Ever since I was young, I was always silent and did the rules right. I got respected, so therefore I've respected everyone else. It wasn't until I turned 11, that I've became the odd-one out almost every social outing. Boys were increasingly more Neurotypical and more smart for some reason and always in the box. I was always outside the box, I would always fidget my hands in the middle of class, and would sometimes have outbursts that i thought the other kids liked, but it was just them laughing at me. It all became too clear I was stunted in socializing. Then came middle school, where almost everyone was getting dates, and again as the weird silent type that would most often cause some sort of "ruckus" as they would like to call it, I was called weird by women and too short for some. It didn't help that i was poor and came from a single mother dating a strict boyfriend who slapped me everyday because i was not masculine enough for anything, made me wanna die. which was one of the first times in my life ive ever felt suicidal. This all happened when i was 13, I thought i was a late-bloomer, boy was I wrong. I only realized i was just transcending with the next form of autism and enhanced loneliness.
Then comes high school, where i would find my first crush, a cute girl that wasn't too fat or slim but just right with glasses, she had the quirky personality that i liked, and was into her. But she was taken for a guy with buck teeth, and he was dark triad and taller, than me. but they broke up and she was single again. After a few months I tried to talk to her, and toldher my feelings via messaging. I was told im not her type and she told me to stop talking to her immediately. I felt crushed, i didnt know what i did was wrong. we were close friends for at least 2-3 years, and just like that she left me. Then comes sophmore year I fell in love with another girl this time she was bi, we hit it off very well but when i showed her my height she immediately ghosted me, and durning this time she was bi, she strictly became lesbian and to tell me no hitting on me anymore. this was from sophmore year to senior year so a good 3 years we spent together, again wasted. Fast-foreward to now, im graduated and a virgin with a crippling weed addiction to escape reality, and i talk to my imaginary friends and a toaster to keep me company. Last year i was too alone and i couldnt handle it anymore, and realized those guys talking about pills where right. Everything was all about looks.
i wanna try some catnip. im so desperate for anything out of this prison but i am stuck here, anbd it is not sweet
also i am 22 and 5'6 and have patchy hair all obver me
Then comes high school, where i would find my first crush, a cute girl that wasn't too fat or slim but just right with glasses, she had the quirky personality that i liked, and was into her. But she was taken for a guy with buck teeth, and he was dark triad and taller, than me. but they broke up and she was single again. After a few months I tried to talk to her, and toldher my feelings via messaging. I was told im not her type and she told me to stop talking to her immediately. I felt crushed, i didnt know what i did was wrong. we were close friends for at least 2-3 years, and just like that she left me. Then comes sophmore year I fell in love with another girl this time she was bi, we hit it off very well but when i showed her my height she immediately ghosted me, and durning this time she was bi, she strictly became lesbian and to tell me no hitting on me anymore. this was from sophmore year to senior year so a good 3 years we spent together, again wasted. Fast-foreward to now, im graduated and a virgin with a crippling weed addiction to escape reality, and i talk to my imaginary friends and a toaster to keep me company. Last year i was too alone and i couldnt handle it anymore, and realized those guys talking about pills where right. Everything was all about looks.
i wanna try some catnip. im so desperate for anything out of this prison but i am stuck here, anbd it is not sweet
also i am 22 and 5'6 and have patchy hair all obver me
