so @Mecoja just reminded me of one autistic trait i had in childhood (still had it until recently)
at elementary school, we had two moderators (telling us what to do what not to do, how to behave, not to run in the yard, scolding us etc). there were two of them.
i had this friend too. in my head i had this constant battle: me and my friend vs these two moderators
i recall my foid teacher in first grade in that school too. in hindsight, i think i may have viewed her as a mother in my subconscious.. i hated it when one of the moderators came to her in class to say time is over for that class. the guy was 2/10 (short n ugly trucel).
so here is the autistic thing in my head: i assigned four numbers: 1 for that moderator, 2 for the other one, 3 for my friend and 4 was for me.
now, when i was alone doing any competition by myself, i, with the help of "3", would compete as "4" with "1" and "2" (me n my friend vs the two moderators)
so for example when i was playing basketball by myself n trying to throw the ball into the basket, id try 4 times: the first two tries were the moderators in my head (i tried to be fair and throw the ball as precise as when i was throwing it on behalf of my friend "3" and as my own self "4"). now this kind of turn taking happened in pretty much all the competitions repeatedly in my head
but why?????
i just recently found out the reason.
it was because i wanted, in my fucked up head, to win my foid teacher attention against the moderators. if i succeeded in throwing the ball in the 4th turn (my own turn) and had failed the 1st and 2nd turns (moderators turns), id feel superior to them and deeeeeeeeeeeeep in my unconsciousness, id be favored by my foid teacher
it was oedipus prolly
just escortmaxx bro
at elementary school, we had two moderators (telling us what to do what not to do, how to behave, not to run in the yard, scolding us etc). there were two of them.
i had this friend too. in my head i had this constant battle: me and my friend vs these two moderators
i recall my foid teacher in first grade in that school too. in hindsight, i think i may have viewed her as a mother in my subconscious.. i hated it when one of the moderators came to her in class to say time is over for that class. the guy was 2/10 (short n ugly trucel).
so here is the autistic thing in my head: i assigned four numbers: 1 for that moderator, 2 for the other one, 3 for my friend and 4 was for me.
now, when i was alone doing any competition by myself, i, with the help of "3", would compete as "4" with "1" and "2" (me n my friend vs the two moderators)
so for example when i was playing basketball by myself n trying to throw the ball into the basket, id try 4 times: the first two tries were the moderators in my head (i tried to be fair and throw the ball as precise as when i was throwing it on behalf of my friend "3" and as my own self "4"). now this kind of turn taking happened in pretty much all the competitions repeatedly in my head
but why?????
i just recently found out the reason.
it was because i wanted, in my fucked up head, to win my foid teacher attention against the moderators. if i succeeded in throwing the ball in the 4th turn (my own turn) and had failed the 1st and 2nd turns (moderators turns), id feel superior to them and deeeeeeeeeeeeep in my unconsciousness, id be favored by my foid teacher
it was oedipus prolly
just escortmaxx bro
