Serious Psychotic episodes

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If you've ever had vivid psychotic episodes, please share

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This psychotic break had permanent self-harm effects.

I’ve always been an insomniac and it’s always taken me hours to get to sleep. I’ve never been a good sleeper since I’ve become an adult, which is odd since I could easily sleep over half the day, literally. The problem of going to sleep is completely common and I always have to have some sort of white noise to block out various sounds in the night. Like the house creaking or rustling of bedsheets, etc. I literally can’t sleep without sound.

This one night, I turn on the air purifier (my method of choice to block out sound) and I might have listened to music on the computer or radio that day. I might have had a song stuck in my head and I could hear that song “playing” in all of the white noise. But it was nothing since when you have a song stuck in your head you can hear it be playing anywhere.

I go to bed and I can’t remember if I slept or if I just stayed awake but I eventually noticed that my teeth were uncontrollably grinding together. As if someone had a hold of my jaw and was pulling it from side to side and really wearing down my teeth. I then realized that my jaw was being moved in a non-random way and it was someone trying to communicate with me. They were using my jawbone as some sort of Morse Code machine and depending on if they yanked it left of right, it would be a dot or a dash.

But this wouldn’t make sense since my jaw isn’t an audio speaker, nor could anyone communicate with me in this way, etc. So, at the time, to stop my jaw from grinding down my teeth, I tried to turn off my air purifier but I could still hear static’y voices. I figured that somehow wise aliens had abducted me and implanted speakers in my jaw and were trying to communicate with me via song lyrics that could only be heard if I ground my teeth together. They were trying to tell me to do stuff but they all talked at once and so I couldn't make out what was being said. Imagine playing 10 songs at once, for example.

Since my teeth were much too loud and I couldn’t turn them off (without pulling out my teeth) it seemed much more efficient for me to break the transceiver. I looked all around the house for things that looked misplaced when the aliens did their invasion but I found nothing. All the time my teeth were wearing down and since I have good dental hygiene, I didn’t want to disappoint my dentist.

Because I had found no evidence around the house that the transceiver was a physical object that could be destroyed. I took off my clothes to see if it was in my clothes. Since the sounds had never changed, it came to reason that it was implanted in me. I started violently scratching myself and I kept on focusing on my palms. I basically scraped my palms raw but then I realized that I was so close to the solution. The alien has implanted the transceiver under my thumbnail and that’s why I kept on going close to my thumb.

Even though I was psychotic, as the saying goes, there was a method to my madness. If I broke the transceiver then the speaker wouldn’t be able to communicate. In other words, if I started mutilating my thumbnail then the aliens would have to leave me alone since they wouldn’t be able to communicate via grinding of my teeth.

So tried pulling off my thumbnail but I was unable to do so at the time. It wasn’t the pain because, quite frankly, I don’t know if I could experience pain at that time, I think it was just that I was too frantic and wasn’t patient enough. Anyhow, if I couldn’t remove it, I had to break it. And so I took some scissors and clippers and started scraping away at each layer of the thumbnail. It’s quite amazing to feel the softness of a nail.

So here I am practically naked with my thumbnail mutilated but the voices had stopped. I then go to bed and I felt pretty bad about myself. However I started to be consoled by the woman in the poster who approved of my actions and felt sorry for me. She’s claims to be American but she has a British accent, which is find kinda cute.

My thumbnail has never healed but it’s easy to lie about since I can simply say I got it stuck in a door. It doesn't hurt but it kinda grows funny. As for that particular delusion, well the voices have subsided (since I broke the transceiver) but I have the need to pull out some of my teeth since I think that’s where the next ones are. However I’m not going to pull out my teeth because I really like my dentist.

It's one of my more interesting delusions since I have permanent damage because of it and it's something I have to fight constantly since if I think about it too much, I get the itch to grab some pliers and pull out my canines or first premolars.

 

[_incelinside]

I have had family members who he suffered from something like that before

 

[Evidential]

I looked all around the house for things that looked misplaced when the aliens did their invasion but I found nothing.

Laughing out loud, this is gold.


This was an interesting and funny story. It's scary how you can harm yourself and not be aware of it in the moment.

 

[towncel]

I had auditory hallucinations right after waking up and have severe catatonic depression from high school

 

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These consistent psychotic breaks had damaging social effects

I remember one day in my either late teens or early twenties when I was walking around grocery shopping. While examining some pans or some sort of cookwear and trying to decide which one to buy, I noticed through my peripheral vision someone pass me by. I didn’t get to say hello but I did notice it was the mother of one of my high school friends who had graduated the same year as me. She always did lots of volunteer work at the school so it made sense she would be getting supplies for some event.

At that time, I wasn’t as non-sociable as now, so I put down the pan and wanted to at least say hello. My reasoning was if she thought I was ignoring her, then she’d judge me for it and I would lose my friends for being unfriendly and weird in public. So I tried to find her in the store but she was always one aisle away and I couldn’t get to her and it honestly reminded me when I was a kid trying to find my parents in the aisles of stores.

I could almost see her and I could almost hear her but I couldn’t find her. Also, I could sense people in the store were finding it sorta amusing that she was always one step ahead of me. They’d look at me with a smirk. They’d make a joke about me once I passed them. They’d roll their eyes once I left. And, I admit, I had enough self-awareness to know this cat-and-mouse chase would be amusing to me to.

After a while I gave up and just decided to email my friend to say I saw your mom but I didn’t say hello. I couldn’t find her and I hoped I didn’t come off as rude. Unfortunately, my friend and his mom had stayed at home that day and they weren’t near my locale at the time. I was pretty sure he was wrong and I was right because I described what she was wearing to show that I had indeed seen her. But again, he denied it. Ultimately, my apology for rudeness of ignoring my friend’s mom in public became an apology for saying I saw her in public.

Over time, there were more of these incidents. I kept on getting into more arguments with my friends about what really happened, and they always seemed to have reasonable alibis that could be justified through physical evidence or timing of events. I never trusted friends acting as witnesses to other friends since they could have been collaboration beforehand.

Eventually, even with “proof” like a picture, I had the idea it was forged with a duplicate of the person it was supposed to be. There were many identical twins in my school that I never noticed before. Because I’m not very good with facial recognition, I had to ask questions to figure out which twin I was speaking to but they felt uncomfortable as if I was interrogating them.

I think it came crashing down at my last high school reunion (over a decade ago). I spoke to almost no one because it had been so many years and I had accused my closest friends of being imposters. But I kept my cool and didn’t ask that they cut themselves to prove that they weren’t humanoid robots or animals.

Fast forward to now, in the end, it doesn’t really matter who they are since it’s been decades and people change over time. Even if I did meet up with old friends, it wouldn’t be like old times.

I had auditory hallucinations right after waking up and have severe catatonic depression from high school

I've heard of that, but never experienced it myself. (Not been catatonically depressed, myself)

Yet, in relation to waking up, usually I have vivid dreams that seep into my waking memory and so sometimes I can't figure out what happened in real life or not.

 

[whogivesafucc]

you have schizophrenia

it's completely over for you

inceldom is the absolute least of your concerns.

 

[Nakuro]

Try

If you've ever had vivid psychotic episodes, please share

-

This psychotic break had permanent self-harm effects.

I’ve always been an insomniac and it’s always taken me hours to get to sleep. I’ve never been a good sleeper since I’ve become an adult, which is odd since I could easily sleep over half the day, literally. The problem of going to sleep is completely common and I always have to have some sort of white noise to block out various sounds in the night. Like the house creaking or rustling of bedsheets, etc. I literally can’t sleep without sound.

This one night, I turn on the air purifier (my method of choice to block out sound) and I might have listened to music on the computer or radio that day. I might have had a song stuck in my head and I could hear that song “playing” in all of the white noise. But it was nothing since when you have a song stuck in your head you can hear it be playing anywhere.

I go to bed and I can’t remember if I slept or if I just stayed awake but I eventually noticed that my teeth were uncontrollably grinding together. As if someone had a hold of my jaw and was pulling it from side to side and really wearing down my teeth. I then realized that my jaw was being moved in a non-random way and it was someone trying to communicate with me. They were using my jawbone as some sort of Morse Code machine and depending on if they yanked it left of right, it would be a dot or a dash.

But this wouldn’t make sense since my jaw isn’t an audio speaker, nor could anyone communicate with me in this way, etc. So, at the time, to stop my jaw from grinding down my teeth, I tried to turn off my air purifier but I could still hear static’y voices. I figured that somehow wise aliens had abducted me and implanted speakers in my jaw and were trying to communicate with me via song lyrics that could only be heard if I ground my teeth together. They were trying to tell me to do stuff but they all talked at once and so I couldn't make out what was being said. Imagine playing 10 songs at once, for example.

Since my teeth were much too loud and I couldn’t turn them off (without pulling out my teeth) it seemed much more efficient for me to break the transceiver. I looked all around the house for things that looked misplaced when the aliens did their invasion but I found nothing. All the time my teeth were wearing down and since I have good dental hygiene, I didn’t want to disappoint my dentist.

Because I had found no evidence around the house that the transceiver was a physical object that could be destroyed. I took off my clothes to see if it was in my clothes. Since the sounds had never changed, it came to reason that it was implanted in me. I started violently scratching myself and I kept on focusing on my palms. I basically scraped my palms raw but then I realized that I was so close to the solution. The alien has implanted the transceiver under my thumbnail and that’s why I kept on going close to my thumb.

Even though I was psychotic, as the saying goes, there was a method to my madness. If I broke the transceiver then the speaker wouldn’t be able to communicate. In other words, if I started mutilating my thumbnail then the aliens would have to leave me alone since they wouldn’t be able to communicate via grinding of my teeth.

So tried pulling off my thumbnail but I was unable to do so at the time. It wasn’t the pain because, quite frankly, I don’t know if I could experience pain at that time, I think it was just that I was too frantic and wasn’t patient enough. Anyhow, if I couldn’t remove it, I had to break it. And so I took some scissors and clippers and started scraping away at each layer of the thumbnail. It’s quite amazing to feel the softness of a nail.

So here I am practically naked with my thumbnail mutilated but the voices had stopped. I then go to bed and I felt pretty bad about myself. However I started to be consoled by the woman in the poster who approved of my actions and felt sorry for me. She’s claims to be American but she has a British accent, which is find kinda cute.

My thumbnail has never healed but it’s easy to lie about since I can simply say I got it stuck in a door. It doesn't hurt but it kinda grows funny. As for that particular delusion, well the voices have subsided (since I broke the transceiver) but I have the need to pull out some of my teeth since I think that’s where the next ones are. However I’m not going to pull out my teeth because I really like my dentist.

It's one of my more interesting delusions since I have permanent damage because of it and it's something I have to fight constantly since if I think about it too much, I get the itch to grab some pliers and pull out my canines or first premolars.

Try ASMR bruh i sleep Very well with this videos, just type ASMR for sleep at YouTube and enjoy

 

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Try ASMR bruh i sleep Very well with this videos, just type ASMR for sleep at YouTube and enjoy

I've heard of that but I don't get how it works for people. In fact, I have the exact opposite reaction of pleasure as my whole alertness gets heightened like when I have auditory hallucinations.

Thanks for suggestion but asmr is one of my triggers, just like dark carpets.

 

[NEETAndTidy]

you have schizophrenia

it's completely over for you

inceldom is the absolute least of your concerns.

This.

You need to talk to a doctor dude.

 

[Cancel]

This.

You need to talk to a doctor dude.

I probably should have made an introduction thread or post because I have, but that was over a decade ago when I was in my early 20s. I've had schizophrenia ever since graduating high school. Sorry, I kinda have the habit of assuming people know my thoughts.

 

[NEETAndTidy]

I probably should have made an introduction thread or post because I have, but that was over a decade ago when I was in my early 20s. I've had schizophrenia ever since graduating high school. Sorry, I kinda have the habit of assuming people know my thoughts.

Oh that makes sense. I know a few schizophrenics. You're all good.

 

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These psychotic breaks usually involve physical scars that heal and odd social behaviour

A few days ago I mentioned one of my problems and I'd like to explain:

my triggers, just like dark carpets.

When I living away from home and attending college I had to use the carpeting available in the rooms provided to me. I remember them pretty vividly. They were very rough, short fibers, and were dark but had a pattern of specks (which was really annoying since I couldn't tell if they were clean or not when I vacuumed)

Anyways, due to these little specks, I had to start living with this ugly design carpeting but then sometimes I'd notice the specks moving of little bugs. It's nothing like you haven't noticed anywhere else. Who hasn't seen a spider crawl on the wall, an ant on the kitchen floor, a fly walking on the window sill. So it wasn't a big deal to me but I was annoyed when I was able to predict where they were. Sometimes I'd walk into my bedroom and I'd be able see little bugs crawling.

Sometimes I could catch them and sometimes I couldn't. I couldn't catch all of them and I could hear them laughing at me with little whispers as they kept on living. All I could do was keep a schedule of cleaning and I was amazingly well organized. I vacuumed, dusted, and even taped up the corners of windows so they couldn't enter or leave.

One night, I distinctly remember that I was on my bed and seeing if I could see any bugs on the ceiling. But I had looked too intently and had the feelings that the ceiling was going to liquify and drip on me. (It was that kind of design where it was all bumpy) And so I covered my head and turned my face to the floor and then I realized that I not noticed the infestation of bugs crawling on the floor. They were swarming and they were too many of them or they were moving too fast. As soon as I focused on one, I couldn't see it anymore and then I caught the sight of another one.

I got on top of my bed and tried to navigate my room by walking on the furniture. It was kinda like the game "the ground is lava" but in this case the carpet had materialized into bugs. And then what was really strange was the bugs evolved into kittens. The floor was a teeming organization of dark coloured kittens with little specks on them, as if it had just snowed, or their dark fur had been dripped on by the liquified ceiling.

I don't really remember what happened after this but I do know I've been very aware to notice any change in patterns since then. I know that patterns in wallpaper should move and that carpets shouldn't undulate and bubble forth animals.

However, I have never been able to shake off the idea of bugs. I can try to catch them but then I don't know if they're there or not since I don't always have proof of catching them. When I'm in public sometimes I try to squash bugs which hasn't been squashed by other people. What's really bad is the sensation that they're underneath my skin or if I feel an itch. Almost always I scratch myself till I draw blood because then the skin is broken and they could find their way out if there were in there. I usually always heal but I do sorta seem like I'm doing drugs when I'm not.