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Men's Health
99 Star Wars Jokes That Would Even Make Darth Vader Laugh
These don't even need the force to be funny. We promise.
By:
Eric Spitznagel
Published: Nov 05, 2020 2:28 PM EST
Fans of the
Star Wars franchise aren’t all that different from obsessive sports fans. They both love minutiae and stats—there's very little difference between knowing that Reggie Jackson and Paul Molitor are the only players to score ten runs in a single World Series and knowing that Boba Fett made his first appearance in
The Star Wars Holiday Special. They both like dressing up as their favorite characters,
acquiring the best related merch available, overromanticizing the games/sequels of their youth, and shaming fans who aren't devoted enough.
They both also have a healthy but rarely appreciated
sense of humor. Believe it or not, guys who wear lucky underwear because they think it'll help their team win can crack a joke with the best of them. The same is true with
Star Wars fans, although their humor tends to lean heavily towards the inherent hilarity of droids and Wookies.
Whether you’re an originalist who thinks
Star Wars begins and ends with the first trilogy, or you live and breathe
Baby Yoda, there are plenty of
Star Wars jokes just for you. For your amusement, we’ve put together the most extensive and comprehensive collection of jokes about a galaxy far, far away. If we can badly paraphrase Yoda, “Mirth leads to smiling; smiling leads to muffled giggling; muffled giggling leads to
full-on guffawing.”
The Good Guys
View attachment 1615692
What did Han Solo say to the waiter who recommended the haddock?
Never sell me the cods!
Why didn’t any of Luke Skywalker’s marriages last?
He always followed Obi-Wan’s advice: “Use divorce, Luke.”
What was Lando’s nickname before he became a skilled pilot?
Crashdo.
Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?
So it doesn’t Hang Solow.
What is Admiral Ackbar's favorite type of music?
Trap.
What do you call a rebel princess who only shops at Whole Foods?
Leia Organic.
What do you call an eel that loves the new Star Wars trilogy?
A More-Rey Eel.
Where did Luke get his cybernetic hand?
The second hand store.
Where does Princess Leia shop for Father’s Day?
At the Darth Maul.
Why couldn’t Luke find love?
He was looking in Alderaan places.
What do you call two Han Solos singing together?
Han Duet.
What did the dentist say to Luke Skywalker?
May the floss be with you.
What did Leia’s adoptive parents say when she used to sleepwalk as a child?
Uh-oh, it’s the rise of Skywalker.
What Star Wars character sells hotdogs?
Admiral Snackbar.
The Empire
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How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
Why did the tapeworm stay far away from Palpatine?
He didn’t want anyone to say he was in Sidious.
We don’t want to sound racist but...
All stormtroopers look the same to us.
What did Darth Vader say when he walked into a vegetarian restaurant?
“I find your lack of steak disturbing.”
What was Tarkin's favorite brand of toilet paper?
Charmin to the last.
What does your Canadian friend cooking dinner for you have in common with the Empire from Star Wars?
Pal-poutine.
How did Darth Vader cheat at poker?
He kept altering the deal.
Stormtroopers in quarantine are like, “I miss people.”
I’m not too sympathetic. They always miss people.
What did Darth Vader say to the Emperor at the Star Wars auction?
“What is thy bidding, my master?”
What goes, “Ha, ha, ha, haaaa…. AGGGHHHH! Thump”?
An Imperial Officer laughing at Darth Vader.
Why was Darth Vader bad at sports?
He always choked.
How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday?
He felt his presents!
Where does Kylo Ren get his creepy black clothes?
From his closet.
No, I mean where does Kylo Ren buy his clothes?
From the mall. I mean, have you seen how much Kylo Ren stuff they have there right now?
What position does Darth Vader play in baseball
The Umpire.
Droids
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What do you call C-3PO when he’s being a good listener?
Hear-Threepio.
What is R2D2 short for?
Because he has little legs.
What do you call an invisible droid?
C-through-PO.
Did you know R2D2 loves to curse?
They have to bleep out all his words.
Is BB hungry?
No, BB-8.
Does R2D2 have any brothers?
Nope, only transistors.
What do you need to reroute droids?
R2-Detour.
Why was the droid angry?
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 Detour.
Why is a droid mechanic never lonely?
Because he’s always making new friends.
Jedi Masters
Why did movies 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2, and 3?
Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.
What did Obi-Wan tell Luke when his young apprentice was having a difficult time using chopsticks at the Chinese restaurant?
“Use the forks, Luke.”
What did Yoda ride as a kid?
A do-cycle. Because there is no tri.
My wife says she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars.
I said, “Please don’t go, honey. You’re the Obi-Wan for me.”
What do you call five Siths piled on top of a lightsaber?
A Sith-Kabob.
Why do doctors make the best Jedi?
Because a Jedi must have patience.
How long has Anakin Skywalker been evil?
Since the Sith Grade.
Which Jedi became a rock star?
Bon Jovi-Wan Kenobi.
What’s Yoda’s advice for going to the bathroom?
Doo-doo or doo-doo-not-do.
Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files?
Adobe Wan Kenobi.
Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money?
He’s a little short.
What do you call a Sith who won’t fight?
A Sithy
Who is short, green and plays the cello?
Yo-Yo Da.
What do you call Kenobi triplets?
Obi-Three.
What do you call a Jedi in denial?
Obi-Wan Cannot Be.
Bounty Hunters and Other Scum and Villainy
View attachment 1615698
What’s the difference between Boba Fett and a time machine operated by Marty McFly?
One’s a Mandalorian, and the other’s a manned DeLorean.
I asked my wife to dress up as a bounty hunter from Star Wars.
I have a Boba fettish.
Jabba the Hut is fat.
How fat is he?
He’s so fat, Obi Wan took a closer look and said, “That’s no moon.”
What was General Grievous’ favorite band?
Weezer.
What do you get if you mix a bounty hunter with a tropical fruit?
Mango Fett.
How do Tusken Raiders cheat on their taxes?
They always single file, to hide their numbers.
What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name?
The.
I went to a sale at the Maul.
Everything was half off.
I put on a porn movie for Han and Greedo.
I’ll let you know.
Any space smuggler will tell you, never try the blue milk at the Mos Eisley cantina.
It’ll give you the Kessel runs for twelve parsecs.
Wookiees, Ewoks, and Other Aliens
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Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating?
Wookieeleaks.
How does Wicket get around Endor?
Ewoks.
What’s Jar Jar Binks’ favorite meal?
Miso soup.
How do you unlock doors on Kashyyyk?
With a woo-key.
What do Jawas have that no other creatures in the galaxy has?
Baby Jawas.
What side of an Ewok has the most hair?
The outside.
Star Wars fans don't smoke cigarettes after sex.
They chew ‘bacca
Did you know Fozzie Bear was in Star Wars?
He was an Ewokka-wokka!
Where do Gungans store their fruit preserves?
Jar Jars.
Have you tried the gluten-free Wookiee treats?
I heard they’re a little Chewy.
An Ewok strolls into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a whisky and… soda.”
The bartender says, “Sure thing—but why the little pause?”
“Dunno,” says the Ewok. “I’ve had them all my life.”
What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
Lukewarm.
How do you stir fry on Endor?
With an e-wok.
Why did Chewbacca get sent back down to play minor league baseball?
He was making too many Wookiee mistakes.
How do Ewoks communicate over long distances?
With Ewokie Talkies.
Ships
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Why should you never tell jokes on the Falcon?
The ship might crack up.
Why are Death Star pilots fed up with space battles?
Because they always end up in a TIE.
What’s a rebel’s favorite TV talent show?
X-wing Factor.
I saw a falcon eating avocado toast.
Guess it’s a millennial falcon.
What kind of spaceship did Luke fly in grade school?
An ABC-Wing.
What do you call an over-powered janitorial stormtrooper in the Death Star?
A Super Duper Pooper Trooper.
Why is a gossip website like the Imperial Fleet?
They’re both full of star destroyers.
What time is it when an AT-AT steps on your chronometer?
Time to get a new chronometer.
Why was the Millennium Falcon easier to fly after The Force Awakens?
It’s now Hans free.
How did they get between floors on the Death Star?
In the ele-Vader.
Miscellaneous
View attachment 1615702
The Star Wars text crawl walks into a bar.
“Get outta my pub!” the bartender yells. “We don’t serve your type here.”
Warning: Star Wars spoilers!
Voosh voosh pew pew pew voosh voosh pew pew voosh force choke voosh pew pew pew
Oh, sure everyone loves Star Wars on May 4th...
Until you tell your nephew you’re his father!
So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favorite Star Wars character.
You should’ve seen the Luke on her face.
What sound do Yoda’s sheep make?
Day go baaa.
I found out I was colorblind by watching Star Wars.
I couldn’t see the green screen.
What do you call a Sarlacc Pit that only speaks in ironic mockery?
A Sar-chasm.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every Star Wars movie?
He played the Force.
What do you call a redneck Star Wars fan?
Bubba Fett.
Trying to come up with jokes about Star Wars is difficult.
Sometimes they seem a bit too forced.
These don't even need the force to be funny. We promise.
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