I don’t know how to start this post off, my life is so strange, so broken and bleak. I don’t know it’s never gone right there’s never been any normality for me. I was literally bullied in preschool and all throughout elementary school I faced complete social alienation and the only few friends I had turned on me over the dumbest reasons. Kids would openly mock me and talk shit about me like I wasn’t even there, I had to take special ED classes because my grades were so low do to depression and Having a lower IQ ( I’ll admit it, they did an IQ test on me in highschool and the results were 85 or something. Mock me all you want I don’t even fucking care anymore)
I remember in kindergarten there was a girl that I liked and eventually in third grade I asked a girl that she was friends to ask her if she likes me as well. She came back and told me she said that I had to act cooler and wear a suit (jfl over for suitcels).
In middle i made some friends who were fellow spergs like me and we all took our anger out on each other. The only time I was ever physically assaulted during my time in school was during these years, I was attacked by this fat trucel kid who was constantly bullied and decided that taking his anger out on me was the best choice. I was also attacked by other spergs for a whole bunch of stupid reasons. Push to the ground, put in a head lock, almost punched in the head a few times, ect. The must embarrassing thing was during the last day of 8th grade there were a bunch of metal folding chairs and these normies guys were shoving each other and one of them pumped into me. This caused me to fall backwards crashing into all of the metal chairs.
Probably one of the worst things to have happen which could have ended fatally for me was during a game of capture the flag during PE. Half the class would split into different teams and stand facing each other on separate lines. me and the fat kid were facing each other down
He was probably less then two feet form face. When I saw this chad standing behind the fat kid walk backwards for about ten feet then deliberately sprint full speed at the fat kids back. he pushed the fat kid forward. I narrowly jumped out of the way in time, if we had collided we would have smashed both our skulls together potentially killing me. I am 100% certain that this was this privlage faggots plan, he probably would have claimed it to be an accident and would have had all legal charges dropped.
There was a girl who I was friendly with during 4th grade, probably because she saw me as an innocent little tard and took pity on me. Anyway me and my friends would literally play tag during lunch (8th graders playing tag jfl). One day I ran behind a storage container and I saw her behind it dressed like a slut making out and being dry humped by the two most ghetto niggas in school. I didn’t personally care to be honest but it definitely felt wrong seeing something like that.
I have probably have 100+ blackpill stories just about middle school alone.
I remember one time when I was in six grade I starred at a 8th grade girl as I was walking by and I heard her tell her friend “ew that little boy is starting at my tits”
Another time in history class we were assigned seats and the girl I had to sit next to admittedly went over to the teacher and asked to be moved.
the most brutal aspect was the fact that I had to cope with Misophonia, It’s mental condition were you hate the sound of chewing, throat clearing, breathing ect. I would literally put my fingers in my ears just to escape the sound of gum being chewed. I looked like a complete freak, I did this in ever class. I absolutely hated being in a class room having to sit there and be held hostage by these vile sounds.
This problem would fellow me into high school
High school, it was uneventful for most of the time I kept my head down (literally) and kept to myself. For Most classss I was like this, however for a few I literally change and started slowly jestermaxing. Yes I was fucking jestermaxing, mostly in my boring math class. There were a bunch of guys that I sat near that basically started hanging out with and I decided to start clowning around to impress them. I would play funny sounds on my assigned school chrome book (roblox oof sound, the bruh sound effect, the burger king foot lettuce meme and basically anything that was popular at the time.)
I then began saying stupid stuff and started getting yelled at by the teachers and other class mates. I remember one day we had a substitute teacher who literally didn’t care about what was going on, so me and this black kid made a Nazi flag out of paper and markers and I started marching around with it and this Jewish bitch with large breasts ran up and destroyed it
I actually had a lot of fun in that class, the only fun I had during my time there.
Eventually sophomore year came and I completely stopped jestermaxing and kept my head down and minded my own business.
Now the closest experience I’ve had so far of having a girlfriend was during a class I was retaking with a bunch of freshman.
Me and this other girl who was a senior were the only ones who weren’t freshman. she become super friendly with me. She was constantly trying to talk to me and would even try to sit next to me. I remember she even touched me a few times on my back and shoulder.
She was cute, She was a light skin Hispanic girl who was Most definitely above my level. Now any bluepilled or repilled moron would proclaim “bro she’s totally into you look at all those obvious reasons brah” but I had a mirror, I knew how ugly I was. I had glasses, acne, would wear a black jacket with the hood pulled up and I would never speak unless I was cornered. Literally the classic school shooter stereotype.
Back then I was super pale and skinny (not implying that I am fat now, I am not fat and never will be. I was just super skinny back then, I could see all of my rips if i sucked in my stomach, perhaps my very low body fat made my jawline sharper or maybe she like my very pale skin. JBW confirmed?)
No it’s all cope this was right after those clusters of school shooting in 2018, when ever high school in America was certian they would become the next columbine. She was doing for her own survival fearing that I would go ER, her investment to survive by keeping me docile with fake affection. I think about her a lot, I’ll admit.
Even then during those times I never pursued her for I was all ready blackpilled before I even knew what an incel was.
I left public high school after my sophomore year, my mom saw how miserable I was so she enrolled me into charter school before covid-19 struck (I was doing zoom classes before it was cool JFL). I managed to complete the rest of high school in my room on a chrome book.
Now I am about to be twenty one in a few weeks, I work at dominos and live with my mom and truecel brother. I stand with no footing in my adult life besides a debt card with only a few thousands for all my hard work making pizzas.
No drivers license, no car, no property, no independence, no skills, no real hobbies outside of consumerism, still wear glasses and have acne, 5”8, fucked up posture, can’t fight, don’t handle stressful situations well, I’ve been feed GMOs, BPA and other toxins, my mind has been trashed by the internet poisoned and traumatized by pornography, and gore. My brain has been filled with worthless garbage like politics and memes and other pointless shit.
I don’t know what to do now, do I take online classes? Go to trade school? If I don’t enjoy my life now why would i enjoy it in the future? It didn’t get better ten, five or one year later.
Yes it could be worse, a thousand times worse, but that kind of thinking breeds complacency. Fact is it’ll probably get worse. Even then my problems still remain.
I want to grow into a strong and masculine man but what’s there to be strong for? Plastic trinkets? a video screen? Goyslop, Going for my one millionth walk?, Day dreaming?
The only thing I can see is taking care of my parents when they become old and ill, buy that’s at the mercy of the future and economy.
What the fuck is my purpose?
“That's the price that we all payAnd the value of destiny comes to nothing.I can't tell you where we're going;I guess there was just no way of knowing.”- New order- true faith
If you read this entire post I want to thank you, Godspeed.
View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4Uu55BDkeLs&pp=ygUQbWF4IHBheW5lIDMgZWRpdA%3D%3D
I remember in kindergarten there was a girl that I liked and eventually in third grade I asked a girl that she was friends to ask her if she likes me as well. She came back and told me she said that I had to act cooler and wear a suit (jfl over for suitcels).
In middle i made some friends who were fellow spergs like me and we all took our anger out on each other. The only time I was ever physically assaulted during my time in school was during these years, I was attacked by this fat trucel kid who was constantly bullied and decided that taking his anger out on me was the best choice. I was also attacked by other spergs for a whole bunch of stupid reasons. Push to the ground, put in a head lock, almost punched in the head a few times, ect. The must embarrassing thing was during the last day of 8th grade there were a bunch of metal folding chairs and these normies guys were shoving each other and one of them pumped into me. This caused me to fall backwards crashing into all of the metal chairs.
Probably one of the worst things to have happen which could have ended fatally for me was during a game of capture the flag during PE. Half the class would split into different teams and stand facing each other on separate lines. me and the fat kid were facing each other down
He was probably less then two feet form face. When I saw this chad standing behind the fat kid walk backwards for about ten feet then deliberately sprint full speed at the fat kids back. he pushed the fat kid forward. I narrowly jumped out of the way in time, if we had collided we would have smashed both our skulls together potentially killing me. I am 100% certain that this was this privlage faggots plan, he probably would have claimed it to be an accident and would have had all legal charges dropped.
There was a girl who I was friendly with during 4th grade, probably because she saw me as an innocent little tard and took pity on me. Anyway me and my friends would literally play tag during lunch (8th graders playing tag jfl). One day I ran behind a storage container and I saw her behind it dressed like a slut making out and being dry humped by the two most ghetto niggas in school. I didn’t personally care to be honest but it definitely felt wrong seeing something like that.
I have probably have 100+ blackpill stories just about middle school alone.
I remember one time when I was in six grade I starred at a 8th grade girl as I was walking by and I heard her tell her friend “ew that little boy is starting at my tits”
Another time in history class we were assigned seats and the girl I had to sit next to admittedly went over to the teacher and asked to be moved.
the most brutal aspect was the fact that I had to cope with Misophonia, It’s mental condition were you hate the sound of chewing, throat clearing, breathing ect. I would literally put my fingers in my ears just to escape the sound of gum being chewed. I looked like a complete freak, I did this in ever class. I absolutely hated being in a class room having to sit there and be held hostage by these vile sounds.
This problem would fellow me into high school
High school, it was uneventful for most of the time I kept my head down (literally) and kept to myself. For Most classss I was like this, however for a few I literally change and started slowly jestermaxing. Yes I was fucking jestermaxing, mostly in my boring math class. There were a bunch of guys that I sat near that basically started hanging out with and I decided to start clowning around to impress them. I would play funny sounds on my assigned school chrome book (roblox oof sound, the bruh sound effect, the burger king foot lettuce meme and basically anything that was popular at the time.)
I then began saying stupid stuff and started getting yelled at by the teachers and other class mates. I remember one day we had a substitute teacher who literally didn’t care about what was going on, so me and this black kid made a Nazi flag out of paper and markers and I started marching around with it and this Jewish bitch with large breasts ran up and destroyed it
I actually had a lot of fun in that class, the only fun I had during my time there.
Eventually sophomore year came and I completely stopped jestermaxing and kept my head down and minded my own business.
Now the closest experience I’ve had so far of having a girlfriend was during a class I was retaking with a bunch of freshman.
Me and this other girl who was a senior were the only ones who weren’t freshman. she become super friendly with me. She was constantly trying to talk to me and would even try to sit next to me. I remember she even touched me a few times on my back and shoulder.
She was cute, She was a light skin Hispanic girl who was Most definitely above my level. Now any bluepilled or repilled moron would proclaim “bro she’s totally into you look at all those obvious reasons brah” but I had a mirror, I knew how ugly I was. I had glasses, acne, would wear a black jacket with the hood pulled up and I would never speak unless I was cornered. Literally the classic school shooter stereotype.
Back then I was super pale and skinny (not implying that I am fat now, I am not fat and never will be. I was just super skinny back then, I could see all of my rips if i sucked in my stomach, perhaps my very low body fat made my jawline sharper or maybe she like my very pale skin. JBW confirmed?)
No it’s all cope this was right after those clusters of school shooting in 2018, when ever high school in America was certian they would become the next columbine. She was doing for her own survival fearing that I would go ER, her investment to survive by keeping me docile with fake affection. I think about her a lot, I’ll admit.
Even then during those times I never pursued her for I was all ready blackpilled before I even knew what an incel was.
I left public high school after my sophomore year, my mom saw how miserable I was so she enrolled me into charter school before covid-19 struck (I was doing zoom classes before it was cool JFL). I managed to complete the rest of high school in my room on a chrome book.
Now I am about to be twenty one in a few weeks, I work at dominos and live with my mom and truecel brother. I stand with no footing in my adult life besides a debt card with only a few thousands for all my hard work making pizzas.
No drivers license, no car, no property, no independence, no skills, no real hobbies outside of consumerism, still wear glasses and have acne, 5”8, fucked up posture, can’t fight, don’t handle stressful situations well, I’ve been feed GMOs, BPA and other toxins, my mind has been trashed by the internet poisoned and traumatized by pornography, and gore. My brain has been filled with worthless garbage like politics and memes and other pointless shit.
I don’t know what to do now, do I take online classes? Go to trade school? If I don’t enjoy my life now why would i enjoy it in the future? It didn’t get better ten, five or one year later.
Yes it could be worse, a thousand times worse, but that kind of thinking breeds complacency. Fact is it’ll probably get worse. Even then my problems still remain.
I want to grow into a strong and masculine man but what’s there to be strong for? Plastic trinkets? a video screen? Goyslop, Going for my one millionth walk?, Day dreaming?
The only thing I can see is taking care of my parents when they become old and ill, buy that’s at the mercy of the future and economy.
What the fuck is my purpose?
“That's the price that we all payAnd the value of destiny comes to nothing.I can't tell you where we're going;I guess there was just no way of knowing.”- New order- true faith
If you read this entire post I want to thank you, Godspeed.
View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4Uu55BDkeLs&pp=ygUQbWF4IHBheW5lIDMgZWRpdA%3D%3D
