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What do you expect lmao
Has anyone had that punch-in-the-gut feeling from realizing how far behind you are compared to your peers? Life keeps on moving, but it's like I'm on a hamster wheel, pedaling away but going nowhere fast.
One of my closest friends in high school (still a "close" friend technically, but now I'm one of many for her) was as awkward as I was in my teens. We had the same "start," so to speak. Both socially incompetent, dorky looking, misfits. I was frumpy, pale, and chubby, while she was a scrawny, hairy Indian girl, so we were naturally friends.
Fast forward almost a decade (we're 27), and it turns out I am still that same person. Awkward, dorky, frumpy, misfit, with a dead-end, unimpressive job, a barely-there social circle, and nonexistent love life.
Meanwhile, in that time, she discovered the magic of a razor, got a cool corporate social responsibility gig, had a long-term college boyfriend she dumped to move to Dubai for an even cooler job a year and a half ago, met her British expat boyfriend one month after moving to Dubai, and now? Now, they are engaged. I got the excited phone call today. He popped the question in the middle of the desert. All that remains is the inevitable onslaught of picture-perfect engagement shots on Instagram.
I am happy for her. Truly. I genuinely like her as a person and hope that things continue to go well for her.
But...even just writing down everything she's done and comparing it to what I've accomplished in the last nine years (nothing), it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing to think someone that was not so different from me once upon a time has actually gone out and done something worthwhile with their life--that they're living a worthwhile life with an interesting career, a glamorous move abroad, a doting fiance, a real social circle in a place she just moved to. The works. While I am simply stuck right where I am, seemingly unable to move forward and without direction in life.
I think sometimes I lull myself into thinking it's not so bad. And then moments like this happen and it knocks the wind right out of you to realize just how far behind in life you are, compared to other people. And what excuse for it is there when you cannot even point to any kind of meaningful difference in the starting point?
HAHAHAHHA