SuicideFuel My little brother will leave for bordering school soon, and then I will be in college

[Deleted member 20434]

I am currently a junior in high school with a bad mental and social disorder, an ugly face, and a shitty height. I have really bad anger impulses, and have often gotten into physical fights because of it.

I’ve had a complicated childhood with my younger brother, but I still appreciate him; he is my only “friend” around my age, per say.

I was molested when I was much younger by an extended family member (thank God he wasn’t, at least to my knowledge he wasn’t), and I have problems trying to sleep when someone is not in my room, but, I do not like it when someone is right next to me, either; I have flashbacks about the incident, or about being bullied and physically and verbally tormented, and so on and so forth.

My brother will soon be taking on his first year of high school, most likely at some bordering school, next year. I will be a senior in high school by that time. I will have to sleep on my own at home, in my room, by myself. This will play an extremely severe factor on my life, as I will have nobody in the same room as me; I’m sure that I will not get along with my dorm mate in college, either, if I have any, so this will be even more sad.

I really don’t know what to do and I feel like complete utter shit

 

[Akhnai]

Is there any support group in your area?

 

[basedandchaste]

Yeah I probably would have committed suicide without any chemical interference for my brain. I got a female meme disorder from my mom and the only thing that keeps me from walking onto the tracks is an atypical antipsychotic. SSRIs are the first pill they’ll give you at a psychiatrist, but unless it’s for a disorder that’s non emotional (OCD, hoarding, etc) it won’t work. The antipsychotic apparently destroys some of your brain mass after a year of usage but if you have a really small amount apparently it increases white matter. So I basically only take enough that it won’t mess with my intelligence. It’s an amazing sleep aid. If you take a small amount it pretty much nukes all bad thoughts and you will go to sleep guaranteed.

When you turn 18 you can always buy kratom or something for anxiety.

 

[Deleted member 20434]

Is there any support group in your area?

not that I know of, there probably is one but I doubt my parents would let me go to one because they don’t let me outside at all because of their helicopter parenting. They’ve also burned my chest with boiling water so there that.

Yeah I probably would have committed suicide without any chemical interference for my brain. I got a female meme disorder from my mom and the only thing that keeps me from walking onto the tracks is an atypical antipsychotic. SSRIs are the first pill they’ll give you at a psychiatrist, but unless it’s for a disorder that’s non emotional (OCD, hoarding, etc) it won’t work. The antipsychotic apparently destroys some of your brain mass after a year of usage but if you have a really small amount apparently it increases white matter. So I basically only take enough that it won’t mess with my intelligence. It’s an amazing sleep aid. If you take a small amount it pretty much nukes all bad thoughts and you will go to sleep guaranteed.

When you turn 18 you can always buy kratom or something for anxiety.

I was antidepressants for a bit, but that’s when the bad thoughts really started kick in after a few months.. I will try coping with alcohol.
Gonna try to rest rn, it’s late. Praying I’ll die in my sleep. Gn