I hope you stub your toe tomorrow morning.
I hope you slip and fall in the shower.
I hope your dog runs away.
I hope you find out you were adopted.
I hope your controller dies right before you’re about to get first place in Mario Kart.
I hope you get stuck sitting next to an obnoxious, yapping cunt with bad breath the next time you’re on an airplane.
I hope you someday get trapped in an elevator while having diarrhea.
I hope every single one of your friends and family members forgets your birthday.
I hope sleep paralysis becomes a regular part of your morning.
I hope your tires give out in the pouring rain.
I hope when you back out of your driveway you accidentally run over a baby rabbit to which several of your neighbors lay witness.
I hope you have your period in the middle of a presentation on a day you forgot to wear your pad while wearing white pants. (HAHA YOU FUCKING BITCH!)
I hope you get into one of those fits of uncontrollable laughter at a funeral.
I hope your card gets declined at the grocery store with a dozen people waiting behind you.
I hope you forget where you put your house keys when it’s below freezing outside.
I hope mice start loving in your walls.
I hope your pillow stays permanently warm so you can’t do that thing where you turn it to the cooler side when the temperature gets uncomfortable.
I hope your alarm fails to go off on the morning of the first day of your dream job.
I hope there’s a cockroach in your breakfast tomorrow morning.
I hope your crush waves toward you one day but it turns out they were actually waving to the person behind you.
I hope a car drive by you fast enough over a puddle one day to splash water on clothes you’re wearing out for the first time.
I hope the next time you mow your lawn your mower runs of gas mid-cut while you have no replacement gas readily available.
I hope someone finesses that parking spot you had your eye on.
I hope if you ever buy a lottery ticket, every single digit for the winning number sequence is correct.
Except for the last digit.
I hope you slip and fall in the shower.
I hope your dog runs away.
I hope you find out you were adopted.
I hope your controller dies right before you’re about to get first place in Mario Kart.
I hope you get stuck sitting next to an obnoxious, yapping cunt with bad breath the next time you’re on an airplane.
I hope you someday get trapped in an elevator while having diarrhea.
I hope every single one of your friends and family members forgets your birthday.
I hope sleep paralysis becomes a regular part of your morning.
I hope your tires give out in the pouring rain.
I hope when you back out of your driveway you accidentally run over a baby rabbit to which several of your neighbors lay witness.
I hope you have your period in the middle of a presentation on a day you forgot to wear your pad while wearing white pants. (HAHA YOU FUCKING BITCH!)
I hope you get into one of those fits of uncontrollable laughter at a funeral.
I hope your card gets declined at the grocery store with a dozen people waiting behind you.
I hope you forget where you put your house keys when it’s below freezing outside.
I hope mice start loving in your walls.
I hope your pillow stays permanently warm so you can’t do that thing where you turn it to the cooler side when the temperature gets uncomfortable.
I hope your alarm fails to go off on the morning of the first day of your dream job.
I hope there’s a cockroach in your breakfast tomorrow morning.
I hope your crush waves toward you one day but it turns out they were actually waving to the person behind you.
I hope a car drive by you fast enough over a puddle one day to splash water on clothes you’re wearing out for the first time.
I hope the next time you mow your lawn your mower runs of gas mid-cut while you have no replacement gas readily available.
I hope someone finesses that parking spot you had your eye on.
I hope if you ever buy a lottery ticket, every single digit for the winning number sequence is correct.
Except for the last digit.
