I am pregnant, and someone sent my husband a sex tape, now he told me he wants me to miscarry.
I am in a dark place right now. My husband and I have been married now for 4 years now. I’ll give you all the necessary background so you can give me better advice.
I am an American born Indian woman. I grew up with really conservative parents, that didn’t let me go out, didn’t let me play outside because then my “skin would be too dark.” I went to an out of state college, and there being so far from my parents, I really let loose. I had a fair bit of casual sex, drank alcohol, went to parties. In particular there was a group of guys that I used to go to parties with. The thing was a lot of times, if things didn’t work out they would pressure me to have sex with them. I would sometimes do it. One time they offered me a ride to the airport and then on the way there they told me to give them a blow job or they would leave me on the side of the road. I ended up getting sick of these guys and I tried to cut them out of my life. In turn, they did the best to ruin my reputation. My senior year of college, was extremely bad, I didn’t go out. I lost a lot of my friends.
Afterwards, I got a job in another state, and I did my best to put that part of my life behind me. Then on I tried traditional American dating for a couple more years, and things didn’t pan out so I had my parents help set me up with guys. Now the thing, is my parents knew that I dated, however they never thought I would be the one to have sex. So whenever, they talked to people they told them she doesn’t party or do this or that. I thought I would try to talk to the guy in private and clear things up. However, when I met my husband I decided not to tell him. He was a virgin, and I thought if I told him about my past he would freak out. He really liked the perception of me, as a virgin. He treated me better than any other guy I had been with previously, just a kind soul.
Things were good; I was living a new life. My husband had a great job, I was respected and well liked in the Indian community. Me and my husband recently bought a house, and are pregnant with our first child. One day I came home from work, and I found my husband just crying. When I went to comfort him he told me to die. He showed me that he got a message from a fake South Park Facebook account, and there was a video of me giving a blow job to a guy. I never knew about this video, or anything like it.
My husband called me a stupid whore, told me hated me. He told me that he hopes I miscarry, so that way he can divorce and have nothing to do with me. For the next couple hours he just yelled at me while I cried. Since we got together he has been insecure about his penis size, and the guy in the video had a much larger penis. He kept asking me how many guys I have slept with, how big were there penises. To add to it all, I told him that I think blow jobs are gross, and I never gave him one. I never enjoyed giving them, and I really didn’t want to have to start.
Since then he told me he wants to kill himself that I have ruined his life. I tried to talk to him the best I can, however he hasn’t been listening. For the past couple days he just pretends I don’t exist. His brother talked to him and I think he convinced him not to divorce, however I don’t think things will ever be the same. I don’t think he will ever look at me the same way again.
I know that I messed up, and I should have been honest from the start however I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know how to even take down that video it’s on one of those tube sites. If they decide to share it with my family members, I am pretty sure even my parents will disown me. Everyday I live with so much anxiety. Of the friends I have now, none of them know the details of my past, so I can’t even go to talk to any of them about it.
