Blackpill Nothing comes to me naturally fuck this, shitty life and parents

[Deleted member 26506]

This is going to be a long thread, please don't just postmaxx and write stupid shit,
feel free to bookmark it as well

Introduction
This thread might be different from other threads because my mood right now is what I call "my suicidal mood" and I am coping with it by writing this thread and writing what I had in mind for the last few weeks, this is also the best mood to express those things
exercise and healthy and low-carb diet has helped me completely with my mood, but it seems like it was probably temporary and after a few months, it doesn't seem to affect as it used to anymore and I feel worse then before I started it, I bet that if I will stop eating healthy and exercise then I will just go insane

Why am I typing this?
so why am I typing this? I fucking hate that I need to work for every single thing in my fucking life, everyone is just being born, living life has it is, having some stress, issues, but nothing major
and I am here trying to cope, while there is some 6"5 asshole who eats McDonald's all day,
has a much better social life and looks like a football player and he never was sad in his life

Start
in February of last year, I did a diet which lasted for 9 months where I lost 30kgs which I thought that it will make my life much better, guess what? my mood got worse, I always had random times where I would feel weak asf, and all this while eating normally, and the diet that I did before? wasn't even extreme (I ate 2000 calories per day, more or less all the vitamins I need to live, not even from supplements. healthy.) what is the result? I got rejected twice, apparently, I have fucking gyno as well, my nose also became much longer and I probably have rosacea and everyone started to notice it, and in my friend groups I always laughed at it, the biggest lifefuel is that at least I look better, I run faster and I got many compliments, I still prefer my current bodyweight much more

in the recent months (somewhere around march I think) I decided to lose a bit of extra body fat, so I cut some calories and now I also included an exercise which was a major lifefuel, I don't
exercise at this point to lose fat but rather because of how I feel, and I lost additional 4kgs and stopped because I don't want to look like a skeleton

Sport
at sports classes, I would be picked last, even if I was decent at the game

Coping throughout life
Gaming basically

Friends
I was always the beta with friends, I would always be the last one to be chosen, It was always like this
I remember at age 14 when I had a group of friends which I used to hang out with, until they started to go out with foids, and stopped giving a shit about me
and stopped inviting me, one time I heard them talking about the foids that they are going with, and they felt bad and invited me, and guess what happened?
we went to one of the friend's building and the elevator was full, they told me to stay outside and group with them and they will tell me to which apartment I should go
after that what happened? they ghosted me, didn't answer the phone and I stopped talking with them ever since

Parents
even at home, my brother doesn't do shit, he was always a lazy fuck, but my parents always preferred him and gaslighted me that I am the lazy one,
I remember ever since I was 5 years old I would clean stuff at my home when my brother was 5? or even 10 years old? he was always sitting in his room either playing video games or doing nothing, and until this day my parents gaslight me into thinking that I am the lazy one.

basically, since age 13, I knew how to be a homemaker, and I was, and somehow I am the lazy one,
I always worked, I always tried to impress teachers and other people, I always tried to be the best, but many times I failed, and when I did have the success I was gaslighted, however, I am not going to lie, sometimes it was just perfect and I was happy about it, always of this while being chubby and not even eating like a fucking pig while I had many friends who ate so much, yet they were skinny, somehow those who eat a lot are always skinny

My parents used to beat me until age 15 since age 4 (at least this is the first time I remember it happens) and then gaslight me after that ("oh you are just exaggerating"), why until age 15? well first I was stronger than my mom at age 12 and she wouldn't dare get close to me, at age 15 I threw at my dad all of his alcohol bottles and one of them landed on his face, and since then he didn't touch me, all of this happened while I was a fat weak kid with low T

I still remember the worst times, they happened from age 13-15, my dad would just get drank and I would be in an angry mood, and he would just beat the shit out of me because I said something, he would still give me kicks when I was crying at the floor and having a panic attack, I remember when I had a panic attack for 5 minutes, he kicked me in the first few seconds, and after that went to the living room, watching videos on his phone like nothing happened
a small part of my front tooth is missing until this day because of this fucker and I look at it every day and guess what? I probably PTSD from this, I feel like this is the main source for my depression, every time I get reminded of this
I just feel like I don't belong here and it's like I get instructions to just end it and kill myself, I get stressed and I feel helpless. After all, I know that no one cares because I look like a subhuman,
and the truth is that people don't give a shit about you anymore, we don't live in close communities anymore, and that with looking like a total subhuman? it's a death sentence

Also, whenever I felt like shit, my dad would say "You have diabetes" "You have cancer" "You have that"
I remember going to get checked for cancer because I was so scared, and I would think about it for a whole month

Also for my 17th birthday, I got an automatic toothbrush which I asked for my dad a few months ago, he asked me "If I am happy with this gift"

and what's the worst part? my parents were mostly on normal mode and would be okay, so trusting my memory was hard before I understood what was going on

Now at age 17, my mental health is going to shit, after all of this happened I can barely handle myself, I told my father yesterday that
I will beat him as he did with me when I will be bigger and he will just be a dying Oldman, now he acts like an innocent little angel, he is acting so "scared"
and he is saying "you want to kill me!" and he changed me saying "I will beat the shit out of you, and will also keep doing it once you are in the floor like you did with me"
to "I will kill you"

and now my fucking brother (he is younger by 5 years then) me explains why I shouldn't kill my father,
and he doesn't fucking listen to what I want to say, he tries to act like a fucking adult now
and worst thing he says that I actually said that I want to kill him! this gas-lighting is fucking hardcore, it legit
makes me doubt my own memory even after all of those years

What will I do now?
I have no idea, my mood never was so shit before and I never experienced anxiety as I do now daily

If you read until now then thank you, and remember, fuck IT, they are exactly like us just bluepilled

 

[ihaveno1]

There is no such thing as a natural flow of life for incels

 

[Deleted member 26506]

There is no such thing as a natural flow of life for incels

Fuck off postmaxxer, all of your posts are low iq and low effort
I didn't write all of this just so you will postmaxx here

 

[ihaveno1]

Fuck off postmaxxer, all of your posts are low iq and low effort
I didn't write all of this just so you will postmaxx here

JoinedMay 23, 2020

 

[Personalityinkwell]

There is no such thing as a natural flow of life for incels

yes there is, it's just the natural flow leads to suicidal thoughts

 

[Deleted member 26506]

JoinedMay 23, 2020

Why does it matter, isn't the whole point of this forum is that no one is superior,
what's will all of the postmaxxers calling people "greycels", it doesn't matter when I joined or if I am grey or Enlightened, a good amount of postmaxxers here
are low IQ faggots and even I am guilty of this

There high IQ greycels like @ReturnOfSaddam who only post high IQ content and replies and they are still greycels because of this

 

[ihaveno1]

postmaxx here

 

[Deleted member 24256]

Reading rn, I will try to give advice after im done
Bro, you gotta contact child services. You can't be living in that household. You need to leave.

 

[Deleted member 26506]

Reading rn, I will try to give advice after im done
Bro, you gotta contact child services. You can't be living in that household. You need to leave.

Thanks brocel
I have been thinking about moving to my grandparent's home, my grandma was always nice to me and loved me regardless of what I did or happened (my grandpa was always quite, but I had great moments with him as well)
only now I realized that I didn't actually take what happens in my home into control, but just minimized it and that I am so used to it that I didn't see as what happening as wrong
Fuck I feel great after writing this thread

 

[PoodankMcGee]

Why does it matter, isn't the whole point of this forum is that no one is superior,
what's will all of the postmaxxers calling people "greycels", it doesn't matter when I joined or if I am grey or Enlightened, a good amount of postmaxxers here
are low IQ faggots and even I am guilty of this

There high IQ greycels like @ReturnOfSaddam who only post high IQ content and replies and they are still greycels because of this

To be fair with the amount of infiltrators we get here I don't blame the vets for having suspicion. I do agree it's a shame the way the ranking rewards low-IQ spam. Idk what would be a better alternative besides a reddit-like updoot system, and that's fucked in its own way because it rewards conformist groupthink over originality and/or truth.

As far as the actual thread is concerned, yeah, it fucking blows how hard people like us have to work for basic shit that normies are simply given. At the end of the day though it's cope or rope. The best advice I've come across in this regard is that we have to take pleasure in the struggle itself. I believe Nietszche elaborates on this theme, forget which works though. Even normies constantly struggle to keep their foids satisfied or to one-up each other in the sexual marketplace. At the end of the day though we sure af arent escaping our struggle. So we either need to learn to cope via philosophy/self-realization as much as feasible, or muster up the courage to end the nightmare completely.

Also thanks for sharing your fitness experience. Ive been debating gymcelling myself, but it wouldnt be to improve my physique since that's going to be fucked no matter what. My primary motivation would be health (which is already somewhat fucked) and emotional benefits, but idk if the juice would be worth the squeeze for me tbh.

 

[Deleted member 24256]

Thanks brocel
I have been thinking about moving to my grandparent's home, my grandma was always nice to me and loved me regardless of what I did or happened (my grandpa was always quite, but I had great moments with him as well)
only now I realized that I didn't actually take what happens in my home into control, but just minimized it and that I am so used to it that I didn't see as what happening as wrong
Fuck I feel great after writing this thread

That's a good idea. Pack your bags and don't look back

 

[squirrelsonfire2]

U gotta work hard for it bro

 

[Deleted member 26506]

To be fair with the amount of infiltrators we get here I don't blame the vets for having suspicion. I do agree it's a shame the way the ranking rewards low-IQ spam. Idk what would be a better alternative besides a reddit-like updoot system, and that's fucked in its own way because it rewards conformist groupthink over originality and/or truth.

As far as the actual thread is concerned, yeah, it fucking blows how hard people like us have to work for basic shit that normies are simply given. At the end of the day though it's cope or rope. The best advice I've come across in this regard is that we have to take pleasure in the struggle itself. I believe Nietszche elaborates on this theme, forget which works though. Even normies constantly struggle to keep their foids satisfied or to one-up each other in the sexual marketplace. At the end of the day though we sure af arent escaping our struggle. So we either need to learn to cope via philosophy/self-realization as much as feasible, or muster up the courage to end the nightmare completely.

Also thanks for sharing your fitness experience. Ive been debating gymcelling myself, but it wouldnt be to improve my physique since that's going to be fucked no matter what. My primary motivation would be health (which is already somewhat fucked) and emotional benefits, but idk if the juice would be worth the squeeze for me tbh.

Nietszche's philosophy really helped me to cope with life, and actually since age 12 I kinda looked at this stuff at this way (before hearing about him), and like the cuck I was at age 15 I thanked my father for being so bad with me (this was also before Nietszche), it is really comforting to know that I have skills and knowledge that others don't have

also gymcel, the only reason I do that is to not have this shit happen again and if it does then I would be able to fight back really hard (I am pretty sure that I have an inferiority complex rn), I didn't write this in the thread but I was also bullied in elementary, and I was in 3 fights in my life, none of them would have taken place if I looked aggressive enough and was aggressive from the start and yes you will feel much better mentally speaking

and like I said before, I am also guilty of postmaxxing

 

[Deleted member 8353]

I don't think that people really have control over their own lives and supposed choices. Look at it this way, did any of this ever really feel like much of a choice to you, ending up where you are now? Humans are largely victims of circumstance, if not entirely tbh. I'm not sure if this really helps much, but try not to think of things in terms of "if only I had done this", or anything of that nature. As at the very least, you can't change the past, and you shouldn't really blame yourself or anyone else for it, at least imo.

 

[Native]

This is going to be a long thread, please don't just postmaxx and write stupid shit,
feel free to bookmark it as well

Introduction
This thread might be different from other threads because my mood right now is what I call "my suicidal mood" and I am coping with it by writing this thread and writing what I had in mind for the last few weeks, this is also the best mood to express those things
exercise and healthy and low-carb diet has helped me completely with my mood, but it seems like it was probably temporary and after a few months, it doesn't seem to affect as it used to anymore and I feel worse then before I started it, I bet that if I will stop eating healthy and exercise then I will just go insane

Why am I typing this?
so why am I typing this? I fucking hate that I need to work for every single thing in my fucking life, everyone is just being born, living life has it is, having some stress, issues, but nothing major
and I am here trying to cope, while there is some 6"5 asshole who eats McDonald's all day,
has a much better social life and looks like a football player and he never was sad in his life

Start
in February of last year, I did a diet which lasted for 9 months where I lost 30kgs which I thought that it will make my life much better, guess what? my mood got worse, I always had random times where I would feel weak asf, and all this while eating normally, and the diet that I did before? wasn't even extreme (I ate 2000 calories per day, more or less all the vitamins I need to live, not even from supplements. healthy.) what is the result? I got rejected twice, apparently, I have fucking gyno as well, my nose also became much longer and I probably have rosacea and everyone started to notice it, and in my friend groups I always laughed at it, the biggest lifefuel is that at least I look better, I run faster and I got many compliments, I still prefer my current bodyweight much more

in the recent months (somewhere around march I think) I decided to lose a bit of extra body fat, so I cut some calories and now I also included an exercise which was a major lifefuel, I don't
exercise at this point to lose fat but rather because of how I feel, and I lost additional 4kgs and stopped because I don't want to look like a skeleton

Sport
at sports classes, I would be picked last, even if I was decent at the game

Coping throughout life
Gaming basically

Friends
I was always the beta with friends, I would always be the last one to be chosen, It was always like this
I remember at age 14 when I had a group of friends which I used to hang out with, until they started to go out with foids, and stopped giving a shit about me
and stopped inviting me, one time I heard them talking about the foids that they are going with, and they felt bad and invited me, and guess what happened?
we went to one of the friend's building and the elevator was full, they told me to stay outside and group with them and they will tell me to which apartment I should go
after that what happened? they ghosted me, didn't answer the phone and I stopped talking with them ever since

Parents
even at home, my brother doesn't do shit, he was always a lazy fuck, but my parents always preferred him and gaslighted me that I am the lazy one,
I remember ever since I was 5 years old I would clean stuff at my home when my brother was 5? or even 10 years old? he was always sitting in his room either playing video games or doing nothing, and until this day my parents gaslight me into thinking that I am the lazy one.

basically, since age 13, I knew how to be a homemaker, and I was, and somehow I am the lazy one,
I always worked, I always tried to impress teachers and other people, I always tried to be the best, but many times I failed, and when I did have the success I was gaslighted, however, I am not going to lie, sometimes it was just perfect and I was happy about it, always of this while being chubby and not even eating like a fucking pig while I had many friends who ate so much, yet they were skinny, somehow those who eat a lot are always skinny

My parents used to beat me until age 15 since age 4 (at least this is the first time I remember it happens) and then gaslight me after that ("oh you are just exaggerating"), why until age 15? well first I was stronger than my mom at age 12 and she wouldn't dare get close to me, at age 15 I threw at my dad all of his alcohol bottles and one of them landed on his face, and since then he didn't touch me, all of this happened while I was a fat weak kid with low T

I still remember the worst times, they happened from age 13-15, my dad would just get drank and I would be in an angry mood, and he would just beat the shit out of me because I said something, he would still give me kicks when I was crying at the floor and having a panic attack, I remember when I had a panic attack for 5 minutes, he kicked me in the first few seconds, and after that went to the living room, watching videos on his phone like nothing happened
a small part of my front tooth is missing until this day because of this fucker and I look at it every day and guess what? I probably PTSD from this, I feel like this is the main source for my depression, every time I get reminded of this
I just feel like I don't belong here and it's like I get instructions to just end it and kill myself, I get stressed and I feel helpless. After all, I know that no one cares because I look like a subhuman,
and the truth is that people don't give a shit about you anymore, we don't live in close communities anymore, and that with looking like a total subhuman? it's a death sentence

Also, whenever I felt like shit, my dad would say "You have diabetes" "You have cancer" "You have that"
I remember going to get checked for cancer because I was so scared, and I would think about it for a whole month

Also for my 17th birthday, I got an automatic toothbrush which I asked for my dad a few months ago, he asked me "If I am happy with this gift"

and what's the worst part? my parents were mostly on normal mode and would be okay, so trusting my memory was hard before I understood what was going on

Now at age 17, my mental health is going to shit, after all of this happened I can barely handle myself, I told my father yesterday that
I will beat him as he did with me when I will be bigger and he will just be a dying Oldman, now he acts like an innocent little angel, he is acting so "scared"
and he is saying "you want to kill me!" and he changed me saying "I will beat the shit out of you, and will also keep doing it once you are in the floor like you did with me"
to "I will kill you"

and now my fucking brother (he is younger by 5 years then) me explains why I shouldn't kill my father,
and he doesn't fucking listen to what I want to say, he tries to act like a fucking adult now
and worst thing he says that I actually said that I want to kill him! this gas-lighting is fucking hardcore, it legit
makes me doubt my own memory even after all of those years

What will I do now?
I have no idea, my mood never was so shit before and I never experienced anxiety as I do now daily

If you read until now then thank you, and remember, fuck IT, they are exactly like us just bluepilled

OP you are exactly like me in every possible way. I am 19, my parents beat the shit out of me, I have a deviated septum (my nose is crooked and I need surgery to fix it later) as well as uneven eyebrows because of the beatings as a small kid. Also my social life is ruined, no matter how hard I tried I will always be lesser in the eyes of other people. I have to try extremely hard just to get what others have naturally, my life is fucking brutal just like yours and I can relate to the abuse so much. I remember endless tears all alone as a kid and when I think about it at work sometimes I have to wear sunglasses because I will start tearing up immediately if I remember for a moment the amount of pain I felt as a kid, and the loneliness and cruelty from others too.

Also I experience crippling depression too, so much that just 2 days ago I was about to commit suicide but I tested how it would be to suffocate and I was too much of a bitch to actually do it so here I am.

I have to do a low carb diet too or I bloat hard with water retention in my face so I can understand. I'm a looksmax user by the way but even with that you have to have a good base and mine is pretty shit so there's not much work I can do.

I relate to you greatly OP, it actually helps me when I realize there's people out there who suffer like me.

And when I see my nose in the mirror it makes me seethe just the same as your tooth man, it's fucking brutal having a crooked ass nose because of your dad.

I will never ascend and I understand this and accept it, I just pray to live a life where I am comfortable and happy, that's all.

 

[Deleted member 19236]

If I were you, I would just give up, ldar and not work hard anymore
Also copemax

 

[Deleted member 26506]

I don't think that people really have control over their own lives and supposed choices. Look at it this way, did any of this ever really feel like much of a choice to you, ending up where you are now? Humans are largely victims of circumstance, if not entirely tbh. I'm not sure if this really helps much, but try not to think of things in terms of "if only I had done this", or anything of that nature. As at the very least, you can't change the past, and you shouldn't really blame yourself or anyone else for it, at least imo.

I believe that we are given full control over what choices to choose once we are self-conscious, but we have much less control over the choices available

 

[failmaxxed]

they want to cry, give them a reason to cry.
Beating a defenseless child is one thing, kicking your bleeding offspring on the floor is another thing. Now they are old and weak and defenseless, beat the everloving shit out of them. There is no justice in this world except the justice we take into our own hands.
Every gaslight they did, every time they blamed you, said it was your fault you were beaten. It was lies, disgusting lies from disgusting people. You are not the cause of this, it is not your fault that things turned out like this. Don't let them get into your mind. Hate them with all your heart and let that hate shield you from their lies and tricks.

 

[Transcended Trucel]

they want to cry, give them a reason to cry.
Beating a defenseless child is one thing, kicking your bleeding offspring on the floor is another thing. Now they are old and weak and defenseless, beat the everloving shit out of them. There is no justice in this world except the justice we take into our own hands.
Every gaslight they did, every time they blamed you, said it was your fault you were beaten. It was lies, disgusting lies from disgusting people. You are not the cause of this, it is not your fault that things turned out like this. Don't let them get into your mind. Hate them with all your heart and let that hate shield you from their lies and tricks.

I agree. @universallyabhorred has talked about this. Follow his footsteps. But only do so if you have 6 months of savings for living expenses or are willing to be jailed for your revenge. As sadly this cuckold garbage society discourage Punishes men rising up against their trash parents.

 

[Deleted member 26506]

OP you are exactly like me in every possible way. I am 19, my parents beat the shit out of me, I have a deviated septum (my nose is crooked and I need surgery to fix it later) as well as uneven eyebrows because of the beatings as a small kid. Also my social life is ruined, no matter how hard I tried I will always be lesser in the eyes of other people. I have to try extremely hard just to get what others have naturally, my life is fucking brutal just like yours and I can relate to the abuse so much. I remember endless tears all alone as a kid and when I think about it at work sometimes I have to wear sunglasses because I will start tearing up immediately if I remember for a moment the amount of pain I felt as a kid, and the loneliness and cruelty from others too.

Also I experience crippling depression too, so much that just 2 days ago I was about to commit suicide but I tested how it would be to suffocate and I was too much of a bitch to actually do it so here I am.

I have to do a low carb diet too or I bloat hard with water retention in my face so I can understand. I'm a looksmax user by the way but even with that you have to have a good base and mine is pretty shit so there's not much work I can do.

I relate to you greatly OP, it actually helps me when I realize there's people out there who suffer like me.

And when I see my nose in the mirror it makes me seethe just the same as your tooth man, it's fucking brutal having a crooked ass nose because of your dad.

I will never ascend and I understand this and accept it, I just pray to live a life where I am comfortable and happy, that's all.

I am not sure if I am supposed to be happy or sad that there more like me, but this made me have a smile,
while writing this thread I almost cried twice and had a few tears and it's really nice to see someone who has really similar experience,
I always try to hide it as well, at the time it wasn't really bad mentally, I would be really sad the same day, then go to school and just forget about it
but now I experience the same bullshit as you do, every time I get reminded of this I feel so weak and just small, like I have no power and when it's hard
I literally feel like my instincts tell me that I should just end it all
is it PTSD or something mixed

they want to cry, give them a reason to cry.
Beating a defenseless child is one thing, kicking your bleeding offspring on the floor is another thing. Now they are old and weak and defenseless, beat the everloving shit out of them. There is no justice in this world except the justice we take into our own hands.
Every gaslight they did, every time they blamed you, said it was your fault you were beaten. It was lies, disgusting lies from disgusting people. You are not the cause of this, it is not your fault that things turned out like this. Don't let them get into your mind. Hate them with all your heart and let that hate shield you from their lies and tricks.

I am still much weaker compared to my dad and I am still not fully physically developed, I promised myself that I will have my revenge one day,
I am not a cuck anymore and I am trying to be as much of a parasite as I can now, I barely do any jobs and never clean after myself

I agree. @universallyabhorred has talked about this. Follow his footsteps. But only do so if you have 6 months of savings for living expenses or are willing to be jailed for your revenge. As sadly this cuckold garbage society discourage Punishes men rising up against their trash parents.

I am only 17 I will do this revenge later in life, and my dad wouldn't report, I know that he wouldn't he might be a shitty parent, but he is a hardcore cuck,
He is always a cuck of people bigger then him and of people who screw him over time after time

If I were you, I would just give up, ldar and not work hard anymore
Also copemax

I prefer to copemax and see my potential, if I am 30 without any success then I will do

 

[failmaxxed]

and I am trying to be as much of a parasite as I can now, I barely do any jobs and never clean after myself

on the contrary, you should try to get money to move out. As long as you live in their house they have the upper hand. But once you live suitably far away, you have somewhere to leave to and you can get off quite lightly with law if you cite PTSD and instantaneous crime of passion when you take your revenge. You should check your county's laws beforehand.

Crime of passion - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Alternatively, take your revenge before you turn 18, you will be trialed as a juvenile and not as an adult. The jury will be much more open to hear your side of the story regarding physical abuse and the PTSD it caused.
Juvenile courts are more lenient in most countries and are more likely to take into account the cause, past criminal history and severity, which works in your favour.

 

[Deleted member 26506]

on the contrary, you should try to get money to move out. As long as you live in their house they have the upper hand. But once you live suitably far away, you have somewhere to leave to and you can get off quite lightly with law if you cite PTSD and instantaneous crime of passion when you take your revenge. You should check your county's laws beforehand.

Crime of passion - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Alternatively, take your revenge before you turn 18, you will be trialed as a juvenile and not as an adult. The jury will be much more open to hear your side of the story regarding physical abuse and the PTSD it caused.

I was making money from online business since I was 14, I make much more now then I was at 14 but not enough for a living though unless I move to Russia
this is also my biggest cope because it shows that I have potential and it helped me to buy copes and semi-necessitates
I will probably move to my grandparent's home and other then taking a knife and stubbing my dad, I don't have any other way of revenge since he is much taller then me and much stronger, and I don't want to do it because 1st) no enjoyment 2nd) I don't want to kill him also I didn't experience it, my fantasy is him feeling exactly like me, by my bare hands 3rd) I am still not a sociopath

 

[failmaxxed]

I was making money from online business since I was 14, I make much more now then I was at 14 but not enough for a living though unless I move to Russia
this is also my biggest cope because it shows that I have potential and it helped me to buy copes and semi-necessitates
I will probably move to my grandparent's home and other then taking a knife and stubbing my dad, I don't have any other way of revenge since he is much taller then me and much stronger, and I don't want to do it because 1st) no enjoyment 2nd) I don't want to kill him also I didn't experience it, my fantasy is him feeling exactly like me, by my bare hands 3rd) I am still not a sociopath

understandable, aversion to violence is very normal. Glad to hear you have a form of income, it will be very handy. I hope that things turn out well for you, life is shit but some people deserve a break.

 

[nazianime]

I had a similar experience with a female sibling, That is how I learned the blackpill. I was not beat by my parents but I was isolated because of culture differences from my peers. My father was a cuck and let women run his life. My female sibling use to get preferential treatment and had many friends and boyfriends to keep her entertained, also had the attention of my parents because she was the "troubled kid". I learned that a man has to make his own money and learn to be with himself. No one is going to help you because you are a surplus body. As a single man you are just a checkbook for the government and labor for the system. This is why men tend to get bitter and revengeful, but it is justified. We give for years of our lives, it fine if we take one time.

This is why I prefer to say a virgin, I have given so much that I don't want to give away the piece of myself that yearns for understanding. This is why I look down on escorts.

Hope this give you some insight.

 

[Deleted member 26506]

understandable, aversion to violence is very normal. Glad to hear you have a form of income, it will be very handy. I hope that things turn out well for you, life is shit but some people deserve a break.

Thanks brocel, and I will get a revenge on him once it's possible, I have had fantasizes for too long, he is already getting fucked by time and I am only benefiting as time moves,
I have only joined the gym recently (my exercise was basically walks and running until now) and my goal is like 20lbs muscle gain (also taking creatine) in a year (probably won't hit that, but I am 100% sure that I will be close) and if I will see that I am much stronger,
then I will uncuck myself (in minecraft)

I had a similar experience with a female sibling, That is how I learned the blackpill. I was not beat by my parents but I was isolated because of culture differences from my peers. My father was a cuck and let women run his life. My female sibling use to get preferential treatment and had many friends and boyfriends to keep her entertained, also had the attention of my parents because she was the "troubled kid". I learned that a man has to make his own money and learn to be with himself. No one is going to help you because you are a surplus body. As a single man you are just a checkbook for the government and labor for the system. This is why men tend to get bitter and revengeful, but it is justified. We give for years of our lives, it fine if we take one time.

This is why I prefer to say a virgin, I have given so much that I don't want to give away the piece of myself that yearns for understanding. This is why I look down on escorts.

Hope this give you some insight.

Fuck narcissists, call it a cope but I look at being so cucked for sex as a weakness and unmanly, every relationship nowadays is like that and the males are
only interested in sex and will do everything for it,
prostitution should be legal, foids have too much power

 

[truthpill]

There is no such thing as a natural flow of life for incels

High IQ

 

[Deleted member 18193]

First of all, fuck your parents. I don't blame you for having suicidal thoughts since on top being an outcast with people your own age, your parents don't seem like nice people at all. Honestly, I feel like good parenting is cheating in life just like having good genetics is (not that good parenting > genetics). Where would you place your looks on the 10 scale facially?
From your post it appears you've still clung onto hope of ascension. This is likely the biggest cause of your suicidial thoughts. It was for me when I had oneitis and when I had shreds of hope of looksmaxxing in the past. You seem to be on the fence about where you are in the smv scale, and this issue is only further brought up because you are forced into social interaction constantly. What has your experience been with asking girls out or being friendzoned?

 

[Lifeisbullshit95]

You are unlucky.
You have to options cope or suicide.

 

[Deleted member 25707]

Hi, I don't know who you are but your post has touched my heart and now I feel emotionally and spiritually connected to you.

You shouldn't give up yet. That Chad who eat everything and still stays lean has better genetics. You can't control your genetics. You lost 30kg. That's very impressive. I lost almost 30kg myself so I can understand how you feel.

Suicide is not the solution.Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better. We are all fighting our own demons. Life is just too short and way too big. You have so much to explore and learn. You should invest your time in rewarding skills. Things that give you joy and pleasure apart from sex and porn.

Remember, you are not alone @Grothendieck is there with you.

One Step at a time brother. One day at a time.

 

[Deleted member 26506]

First of all, fuck your parents. I don't blame you for having suicidal thoughts since on top being an outcast with people your own age, your parents don't seem like nice people at all. Honestly, I feel like good parenting is cheating in life just like having good genetics is (not that good parenting > genetics). Where would you place your looks on the 10 scale facially?
From your post it appears you've still clung onto hope of ascension. This is likely the biggest cause of your suicidial thoughts. It was for me when I had oneitis and when I had shreds of hope of looksmaxxing in the past. You seem to be on the fence about where you are in the smv scale, and this issue is only further brought up because you are forced into social interaction constantly. What has your experience been with asking girls out or being friendzoned?

1 of the girls that I asked out seemed nice at the start and actually gave me her discord (she was a gamer-gir) after some time of chatting I invited her to a friend group of mine (the same one that left me), I helped her with few technical stuff including recommending headphones, while chatting I asked her out, and she just didn't reply and later that the day she said "no I am fine, thank you for asking", and I was okay with that because I didn't really have much of an oneitis at her, but later that day all of those friends played CSGO and when I messaged them they didn't answer and basically all of them ignored me for a while, when I entered a voice chat with her once she started to cry and just left, this was really brutal for me, and I would rate myself 3/10 but from side pictures 1/10 total sub human

 

[RREEEEEEEEE]

Sad shit man.

Spoiler

Really though, you are only 17, you still have a whole life ahead of you. You had a shitty start but it doesn't have to stay this way or even end like that. Your parents are shitty for playing favorites, I think they were just inexperienced so they didn't know how to raise you and just did it the same way their parents did. Break the cycle by being good to them, even if they have been horrible to you. Also, your little brother gets treated better because he's the youngest, it's common in families that the youngest is the most coddled one. By the way, you say you have PTSD now or something like that, but think about the mental trauma you are causing your 12 year old brother when you say you will kill your father. He doesn't need to hear that. Show your parents that you are better than them by not being like them. I hope it gets better for you, but you have to put in effort. Your friends also sucked, but it's good you didn't talk to them anymore after the bitch move they did. If you can make new friends, try to make sure they aren't backstabbing cunts. Also, chances are you aren't as subhuman as you think. If you aren't facially deformed, you can ascend. Unlike me.

 

[Deleted member 26506]

Hi, I don't know who you are but your post has touched my heart and now I feel emotionally and spiritually connected to you.

You shouldn't give up yet. That Chad who eat everything and still stays lean has better genetics. You can't control your genetics. You lost 30kg. That's very impressive. I lost almost 30kg myself so I can understand how you feel.

Suicide is not the solution.Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better. We are all fighting our own demons. Life is just too short and way too big. You have so much to explore and learn. You should invest your time in rewarding skills. Things that give you joy and pleasure apart from sex and porn.

Remember, you are not alone @Grothendieck is there with you.

One Step at a time brother. One day at a time.

Thank you brocel, I always said that those who suicide are weak,
not even because it's true or false, but because it's like a game of ego (basically one of the ways I cope), if I don't commit suicide then I say fuck the "demons" (now when you said it, it really seems like I have demons in my head) and I basically win in one way or another, ever since a young age I was okay with suffering (one of the reasons I am such big fan of nietzsche) and got used to it, everything that I wrote in this thread didn't hurt me at the time it happened and until now I doubt myself if I really suffered and how bad was it, because it doesn't feel like it happened, but rather it started to hurt me a few months ago when I had a full mental breakdown

I am trying to fix everything, I already understood that this summer break will be a hell if I don't do anything, so I tried to develop my social skills further (I was already fairly sociable) and
actually found a new group of friends, I was invited once but I said that I can't go because I was exercising and I had to cook+eat after exercising as well (basically it hurts the ego when someone says it to you) and I declined, so basically I need to wait for their next invitation so I can get into the loop of invitations , trying to exercise as I said before and hopefully me growing will help, I started puberty at age 10-11 so I basically finished it, also finished it much shorter then my dad
my biggest cope in terms of looks is that my father also looked kinda ugly at my age, but in his 20s and 30s he actually looked like a legit chadlite

 

[Gyros_Pretcel]

and what's the worst part? my parents were mostly on normal mode and would be okay, so trusting my memory was hard before I understood what was going on

Well at least you jumped the train early enough, unlike me. I wasted years assuming they act in good faith. Why are parents doing stuf flike this? Thank god my dad never really hit me. He always yelled at me and sometimes suddenly ran at me, a few times choking me, but that was it. I didn't act up though, so idk what he would have done in that case. I left home at 17, but I had to move back in at 21 cuz I believed the retarded bluepills of social workers and therapists and couldn't deal with the same lookist shit again those years I went to boarding school, so I dropped out and wasted away for like 7 years. I am just slowly rcovering now (baby steps), but the problems here are all still unresolved. My parents literally did shit all those years.

 

[Deleted member 26506]

Well at least you jumped the train early enough, unlike me. I wasted years assuming they act in good faith. Why are parents doing stuf flike this? Thank god my dad never really hit me. He always yelled at me and sometimes suddenly ran at me, a few times choking me, but that was it. I didn't act up though, so idk what he would have done in that case. I left home at 17, but I had to move back in at 21 cuz I believed the retarded bluepills of social workers and therapists and couldn't deal with the same lookist shit again those years I went to boarding school, so I dropped out and wasted away for like 7 years. I am just slowly rcovering now (baby steps), but the problems here are all still unresolved. My parents literally did shit all those years.

This is why I don't trust anyone, I hate morals, morals only got me down in life, every time I listened to bluepilled and moral shit, the environment responded in a negative way, fuck therapists and social workers, they are all useless, lazy and narcissists themselves many times