Rate my song lyrics out of 10

[San Salvador]

Just like everything I ever made, my friend overrated it, and the internet destroyed it entirely, so I have no expectations now.

Lyrics:

[Chorus]
I tore my vocal chords from all the screaming
Do you want to know how I'm feeling?
I am currently suffering from internal bleeding

[Verse 1]
A surreal stranger in the night spoke some shit
My mind went supersonic
What I saw was outright demonic
Guess you could say I needed a night kit

I never saw what I hit
We went right there, in medias res
I only perceived what was slit
You were bit, like in a game of chess

Chorus x2

[Verse 2]
I know exactly what to do when I see this dude
He thinks that he's an unforgettable punk
While in reality, he sunk
His mind is not as durable as he thinks

When I was out of my mind, I pulled out a root,
hacked up a foot, and forced a man under my boot
Coercion, the only way to pay the world back,
but only if you have a large fucking ballsack

I tore my vocal chords from all the screaming
Do you want to know what you're seeing?
I'll give you a hint, it does not look like peeling
Eerie feelings from you, I assume

Major suffocation, the certain cause of death
So destroyed that you can conceive of plasma meth
You can't find your head when you're brain-dead
AIDS is red, just ask my friend Fred

You will need shelter from my psychotic mug
At least that's what you think, you mindless bug
Your opinions need to be laid out in front of you, like a rug
Chug your meds and give your overlord a hug

Chorus x2

[Last verse]
Before we part, don't forget to rip me apart
My utter apathy is an art from my liquid metal heart
Fuck it, I am always met with lies, and they ignore my cries
Time flies by when you're mocked high

 

[Insomniac]

I think it’s very good man. You have more songwriting talent than any modern popstar tbh..

 

[TheSecondComing]

Pretty lame chorus tbh nothing wrong with the verses though

 

[allbluee]

Somehow i readt the lyrics the way Jake Hill would rap.

 

[Deleted member 1410]

sounds like a death metal song or a depressive black metal song

 

[San Salvador]

Somehow i readt the lyrics the way Jake Hill would rap.

sounds like a death metal song or a depressive black metal song

Is it good, though?

 

[Deleted member 1410]

not bad. decent. edgy enough for me. I wrote some lyrics for a band I was in and my singer wouldn't sing them because they made him uncomfortable. lol.

 

[Ecstasy]

Is this a rock/metal song? I imagine it with some powerful and faster music.
The rhymes have a pretty good flow man, I like it but would't listen to such a theme.

 

[San Salvador]

Is this a rock/metal song? I imagine it with some powerful and faster music.
The rhymes have a pretty good flow man, I like it but would't listen to such a theme.

I drew heavy inspiration from Death Grips and a little bit from Manowar, so I am imagining it to some experimental power metal music. I know almost nothing about music theory and can't play any instruments.

 

[Mainländer]

English is a God tier language for writing songs. You can write long and complex sentences and everything still fits and sounds good because it's a stressed language (words are pronounced with the syllables all together, for example you say "in-telligence" in English whereas you say "in-te-li-gên-cia" in Portuguese, which is a syllabic language) and a good-sounding language in general.

I remember when younger I always wanted to write songs in English but my band mates insisted that they were done all in Portuguese.

As for your particular lyrics, OP, I agree with @TheSecondComing that the chorus doesn't look that good, but the rest is pretty neat tbh.

 

[ihaveno1]

mogs me

 

[GoonCel]

Just like everything I ever made, my friend overrated it, and the internet destroyed it entirely, so I have no expectations now.

Lyrics:

[Chorus]
I tore my vocal chords from all the screaming
Do you want to know how I'm feeling?
I am currently suffering from internal bleeding

[Verse 1]
A surreal stranger in the night spoke some shit
My mind went supersonic
What I saw was outright demonic
Guess you could say I needed a night kit

I never saw what I hit
We went right there, in medias res
I only perceived what was slit
You were bit, like in a game of chess

Chorus x2

[Verse 2]
I know exactly what to do when I see this dude
He thinks that he's an unforgettable punk
While in reality, he sunk
His mind is not as durable as he thinks

When I was out of my mind, I pulled out a root,
hacked up a foot, and forced a man under my boot
Coercion, the only way to pay the world back,
but only if you have a large fucking ballsack

I tore my vocal chords from all the screaming
Do you want to know what you're seeing?
I'll give you a hint, it does not look like peeling
Eerie feelings from you, I assume

Major suffocation, the certain cause of death
So destroyed that you can conceive of plasma meth
You can't find your head when you're brain-dead
AIDS is red, just ask my friend Fred

You will need shelter from my psychotic mug
At least that's what you think, you mindless bug
Your opinions need to be laid out in front of you, like a rug
Chug your meds and give your overlord a hug

Chorus x2

[Last verse]
Before we part, don't forget to rip me apart
My utter apathy is an art from my liquid metal heart
Fuck it, I am always met with lies, and they ignore my cries
Time flies by when you're mocked high

pretty good but never will ever reach eggman level writing skill