ik what youre thinking “its those that kpop and kdramas” absolutely NOT. Even though i do watch and listen to it sometimes it has no effect on me, im not crazy over it either. If someone asks me to name a kpop group or shows rn i wouldnt be able to help them . And you would probably think oh you only like east asian people… naurrr i like southeast asian as well if that helps. Anyways back to the plot!! I see myself being with a asian person as in relationships more than ever now. I SWEAR IM NOT A KOREABOO or whatever they are called !! But this all do sucks for me because i live in an area where 98% of asians are here for vacation only, noone actually lives here T_T. And the ones that do live in my city only like white girls or ABGs, super rare to see a nice ambw couple (i saw ONE, like 6yrs ago and havent seen anymore since). Did talk to an asian guy before but he didnt like that i didnt have an asian fetish and cared more about his personality and morals than the fact that he was asian, so i dropped him lol. I would like to approach more Asian guys but I don’t want to give off a feeling that I have an Asian fetish because I don’t !!!!
I’m so jealous lmao (pic for reach)
Why do i keep attracting submissive men???
I sometimes hate dating. Why do i keep attracting submissive men??? My luck in the dating scene hasnt been good because i would talk to a guy and things be going good and then he confesses that he is into Dominant women (women who take charge in every aspect) and they want me to fulfill that fantasy for them. I have looked over my dating profile a thousand times and nowhere does it hints or even says "i want to be the leader" or "let me be your domme mommy". Its getting ridiculous as of late. I have even asked people im super close with what is the vibe of my dating profile and they all had similar responses "soft",
"feminine" and "sweet" some even say "adorable". Not saying dominant woman cant be soft and adorable but you get what i mean right? Even in person i dont give off masculine energy, ive been told my energy is soft/girly and neutral. Im starting to think it mainly has to do with my race, im blk.
Ugh!!
What do you think? Read post
So not too long ago i made a post asking why i keep attracting submissive men (located on my profile).
Just today under 30mins ago a ‘Dom’ reached out to me wanting to chat and develop a relationship. I responded with firm, clear boundaries that communicated my intentions, values, and dealbreakers in a respectful way. That kind of message made it clear im not looking to waste time or compromise, (stuff like no smoking, dont have kids, be permanently living in the city im located in, etc.) and he said that he sees why i keep attracting submissive men its because of my “list of demands”. And how having boundaries is giving off that im dominant. What he said shows that he confuses submission with passivity and dominance with control. A healthy, dominant man respects a woman with standards because it shows she values herself and won’t settle for chaos. Boundaries don’t repel masculine men, it attract the right ones, because strong men are drawn to women who are grounded, self-aware, and selective, imo.
When a man says things like “you have too many demands” or “that doesn’t sound submissive,” what he really means is, “I’m uncomfortable with a woman who knows what she wants and won’t let me lead her blindly.” That’s not dominance, that’s insecurity disguised as confidence.
True dominance doesn’t need to challenge your boundaries. It honors them and leads with stability. You being clear doesn’t make you masculine or controlling, it makes you intentional. In my experience dominant men sometimes prefer women like that, because it means your submission, when you give it, is earned, not automatic.
He said “I do wanna add from your one post why you may be attracting submissive men. Well its this right here you have a list of demands you will not bend on that doesnt scream a submissive person. Thats scream dominant. Not trying to be rude just direct. I always date with intent. Thats a separate thing. Most submissive people have more give and take in their nature. This isnt a small list hun and zero give as I said scream you wanna be in charge. A dominant man wont fight you for control. If you wanna talk and give me a chance great if not I do wish you the best but give what I said some thought “
His reply, though, shows a misunderstanding of what I meant by “submissive” , he’s projecting his own assumptions. He interprets submission as being passive or compliant, when in reality, i was simply asserting what i want (which doesn’t cancel out being naturally submissive in relationships). He also subtly tried to challenge my self-awareness instead of respecting my clarity.
Not attacking him i just want to know does having boundaries makes someone less submissive or no?
What being submissive means to me
My version of being submissive doesn’t sound like weakness or dependency at all.
Its something rooted in softness, trust, and feminine comfort, not in giving up my voice or independence. I want to feel protected, guided, and reassured by someone who’s confident, calm, and emotionally grounded.
Submission comes from feeling safe enough to relax and let someone else take the lead, not only from needing control taken away. I don’t want to be dominated harshly, I want someone who’s steady, masculine (assertive) in energy, someone who earns my trust through his actions and presence and who understands my gentleness without trying to toughen me up.
I see submission as something quiet and natural, an energy I carry, not a role I play. I enjoy nurturing, supporting, and adding softness to a relationship, being the balance to my partner’s stability.
Submission is intertwined with my love for softness, calm, and emotional connection. It’s not performative its an emotional comfort zone: being gentle, loyal, attentive, and letting someone strong enough to lead also earn my obedience through love and respect.
Im not submissive to everyone or just anyone, only to someone who is dominant and I truly believe deserves it. I still expect to be treated with respect, consistency, and emotional maturity because submission, to me, isn’t about lowering myself; it’s about choosing to trust and give to someone who handles that gift well.
Being submissive, for me, means surrendering to that balance between strength and tenderness. It’s not about being less, it’s about being able to rest in my femininity because I know I’m with someone strong enough to hold it.
Why i havent responded to your messages/comments. Plz read. DONT COMMENT Under this post or any of my post !!!!
Why i havent responded to your message/comment. Plz read.
Hello and welcome to my Reddit page!!!
Youre here to look at my post, pics and probably wondering why i havent opened your message that you and many many others sent me. Well look no further im here to explain just that!!
Ofc i have gotten over 50 messages the past few days from my posts alone but i do go through ALL of them and read everything that im sent and decided if i should reply or not.
1. Your message was very boring and low effort. I hate small talk tbh. I enjoy talking to someone in a romantic setting for a minimum of 5 days before i lose interests. If no date is plan within the time frame im just responding at that point and want nothing to do with that person. BUT that mainly goes for low effort messages. If you read my post you will read and see that its lengthy and thought out and i put effort into getting my point across and what it is im looking for. No BS. I dont respond to “hey”, “wyd”, “how are you” messages or anything similar. Alot of people also put zero info about themselves in the message and think that asking a deep question but it wasnt followed by an introduction of themselves will peak my interests and i should fall for them immediately. I dont work like that. So i have ignored and deleted your message.
2. Your message was sexual. I got alot of msgs from men asking “lets meet tonight”, “hey sexy wyd later?”, “Hey bonnie im Trey, im white ddf, 7.5in and want to treat you to a good time tonight. Hmu” Ew… no… all of that calls for an immediate block, no point of return. Im not interested in ANYTHING casual or non-commitable. And if im being honest i deeply believe that people who partake in hookup culture (fwb, ons, etc) are very mentally unstable, have no self control or self respect, have commitment issues, no boundaries and is an lustful addict. Its something i believe people like that need psychological(mental) help for. I dont like those type of people and stay clear of them.
3. Your message was detailed, informative and has effort… however i checked out your profile or at least looked it up and you regularly partake in 18+ nsfw subreddits “girlsgonewild”, “bustyasians”, “petitenakedgirls” and similar or youre looking for a hookup (re-read 2). Its weird and says alot about someone what they value more “lust not love”. Not my thing so a hard pass.
4. You read nothing about what im looking for…. Or you did and choose to ignore it (rude). • Aka I stated im only looking for someone in my city but you live in places like Tampa FL, Georgia, Alabama, Miami FL and so on and want to connect with me. Im not interested in anything long distance or online. Not worth my time, ESPECIALLY OF YOURE ONLY HERE TO VISIT. • You have kids. I did not pass teen pregnancy to become a step mother. Im not open to someone im dating having kids and if they hid the fact they have children and we become official i will break up with them. • Youre maga/nazi or conservative. Gross need i say more? (I wont, i will just block and move on). • I stated i only date within a certain age and youre outside of that age range, please piss off. Ive received more msgs from 18-24yr old than anything wanting me to date them. Im very uncomfortable dating anyone younger than me. Especially someone who can technically still be in high school, 18/19. Im am NOT open to it. Im not open to dating outside of the higher age range i posted either. Im done taking care of the elderly (did it for 5yrs). • You smoke and for some reason want me to make an exception for you, no thank you. Even if its for medical reasons i will pass. • You dont prioritize your health. Eating fast food is fine but if thats all and youre not staying active… come on we all know what that does to your body | | —> ( ). I dont find dad bods attractive or overweight/obese bodies attractive. I love being active. I literally go on 3hr+ long walks and pace and workout at home for fun and out of boredom. Why would i want to be with someone who is out of breath after going up 1 flight of stairs (not saying everyone is like that but you get it right? I love stairs btw and would take the option to go up/down stairs instead of taking the elevator or escalator). Not trying to be rude but it is a huge preference for me.
5. You want me to make the first move. If youre the type to go “women should make the first move” then we wont work out princess. For me making the first move feels very masculine and I hate it. I do have it to where on reddit if someones account is less than 30days old they cannot message me, this is to block bots, unserious people and new accounts. I will not be lifting this blockage at all. Your “Hey DM me” comment or similar will be ignored 100%.
Thats all. Thanks for reading… bye byeee
