D
OCD is definitely one of the worst mental illnesses ever. It's much worse and ADHD and even autism and you're an ignorant retard if you deny that.
OCD is not only mentally painful, it's also very debilitating and can prevent you to interact normally with the world and perform some activities or certain jobs.
The mental and behavioral compulsions that come with OCD robbed many years of my childhood and brought bullying upon me.
Things I deal with on a daily basis due to my OCD
- When something doesn't turn out the way I "anticipated" (ex.: I expect to touch the "G" key on my keyboard when I write, but hit the "H" key instead on accident, or accidentally press it along with 2 other keys) it instantly triggers what I call "OCD crisis" and get an irresistible urge to perform a repeated pattern of motion (in this case it would get the urge to press the same key I initially wanted to press X numbers of time, X being usually a multiple of 4, less commonly 3, 5 or 6). (other ex.: If I want to look in the direction of my dog but the dog unexpectedly changes it's position, I'll get an urge to shake my head X times, from my dog's new position to another point). (again another ex.: If I accidentally go to the wrong place in a video game and hear an unexpected music or see an unexpected thing, I'll need to switch between the expected menu and unexpected menu back and forth X times, or replay the first seconds of the unexpected music X times in a loop, etc.)
- My memory isn't trusted sometimes which causes me to re-verify constantly again and again certain things. (ex.: I'm sure I closed my door but the intrusive voice says "nope you forgot it open lol" X times so I need to re-check if I closed it or not X times, I'm sure I went through that zone in a video game but the intrusive voice causes me to re-visit that zone X times anyways, I'm sure I read that phrase in a book but need to re-read it X times anyways, etc.)
- I have all types of weird intrusive thoughts such as "If you don't punch a wall X times you will die in 3 hours" or "If you don't jump X times you will never get a job and be homeless forever"... Basically thoughts in the "If you don't do that the following horrible thing will happen" style which is the main OCD symptom in general. It doesn't matter that I know the consequence is literally not going to happen because I didn't perform the useless "ritual", I still feel the need to obey that voice just to calm down from the discomfort even if the relief is just temporary.
- I commonly have intrusive thoughts telling me "omg your hands are so dirty wash them or you will get and infection" and as a result I can wash them more than 100 times a day, and in the long term it permanently damaged the skin of my hands due to rupture and bleedings. At least 50% of the skin on the top of my right hand is insensitive to touch as a result. The skin of my left hand is a little bit more intact but is still visibly damaged and abnormally dry in permanence.
- Some of my intrusive thoughts force me to visualize something in my head instead of performing a physical action visible in the physical world (ex.: "If you don't visualize a blue star X times in your head your car will explode") and even if there's nothing visible on the outside apart from maybe a concentrated-looking face, they're still just as bad as the other obsessions if not worse since the visualization is very energy-draining for the brain in general.
- Before my deconversion to atheism, when I was still a christcuck, I remember I read the New Testament one day and fell on the verse talking about the sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, so what happened is that I got scared of committing that sin and for the next 2-3 years I would constantly get intrusive thoughts either telling me I committed that sin or I'm going to lose control and commit it, and as a result I would visualize myself undoing the words of that intrusive voice around 6-10 hours EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR YEARS!!! Yes, even in the middle of doing something else! It was so fucking stressing due to my fear of hell and it fucking drained the mental energy out of me. I still have certain intrusive thoughts or phrases unrelated to religion where I constantly "undo" them mentally, but they're less extreme and time-consuming since they're not tied to the fear of an eternal lake of fire, just to some shame or disappointment or guilt.
- When I get a completely unexpected sensory information (ex.: I walk down a street and I notice by surprise a yellow bag on my left side, and "OCD" crisis is triggered and I get the urge to turn my head on the opposite side of where I saw the bag X numbers of time, X still being a multiple of the same numbers as in all of the examples above. Also works with senses other than sight: An unexpected touch from accidentally hitting something will cause me to repeatedly touch that object again X times, hearing a suddenly unexpected sound will cause me to repeatedly re-create the sound in my head X times, etc.).
Other examples of OCD-triggering external inputs include: Seeing 2 very different color close together (such as opposite colors on a color wheel), the view of an object that's weirdly asymmetrical, the view of a group of objects that lack arrangement or symmetry, hearing false notes in a song, being touched by surprise by someone, a song being uncleanly cut such as the intro song in Better Call Saul, certain types of grammatical errors, ordering mistakes, etc.
X is a random number, but almost always a multiple of 4 and usually a single-digit or 2-digit (rarely 3-digit) number. It could be 8, 12, 48, 144, etc. But it seems like the greater the unexpectation is, or the more aggressive the intrusive thoughts are, the greater the number is.
I got bullied by other kids who noticed my compulsions and thought I was retarded (due to weird stimming sounds and other weird rituals such as excessive clapping and head turning and feet slamming) which further ruined my self-esteem and gave me feelings of abnormality. One day when I was walking outside a young lady noticed my excessive head turning towards her and got scared by me thinking, I was some sort of paranoid psycho.
If my face and height are a huge disadvantage when it comes to my chances of ascending, my OCD is the final nail in the coffin: it's sometimes impossible for me to not engage in the compulsions and it further increases the failo effect around me... It's over, it's a death sentence literally, and unless I find a way to heal from it to a significant degree, I barely see any hope for me to ascend from inceldom.
That being said...
Here's how I cope with it:
Tips for my fellow OCDcels that personally helped me deal with it more easily
- Socialization: I noticed that I get OCD crises less often when spending meaningful time with my friends or parents or neighbors or even an inhumane creature such as a pet (by "meaningful time" I mean doing something that is fun and enjoyable such as playing a sport or walking in a place you like or having a deep talk), which makes senses from a scientific perspective because serotonin is released during socialization and OCD is characterized by a serotonin deficiency.
- Avoiding stress: Stress is one of my biggest "OCD triggers". Being stressed is one of the rare circumstances when I can get an OCD crisis during a meaningful social interaction. So, control your unhealthy stress levels as much as possible and do your best to relax.
- Physical exercice: It's usually presented as the ultimate remedy to all your physical and mental health issues, and it's true most of the time. Unfortunately, this might be one of the rare exceptions to the rule, at least in my case: OCD crises very commonly happen to me in the midst of physical activity (ex.: I accidentally lift my dumbbell more to one side so I re-do the motion X times in the opposite direction, I accidentally run more to the right so I turn my head X times in the opposite direction, and intrusive thoughts forcing me to do complicated mental visualizations still arise when doing even the most intensive cardio or lifting). But there are some websites that claim it will help you with your OCD, so you should still try it, what doesn't work for me might work for you and it has other benefits anyways...
- Finding a hobby: Some hobbies might improve or worsen the OCD. Find something that improves it. Usually it's best to find a hobby that requires high levels of concentration to forget about the OCD.
- Grayscale filtering: Since an OCD trigger of mine is seeing very different colors close to each other, you can activate the grayscale filter of your computer or phone, it removes all color making it impossible to get an OCD crisis from colors, at least while you're looking at a screen. It can be depressing at first but I got used to it and allowed me to save some time by dodging some obsessions.
- Avoiding certain places, people, rooms, video game levels, or websites: If there is a website or even an IRL place where I know for sure that there is something there that will trigger an OCD crisis, for example a weirdly asymmetrical shape, or opposite colors, I avoid going to it. If there is an OCD-triggering level in my current video game, I skip that level and play another one instead. If I'm experiencing a very severe OCD crisis while my dog is unusually excited is at risk to unexpectedly touch me due to jumping around, I avoid meeting my dog until he calms down. I know it sounds pathologically extreme, but it's very effective.
- Walking with eyes closed (not too much to avoid accidents): If I absolutely have to walk past an OCD-triggering element around my house, I will temporarily close my eyes until that object is behind me. It can save you a lot of time if done properly.
- Not listening to music and avoiding noisy places: This way, you're at a lower risk of encountering OCD-triggering sounds. If you can't shut off an OCD-inducing sound, find a way to cover your ears.
- Walking more carefully to avoid accidental touches: Don't swing your arms or take too big steps, for example.
- LDARmaxxing during a severe crisis: If you're having a bad OCD day where the urges are stronger than usual, it can happen, you'd better lock yourself into your room all day to avoid suffering. But warning, ONLY use LDARmaxxing as a last resort solution during a really intense crisis, because lack of socialization/human interaction can actually worsen the problem, as mentioned above.
- Sometimes I get an urge when browsing the internet to slam or repeatedly press buttons of my mouse or keyboard, due to the intrusive voices asking me to do that, that's why I use the cheapest possible keyboard or mouse unless I game. If you have the same problem, consider doing the same.
Basically: Cut any activity, any hobby, any person, anything that triggers OCD crises in you. And if you can't avoid OCD-triggering situations, uses any tools you have to your disposition to make the situation as OCD-friendly as possible (grayscale filtering, closing your eyes, covering your ears, anything that helps you)
OCD is not only mentally painful, it's also very debilitating and can prevent you to interact normally with the world and perform some activities or certain jobs.
The mental and behavioral compulsions that come with OCD robbed many years of my childhood and brought bullying upon me.
Things I deal with on a daily basis due to my OCD
- When something doesn't turn out the way I "anticipated" (ex.: I expect to touch the "G" key on my keyboard when I write, but hit the "H" key instead on accident, or accidentally press it along with 2 other keys) it instantly triggers what I call "OCD crisis" and get an irresistible urge to perform a repeated pattern of motion (in this case it would get the urge to press the same key I initially wanted to press X numbers of time, X being usually a multiple of 4, less commonly 3, 5 or 6). (other ex.: If I want to look in the direction of my dog but the dog unexpectedly changes it's position, I'll get an urge to shake my head X times, from my dog's new position to another point). (again another ex.: If I accidentally go to the wrong place in a video game and hear an unexpected music or see an unexpected thing, I'll need to switch between the expected menu and unexpected menu back and forth X times, or replay the first seconds of the unexpected music X times in a loop, etc.)
- My memory isn't trusted sometimes which causes me to re-verify constantly again and again certain things. (ex.: I'm sure I closed my door but the intrusive voice says "nope you forgot it open lol" X times so I need to re-check if I closed it or not X times, I'm sure I went through that zone in a video game but the intrusive voice causes me to re-visit that zone X times anyways, I'm sure I read that phrase in a book but need to re-read it X times anyways, etc.)
- I have all types of weird intrusive thoughts such as "If you don't punch a wall X times you will die in 3 hours" or "If you don't jump X times you will never get a job and be homeless forever"... Basically thoughts in the "If you don't do that the following horrible thing will happen" style which is the main OCD symptom in general. It doesn't matter that I know the consequence is literally not going to happen because I didn't perform the useless "ritual", I still feel the need to obey that voice just to calm down from the discomfort even if the relief is just temporary.
- I commonly have intrusive thoughts telling me "omg your hands are so dirty wash them or you will get and infection" and as a result I can wash them more than 100 times a day, and in the long term it permanently damaged the skin of my hands due to rupture and bleedings. At least 50% of the skin on the top of my right hand is insensitive to touch as a result. The skin of my left hand is a little bit more intact but is still visibly damaged and abnormally dry in permanence.
- Some of my intrusive thoughts force me to visualize something in my head instead of performing a physical action visible in the physical world (ex.: "If you don't visualize a blue star X times in your head your car will explode") and even if there's nothing visible on the outside apart from maybe a concentrated-looking face, they're still just as bad as the other obsessions if not worse since the visualization is very energy-draining for the brain in general.
- Before my deconversion to atheism, when I was still a christcuck, I remember I read the New Testament one day and fell on the verse talking about the sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, so what happened is that I got scared of committing that sin and for the next 2-3 years I would constantly get intrusive thoughts either telling me I committed that sin or I'm going to lose control and commit it, and as a result I would visualize myself undoing the words of that intrusive voice around 6-10 hours EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR YEARS!!! Yes, even in the middle of doing something else! It was so fucking stressing due to my fear of hell and it fucking drained the mental energy out of me. I still have certain intrusive thoughts or phrases unrelated to religion where I constantly "undo" them mentally, but they're less extreme and time-consuming since they're not tied to the fear of an eternal lake of fire, just to some shame or disappointment or guilt.
- When I get a completely unexpected sensory information (ex.: I walk down a street and I notice by surprise a yellow bag on my left side, and "OCD" crisis is triggered and I get the urge to turn my head on the opposite side of where I saw the bag X numbers of time, X still being a multiple of the same numbers as in all of the examples above. Also works with senses other than sight: An unexpected touch from accidentally hitting something will cause me to repeatedly touch that object again X times, hearing a suddenly unexpected sound will cause me to repeatedly re-create the sound in my head X times, etc.).
Other examples of OCD-triggering external inputs include: Seeing 2 very different color close together (such as opposite colors on a color wheel), the view of an object that's weirdly asymmetrical, the view of a group of objects that lack arrangement or symmetry, hearing false notes in a song, being touched by surprise by someone, a song being uncleanly cut such as the intro song in Better Call Saul, certain types of grammatical errors, ordering mistakes, etc.
X is a random number, but almost always a multiple of 4 and usually a single-digit or 2-digit (rarely 3-digit) number. It could be 8, 12, 48, 144, etc. But it seems like the greater the unexpectation is, or the more aggressive the intrusive thoughts are, the greater the number is.
I got bullied by other kids who noticed my compulsions and thought I was retarded (due to weird stimming sounds and other weird rituals such as excessive clapping and head turning and feet slamming) which further ruined my self-esteem and gave me feelings of abnormality. One day when I was walking outside a young lady noticed my excessive head turning towards her and got scared by me thinking, I was some sort of paranoid psycho.
If my face and height are a huge disadvantage when it comes to my chances of ascending, my OCD is the final nail in the coffin: it's sometimes impossible for me to not engage in the compulsions and it further increases the failo effect around me... It's over, it's a death sentence literally, and unless I find a way to heal from it to a significant degree, I barely see any hope for me to ascend from inceldom.
That being said...
Here's how I cope with it:
Tips for my fellow OCDcels that personally helped me deal with it more easily
- Socialization: I noticed that I get OCD crises less often when spending meaningful time with my friends or parents or neighbors or even an inhumane creature such as a pet (by "meaningful time" I mean doing something that is fun and enjoyable such as playing a sport or walking in a place you like or having a deep talk), which makes senses from a scientific perspective because serotonin is released during socialization and OCD is characterized by a serotonin deficiency.
- Avoiding stress: Stress is one of my biggest "OCD triggers". Being stressed is one of the rare circumstances when I can get an OCD crisis during a meaningful social interaction. So, control your unhealthy stress levels as much as possible and do your best to relax.
- Physical exercice: It's usually presented as the ultimate remedy to all your physical and mental health issues, and it's true most of the time. Unfortunately, this might be one of the rare exceptions to the rule, at least in my case: OCD crises very commonly happen to me in the midst of physical activity (ex.: I accidentally lift my dumbbell more to one side so I re-do the motion X times in the opposite direction, I accidentally run more to the right so I turn my head X times in the opposite direction, and intrusive thoughts forcing me to do complicated mental visualizations still arise when doing even the most intensive cardio or lifting). But there are some websites that claim it will help you with your OCD, so you should still try it, what doesn't work for me might work for you and it has other benefits anyways...
- Finding a hobby: Some hobbies might improve or worsen the OCD. Find something that improves it. Usually it's best to find a hobby that requires high levels of concentration to forget about the OCD.
- Grayscale filtering: Since an OCD trigger of mine is seeing very different colors close to each other, you can activate the grayscale filter of your computer or phone, it removes all color making it impossible to get an OCD crisis from colors, at least while you're looking at a screen. It can be depressing at first but I got used to it and allowed me to save some time by dodging some obsessions.
- Avoiding certain places, people, rooms, video game levels, or websites: If there is a website or even an IRL place where I know for sure that there is something there that will trigger an OCD crisis, for example a weirdly asymmetrical shape, or opposite colors, I avoid going to it. If there is an OCD-triggering level in my current video game, I skip that level and play another one instead. If I'm experiencing a very severe OCD crisis while my dog is unusually excited is at risk to unexpectedly touch me due to jumping around, I avoid meeting my dog until he calms down. I know it sounds pathologically extreme, but it's very effective.
- Walking with eyes closed (not too much to avoid accidents): If I absolutely have to walk past an OCD-triggering element around my house, I will temporarily close my eyes until that object is behind me. It can save you a lot of time if done properly.
- Not listening to music and avoiding noisy places: This way, you're at a lower risk of encountering OCD-triggering sounds. If you can't shut off an OCD-inducing sound, find a way to cover your ears.
- Walking more carefully to avoid accidental touches: Don't swing your arms or take too big steps, for example.
- LDARmaxxing during a severe crisis: If you're having a bad OCD day where the urges are stronger than usual, it can happen, you'd better lock yourself into your room all day to avoid suffering. But warning, ONLY use LDARmaxxing as a last resort solution during a really intense crisis, because lack of socialization/human interaction can actually worsen the problem, as mentioned above.
- Sometimes I get an urge when browsing the internet to slam or repeatedly press buttons of my mouse or keyboard, due to the intrusive voices asking me to do that, that's why I use the cheapest possible keyboard or mouse unless I game. If you have the same problem, consider doing the same.
Basically: Cut any activity, any hobby, any person, anything that triggers OCD crises in you. And if you can't avoid OCD-triggering situations, uses any tools you have to your disposition to make the situation as OCD-friendly as possible (grayscale filtering, closing your eyes, covering your ears, anything that helps you)
