Mr.Sophistication
... who lives in a cave under the Appalachians
★★★★
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2019
- Posts
- 327
Been thinking about this the last few days, had something of an epiphany. What is it actually that makes me feel bad about myself? That I cant do things like other people can, that I fuck up where others succeed without any issues, mostly that foids pinpoint me on my failings by showing me how unsuitable Im for reproducing.
Naturally that stuff fucking kills me, feel shit about myself, future is dark/nonexistant, no hope, no chance about changing anything. Feel shame that I have these thoughts, feel shame that Im unable to get out of it like all the other people seem to do, dont want to go outdoors, meet other people because of this shame.
But at some point it hit me, that feeling ashamed because Im sad and seem to live a life like a loser isnt actually something inherent to me, its something that I project onto myself based on how I think other people view me, the normshits that are accomplishing the things that I cant. In that way its not real, Im living my life for other people not for myself, Im not free, enchained to the expectations most people have of life.
Feeling sad, angsty and lonely isnt fucking anything to be ashamed of. Its just other people that want to push us into that mold, nobody here is a loser because winners and loser dont exist, nobody can be judged like that, they dont have that kind of control over your life. Really, there is no fucking standard to live up to. Who set the standard there in the first place? And for whom? We´re indoctrinated to think that X is an accomplishment, but that is what makes us unfree, thats what creates depression, because we cant possibly live up to the standards of other people, can only be ourselves.
All of this, inceldom, its a part of my personality, its who I am and I dont need therapy for how I hurt, that I feel sad, that I hate how some people behave themselves. I should be proud of who I am, that I have individuality in my suffering, in my sadness, its something inside me that should not be denied. Fuck everyone that tells you otherwise, you fucking matter, youre actually the only thing that fucking matters, regardless of how other people try to shame you for "fucking up". The feelings that are there are real and theyre nothing to be ashamed of. You have been born into this shit and youre dealing with it your way and its fucking fine.
Naturally that stuff fucking kills me, feel shit about myself, future is dark/nonexistant, no hope, no chance about changing anything. Feel shame that I have these thoughts, feel shame that Im unable to get out of it like all the other people seem to do, dont want to go outdoors, meet other people because of this shame.
But at some point it hit me, that feeling ashamed because Im sad and seem to live a life like a loser isnt actually something inherent to me, its something that I project onto myself based on how I think other people view me, the normshits that are accomplishing the things that I cant. In that way its not real, Im living my life for other people not for myself, Im not free, enchained to the expectations most people have of life.
Feeling sad, angsty and lonely isnt fucking anything to be ashamed of. Its just other people that want to push us into that mold, nobody here is a loser because winners and loser dont exist, nobody can be judged like that, they dont have that kind of control over your life. Really, there is no fucking standard to live up to. Who set the standard there in the first place? And for whom? We´re indoctrinated to think that X is an accomplishment, but that is what makes us unfree, thats what creates depression, because we cant possibly live up to the standards of other people, can only be ourselves.
All of this, inceldom, its a part of my personality, its who I am and I dont need therapy for how I hurt, that I feel sad, that I hate how some people behave themselves. I should be proud of who I am, that I have individuality in my suffering, in my sadness, its something inside me that should not be denied. Fuck everyone that tells you otherwise, you fucking matter, youre actually the only thing that fucking matters, regardless of how other people try to shame you for "fucking up". The feelings that are there are real and theyre nothing to be ashamed of. You have been born into this shit and youre dealing with it your way and its fucking fine.