Every day I'm haunted by memories from my past of absolutely cucked jestermaxxed shit I did.
An especially brutal one that just came to me was from a while ago when me and my family were watching a movie. My parents are Wmaf and the movie was set in China, at one point some character said something in Chinese and my dad jokingly said: "let me translate: 'I'm _____ and I have the biggest dick in China", and I fucking jestered and said: "so like 4 inches". Looking back it was so fucking brutal, it was an affront to my fucking existence, I've got a father who didn't respect people like me and a mother who couldn't love them and I fucking jestered like a dog to these people for a chuckle, for a little validation. It was an admission of my inferiority and fucking submission to a world that hates me. These selfish cunts gaslighted and abused me and i fucking rolled over for their entertainment. When that memory resurfaced I covered my face with my hands and just kept on mumbling 'no' to myself before I even realized what was going on.
It's just self deprecating shit like this along with presentations In front of my classes, times I've tried to interact with women, and situations where my 'friends' tried to physically assert their dominance over me in front of others that just haunt me and have fucking nuked any confidence I could ever have.
"But trauma doesnt exist brooooooo!!"
An especially brutal one that just came to me was from a while ago when me and my family were watching a movie. My parents are Wmaf and the movie was set in China, at one point some character said something in Chinese and my dad jokingly said: "let me translate: 'I'm _____ and I have the biggest dick in China", and I fucking jestered and said: "so like 4 inches". Looking back it was so fucking brutal, it was an affront to my fucking existence, I've got a father who didn't respect people like me and a mother who couldn't love them and I fucking jestered like a dog to these people for a chuckle, for a little validation. It was an admission of my inferiority and fucking submission to a world that hates me. These selfish cunts gaslighted and abused me and i fucking rolled over for their entertainment. When that memory resurfaced I covered my face with my hands and just kept on mumbling 'no' to myself before I even realized what was going on.
It's just self deprecating shit like this along with presentations In front of my classes, times I've tried to interact with women, and situations where my 'friends' tried to physically assert their dominance over me in front of others that just haunt me and have fucking nuked any confidence I could ever have.
"But trauma doesnt exist brooooooo!!"
