Venting My life story

[Deleted member 20434]

I was also body slammed by my mother at 10, choked out by my father from 7-8 years old, saw my parents fight continuously to the point where I almost had to call 911 up until 6 years old, and the most devasting to my sanity was being molested at 8 by an extended family member. Shit eats me up inside daily. Can’t seem above my blanket sheets or else I get a flash back and flinch.

Now with all this came rejection from not only females, but just peers in general, and my first suicide attempt being at 8 years old. Im currently in high school at the moment and attempting to jestermax, but still nobody likes me - they laugh, but they laugh at me.

On the outside to some of them I may seem happen, but on the inside I’m slowly losing it.

The last time I ever cried was when I was 10 at my grandpa’s funeral, that was 6-7 years ago now. I do feel bad for people, but I’ve never felt emotion like I did before.


My eyes are pretty soulless now. My cousin who committed suicide at 19 has the same eyes as me.

 

[BrendioEEE]

Ethnics choke slamming children is pretty common, it's over.

 

[Deleted member 20434]

Ethnics choke slamming children is pretty common, it's over.

i had be at max 120-130. she was 200+.

 

[ThirdWorldcel]

Don't know what to tell you dude, that's just fucked up.

At least I can cope remembering the decent childhood that I had, how do you cope?

 

[Deleted member 20434]

Don't know what to tell you dude, that's just fucked up.

At least I can cope remembering the decent childhood that I had, how do you cope?

Eh I try to think on the positive shit but then I get easily triggered by things. It’s like trying to run away from an avalanche.

 

[Emba]

Hard to survive shit like that lil bro.

Perhaps "studying the blade (book of five rings), and stoicism can help you get beyond it?

I would say your childhood is as bad as it gets, so it's unlikely that things will be worse. - At least as far as having love and trust goes. - Adult live will ofc be horrible, but it will be much more endurable than that.

 

[Deleted member 818]

Dude do yourself a favor and stop jestermaxxing. There’s no reason to keep humiliating yourself like this.

 

[Deleted member 15737]

i had be at max 120-130. she was 200+.

Bruh, is your mom cool, will she treat me right?

 

[Deleted member 21219]

I was also body slammed by my mother at 10, choked out by my father from 7-8 years old, saw my parents fight continuously to the point where I almost had to call 911 up until 6 years old, and the most devasting to my sanity was being molested at 8 by an extended family member. Shit eats me up inside daily. Can’t seem above my blanket sheets or else I get a flash back and flinch.

Now with all this came rejection from not only females, but just peers in general, and my first suicide attempt being at 8 years old. Im currently in high school at the moment and attempting to jestermax, but still nobody likes me - they laugh, but they laugh at me.

On the outside to some of them I may seem happen, but on the inside I’m slowly losing it.

The last time I ever cried was when I was 10 at my grandpa’s funeral, that was 6-7 years ago now. I do feel bad for people, but I’ve never felt emotion like I did before.


My eyes are pretty soulless now. My cousin who committed suicide at 19 has the same eyes as me.

Tough shit man. All I can say is get some good copes and maybe some non cucked male friends who you can cope with.

 

[Deleted member 20434]

Dude do yourself a favor and stop jestermaxxing. There’s no reason to keep humiliating yourself like this.

I don’t wanna be known as full on weirdo yet, but I’m sure I already am.

Tough shit man. All I can say is get some good copes and maybe some non cucked male friends who you can cope with.

I hear ya.. currently I try sports but I’ve slowly been losing physical motivation. It’s like mentally I tell myself I want to, but in the back of mind I know for a fact that itll never get better.

 

[Deleted member 19756]

Low inhib max, moneymax. don't give fuck all about anything. Make your life about you.

 

[Deleted member 20434]

Low inhib max, moneymax. don't give fuck all about anything. Make your life about you.

I’ve done that too. Parents won’t let me work rn cuz they want me to study hard this year and for SAT. I bought my own car (only have a permit atm but next year / 10 months ish I’ll have a license for sure), and I’ve saved up $4,000. Invested by buying a CD too, and bought a bitcoin. I’m just ready to fucking move Lmfaoo I hate this shit

 

[Renegade]

I’ve done that too. Parents won’t let me work rn cuz they want me to study hard this year and for SAT. I bought my own car (only have a permit atm but next year / 10 months ish I’ll have a license for sure), and I’ve saved up $4,000. Invested by buying a CD too, and bought a bitcoin. I’m just ready to fucking move Lmfaoo I hate this shit

I hope you didn't buy it recently because the bitcoin is probably at is all time high actually.

 

[Deleted member 20434]

I hope you didn't buy it recently because the bitcoin is probably at is all time high actually.

I bought it like a year ago tbh

 

[ionlycopenow]

Bet your folks don't touch you anymore right? Because if they try now you can be the one to beat them up. I'm not black but I was also beat up alot as a kid, it's not the end of the world.

but the child touching part is brutal ngl.

 

[Deleted member 20434]

Bet your folks don't touch you anymore right? Because if they try now you can be the one to beat them up. I'm not black but I was also beat up alot as a kid, it's not the end of the world.

Yep they don’t one time they jumped me a few months ago tho but 1v1 I could prolly take one of them on

 

[ionlycopenow]

Yep they don’t one time they jumped me a few months ago tho but 1v1 I could prolly take one of them on

also quit trying to play jester. I made that mistake to and it makes you feel like shit every time. I still think you should try sports

 

[Deleted member 20434]

also quit trying to play jester. I made that mistake to and it makes you feel like shit every time. I still think you should try sports

I do sports, but nothing like football or whatever. I hate team sports. I run track and box, trying to wrestle now too.. I like baseball but it’s too gay. Team sports are so weird lol. They slap each other on the asses after they get a point, fucking faggotry. Someone did that to me during a baseball game and I punched them in their fucking throat. Gotta keep that shit away from me tbh lol

 

[ionlycopenow]

I do sports, but nothing like football or whatever. I hate team sports. I run track and box, trying to wrestle now too.. I like baseball but it’s too gay. Team sports are so weird lol. They slap each other on the asses after they get a point, fucking faggotry.

Well football and basketball is unironically easiest way for black dudes to ascend in HS like I said. But boxing can be good too if you're gymaxxxed.

yeah the ass slapping thing happens but not that much. It's not like coaches do it, at least mine didn't, that would be too weird. At worst it's one or two dudes everyone suspects are sus, usually it would just be the shoulder bump in the air in football. It's not that weird man you could really profit from it. Doesn't get much gayer than rugby I'd say, I remember I was lock and had to do the lifting dudes and they would be like "you lift better if you put your finger up their ass" and I was just like ok man...

 

[Deleted member 20434]

Well football and basketball is unironically easiest way for black dudes to ascend in HS like I said. But boxing can be good too if you're gymaxxxed.

yeah the ass slapping thing happens but not that much. It's not like coaches do it, at least mine didn't, that would be too weird. At worst it's one or two dudes everyone suspects are sus, usually it would just be the shoulder bump in the air in football

I guess it’s just my school then. Dudes slap each other’s asses after they score a point in football or basketball as if it’s nothing. Pure degeneracy tbh

 

[TINMAN]

My advice as someone who went through something similar: learn how to release your emotions. If you keep them suppressed all the time you will eventually start to feel extremely numb, drained and low energy all the time. I usually find good music to listen to and cry alone somewhere because I am unable to show weakness to other people.

 

[ionlycopenow]

I guess it’s just my school then. Dudes slap each other’s asses after they score a point in football or basketball as if it’s nothing. Pure degeneracy tbh

I guess it’s just my school then. Dudes slap each other’s asses after they score a point in football or basketball as if it’s nothing. Pure degeneracy tbh

It's not like they're fucking each other man. or at least I don't think so. It can just be a very expressive form of "broship" I guess... or whatever term they would use.

 

[Deleted member 20434]

It's not like they're fucking each other man. or at least I don't think so. It can just be a very expressive form of "broship" I guess... or whatever term they would use.

Some guys are just into that Hershey highway, secretly

 

[ionlycopenow]

Some guys are just into that Hershey highway, secretly

Well like I said it doesn't get worse than rugby. Basketball has literally no contact at all in HS or even alot of d1, these players are all pussies. Football yeah, but it's not like you're going to be legit grabbing their ass as part of the game like in rugby. So if you're that hell-bent on not trying it, it can be a missed opportunity for you.

If you're also doing track and fast then they would easily take you as a running back or receiver. Maybe even an end. Just saying man.

 

[Deleted member 6537]

I was also molested by an extended family member. but it was when I was 9 or 10. I hope you can get over it.

 

[Deleted member 20434]

I was also molested by an extended family member. but it was when I was 9 or 10. I hope you can get over it.

How old are you currently? I’m 16-17, and I can forget about it (kinda) unless someone brings up rape or like any other violent sex shit and then I get triggered tbh