TLDR college mental health counselor hears out my social struggles, abandons when an autist's perspective comes out
My community college has mental health counselors you can talk to and I requested for the only male one. He could see that I made that requirement. I came into this for my depression and its results on my motivation and schooling. I had two meetings with him.
I just talked to him about my demotivation due to my social failings, and why I thought autism would make me alone forever. He said that I finally had a language to describe my struggles, that I could use to find help and community. He said I was getting to know my remaining two friends a lot more. I could meet people through them as they were more sociable. It made my situation feel like it could improve, as I was indeed capable of having close relationships, though to other males, as an autist. I often approach random people in hopes to befriend them but always fail, so I was reminded to be glad I have my friends. I told him I had struggles with girls, and didn't put any blame on them, only noting I struggled socially in general.
I think I scared him last week when I mentioned that, I could forget all of my past traumas and struggles if I got a girlfriend. I told him that I always knew I was different, from the oldest memories I've had with other people. That every interaction in my life made me certain that I could never be able to make a connection with a girl. The bullying, rejection, and isolation I experienced would be righted if I came out in the end on top with a girlfriend. I would then know I have no problems in the world, as I'd have the makings of a normal person. The destructive powers of my autism are nullified and my life is made normal. Yes I said this all to him in the half hour we spoke in our second and final session.
Alas it was my autism that scared him away. I made sure not to use the word "incel" or say anything he'd find misogynistic. He hasn't responded to my request for meeting this week. This is the last week of the spring semester I can meet as it's finals, and then summer. It's not like I was paying him or anything, but I really thought I had someone real to talk to about my problems.
My community college has mental health counselors you can talk to and I requested for the only male one. He could see that I made that requirement. I came into this for my depression and its results on my motivation and schooling. I had two meetings with him.
I just talked to him about my demotivation due to my social failings, and why I thought autism would make me alone forever. He said that I finally had a language to describe my struggles, that I could use to find help and community. He said I was getting to know my remaining two friends a lot more. I could meet people through them as they were more sociable. It made my situation feel like it could improve, as I was indeed capable of having close relationships, though to other males, as an autist. I often approach random people in hopes to befriend them but always fail, so I was reminded to be glad I have my friends. I told him I had struggles with girls, and didn't put any blame on them, only noting I struggled socially in general.
I think I scared him last week when I mentioned that, I could forget all of my past traumas and struggles if I got a girlfriend. I told him that I always knew I was different, from the oldest memories I've had with other people. That every interaction in my life made me certain that I could never be able to make a connection with a girl. The bullying, rejection, and isolation I experienced would be righted if I came out in the end on top with a girlfriend. I would then know I have no problems in the world, as I'd have the makings of a normal person. The destructive powers of my autism are nullified and my life is made normal. Yes I said this all to him in the half hour we spoke in our second and final session.
Alas it was my autism that scared him away. I made sure not to use the word "incel" or say anything he'd find misogynistic. He hasn't responded to my request for meeting this week. This is the last week of the spring semester I can meet as it's finals, and then summer. It's not like I was paying him or anything, but I really thought I had someone real to talk to about my problems.
