Posted by
u/ThrowRA-auqcpaio
7 hours ago
My wife (27F) said she cheated on me (31M) because she was never attracted to Asian men. We are both Asian and have a 4 year old son together.
Advice
I am 31 and my wife is 27. We married when she was 22 and I was 26.
Friday outside of work I was confronted by a man (49) I kind of knew of but didn't know. He asked if I knew who he was and then started saying how powerful he was in his industry and how he rarely loses, and sure as hell wasn't going to go without a fight. As I was getting my bearings, he drops the bombshell that he's been sleeping with my wife and that he's not going to let her go, and she loves him too.
I try to keep my composure as I drive home. For the first time in my marriage I did a deep dive into her iCloud. In it I found a bunch of infuriating and disgusting text messages such as him comparing his dick size to mine and saying that he's surprised an Asian man could have taken her virginity.
Then other texts about how she could not resist white men. There were texts from him jealous that she had hooked up twice with this other guy. This other guy was also white- I knew that because he's the face of a local boutique hotel his parents own and the family's pretty well known.
The earliest text message that showed infidelity was a rouge conversation with someone she met at a party who asked if he should book a hotel room. He sent over selfies and he was this actor type.
The worst part is her thanking him for really expensive gifts and I realize she probably has a secret bank account somewhere.
I go and pick up my son and send him to his grandma's. My wife comes home and I confront her. She starts crying and saying that I'm the only man she's ever loved. That I was the father of her kid, and that she had built a home with me. And that she doesn't regret marrying me- it was the happiest day of her life.
I said that these text messages are absolutely disgusting and are tearing me apart. She first tried to say that he initiated most of those conversations and the context of the messages was skewed. I asked what that the heck that even meant.
She paused for a long moment and said that he made her feel desired. That a lot of these guys loved all her features and would say they were so obsessed with her that they literally love any woman that looks remotely like her. And that they continued to influence various promotions, and helped her network and increase her earnings astronomically.
Then she broke down and admitted that she was never physically attracted to Asian men. And that she was never attracted to me, and throughout the marriage, she became even less attracted to me. And that the only people she felt sexually excited about have been white. And that was the main reason she cheated, and feels it hard to resist white men.
But then she said that we work better together as a team, and we have a son to raise. She said I would be ruining his life if I put him through an ugly divorce and I would only see him part of the time.
What do I do? She said she can't help what she is attracted to. We usually have sex at least once a week and I'm satisfied with regular sex and thought she was too. But it burns me that it was probably duty sex all along.
Another problem is that her affair partner she confesses says he wants to have a kid with her and be a family with her. That he'd give her a better life and that he wasn't going to let her go. And that he was persisting and always was with her on business trips. She confessed that she did feel some kind of passion with him that's addicting and sometimes imagines the what ifs.
Help.
Our families know each other and our friend circle is also very much established- I'm totally unprepared for the humiliation of rollercoaster of emotions ahead.
