Venting My life really is pathetic.

[SnakeCel]

I feel so empty. I was trying a lot recently, to wedge myself out from under all these negative feelings. I deep cleaned my room and my bathroom. I've been in top shape with my hygiene, improving my diet, getting a lot done at work, organizing tons of stuff like my email and calendar, on a consistent sleep and activity schedule, selling items I don't need and decluttering. I even got a new haircut and am trying to style my clothing better than before (though it isn't like I dressed like a slob before, as IT might want you to believe).

And at the end of all that there is still nothing. I'm still the same retarded subhuman sitting in front of a computer screen. And when I do go outside to try to improve my connections with other people, it is like they don't even want me there. People don't want me around. Or somehow I unknowingly am awkward, quiet, or I fuck things up. As if all the past experiences and improvements I had still amount to nothing and I am still a massive screwup.

It isn't as if I wasn't blackpilled or knowing about lookism; I have been blackpilled for years. But some part of me thought that maybe cleaning up would have a least improved how people treated me platonically/generally. Or how my mind treated itself. But instead, nothing changed at all. I'm the same person, in the same room, in the same life, as before, except everything looks a little cleaner.

I guess maybe I'm just disappointed is all really. I don't seem to get a lot of fulfillment from things I do by myself anymore. It's all so very empty. And it isn't even depression. It's just emptiness, nothingness. It is frustrating to say the least.

 

[FuckYou]

I deep cleaned my room and my bathroom. I've been in top shape with my hygiene, improving my diet, getting a lot done at work, organizing tons of stuff like my email and calendar, on a consistent sleep and activity schedule, selling items I don't need and decluttering. I even got a new haircut and am trying to style my clothing better than before (though it isn't like I dressed like a slob before, as IT might want you to believe).

And at the end of all that there is still nothing. I'm still the same retarded subhuman sitting in front of a computer screen.

nah man fuck that, YOU ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING. be proud of yourself

it is like they don't even want me there. People don't want me around. Or somehow I unknowingly am awkward, quiet, or I fuck things up.

normies are shallow NPCs that treat us like dirt because of our looks, most of the time being "awkward" isn't the issue at all. forget them.

 

[DoomThreeKoala]

nah man fuck that, YOU ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING. be proud of yourself

normies are shallow NPCs that treat us like dirt because of our looks, most of the time being "awkward" isn't the issue at all. forget them.

 

[psycho123]

It's just emptiness, nothingness.

this is the exact feeling i get every day. theres no other word to describe it but empty.

 

[Chaos.Jr]

Taking care of myself just made foids stop hating me, it did not make them love me. So I just came back to being filthy. Fuck them.

 

[Itsoverm8]

So many fuckable foids out here and I can’t stick my dick in one fuck life

 

[Chaos.Jr]

So many fuckable foids out here and I can’t stick my dick in one fuck life

Chads will do it in your honour man

 

[Itsoverm8]

Chads will do it in your honour man

Fuck you Kill chad

 

[Caichan]

my life feels like ive been on autopilot the entire time, like ive been living day to day, no huge events

 

[Chaos.Jr]

Fuck you Kill chad

KILL ALL THE CHADS (in minecraft)

 

[SupremeSaint]

Same

 

[Itsoverm8]

KILL ALL THE CHADS (in minecraft)

In real life

 

[SnakeCel]

Taking care of myself just made foids stop hating me, it did not make them love me. So I just came back to being filthy. Fuck them.

nah man fuck that, YOU ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING. be proud of yourself

normies are shallow NPCs that treat us like dirt because of our looks, most of the time being "awkward" isn't the issue at all. forget them.

A lot of the time people are actively destructive towards me it seems.

 

[Chaos.Jr]

A lot of the time people are actively destructive towards me it seems.

They don't know your battles man... They just see your face card. That's it.

 

[SnakeCel]

this is the exact feeling i get every day. theres no other word to describe it but empty.

my life feels like ive been on autopilot the entire time, like ive been living day to day, no huge events

If I look back at the last 6 years of my life, I wasted probably 99% of it alone, despite all my numerous attempts to crawl out of the situation, the social isolation, I am in.

One day blurs into the next, and I feel like I have mentally stagnated. I am no more mature, maybe even less mature, mentally speaking, than I was 6 years ago. I've backslid and mentally I am still in the same place, or even further behind. I lost progress.

I'm so mentally tired of it all. Just completely emptied out and hollow. I don't feel sad when I fail, I don't feel happy when I succeed, I don't feel angry when I am screwed over. I'm drained mentally and emotionally.

 

[psycho123]

One day blurs into the next, and I feel like I have mentally stagnated.

Relatable as well. Now I barely remember any part of my life, only remember all the negative things that happened in my life replaying every day in my head. I can’t see far into future, shit i can’t even see me living tomorrow. Despite the emptiness, I confront the harsh reality full of emptiness in my disgusting flesh and mind only waiting for the end.

 

[SteelCentaur]

As if all the past experiences and improvements I had still amount to nothing and I am still a massive screwup.

That's because in the eyes of soyciety, they don't amount to anything. You will always be seen as "that inkwell". Doesn't matter what you do. Doesn't matter how hard you grind, or how many self-improvements you make. None of that will ever change your lot in life. That's how it is, brocel.

 

[Five Dozen Eggs]

Nothing really matters anyway. Do what makes you happy and fuck everyone else and what they think. If nothing makes you happy any more then it might be time to consider the rope.

 

[lugubriouseanastar]

If I look back at the last 6 years of my life, I wasted probably 99% of it alone, despite all my numerous attempts to crawl out of the situation, the social isolation, I am in.

One day blurs into the next, and I feel like I have mentally stagnated. I am no more mature, maybe even less mature, mentally speaking, than I was 6 years ago. I've backslid and mentally I am still in the same place, or even further behind. I lost progress.

I'm so mentally tired of it all. Just completely emptied out and hollow. I don't feel sad when I fail, I don't feel happy when I succeed, I don't feel angry when I am screwed over. I'm drained mentally and emotionally.

I’ve wasted 20 years of my life. I don’t have a “life.” I might as well end it in a few years, it’d probably be better for my headspace. I wouldn’t have to think about how much of a loser I am right now, or how everyone else is in relationships and having sex while I’m here with nothing, fucking nothing except intrusive suicidal thoughts. My life is meaningless in the literal sense.

 

[SnakeCel]

Nothing really matters anyway. Do what makes you happy and fuck everyone else and what they think. If nothing makes you happy any more then it might be time to consider the rope.

I’ve wasted 20 years of my life. I don’t have a “life.” I might as well end it in a few years, it’d probably be better for my headspace. I wouldn’t have to think about how much of a loser I am right now, or how everyone else is in relationships and having sex while I’m here with nothing, fucking nothing except intrusive suicidal thoughts. My life is meaningless in the literal sense.

A few years ago, shortly before I joined this board, I was suicidal and ropepilled but somehow over time it just went away, even though I was getting pretty close to doing it at a few points. I don't feel suicidal anymore, depsite ideating or fantasizing about it so much in the past.

Maybe part of it going away was me indulging in my copes more, and maybe even joining this forum, because it connected me with other people who are in similar situations to me.

But deep down I was probably always too much of a coward to do it any of that shit anyways. Not to mention afraid of going to hell for it or something even worse than this shitty life.

I don't know anymore. I just wish things were better or something. Or that I could really have positihe emotions instead of just emptiness and anhedonia.