Life as a genuinely ugly male is literal torture
It's impossible for people to understand how much it sucks without actually living it. The scope of suffering and loneliness is just not conceivable to normal, attractive people. The backlash and bullshit advice that gets thrown at lonely guys almost makes sense when you realize that they have no idea how terrible your life is.
The worst part is that no one has been outwardly cruel to me about my appearance. The end result is just... nothing. No one could care less about your existence. Generic, uninterested responses anytime you try to make conversation or put yourself out there. You get treated with the bare minimum social interaction necessary for them not to be rude. Parties and clubs are pure suifuel because you might as well not even exist. You're just a cog in the machine at work, a ghost in lecture halls and at the gym,
literally anywhere you can imagine. No one is eager to see you, no one
wants to talk to you, no one fucking cares about you.
I'm not even talking about relationships either. The concept of someone like me being in an intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex is so foreign I might as well be from Mars. I'm talking about basic societal existence, one of the most fundamental parts of being a human being. It doesn't exist for us.
I'm lucky enough to have friends from childhood who I think are great but you can just tell when you don't fit in. True ugly is going to stand out like a sore thumb among normal, decent looking people, and I do. In any picture, at any event, I just don't belong. No stranger wants to be associated with you more than is necessary. The aura of being too ugly to belong, of being inferior to the prime examples of attractive people around you will follow you everywhere,
even among childhood friends. You can tell you're inferior, EVERYONE can tell you're inferior, and the worst part is it's no fault of your own. I was just born with it. You will be pitied, and looked at in disgust, and treated like a leper despite your best efforts.
I expect that most outsiders would think "This guy probably just has a terrible personality and that's why he can't fit in", but this just isn't the truth. I am by no means perfect, I'm often awkward, and anxious, but I have friends, I still try to put myself out there despite how fruitless it is. Friends and family tell me I'm kind, funny, resourceful, a good friend and an upstanding person. I'm studious and decently well-read, I take pride in anything I produce.
I can hold my own in conversations and chats with my peers, friends, and colleagues, even when I have to initiate 99% of them. But nothing ever comes from it. No new friendships, no relationships (lol), no good times or fond memories. Nothing, just a void. No one cares.
My life would be categorically greater had I been born with an attractive face and better genetics. Instead I have to slowly watch from 1st person in agony as the prime years of my waste away with nothing to show for the spent time. Time I'll never get back. Time where in 10 years I'll be filled with regret thinking about all the lost opportunities I missed, all my social failures, everything I missed out on which my peers savored and experienced. I will blame myself for my failings and it will hurt.
But the truth is that I'll have tried and it will have failed. That the world, that the society I've lived in for my entire life, that the people around me simply didn't care about my efforts and my desires to belong because I was simply too ugly to be worth their time.
