Rate my song lyrics

[San Salvador]

Song 1: Lords of Retribution

[Verse 1]
You are what people think of you, that's why I'm full of fury
I am going to smash your skull, you infuriating bitch
Peer pressure exceeded ninety thousand kilos per square metre
Peak blinding heat of rage, why don’t you take a peek

The only thing visible is my 12 gauge, confiscated in a cage
My mind is infected with a virus, call it a brain phage
As I turn this page of my life, don’t play fair
Or you will burn your hair right there

I lost the will to live on that hill right there
My only remaining thrill is to kill
My cruel oblivious peers right here
If he or she hears me, I will jeer

This is only a hyperbolised fantasy, you see
I’m not dumb enough to steer in this direction
The consequences outweigh the rewards
Therefore, I don’t need your correction

[Chorus] x2
Heed my words, I will lead the lords
Of this world against the hordes
Of those who cause nothing but pure disorder

[Verse 2]
Objection, your honour, they had a dishonourable perception
My self-awareness is an unbreakable cycle of selfishness
What the fuck do you expect, that I show selflessness?
There are no exceptions for myself; I left my weakness on the shelf

I am locked up now, but at least I never sucked up
To people who knew how to humiliate a man for clout
They allow each other to get fucked up like a drought
Oh wow, your voice is so high pitched when you yell: “Ow!”

This arrangement of information is dedicated to those who seek vengeance
Listen up, gents; I need nothing short of total annihilation
Being different is a problem that transcends every nation
The general population should be ashamed that we can only think of obliteration

I can only live in the shade because you put me in a box
Of electric shocks and barbed socks
My only entertainment is smoking rocks and taking shots
Why are you shaking, you vile fucks?

Chorus x2

[Final verse]
I couldn’t live up to your gold standard
You didn’t give anything to me, so I became a hazard
Farewell, my fake friend, see you in Hell
I may be horrendous, but we both fell down the well


Song 2: ill Thoughts
[Verse 1]
I am writing this under the influence of a headache
My aches cannot be medicated; my mind is senseless
I am downright paranoid for a humanoid
Yet, here you are, trying to turn me into an android

My brain pain intensifies by the second
I gain nothing from hard work, you whores
I fell down a hole with my whole body, second place
I can’t tell if this rain is acidic or basic

My brain pathways are totally fried
Vocally, I died like a runaway
Do you feel like a failed gamma ray burst?
I won first place at failing in life, very real

Fuck, shit, I need a lobotomy
This utter pain hits my brain, fuck me
Right today, when I decided to turn my life around
The only cure is a .44 magnum round

If god is watching, tell him I want to die
Shove a rod through my skull and get me off this ride
Every day, I see things that shatter my psyche
No way, I wouldn’t believe it if I had the high key

[Chorus] x2
Kill me now, or I’ll make you bow
To the highest order of my ill thoughts
My brain rots, and I know exactly how

[Verse 2]
I am hungry for sobriety
Pretty much impossible in this fucking society
Hilariously enough, this makes me lose piety
The only thing possible is to be tough

Right now I’m on the comedown
My utter paranoia is coming back around
I can only mutter: “Unleash the hounds!”
I am a destroyer of my own landing grounds

How disappointing, I am under withdrawal
Why the fuck are you pointing at my own drawer
Let me draw a humiliating picture
You can’t see your own future, run slower

Should I make my addiction go global?
Honestly, what’s the point of staying local?
As long as you don’t injure a joint, you’re vocal
Why don’t we dishonestly smoke a joint?

Chorus x2

[Final verse]
I will leave Earth in the same way I arrived
Confused, puzzled, and with no recollection
You will hide until the situation is defused
I am muzzled from destroying your collection

 

[Permafrost]

1 out of 10.

 

[San Salvador]

1 out of 10.

Why?

 

[Insomniac]

Listen up, gents; I need nothing short of total annihilation
Being different is a problem that transcends every nation
The general population should be ashamed that we can only think of obliteration

I like this.

 

[Permafrost]

Why?

I am sorry that I can't give you any constructive criticism, I don't now where to start with this one.

 

[Deleted member 126]

cool

 

[The End]

I prefer lyrics that are simple, and stick to a rigid meter and only use proper rhymes. I think to make lyrics entertaining there has to be a surprise -- a betrayal of expectations. I'd also vary up the subject matter and types of imagery to keep things from getting monotonous.

I'll try to demonstrate what I mean on a random verse.

This arrangement of information is dedicated to those who seek vengeance​

Listen up, gents; I need nothing short of total annihilation​

Being different is a problem that transcends every nation​

The general population should be ashamed that we can only think of obliteration​

​

The sentences sound clumsy read aloud, and that makes it hard to process your meaning quickly. Clear communication is key.

I would keep each verse about one subject. Lines 1 and 3 have little to do with each other; they pull in different directions.

Your lines sound like forced hackneyed lyrics; they are not natural phrases a human would say. The exception is "Being different is a problem that transcends every nation" which has a pleasing cadence. Even that has the problem of being vague though. What does "being different" refer to, do you mean being different people or is something else different. And different how? The word "transcend" implies something positive, so it's an odd choice to describe something I assume you think is negative. I only have a vague idea of what you are saying with that line, so I would advise you to always strive to be specific and be clear.

"Listen up, gents" is also a bit whimsical to be in this piece. Also it serves no purpose but to help fill out syllables; nothing else in the verse seems affected by calling for attention from the audience.

Truthfully I don't know much about poetry and lyrics. If you are serious I would advise you to read a lot of good poetry, study meter and rhyme, and consult websites & forums that specifically deal with lyrics for better feedback. In addition, i think you should focus on quality, not quantity. Read your lyrics aloud to make sure they flow before finalizing; assonance has a tendency to help if used judiciously. And make each line interesting; if a line doesn't need to be included, it probably shouldn't be.

 

[San Salvador]

I prefer lyrics that are simple, and stick to a rigid meter and only use proper rhymes. I think to make lyrics entertaining there has to be a surprise -- a betrayal of expectations. I'd also vary up the subject matter and types of imagery to keep things from getting monotonous.

I'll try to demonstrate what I mean on a random verse.

This arrangement of information is dedicated to those who seek vengeance​

Listen up, gents; I need nothing short of total annihilation​

Being different is a problem that transcends every nation​

The general population should be ashamed that we can only think of obliteration​

​

The sentences sound clumsy read aloud, and that makes it hard to process your meaning quickly. Clear communication is key.

I would keep each verse about one subject. Lines 1 and 3 have little to do with each other; they pull in different directions.

Your lines sound like forced hackneyed lyrics; they are not natural phrases a human would say. The exception is "Being different is a problem that transcends every nation" which has a pleasing cadence. Even that has the problem of being vague though. What does "being different" refer to, do you mean being different people or is something else different. And different how? The word "transcend" implies something positive, so it's an odd choice to describe something I assume you think is negative. I only have a vague idea of what you are saying with that line, so I would advise you to always strive to be specific and be clear.

"Listen up, gents" is also a bit whimsical to be in this piece. Also it serves no purpose but to help fill out syllables; nothing else in the verse seems affected by calling for attention from the audience.

Truthfully I don't know much about poetry and lyrics. If you are serious I would advise you to read a lot of good poetry, study meter and rhyme, and consult websites & forums that specifically deal with lyrics for better feedback. In addition, i think you should focus on quality, not quantity. Read your lyrics aloud to make sure they flow before finalizing; assonance has a tendency to help if used judiciously. And make each line interesting; if a line doesn't need to be included, it probably shouldn't be.

Some lyrics are intentionally vague and/or cryptic because Death Grips' lyrics are like that, and I draw heavy inspiration from them. Thanks for the feedback, though; I'll be more original from now on.