This is before I came across the blackpill.
It's late 2019...
My dusty old laptop required a fan to blow at it so it wouldn't overheat and turn off. My thighs would burn from the heat off the laptop.
During this time, CSGO had recieved a graphics update and my laptop could no longer handle it at a playable framerate and so I began my search for a new game.
The Worlds 2019 finals was happening and it got me into League of Legends. The trailer, the music videos and all the cinematics made it all look so magical; I instantly installed the game.
It's now spring 2020, lockdown has started and I'm relieved I can dedicate my whole day playing LoL. I spend my day watching guides, coaching videos from LS and other pros. I'm now silver and an ekko jungle one-trick. This is when I start playing 15 hours a day in a dark room with my curtains closed and my fan running to stop my laptop overheating.
This caused my parents to rage though and we would verbally and physically battle. My mum would regularly take my fan away complaining it wasted electricity money and so I'd play the game with my laptop by the window to let the wind into it and mouse on the bed stand.
People would stare at the window as they walk by and I'd often hear laughter. As a result, I'd wear a cap and position the curtains enough to cover my face.
It was awkward but at least I could play.
My dad would moan about me all day about me playing games despite there being no school and they wouldn't let me go outside. Whenever he walked past my room, he'd repeatedly tap my door, trickle and scratch my door to irritate me. Sometimes he'd open the door, cross him arm and stare at me for minutes belittling me. This would go on several times a day.
It's summer 2020 and I peak at plat 4 despite all the time I've dedicated myself to this game. I now have over a thousand hours in the game.
I have not spoken to anybody outside family in months. I have not left my house in months. My contact with anyone was only for neccessities and in minimal.
My dad and mum continue with their emotional havoc on me and it intensifies over the months. I then began to go to my back garden for a few minutes to stare at the cloud and sky to help release stress.
One day I lost my shit over my Dad. He just didn't understand the suffering I was going through. I've never had a friend before, isolated and lonely and he continued to give me more shit.
I run downstairs and throw objects at dad yelling at him and begin to beat hin with a spoon. I threaten to kill him and this later turns into a wrestling fight between us. Sadly he overpowers my weak incel body and strangles me with his knee pushing against my chest. He lets go eventually and I'm struggling to breathe and talk.
I hear crying from upstairs and learn that my sister had callen the police. That's when my dad stopped beating me. The police cAme but we both lie and tell him it was just an argument, the situation de-escalates, and my dad and I never speak to each other since.
It's autumn 2020 and university begins, I try my best to make friends but nothing avails. When lectures were done, I'd go back to my room to play some more League.
My roomates would bring his friends over and I'd stand near my door listening into their conversations. This went on until early 2021 until I came across the blackpill.
It's late 2019...
My dusty old laptop required a fan to blow at it so it wouldn't overheat and turn off. My thighs would burn from the heat off the laptop.
During this time, CSGO had recieved a graphics update and my laptop could no longer handle it at a playable framerate and so I began my search for a new game.
The Worlds 2019 finals was happening and it got me into League of Legends. The trailer, the music videos and all the cinematics made it all look so magical; I instantly installed the game.
It's now spring 2020, lockdown has started and I'm relieved I can dedicate my whole day playing LoL. I spend my day watching guides, coaching videos from LS and other pros. I'm now silver and an ekko jungle one-trick. This is when I start playing 15 hours a day in a dark room with my curtains closed and my fan running to stop my laptop overheating.
This caused my parents to rage though and we would verbally and physically battle. My mum would regularly take my fan away complaining it wasted electricity money and so I'd play the game with my laptop by the window to let the wind into it and mouse on the bed stand.
People would stare at the window as they walk by and I'd often hear laughter. As a result, I'd wear a cap and position the curtains enough to cover my face.
It was awkward but at least I could play.
My dad would moan about me all day about me playing games despite there being no school and they wouldn't let me go outside. Whenever he walked past my room, he'd repeatedly tap my door, trickle and scratch my door to irritate me. Sometimes he'd open the door, cross him arm and stare at me for minutes belittling me. This would go on several times a day.
It's summer 2020 and I peak at plat 4 despite all the time I've dedicated myself to this game. I now have over a thousand hours in the game.
I have not spoken to anybody outside family in months. I have not left my house in months. My contact with anyone was only for neccessities and in minimal.
My dad and mum continue with their emotional havoc on me and it intensifies over the months. I then began to go to my back garden for a few minutes to stare at the cloud and sky to help release stress.
One day I lost my shit over my Dad. He just didn't understand the suffering I was going through. I've never had a friend before, isolated and lonely and he continued to give me more shit.
I run downstairs and throw objects at dad yelling at him and begin to beat hin with a spoon. I threaten to kill him and this later turns into a wrestling fight between us. Sadly he overpowers my weak incel body and strangles me with his knee pushing against my chest. He lets go eventually and I'm struggling to breathe and talk.
I hear crying from upstairs and learn that my sister had callen the police. That's when my dad stopped beating me. The police cAme but we both lie and tell him it was just an argument, the situation de-escalates, and my dad and I never speak to each other since.
It's autumn 2020 and university begins, I try my best to make friends but nothing avails. When lectures were done, I'd go back to my room to play some more League.
My roomates would bring his friends over and I'd stand near my door listening into their conversations. This went on until early 2021 until I came across the blackpill.
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