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The Enforcer

The Enforcer

Not fit to survive
★★★★★
Joined
Jul 25, 2021
Posts
5,641
I'm sat here near wasted and my mind made some things again. I thought of two new animals. Both of which take their lifestyles and their names, in part from my two favorite things on the planet.

Animal number 1: The Alcohog

Probably a bit obvious. The Alcohog is a pig that drinks a shit ton of alcohol. Calling it a/my "spirit animal" has two meanings I guess. It, like me has organs that are physically dependent on alcohol to survive. Apart from the fact that the Alcohog developed this trait through evolution, and not just coping itself to the grave by drinking constantly jfl. This Hog has 3 Livers that constantly regenerate at a fast pace so not to succumb to Cirrhosis. Often said to be heard shouting football hooligan chants from afar but this hasn't yet been proven. A friendly animal until it gets too tired and starts getting pissed off easily. Will let you pet him and will let you hug him if you buy him a drink.

  • Likes: drinking Beer, drinking Gin, drinking Vodka, drinking Whiskey, drinking Absinthe, drinking Wine, drinking Everclear
  • Dislikes: Not drinking

1596046184365

Animal number two: The Herion

Based off the Heron. But was I fuck going to name it "the heroin" :feelstastyman: so i bastardized the spelling instead. The Herion does what it says on the Tin, or rather the Needle. This bird likes to take Heroin all the time. As a consequence, younger members of its species often tend to fall asleep a lot, not unlike infants of other species but for different reasons i.e. nodding out. The bird thrives on heroin and gets cold sweats as well as poor motor skills when unable to source it from its local plug.

Luckily for the Herion, unlike me, its veins are completely resistant towards rot and tracks. Its Lungs and Nasal passages are also incredibly versatile so that in the event that the Bird has no fucking needles left because he decided to be lazy and not go the fucking Exchange and get some more, he can opt to smoke or snort his Nectar instead. A rather lethargic Bird. Doesn't to a ton. Just wants to be left alone. Will happily steal your stuff if it means it can get more Heroin.

  • Likes: Heroin, Opium, Codeine, Fentanyl, Sleep
  • Dislikes: Company, no Heroin, Job applications

1596046815006
 
modcel, have u tried moscow mules, and if you did what did u think, cause i had 3 last night and blacked out
 
modcel, have u tried moscow mules, and if you did what did u think, cause i had 3 last night and blacked out
If I have, I don't recall. I don't remember cocktail names, and seldom do I drink them anymore. Instead I just order neat doubles over and over
 
I like cranes and flamingos
 
A rather lethargic Bird. Doesn't to a ton. Just wants to be left alone. Will happily steal your stuff if it means it can get more Heroin.

  • Likes: Heroin, Opium, Codeine, Fentanyl, Sleep
  • Dislikes: Company, no Heroin, Job applications
hmmm, is this bird... of a... certain, complexion?
 
I'm sat here near wasted and my mind made some things again. I thought of two new animals. Both of which take their lifestyles and their names, in part from my two favorite things on the planet.

Animal number 1: The Alcohog

Probably a bit obvious. The Alcohog is a pig that drinks a shit ton of alcohol. Calling it a/my "spirit animal" has two meanings I guess. It, like me has organs that are physically dependent on alcohol to survive. Apart from the fact that the Alcohog developed this trait through evolution, and not just coping itself to the grave by drinking constantly jfl. This Hog has 3 Livers that constantly regenerate at a fast pace so not to succumb to Cirrhosis. Often said to be heard shouting football hooligan chants from afar but this hasn't yet been proven. A friendly animal until it gets too tired and starts getting pissed off easily. Will let you pet him and will let you hug him if you buy him a drink.

  • Likes: drinking Beer, drinking Gin, drinking Vodka, drinking Whiskey, drinking Absinthe, drinking Wine, drinking Everclear
  • Dislikes: Not drinking

1596046184365

Animal number two: The Herion

Based off the Heron. But was I fuck going to name it "the heroin" :feelstastyman: so i bastardized the spelling instead. The Herion does what it says on the Tin, or rather the Needle. This bird likes to take Heroin all the time. As a consequence, younger members of its species often tend to fall asleep a lot, not unlike infants of other species but for different reasons i.e. nodding out. The bird thrives on heroin and gets cold sweats as well as poor motor skills when unable to source it from its local plug.

Luckily for the Herion, unlike me, its veins are completely resistant towards rot and tracks. Its Lungs and Nasal passages are also incredibly versatile so that in the event that the Bird has no fucking needles left because he decided to be lazy and not go the fucking Exchange and get some more, he can opt to smoke or snort his Nectar instead. A rather lethargic Bird. Doesn't to a ton. Just wants to be left alone. Will happily steal your stuff if it means it can get more Heroin.

  • Likes: Heroin, Opium, Codeine, Fentanyl, Sleep
  • Dislikes: Company, no Heroin, Job applications

1596046815006
LMFAO this shit was a funny read
 
modcel, have u tried moscow mules, and if you did what did u think, cause i had 3 last night and blacked out
I used to make them & othER cocktail
 
1596046815006
based
 
I used to make them & othER cocktail
:feelskek: tbh, i hadnt been that "Drunk" before, when i started getting really plastered or whatever the word is, my anxiety skyrocketed, but i kept telling myself i'd regain control eventually :fuk: i did, but it was weird.
 
very based animals
 
For the Moscow mules I would just put 60ml vodka, then about 15ml of lime juice & then I top with gingER beer.
Give me 10 tbh. Would drink
 
Snorts me frfr dedsrs.
 
badgers: low inhib and hate everyone
Badger GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY
 

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