Eventually you realize that everything around is quite literally darkness and emptiness in a physical sense. Whatever light makes known the atoms that make up your being is a rare resource wasted. I don't want to feel emotions anymore, I want to wither way while in a robotic state of mind, repeating the mantra "destroy" as my body falls apart and dies. I hate myself and everything that distinguishes me from the dust. It's easy to close your eyes and have hope, that all goes away when you open your eyes and look in the mirror and the true, actual subhuman specimen looking back at you with it's hideous goblin face. My purpose in life is to eliminate this ugly fucking monster I live inside of.