PART 1
God/nature cursed me with below average stats, gave me the worse genetics from both my parents. I used to blame my parents but when i think reasonably i cant blame them. No parent thinks about the genetic recombination while breeding. I see peers with subhuman parents and they dont end up like me. It is all luck. I tried to cope with my being but it’s really hard when you’re exposed to bad thoughts 7/24. Im not a schizo but i have an internal monologue that constantly makes me depressed.
I used to have hope, i was dreaming of getting the surgeries i needed to become a human finally and start living. But in order to pay for my surgeries in time, my parents would need to sell a house. I dont want them to, as i said its not their fault, the whole blame is on the nature/god.
I was actually planning to not end it all and spend my life coping for my mother but i doubt she won’t be happy for me after reading about what has been going on inside my head and now that its all gone with the pain.
PART 2
I don’t have any sympathy towards the national figures of my country. If they were smart/brave enough they would support eugenics, just like Hitler did. I know some stupid people are going to say “but he would kill you too”, but im not a living wall like y’all, i can emphasize. I would be willing to sacrifice myself for the sake of my future offsprings that will never be born thanks to my death, supported by that leader.
I hate every single person who didnt prevent the birth of ones like me.
If there’s a god, those will be punished for sure. But i doubt the existence of a greater being having to test me like this. I used to have interest in theology, mainly islam. But no, i cant cope with this whole test thing. If you test people randomly no matter if they did anything bad or not, you don’t deserve respect, you don’t even exist since you dont fit into any religions concept of god. Where is the fairness of you? I couldnt care less if you had a bigger prize for me at the end for bearing all this, you cant expect a lower being, human, to comprehend afterlife fully. This is the only life we got to us, you dont even let us be sure about your existence. How are we supposed to keep living and be in this pain for half a decade when we arent even sure about your existence and your so called prize in the end?
PART 3
Life didnt let me work on my personality. My looks were always a turn off so i never passed the required looks barrier. This being the truth, i couldnt keep the only person who didnt mind my shit stats with me. Im a complete moron that cant even keep up a regular conversation all because of this. And i lost my only chances with the person, who i was into really badly for a few years.
Maybe im doing the wrong thing by directing my hate towards a being called god. Isnt it human made anyways? I should blame nature instead, but does it help after all? This 18 year old will leave the world without even living a life, without experiencing the things his peers experienced. So what if i find someone to blame? Who can pay the price of this?
Special thanks
Thanks to my mother for always being there for me and being the best mother someone could ever have, loving me unconditionally.
Thanks to my father for being financially there.
Thanks to my dog for loving me unconditionally.
Thanks to my grandparents from the mother side for being there for me.
On 2nd of November 2024, im ending it all at 18.
I will use alcohol before to make sure i dont chicken out.
Goodbye to my loved ones <3
God/nature cursed me with below average stats, gave me the worse genetics from both my parents. I used to blame my parents but when i think reasonably i cant blame them. No parent thinks about the genetic recombination while breeding. I see peers with subhuman parents and they dont end up like me. It is all luck. I tried to cope with my being but it’s really hard when you’re exposed to bad thoughts 7/24. Im not a schizo but i have an internal monologue that constantly makes me depressed.
I used to have hope, i was dreaming of getting the surgeries i needed to become a human finally and start living. But in order to pay for my surgeries in time, my parents would need to sell a house. I dont want them to, as i said its not their fault, the whole blame is on the nature/god.
I was actually planning to not end it all and spend my life coping for my mother but i doubt she won’t be happy for me after reading about what has been going on inside my head and now that its all gone with the pain.
PART 2
I don’t have any sympathy towards the national figures of my country. If they were smart/brave enough they would support eugenics, just like Hitler did. I know some stupid people are going to say “but he would kill you too”, but im not a living wall like y’all, i can emphasize. I would be willing to sacrifice myself for the sake of my future offsprings that will never be born thanks to my death, supported by that leader.
I hate every single person who didnt prevent the birth of ones like me.
If there’s a god, those will be punished for sure. But i doubt the existence of a greater being having to test me like this. I used to have interest in theology, mainly islam. But no, i cant cope with this whole test thing. If you test people randomly no matter if they did anything bad or not, you don’t deserve respect, you don’t even exist since you dont fit into any religions concept of god. Where is the fairness of you? I couldnt care less if you had a bigger prize for me at the end for bearing all this, you cant expect a lower being, human, to comprehend afterlife fully. This is the only life we got to us, you dont even let us be sure about your existence. How are we supposed to keep living and be in this pain for half a decade when we arent even sure about your existence and your so called prize in the end?
PART 3
Life didnt let me work on my personality. My looks were always a turn off so i never passed the required looks barrier. This being the truth, i couldnt keep the only person who didnt mind my shit stats with me. Im a complete moron that cant even keep up a regular conversation all because of this. And i lost my only chances with the person, who i was into really badly for a few years.
Maybe im doing the wrong thing by directing my hate towards a being called god. Isnt it human made anyways? I should blame nature instead, but does it help after all? This 18 year old will leave the world without even living a life, without experiencing the things his peers experienced. So what if i find someone to blame? Who can pay the price of this?
Special thanks
Thanks to my mother for always being there for me and being the best mother someone could ever have, loving me unconditionally.
Thanks to my father for being financially there.
Thanks to my dog for loving me unconditionally.
Thanks to my grandparents from the mother side for being there for me.
On 2nd of November 2024, im ending it all at 18.
I will use alcohol before to make sure i dont chicken out.
Goodbye to my loved ones <3
